I was aiming for a “no OT” kind of work and I’ve been pretty good at it. I mean I spend so much time at work already, I work from 9 in the morning to 6 in the evening—Monday to Saturday. I spend so much of my short life at the office and as much as I can, I try to go home as quickly as possible so I can squeeze some Yoga and quality time with Kyx and my family. However, as I was creating my August calendar, I noticed how my workload just tripled! Our company has a lot of activities and I need to hustle. There are a lot of rushed things I have to do and just thinking of it stresses me out. Gahhh. So basically, my calendar is full!!! I don’t even have space for errors, revisions and chitchats! Imagine how workaholic this August is making me -___- so I have decided to work overtime.
I hated the idea of working overtime. Aside from not having enough quality time with my loved ones, I don’t get to relax and rest. But right now, thinking of actually making an effort and trying to up my game in this field is really gruelling—but for the most parts, worth it.
Since February, I hated my job. I love what I do but I feel like I don’t get the compensation I deserve. I put so much to my work that I feel like it’s not appreciated. It’s like instead of looking at the quality of my job and thinking I did great, it feels like they expect that from me and I’m not comfortable with the idea of having unappreciative people.
Then recently, I went back to my usual programming. Not a workaholic but not mediocre. I was actually almost becoming someone I don’t like when it comes to work and ethics but now I am glad to be back on track. Fuck all those who do not appreciate how much effort I put into my work. As long as I do a good job that I’m actually proud of, I wouldn’t mind putting effort in it.
I will be working overtime for most days of August and probably the most shocking thing about it is I’m not even stressed out. I feel more energized!
Everything was going well yesterday until the clock struck 9 o’clock.
Before my mini meltdown, let’s talk about first how my Friday went.
Woke up early so that Kyx can renew his license and so I can get mine. It didn’t take too long for the licensing staff to finish so we probably just spent a good 15 minutes in their office. It was pretty early so we went to the mall and I shopped for an office bag (I don’t buy bags and shoes regularly. Usually, it takes about a year or more before I buy another and this one is long overdue) after getting myself a bag, Kyx and I went grocery shopping then headed to Pepper Lunch for lunch. We bought a book that I’ve been dying to read (The Alchemist –I gifted a copy to a friend and I felt like I wanted to have my own so..) afterwards, we bought Japanese mochi balls (donuts) and milktea, then drove to Kyx’s dentist.
The whole time he was having his teeth cleaned and braces adjusted, I was watching Korean Drama (She Was Pretty) which was pretty awesome.
Headed home and bought Pork Barbecue and Inihaw na Bangus for Dinner.
Ate dinner, drank tea and I tried sketching my next artwork.
*cue mini meltdown*
It was over 10 minutes that I have been trying to sketch my next artwork but I can’t seem to properly sketch it. The proportion, measurement, look of the eyes, nose, the butterfly. Until I got so frustrated with myself and (ugly) cried for 30 minutes. Kyx had to pause the work he was finishing because he had to comfort me. I fell asleep immediately after my mini meltdown.
I just can’t believe how I let myself struggle like that. How I cry ever so easily because of the little things. It’s like I am crying over spilled milk more often than I should. It’s just hard.
Ladies and gentlemen, after almost 2 years in this company, I have come to the point that I am waiting for the moment that I’d be clocking out. This is one of the signs that you don’t want to see in your relationship towards work.
I used to spend a lot of my time writing PR articles, copies, magazine ads and all for work and I don’t get tired! I don’t even look forward to clocking out! I always feel defeated when the clock turns 8 o’clock and I still have fuel in me wanting to work and write more but time wouldn’t allow me.
Now, it’s a totally different thing. I feel so exhausted every day even if I divided my work on a very light per-week scheme. Nothing works and I feel like it’s time I reflect on why I keep staying here.
Obviously, I’m more exhausted than happy.
But maybe there’s a deeper reason as to why I feel like being tormented emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I need a break but my bills ain’t got no breaks mofo -___-
Before we all get worked up, this isn’t about my love life. LOL. As usual, my relationship with Kyx is very healthy and though we may have some arguments from time to time, nothing really changes between us except that we love each other more.
Anyhoo, I woke up today not feeling it—not feeling like I want what I am doing. That I’m sculpted for this. Okay, so to give you a better understanding. I woke up early, did an ab interval exercise (which made my head ached for about 5 mins after the routine lol) then took a bath, got myself fixed up for work, prepared my lunch, ate breakfast and Kyx drove me to the office. While I was inside the elevator, I got to thinking that I’ve been riding the same elevator for a year now. It’s so monotonous. Then the moment I arrived at my work station, I got to see my desk filled with post its, magazines, a calendar and a lot more. I mean it is so monotonous that it’s rather lonely than boring if anything. Though I like being monotonous originally, I feel like I am getting so burned out already because I keep doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again.
I work as a Copywriter in a company. I’m not under an agency which means I am an in-house Copywriter. I write articles about our healthcare products such as an array of supplements and stuff like that. I also write the content they put on our website. I write the PR that gets published in the newspaper and magazine. I write articles that get disseminated to different bloggers for them to post on their blogs. I don’t get any credit for it and somehow I’m okay with that. I love writing, I really do. But right now it’s getting old for me. Like all the articles I’ve been writing. I cringe every time I go to work and check my To-do list and then start writing again. My work is writing, my passion and hobby is writing. I’m supposed to really love love my work right? But what is this feeling? I’m not feeling it. I’m not feeling good about work and myself and what I do.
You see, I’m wondering, is this what I really want to do? Would I get old doing this and staying in one place for as long as I live? Will I even get any better than this? A lot to think about and a lot to feel towards this matter.
I guess the only good thing I can tell you about this dilemma is that: I may be almost 26 years old but I still have this dilemma trying to figure things out. I guess everyone is just as lost as I am at some point in time so if you feel lost and confused right now, I’ll give you a virtual pat in the back saying “hush hush my friend, I feel you” cause you know, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. 😉
I have been missing out on a lot of writing. I guess I have been writing and never publishing stuff I wrote because it’s either I thought I have published it or I forgot to really publish it. Whatever it is, I have been so busy lately with a lot of stuff and I can’t even compose myself anymore.
I am confused more and more each day about everything that has been going on in my life.
I have realized that I have only been 25 for 3 months and I am now being bombarded with a whole lot of new shit from adulthood.
- Family problems – my family has a tight close bond but we have a lot of differences which cause conflict. I don’t really want to dwell on these conflicts because at the end of the day, we can get through it anyway. I know, I just know.
- Health problems – I was writing this one yesterday but since I had an appointment with my doctor, I wasn’t able to continue it. So here’s what happened, I went through a lot of ultrasounds and tests and nothing is serious nor complicated with my case. I just have like an egg inside that did not pop (it’s a girl thing) so I need to have meds for 6 months but I as assured that the meds wouldn’t do harm and that what I am experiencing now is totally normal. This makes me so happy and I can finally lose all the weight I have been gaining yassss!
- Work – Work is fine but you know how it is. Working so much but getting so little pay. That’s always the issue anyway. Nonetheless, I still love what I am doing.
I will be writing more about what my life had been for the past weeks or days. Hoping everyone is doing well and don’t think I have gone inactive. I am just soooo busy with life but I hope all these would calm down for a sec so I can continue blogging!
It was such a quick day today. I think Thursday has this aura in it that everything is going to be alright and it’s like telling me “you’ve come this far, you’ll be alright”. Now let me start off with how my day went.
Woke up early and realized how much time I spend taking a bath. When I was younger, I would only take about 10-15 minutes in the bath. As I grow older, I spent more time. I guess I kept thinking what’s going to happen with my day, how am I going to survive, what’s my lunch going to be, would I have lots of stuff to do etc. I guess bath time is the closest I can get to alone time and I love it no matter how simple it is.
Drove to the office and was so hungry because the hormonal meds I’m on for 5 days is taking its toll on me and I crave for food but since I am on a diet, I only eat what I should. What’s good for me and I stick to it no matter how hungry I get.
I did whatever article needs to be done, I have a lot of time for writing cause I am a month ahead for my deadlines and I think I have enough time to write stuff.
All in all, this day is pretty quick and can I just say that I have a love and hate relationship with “quick days”. Love it because I didn’t get too stressed out, Hate cause time went by so fast I didn’t know what happened.
When you are an adult, you get to miss on the days that matter because you push yourself harder than you should. You forget to live, you forget the things that will matter in the long run. So as much as possible, as early as you can, take a breather. Live one day at a time, try not to worry. Everything will be alright!
My Saturday work day is officially ending in minutes. I am excited!
Kyxarie (you pronounce that as kee-sa-ree) will be picking me up from the office today then we’ll do some grocery shopping.
We’ll also go on a date night later with unli steak and chicken. This is bad for me but I feel like I’ll just stick with chicken tonight (though the sound of unlimited steak is far more tempting than it should)
Nothing really grand for the weekend, as Kyx and I are saving for our anniversary trip this August (which I cannot wait to go about doing already) I think we also have plans with friends but I still do not know if it will be pushing through. I am not very keen on going out recently because I feel so tired all the time.
Speaking of painting, I had a nice time painting a few color swatches last night. I also wrote a few lyrics using paint and I plan on sticking it up our cork board! hihihi. Also, I have been painting eyes and lips for the past few weeks and I still am not satisfied with how it looks. Guess I need to learn more eh?
I am just excited that work is finally over for the day (I have been working 6 days a week for the last 5 months and it is really not cute)
Let me know what happens to your day! Hope you have a wonderful weekend 😉