After my mini drama of not having a group where I belong, I realized a ton of things.
- I do have a group that I belong with.
- I don’t need to belong just so I could call myself “happy”.
- There’s a lot of self-love reminder that I need to keep telling myself. And I should do it on a daily basis if needed.
The most important thing that I realized though, is that I should carry on without thinking and depending so much on the sense of belongingness in cliques and groups.
I should keep myself in tact not for everyone, not for someone else but for me.
Why do we need to feel that we belong when other people deliberately cuts us off in a group that we try to fit into? Why do we feel like a failure when others tend to make us feel out of place? Why do we feel defeated when other people try to tell us that we’ll get invited to this event or out of town thing only to be left hanging at the last minute? Why is it so important to be part of something when in fact you are not even welcome in it?
I’m done feeling bad for myself when I think of all the times I’ve been cut off, left out of place, unwelcomed. I’m done with having mini dramas and a couple of odd melt downs just because I have to deal with this sort of crisis.
I’m done because I realized that most of the time, as people come and go, as the world falls apart, you only got one person left with you and that person is YOU.
Sure you have family and genuine people that will love and support you all the way but that doesn’t mean that you have to keep depending on these people just so you could be happy. There would be times that you will get disappointed because some people wouldn’t be there for you. Not because they don’t feel like it or they just think that you’re unimportant but because some circumstances may not allow. Like what if they’re at work during your time of need? What if they’re sleeping when you were calling? Stuff like that happens and you end up disappointed especially if you are always prepared to be there for everyone in a whim. However, you can’t be sure that you’ll always always a hundred percent that you’ll be there when they need you right?
So here’s a reminder. You have to be there for yourself. You have to love yourself so much that assurance, gratification and approval of other people wouldn’t be at the top of your list when evaluating happiness and sense of belongingness. When no one else believes in you, instead of feeling like a failure, you have to stand up taller than ever because if there’s someone who needs to believe in your strengths and capabilities, that should be you and you yourself alone. And that’s the most important person that you need in order to stay confident, happy and loved.
Stop trying to put other people as the baseline of your success and happiness. Stop trying to feel sad when you feel like you don’t belong anywhere else. As long as you have yourself intact, everything should be okay.