Self-Love

After my mini drama of not having a group where I belong, I realized a ton of things.

  1. I do have a group that I belong with.
  2. I don’t need to belong just so I could call myself “happy”.
  3. There’s a lot of self-love reminder that I need to keep telling myself. And I should do it on a daily basis if needed.

The most important thing that I realized though, is that I should carry on without thinking and depending so much on the sense of belongingness in cliques and groups.

I should keep myself in tact not for everyone, not for someone else but for me.

Why do we need to feel that we belong when other people deliberately cuts us off in a group that we try to fit into? Why do we feel like a failure when others tend to make us feel out of place? Why do we feel defeated when other people try to tell us that we’ll get invited to this event or out of town thing only to be left hanging at the last minute? Why is it so important to be part of something when in fact you are not even welcome in it?

I’m done feeling bad for myself when I think of all the times I’ve been cut off, left out of place, unwelcomed. I’m done with having mini dramas and a couple of odd melt downs just because I have to deal with this sort of crisis.

I’m done because I realized that most of the time, as people come and go, as the world falls apart, you only got one person left with you and that person is YOU.

Sure you have family and genuine people that will love and support you all the way but that doesn’t mean that you have to keep depending on these people just so you could be happy. There would be times that you will get disappointed because some people wouldn’t be there for you. Not because they don’t feel like it or they just think that you’re unimportant but because some circumstances may not allow. Like what if they’re at work during your time of need? What if they’re sleeping when you were calling? Stuff like that happens and you end up disappointed especially if you are always prepared to be there for everyone in a whim. However, you can’t be sure that you’ll always always a hundred percent that you’ll be there when they need you right?

So here’s a reminder. You have to be there for yourself. You have to love yourself so much that assurance, gratification and approval of other people wouldn’t be at the top of your list when evaluating happiness and sense of belongingness. When no one else believes in you, instead of feeling like a failure, you have to stand up taller than ever because if there’s someone who needs to believe in your strengths and capabilities, that should be you and you yourself alone. And that’s the most important person that you need in order to stay confident, happy and loved.

Stop trying to put other people as the baseline of your success and happiness. Stop trying to feel sad when you feel like you don’t belong anywhere else. As long as you have yourself intact, everything should be okay.

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Of Insecurities and Realizations

Hi!

Before anything else, I’d like to tell you about how my weekend went.

It’s funny how all the plans I had blew up. I did enjoy my Sunday because I spent time with Aira. We drank 2 small bottles of Smirnoff each and it was fun! We talked about work and all that adult crap but I really enjoyed it even if it was just for a couple of hours. I think that was one of the 2 highlights I had. The last one was I got to spend time with my mom and my sister while Kyx went out with his friends. It was nice to have some time away together. I feel like it’s really healthy!

Okayyyy now, off to my emotions. Lol. So I was down for a couple of days feeling pathetic, feeling bad about myself. I was looking at myself in the mirror and I felt bad to see how much I have changed physically. I gained a lot of weight compared to how I was, I felt ugly and ashamed and I don’t even know why I sound so pathetic right now but honestly, that’s how I really felt. I ended up looking at people’s photos on instagram wondering how everyone looks so lovely while I look like a sack of potatoes. *sad face* lol. It went on for days and I am not in a good mood all the time, I wasn’t talking to people, I am always thinking like A LOT. It’s so hard to just calm (the fck) down when you feel bad and sorry about yourself. So I just let it roll, I was so mad about everything. I do not show it but I am raging inside. I feel like if my blood could turn into a different color when I feel this way, my blood would be so black. It was a bad place to be, seriously. I am not even proud of it.

I have like 4 different people whom I talk so openly about stuff. My feelings, and confused emotions, everything about me—these 4 people know. So when I talked to them, I told them how I was feeling and that I am being insecure, pathetic and crazy. I realized how I was able to admit it to myself. I was able to actually admit these flaws and I kinda felt relieved!

So what am I getting at exactly? Well, when you know something is wrong, when you feel different from usual, dig deep into where it’s actually rooting from. Look for it and no matter how hard to see it, stare it down. Look at it intently, hold it then embrace it. Embrace each and every flaw because the moment you have learned to admit it to yourself, the better you will feel. The moment you have accepted that you have these certain flaw, you will be able to work around it and overcome it!


I realized that everyone has insecurities. Even the prettiest, smartest, handsomest, wittiest, most artistic people have their own insecurities. So instead of trying to struggle and battle with your flaws, embrace it, and you’ll overcome it in no time.