Same Story, Different Perspective Part 2

The days have gone by and all I could do was write about my feelings. You all were there when I was so down and you knew what happened.

Now that I have moved on from it, I realized how important intentions are. I realized how it is good to figure out the intention or objective of someone when doing something so that you will understand what’s up. I mean if you know what the intention is, you would probably be more rational or understanding right? I don’t know if you get what I mean but that’s that. Hahahaha

Like maybe, if they knew that my intention was nothing but just simply saying what I had in mind and that it wasn’t meant to offend, that I am just really a blunt and a half insensitive nobody in their freaking right mind would be so angry.

I guess what I really wanted to say is this.

I have forgiven you already and I hope that you know what you did was wrong. What you did was cruel. You wanted people to hate me the way you did and so you had to hurt other people’s feelings just so you could succeed. I know it did make you a little happy and felt as though you have accomplished something but I also think that what victory and joy you felt did not last long. It couldn’t have lasted long because for sure you have realized that you made a big mess out of a small puddle. It wasn’t even supposed to be messy looking back. Hahaha. You made me look as if what I said were wrong, as if my comment of “dati naman na siyang maldita” was not true when in reality IT IS WHAT IT IS. The person I was pertaining to in that comment even admits to it (pero confused ako kasi nagalit din sya kahit na totoo naman and she was even proud of it so??? Di ko gets)

Everything is in the past now. You were calling me out for what you think is “betrayal” but what you did was the actual exact same thing! It’s funny how you can twist words and stories but I do hope you get really good sleep at night. Because I do. You know why? Because I figured my intentions were clear, I figured that though it may have been very wrong for me to speak so bluntly and insensitive, I never spoke of lies. I always always just described how I saw it. And now I know when to shut the fuck up, thanks to you being all twisty and stuff. I have learned that though my intentions were clear as crystal, people can twist my words and tell a different story from it. It’s so stupid that I am only realizing this now. Hayyyyy.

Oh well, all is good now.

I don’t have plans on being friends with these people anymore and it’s not painful, it’s all forgiven but it should all be left where it belongs—in the past.

Advertisements

Wag Sabihin Kung Hindi Kayang Gawin

Gusto ko lang sabihin na wag nating madalas sabihin yung I love you at dudugtungan pa ng “no matter what” kung hindi natin kayang panindigan.

Ang love kasi napakalalim niyan. Big word. Ganern. Hindi siya madaling gawin.

For me, love in general is loving that person despite everything. Love is having faith in that person and if you don’t love that person enough, yan papasok yung you will have to walk away and no I’m not saying that’s wrong, kasi lahat ng bagay may hangganan. But all I’m saying is napakahirap ng pagmamahal. Hindi yan madaling ibigay sa friends, family at ibang tao kasi ang hirap magmahal.

Kasi pag mahal mo, mahal mo even in the tough times. You find yourself forgiving people and understanding them because that’s how much love you have. You forget about the pain and hurt they may have caused you lalo na yung petty things because love is so much stronger than the hurt diba?

Kaya nga sinasabi nila yung love daw nakakabobo, nakakatanga. Kasi in reality nga papatawarin mo ng paulit ulit kahit gaanong kasakit, paulit ulit mong papakinggan with the hope na hindi na mauulit yung masama o masakit na ginawa. If hindi mo yan magawa for someone, then your love isn’t that deep.

Ang dami kong friends na sobrang love na love naming ang isa’t isa pero nasan na sila ngayon? Sometimes you only love a person when it’s convenient. You love a person when everything is right for the both of you. If nahurt ka, if may maling nagawa sayo, all of a sudden hindi mo na mahal without even thinking nab aka ikaw may mali ka rin na nagawa.

Loving someone only when it is convenient is not love at all.

And napatunayan ko yan sa nanay ko at kay Kyx.

Well my mom, given na yan talaga kasi sobrang mahal niya ako at lahat ng anak niya.

Kay Kyx naman, ang dami kong moments. Lalo na yung anxiety attacks ko na nagsusuffer din siya when I suffer. Pwede naman siyang umayaw, pwede naman siyang bumitaw but he never does. Alam niyo yung sa pelikula yung sobrang hirap na mahalin nung isang tao tapos umiiyak na sila pareho kasi sobrang sakit na pero may isang yayakap tapos magyayakapan nalang sila ng mahigpit habang umiiyak? Yun yung love. Yun yung “despite of”. Yung yayakapin mo nalang lahat ng sakit kasi mas masakit mawala yung taong yun so you welcome the pain instead tapos si love na ang bahalang umaway kay pain. Kasi eventually, the pain goes away when the love stays strong.

Kaya nga kung hindi natin kayang gawin yan, wag na nating sinasabi.

Heart breaks

It’s almost 4 years already since Kyx and I have established a solid relationship. You guys may have read where it all started and I think I owe you guys this. Break na kami. Charot. HAHA.

After getting your attention in an annoying way, here’s what I really wanted to say. I was reading a lot of blog posts about love that was lost and everything heart breaking. Being the empathic person that I am, my heart is so close to exploding already that I have to back away a few steps from my screen because with every heart break a person goes through, I go through a little or maybe just the same. It’s also painful for me.

How do one person get over a break up? Or for some, how can you let go of someone who was never even yours in the first place? It’s a tough call I guess since I’m not an expert with these kinds of things but here’s a piece of my mind for the matter and let’s hope it helps.

Break ups, love lost and everything in between is excruciatingly painful for everyone. People may not show it but deep inside, their heart is breaking a million times. It may not reflect on their faces but every person who went through a break up would one way or another, get messed up in an emotional rollercoaster. So if you are going through a break up, a love that was lost or a heart break, go through the pain. Roll with the punches. Nothing is ever easy in the beginning anyway so go ahead.

Like many pieces of advice we all heard whenever we feel pain I’m going to say it anyway—cry if you have to. Nothing feels better than a good cry after trying to keep it all inside. Let yourself go as your tears flow. Release all the emotions you have kept in for so long in a day and maybe you’ll feel a lot better.

I could go on and on with my babbling but in a nutshell, you have to wrap your head around the fact that one, if it is not meant to be, it will not push through, it will not happen. Two, stop going back and forth with the what ifs and the could have beens because it definitely has no use anymore if you have come to the end of the road. Give yourself time to process all these emotions, to accept the pain you’re going through and after some time, you’ll see yourself on the road to recovery—to healing. Lastly, pray. It is more powerful than you think. I swear by it.

#KyxAila S05E02: Mix Tape

Nung high school kami, binigyan ako ni Kyx ng 3 kanta na nilagay niya sa cellphone ko. 2 emo, isang metal. Tapos pinangakuan niya ako na bibigyan niya ako ng mix tape at mga guitar cover niya na nakarecord. Sabi niya regalo niya sakin yun sa pasko pero bilang hindi na kami nagpansinan matapos niya akong masigawan sa phone, di na niya naibigay ang mix tape na yan. Kaya naman nagulat din ako nung biglang..


Kyx: May ginawa akong “mix tape” para sayo pero hindi na sya sa tape eh. Kaya siguro compilation nalang yung tawag don?

Aila: Naalala mo yung mix tape na ibibigay mo dapat sakin?

K: Oo hahaha di ko na naibigay eh.

A: Onga eh. So eto, bago na to?

K: Oo. Bago yan. Marami pa ako idadagdag sana pero next time nalang. Yan nalang muna.

A: Thank you.

*pinakinggan ko ang “compilation of songs” na nilagay nya sa ipod ko.*

Wala ako sa mood kasi naaalala ko pa rin yung crush niya na kinwento niya. Hindi ako natutuwa sa compilation niya pero nung pinakinggan ko hindi ko nanaman alam ang gagawin ko o yung dapat ko maramdaman.

Unang kanta palang: Hello yeah it’s been a while, not much how ‘bout you? I’m not sure why I called. I guess I just really wanted to talk to you. And I was thinking maybe later on we could get together for a while. It’s been such a long time and I really do miss your smile.

Tapos susundan ng: Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotion. It’s pulling me back, back to love you. Oh no I’m caught up in the middle I cry just a little when I think of letting go. Oh no, gave up on the riddle I cry just a little when he plays piano in the dark.

And then: Whatever you do I’ll be two steps behind you, wherever you go and I’ll be there to remind you that it only takes a minute of your precious time to turn around, I’ll be two steps behind.

Tapos: Please let me be a part of the tender love you’ve given to me.

Then: I was swept away without a warning just like when the morning begins the day, I was swept away. And so it begins this journey of love.

Tapos susundan pa: With all the years behind me spent pretending I didn’t need someone like you around, it makes it even harder to imagine the life I’d be living if I haven’t found someone to hold me the way that you do, someone who needs me the way I need you, someone to show me a way that is true, someone to love me, the way that I love you.

Tsaka babanat ng: Don’t go away say what you say, say that you’ll stay forever and a day in the time of my life cause I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right

Then magkakaroon ng: I’m the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I know you feel it too. Waited on the line of greens and blues just to be the next to be with you.

Tapos biglang: All I need is just a little more time to be sure what I feel, is it all in my mind? Cause it seems so hard to believe that you’re all I need.

Then: You got it all over him you got me over him honey it’s true, there’s just you, you must have been heaven sent hearing me call you when out on a limb and you’re all that he’s not. Just look what I got cause you got it all over him.

Tapos magtatapos bigla sa: Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness take away all my sadness ease my troubles that’s what you do.

Kaya natulog nanaman ako ng nagtatanong ano nanaman ba ito? May meaning ba ito o wala? Kikiligin na ba ako ulit? Kasi di ko na talaga alam eh. Mas gugustuhin ko pang sumagot ng math problem kaysa dito eh. Kaya lang kahit sa lahat ng inis ko sakanya, nampucha kinilig ako. MWEHEHEHEHEH

I’d Really Love To See You Tonight – England Dan & John Ford Coley

Stay – Lisa Loeb

Piano in The Dark – Brenda Russel

Two Steps Behind – Def Lepard

Tender Love – Force MD

Swept Away – Christopher Cross

Someone – The Rembrandts

Don’t Go Away – Oasis

To Be With You – Mr. Big

All I Need – Jack Wagner

You Got It All – Jets

Have I Told You Lately – Rod Stewart

 

Positivity!

Pagkatapos kong malugmok, ipinakita sakin ni God na masyado akong naka-focus sa mga nakakapag-pa-stress sakin kaya kinailangan pa niyang ipakita sa akin na kaya kong maging okay.

  1. After writing about my little drama I had, I felt better. Moreover, I felt even better when you guys commented and helped lift my spirits! No matter how simple your messages were, it was enough to make me feel better again. Nakakaiyak yung mga comforting words niyo huhuhuhu 💖💖💖
  2. I keep a copy of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff OMNIBUS at my work table. I usually read it every morning but it has been a few days since I last opened it. When I did, what I saw left me surprised and tearful. The title is “Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Darkness” it says that instead of stressing ourselves out over the problems we face, it’s best to find a solution. The line that caught my attention the most was this “taking positive, solution-oriented steps toward improving a situation instead of complaining about what’s wrong. It means being more a part of the solution rather than a reminder or reinforcement of the problem” (I must remember this)

Another one is this “When we focus too much on what’s wrong, it reminds us of other things we disapprove of or wish were different, which can lead us toward feelings of discouragement and being overwhelmed”


                As much as I can, I shall try to remind myself of these techniques or strategies in order to avoid dramas and too much stress.

  1. I was informed today that some of my overtime pay will be credited on this particular cut-off. I didn’t know how to react. I will have my pang-shopping and my sister’s school fee! Muhahahahahahahahah.

Aside from those, I realized that God and the Universe is really trying to make me feel better through small things that go unnoticed. Traffic wasn’t so bad today despite the fact that traffic was 10 million times heavier yesterday in Pasig compared to most days! It was insane. So I sort of expected another grueling battle with the traffic in Pasig. Surprisingly, it was moderate and actually a bit fast moving! My coffee has just the right amount of sugar and creamer. You see, being a batanguena I like my kapeng barako black. But my mom insists on putting creamer and sugar in it para hindi daw masyadong matapang. I don’t like creamy coffees and yesterday, my coffee is way too creamy for my liking. Today, it was just perfect! Another thing is that, payroll has been credited early!! Compared to other companies, our payroll gets credited later than everyone else’s kaya hallelujah talaga sa salary kanina! HAHAHA.

Ayan na si Kyx 😂

Paepal lang 😂
Yung pinagpeprepare pa ako ni mama ng baon ☺️
Mama and Aila 😘

Lastly, siguro hinga lang ng malalim, tapos laban lang ulit!

Usapang Relasyon

Let’s talk about relationships. I’d like this post to be light and funny, not a battle of sexes and whatnot.

I am Kyx’s first girlfriend and when I go bat-shit crazy over the smallest things, he’s left clueless and probably debating whether his girlfriend is normal or she’s really a psycho bitch.

On most days wherein Kyx and I talk about how we were and how we are now, we laugh while looking back at the petty fights and huge serious ones and analyse where it all came from and what went wrong on those days. When I do something quirky, when I get mad at something small or even when I just playfully touch his butt, he goes thinking whether we—as a couple are normal or we’ve ended up both happy and crazy?

I think, it’s normal. We girls, we talk about the shit we do. We talk about the different levels of craziness we have had or the unbelievably small things that gets blown out of proportion just cause our man is doing the opposite of what we want or not doing anything at all while men, I think they don’t talk about it. At least for Kyx and his friends. They never talk about “ang crazy ng girlfriend ko last night, nagalit sakin dahil lang hindi ko na-twirl ng maayos ang spaghetti nya” or *insert something more petty than that*. No. They don’t talk about it (or do they?)

Last night, I had a homey and cozy dinner with 2 of my childhood friends. R is our “Ate” and I knew her since I was in 1st grade while F and I have been friends since we were pre-schoolers! A lot of fun and talk over dinner—we went across the topic of how crazy we have been and the times where we argue with our partners over the smallest things. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t really start fights just for the heck of it (or yes, in some days hahahah) there’s always that irritating thing our partners did and we just had to make a point. From staying silent the whole ride home to screaming at their faces or in most days, I for a fact, cry out of anger and frustration.

But yeah, I think Kyx or some guys think their girls are not normal and are pure evil creatures in most days is because they never talk about it with their friends. Gets ba? Parang they don’t open up to their friends about the petty fights they have had with their girls cause well, they’re not the type to talk about it. Hahaha. So maybe, that’s why Kyx thinks I am not normal when I get mad over small things. HAHAHA.

In fact, over the 3 years we’ve been together, I don’t get too worked up in small things. I got over that. I just have bad days though LOL!

Is There Something by Christopher Cross

When you guys, as a couple fight about small or petty things, how do you patch things up?

For us, if it’s only me—making a big deal out of him breathing too loudly or smiling in the wrong manner or just being pissed cause I can *rolling eyes*, Kyx pulls out his funny streak and I’d end up laughing. He has this unique antics prepared for when I turn into a monster or something. One of it is playing a “patama” song while I’m brooding over things that are not even brood-worthy.

Ganito yan…

One of his favourite songs to play when I’m acting up is a song by Christopher Cross called Is There Something.

When I’m mad, pissed, upset or irritated with him he’d blast this off and I would be all like “what the actual fuck?” then he’ll smile and laugh at me. I’d go laughing and I’d forget why I’m even mad in the first place.

Sobrang gago diba? Pinapatugtog niya yan kapag napipikon na ako sakanya eh di natatawa tuloy ako. WTF hahahaha. Here’s how the chorus goes:

“Is there something that you want to tell me

Is there something that I ought to know

Are we something that’s still worth fighting for

Or should I simply let you go

Is there something I can do to reach you

Are we something more than history

I’ll find some way to convince you to stay

If you just tell me honestly

Is there something left of you and me

Nagegets niyo ba ginagawa niya? Nakakatawa kasi eh. Nagdadrama. Bigla nalang niya ‘yang papatugtugin kapag nag-aattitude ako so siyempre natatawa nalang ako, nagbabati tuloy kami ng wala sa oras hehehehe. However, he only does this kapag alam niyang kaya niya. Minsan kasi, super monster ako tawag niya doon ay “auto-demon” kaya kapag auto-demon ako, hindi niya yan magagawa. Hahaha.

Listen to the song. It’s an old one hehehe. ❤