Of Insecurities and Realizations


Before anything else, I’d like to tell you about how my weekend went.

It’s funny how all the plans I had blew up. I did enjoy my Sunday because I spent time with Aira. We drank 2 small bottles of Smirnoff each and it was fun! We talked about work and all that adult crap but I really enjoyed it even if it was just for a couple of hours. I think that was one of the 2 highlights I had. The last one was I got to spend time with my mom and my sister while Kyx went out with his friends. It was nice to have some time away together. I feel like it’s really healthy!

Okayyyy now, off to my emotions. Lol. So I was down for a couple of days feeling pathetic, feeling bad about myself. I was looking at myself in the mirror and I felt bad to see how much I have changed physically. I gained a lot of weight compared to how I was, I felt ugly and ashamed and I don’t even know why I sound so pathetic right now but honestly, that’s how I really felt. I ended up looking at people’s photos on instagram wondering how everyone looks so lovely while I look like a sack of potatoes. *sad face* lol. It went on for days and I am not in a good mood all the time, I wasn’t talking to people, I am always thinking like A LOT. It’s so hard to just calm (the fck) down when you feel bad and sorry about yourself. So I just let it roll, I was so mad about everything. I do not show it but I am raging inside. I feel like if my blood could turn into a different color when I feel this way, my blood would be so black. It was a bad place to be, seriously. I am not even proud of it.

I have like 4 different people whom I talk so openly about stuff. My feelings, and confused emotions, everything about me—these 4 people know. So when I talked to them, I told them how I was feeling and that I am being insecure, pathetic and crazy. I realized how I was able to admit it to myself. I was able to actually admit these flaws and I kinda felt relieved!

So what am I getting at exactly? Well, when you know something is wrong, when you feel different from usual, dig deep into where it’s actually rooting from. Look for it and no matter how hard to see it, stare it down. Look at it intently, hold it then embrace it. Embrace each and every flaw because the moment you have learned to admit it to yourself, the better you will feel. The moment you have accepted that you have these certain flaw, you will be able to work around it and overcome it!

I realized that everyone has insecurities. Even the prettiest, smartest, handsomest, wittiest, most artistic people have their own insecurities. So instead of trying to struggle and battle with your flaws, embrace it, and you’ll overcome it in no time.