I don’t even know if it’s okay to divulge what I truly feel in here hahaha. Pero ayun na nga, ayoko na sa work ko. 😥
I like what I do, I get to write every day, I see my work on print, I see my work on social media. I’m satisfied. Ganern.
But when it comes to the company benefits, annual increase and everything for employee’s welfare, bagsak kulang sira sabog nakakainis kawawa nakakaiyak.
My salary is okay, I can live with it. Hindi naman ako maluho and I’d like to think that I’m so good with budgeting everything so my number 1 concern isn’t even my career progress, growth and promotion. My concern is how will I get a health card for my mom. In this company, we have an HMO but we can’t have dependents kaya napapaisip na ako. I want to let this job go and explore other options but I can’t seem to find anything. It’s so hard to find a new job pala talaga jusme!!!
Iniisip ko bumalik nalang kaya ako sa BPO? I was once a call center agent at Telus, I loved it there. CompenBen are amazing, they love their employees and treat them as human beings but vacation leaves don’t get to be approved easily, the shifting schedules are crazy and I wanted to be a career woman back then. Ngayon parang okay na akong hindi career woman basta may HMO lang sana yung mama ko diba.
Life ang hirap mo naman.
Alis na ba ako dito? Pano ba to? Hahah!
Pinagpapasa-Diyos ko nalang muna sa ngayon hahahah huhuhuhu
As much as possible, I will try my best to make this post understandable for my blog readers who do not speak in Filipino.
This is nothing but a rant and some of my opinion towards work so if you feel like you’ll only capture negative vibes from this post, stop reading. As much as I want to spread positive energy, there are really bad days so let’s start.
If you’re still reading, read at your own risk and if you absorb negative vibes, forgive me lels.
My workplace is a small community, we know everyone and we see everyone every day. It’s not like the big corporations wherein you don’t personally know other people from other department. Plus, the departments here only consists of about 10 people below. So most of our interactions are done personally. If it should be formal and if there’s a need for documentation—that’s the only time we send emails. So I was surprised that I received an email from a superior asking me to do something and it was sent to my personal email—not even my work email.
Before, everything that THAT person needs, he will just tell me personally or take about 3 steps from his desk to tell me he needs this and that. Literal na halos katabi ko lang ang table niya. So I find it annoying that he needed to email me when he can just tell me. I get that it’s more professional to email something *but we’re not like that in this office*
I can’t explain pero nakakapunyeta yung feeling. Parang ano ba naman yung magsabi ka nang personal kahit pa nag-email ka, kung hindi ko pa ichecheck ang personal email ko hindi ko pa makikita ang email na yun. Kakakita ko lang eh mag-3 weeks na pala yung email?! Tapos wala manlang followup na “kamusta yung pinapagawa ko? Nag-email ako about etc etc” walang ganon. So anong ineexpect ng mga tarantadong ito? Na parang alipin ka nalang na ineexpect nila na lahat gagawin mo nang walang maayos na pag-uutos? Hindi ko gustong personalin ang isyu kong ito pero naiinis na talaga ako sa taong iyon. Nakakaputa pramis. Sarap manapak. Tapos ending nito, kung hindi ko to nakita, hahagarin nya ako na may pinapagawa sya at ako pa may kasalanan na hindi ko nakita email niya? Hah leche!
I was aiming for a “no OT” kind of work and I’ve been pretty good at it. I mean I spend so much time at work already, I work from 9 in the morning to 6 in the evening—Monday to Saturday. I spend so much of my short life at the office and as much as I can, I try to go home as quickly as possible so I can squeeze some Yoga and quality time with Kyx and my family. However, as I was creating my August calendar, I noticed how my workload just tripled! Our company has a lot of activities and I need to hustle. There are a lot of rushed things I have to do and just thinking of it stresses me out. Gahhh. So basically, my calendar is full!!! I don’t even have space for errors, revisions and chitchats! Imagine how workaholic this August is making me -___- so I have decided to work overtime.
I hated the idea of working overtime. Aside from not having enough quality time with my loved ones, I don’t get to relax and rest. But right now, thinking of actually making an effort and trying to up my game in this field is really gruelling—but for the most parts, worth it.
Since February, I hated my job. I love what I do but I feel like I don’t get the compensation I deserve. I put so much to my work that I feel like it’s not appreciated. It’s like instead of looking at the quality of my job and thinking I did great, it feels like they expect that from me and I’m not comfortable with the idea of having unappreciative people.
Then recently, I went back to my usual programming. Not a workaholic but not mediocre. I was actually almost becoming someone I don’t like when it comes to work and ethics but now I am glad to be back on track. Fuck all those who do not appreciate how much effort I put into my work. As long as I do a good job that I’m actually proud of, I wouldn’t mind putting effort in it.
I will be working overtime for most days of August and probably the most shocking thing about it is I’m not even stressed out. I feel more energized!
Everything was going well yesterday until the clock struck 9 o’clock.
Before my mini meltdown, let’s talk about first how my Friday went.
Woke up early so that Kyx can renew his license and so I can get mine. It didn’t take too long for the licensing staff to finish so we probably just spent a good 15 minutes in their office. It was pretty early so we went to the mall and I shopped for an office bag (I don’t buy bags and shoes regularly. Usually, it takes about a year or more before I buy another and this one is long overdue) after getting myself a bag, Kyx and I went grocery shopping then headed to Pepper Lunch for lunch. We bought a book that I’ve been dying to read (The Alchemist –I gifted a copy to a friend and I felt like I wanted to have my own so..) afterwards, we bought Japanese mochi balls (donuts) and milktea, then drove to Kyx’s dentist.
The whole time he was having his teeth cleaned and braces adjusted, I was watching Korean Drama (She Was Pretty) which was pretty awesome.
Headed home and bought Pork Barbecue and Inihaw na Bangus for Dinner.
Ate dinner, drank tea and I tried sketching my next artwork.
*cue mini meltdown*
It was over 10 minutes that I have been trying to sketch my next artwork but I can’t seem to properly sketch it. The proportion, measurement, look of the eyes, nose, the butterfly. Until I got so frustrated with myself and (ugly) cried for 30 minutes. Kyx had to pause the work he was finishing because he had to comfort me. I fell asleep immediately after my mini meltdown.
I just can’t believe how I let myself struggle like that. How I cry ever so easily because of the little things. It’s like I am crying over spilled milk more often than I should. It’s just hard.
Ladies and gentlemen, after almost 2 years in this company, I have come to the point that I am waiting for the moment that I’d be clocking out. This is one of the signs that you don’t want to see in your relationship towards work.
I used to spend a lot of my time writing PR articles, copies, magazine ads and all for work and I don’t get tired! I don’t even look forward to clocking out! I always feel defeated when the clock turns 8 o’clock and I still have fuel in me wanting to work and write more but time wouldn’t allow me.
Now, it’s a totally different thing. I feel so exhausted every day even if I divided my work on a very light per-week scheme. Nothing works and I feel like it’s time I reflect on why I keep staying here.
Obviously, I’m more exhausted than happy.
But maybe there’s a deeper reason as to why I feel like being tormented emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I need a break but my bills ain’t got no breaks mofo -___-
Before we all get worked up, this isn’t about my love life. LOL. As usual, my relationship with Kyx is very healthy and though we may have some arguments from time to time, nothing really changes between us except that we love each other more.
Anyhoo, I woke up today not feeling it—not feeling like I want what I am doing. That I’m sculpted for this. Okay, so to give you a better understanding. I woke up early, did an ab interval exercise (which made my head ached for about 5 mins after the routine lol) then took a bath, got myself fixed up for work, prepared my lunch, ate breakfast and Kyx drove me to the office. While I was inside the elevator, I got to thinking that I’ve been riding the same elevator for a year now. It’s so monotonous. Then the moment I arrived at my work station, I got to see my desk filled with post its, magazines, a calendar and a lot more. I mean it is so monotonous that it’s rather lonely than boring if anything. Though I like being monotonous originally, I feel like I am getting so burned out already because I keep doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again.
I work as a Copywriter in a company. I’m not under an agency which means I am an in-house Copywriter. I write articles about our healthcare products such as an array of supplements and stuff like that. I also write the content they put on our website. I write the PR that gets published in the newspaper and magazine. I write articles that get disseminated to different bloggers for them to post on their blogs. I don’t get any credit for it and somehow I’m okay with that. I love writing, I really do. But right now it’s getting old for me. Like all the articles I’ve been writing. I cringe every time I go to work and check my To-do list and then start writing again. My work is writing, my passion and hobby is writing. I’m supposed to really love love my work right? But what is this feeling? I’m not feeling it. I’m not feeling good about work and myself and what I do.
You see, I’m wondering, is this what I really want to do? Would I get old doing this and staying in one place for as long as I live? Will I even get any better than this? A lot to think about and a lot to feel towards this matter.
I guess the only good thing I can tell you about this dilemma is that: I may be almost 26 years old but I still have this dilemma trying to figure things out. I guess everyone is just as lost as I am at some point in time so if you feel lost and confused right now, I’ll give you a virtual pat in the back saying “hush hush my friend, I feel you” cause you know, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. 😉
I have been missing out on a lot of writing. I guess I have been writing and never publishing stuff I wrote because it’s either I thought I have published it or I forgot to really publish it. Whatever it is, I have been so busy lately with a lot of stuff and I can’t even compose myself anymore.
I am confused more and more each day about everything that has been going on in my life.
I have realized that I have only been 25 for 3 months and I am now being bombarded with a whole lot of new shit from adulthood.
- Family problems – my family has a tight close bond but we have a lot of differences which cause conflict. I don’t really want to dwell on these conflicts because at the end of the day, we can get through it anyway. I know, I just know.
- Health problems – I was writing this one yesterday but since I had an appointment with my doctor, I wasn’t able to continue it. So here’s what happened, I went through a lot of ultrasounds and tests and nothing is serious nor complicated with my case. I just have like an egg inside that did not pop (it’s a girl thing) so I need to have meds for 6 months but I as assured that the meds wouldn’t do harm and that what I am experiencing now is totally normal. This makes me so happy and I can finally lose all the weight I have been gaining yassss!
- Work – Work is fine but you know how it is. Working so much but getting so little pay. That’s always the issue anyway. Nonetheless, I still love what I am doing.
I will be writing more about what my life had been for the past weeks or days. Hoping everyone is doing well and don’t think I have gone inactive. I am just soooo busy with life but I hope all these would calm down for a sec so I can continue blogging!