I can’t believe I’m talking about this because I am the last person I can think of that would “deadma” something especially if it would trigger so many feelings.
With everything that happened to me, I have learned how to control my emotions, to choose my battles, to know how I should react especially in stressful scenarios. It wasn’t easy but the moment I was able to get the hang of it, then all is well. Hence I have learned the art of deadma.
After the holidays, my boss gave everyone in our team his Christmas gift. Everyone had their gifts on top of their tables except me. Yup! You got that right, he didn’t bother giving me a gift. He left me out.
Had it happened a year ago, I would’ve bawled my eyes out. It would have hurt me so bad that I would overthink every single detail. I would make assumptions as to why he would have left me out! But now, I don’t care as much as I always did.
Whether his intentions would be to hurt me, to make me feel bothered or not, I don’t care. I wouldn’t give him the slightest satisfaction of seeing me hurt or affected and the good part is I am not even pretending to be unaffected!
Because last night, I was just thanking God for all the blessings he gave me. He answered my prayers especially when I asked him to grant me healing. I feel so blessed just by thinking about my family, friends and loved ones and that is enough to make me feel happy. I don’t need gifts in fancy wrapping papers, I don’t need fake love. I got what I need and that’s enough.
So the art of deadma works well especially when you feel satisfied, happy and blessed beyond belief. Whoo!
More often than not, mas nakakainis yung how you said it compared to what it was that you said. I hate pa-angas and defensive tones especially if I am not even trying to pick a fight but during my teenage years, ganyan din ako.
I used to have a problem with my intonation. I come off as defensive and angry because of wanting to explain agad agad without even thinking twice. Even though most of the time, I wasn’t even trying to be disrespectful (most of the time lang kasi minsan bastos talaga yung goal ko sarreh—teeanger eh hahaha) It is important to note that this is a case to case basis, it’s not like I do this to everyone. I think (mas nakakaguilty pero) I only talk like this with my Family and Kyx. Siyempre now, I don’t mean to disrespect, it’s just that I am so emotional and I let them see my emotions. Walang keme and that’s why nagiging ganyan yung tono ko. Hindi ko na kasi iniisip mabuti because I am just this genuine person na what you see is what you get (sa family and kay Kyx only take note because, 1. I don’t talk to a lot of people 2. Most of the time wala akong pakielam sa mga ibang taong nasa paligid, what they think of me what they say about me so kebs lang. 3. I don’t like explaining myself to people I don’t care about) kaya this is where the conflict comes.
On my formative years, andiyan talaga yung sermon but now that I am an adult, my mom understands that I am just snappy sometimes. Kyx also knows that pero he can’t help but tell me that I always sound as if I am picking a fight (kapag may temper issues nang nagaganap haha) So to avoid conflict, I worked hard on my intonation. It was very challenging kasi it’s like working on something on live television. No cuts, no practice, no nothing. You get your “practice” in a real scenario kaya it was hard. Lalo na I don’t have much patience sa mga bagay na nakakainis talaga. But here are my (unsolicited) tips on how you can work on your tone and be more chillax (if you’re someone like me na ma-emosyon at hindi mapigilan mapa-angil minsan)
- Breathe in, breathe out. This is not easy to do especially if you’re being triggered or challenged by someone or something so annoying. But when you just breathe for 5 to 10 seconds without talking, you’ll calm yourself in no time (case to case basis; depende sa sitwasyon but most of the time, this works)
- If you feel like someone is triggering you, wag ka mag-trigger agad agad. Just like what my lola would tell me “wag ka makinig sa debil” (don’t listen to the devil) do everything to shut it out and not let it get on to your nerves. When you let it happen, panalo si debil. **Backstory: when my brother, Theo and I are younger—he would often tease me and pick a fight. Sadyang manunukso talaga, ako naman patola and iyakin so to console me, my Lola would tell me not to listen to the devil—my brother HAHAHA)
- Choose your battles. Kahit saang situation, napapasok talaga ito eh. Weigh the situation, weigh the people involved. You should know if it’s worth it. If not, don’t waste your time and energy involving yourself in useless drama.
- If you need to answer or defend yourself in a way, do it in a civilized manner. This is hard especially for someone like me who is terribly emotional but you have to make sure to calm yourself before opening your mouth. You don’t want to regret anything do you?
- There’s always a better way to communicate. Siyempre not all situations will fit this perfectly, but as long as you can communicate properly, yun nalang ang mas piliin.
When it comes to family and Kyx, I am not one to just “walk away” to a conflict. I completely involve myself kaya walking away from conflict talaga is not applicable with me. At 26, kinakain pa rin ako ng emotions ko and I let things get to me lalo na pag family and relationships ang involved. But as they say, every drama, every day is an opportunity for growth and learning. (in reference to number 3)
I am not an expert but most of the time; I can control my intonation na talaga. (not my actions though kaya nga nasabunutan ko yung kapatid ko eh. Pero I am working on that na don’t worry)
It Has Nothing To Do With Your Physical Attributes
One of the many arguments I have is that when people get their hearts broken, everyone around them would poke a pitchfork around blurting some nonsense about physical attributes. Many times I have heard these things and I still find it annoying and irritating.
“You’re beautiful, a lot of men would fall for you. You don’t need that guy”
“That guy is so ugly. You don’t have anything to lose.”
“That girl is not “all that”—you’d find someone prettier”
“Why did he break my heart? Am I ugly? Am I not pretty enough?”
Those are just a couple of things we hear (and might say ourselves) too often than not and I just don’t get it. I don’t get why it always had to come down to physical attributes when in fact it shouldn’t be like that. The physical attributes has nothing to do with the success and failure of a relationship. It has nothing to do with broken hearts and broken promises. It has nothing to do with being left behind and leaving someone behind. There are more in depth realities and we have to embrace it wholeheartedly. Like I said, the truth hurts but that’s not something we should always be afraid of. The truth is a slap that maybe, you deserve every once in a while right? The truth of the matter is that being beautiful will not mean you won’t get your heart broken, being hot and sexy doesn’t mean you will stay happy in a relationship. It basically HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW YOU LOOK LIKE, OKAY?
The thing is, in this life, we get what we deserve, we get what was written in our fate and we may change it, we may not. We get hurt, we end up happy, we reach success, we gain friends, we lose people, we have enemies, people don’t like us, people like us, we are loved, we are hated and that goes for everyone else. Everything will happen to you gradually or all at once but it happens because it is human nature. We have to battle every demon in our lives and that’s how it should be. So shut up already with the looks comments and remarks. It really has nothing to do with every fucking hurting thing that we will experience.
Being happy, understanding and avoiding judging other people very easily does not happen in a flash. It does not work like fucking magic wherein you get to be a better person immediately. Like I said, it is a slow process that you have to go through in order to be genuinely and sincerely happy and at peace. I guess I can lay out a couple of tips that have worked for me personally and I hope this helps!
It is important to start choosing happiness as early as now because when you get older and you’ve been grumpy your whole life, it’s more likely to poison you and kill you inside.
Finding happiness is the very key in how you would be able to live a peaceful and contented life. I’m not saying that I am a pro on this one (cause surely, I’ve got my whole life to learn this genuine happiness) but it really worked well for me and I hope this goes on forever.
- Look at yourself mentally, emotionally, physically. Touch your heart and innermost feelings. Learn to understand your soul before your desires. Look at yourself as someone who you wouldn’t judge. Because you know what, news flash—you judge yourself more than you think, you judge yourself more than others ever do and that’s basically the first step you need to look at and improve on. While it’s important to know your flaws, imperfections and inabilities, it is also equally important to accept yourself as you are. You can improve on and work on the things you can about yourself and accept the things you cannot change. This part is very important, because once you learn stuff about yourself, you will learn to love and understand who you really are.
- We criticize others but we do criticize ourselves more. We have a lot of standards, we put ourselves under pressure not knowing it is such a burden. With this, we do not show love and car for ourselves because we think other people’s view of us is more important when in reality, no one really cares whether you look good or bad because trust me, it’s always what’s on the inside that is important.
- Try to love yourself a little more each day. I have written this I think on my last post and it is true. You have to love yourself before you can fully give yourself to other people. Before you can understand other people, you have to understand yourself. When you learn to understand yourself, you love it even better and when that finally happens, you understand and love other people for themselves as well despite their shortcomings.
- Let go of the things you can’t control. We often think we can control everything we put our focus on, but in reality, nothing is really controllable. Even your feelings are not controllable! So in short, you have to let go of everything. When you do, you start accepting it under of course, certain circumstances. And when you accept it, you don’t get too freaked out! I’m not saying you have to go with the flow all the freaking time, all I’m saying is learn when to hold on, learn when to let go. It’s really simple but we tend to complicate it not knowing it’s destroying us.
- Stop pushing people away. Pushing people away shows how weak you are. Not that it’s important to show a brave face. I’m talking about mental and emotional strength. When you push people away, you tend to be insensitive and selfish but in the process, you think you’re doing them a favour and that they owe you for it. Nope. No one owes you that. When you push people away, you feel more stressed, guilty and angry. You don’t let other people comfort you which is arrogance for the most part, but completely insensitive. Don’t you realize that people try to help you not because they HAVE to but because they WANT to? They choose to join you in your struggle to at least make you feel okay. But when you push them away, who loses people that cares and loves you?
Not everyone is sailing the same boat. Not everyone could understand this and not everyone would handle things the same way as others do. But this is something general, something that you can help yourself with. Because you know what, at the end of the day, no one can truly help you but yourself. I’m not saying that no one gives the right help but it’s always going to be up to that individual whether to accept the help or not, so it’s only yourself you could listen to and at least try to listen to the good part. Do not let your own demons eat you up, do not let it mess with your beautiful soul because you deserve to be happy and one way to be happy is to learn how to do these 5 simple steps haha (at least for me)
I was in a bad place and I learned how to get out, you too can do that!
Let me know if this helps! If you have any questions, comment below or email me. I would be very glad to help ❤
It was such a quick day today. I think Thursday has this aura in it that everything is going to be alright and it’s like telling me “you’ve come this far, you’ll be alright”. Now let me start off with how my day went.
Woke up early and realized how much time I spend taking a bath. When I was younger, I would only take about 10-15 minutes in the bath. As I grow older, I spent more time. I guess I kept thinking what’s going to happen with my day, how am I going to survive, what’s my lunch going to be, would I have lots of stuff to do etc. I guess bath time is the closest I can get to alone time and I love it no matter how simple it is.
Drove to the office and was so hungry because the hormonal meds I’m on for 5 days is taking its toll on me and I crave for food but since I am on a diet, I only eat what I should. What’s good for me and I stick to it no matter how hungry I get.
I did whatever article needs to be done, I have a lot of time for writing cause I am a month ahead for my deadlines and I think I have enough time to write stuff.
All in all, this day is pretty quick and can I just say that I have a love and hate relationship with “quick days”. Love it because I didn’t get too stressed out, Hate cause time went by so fast I didn’t know what happened.
When you are an adult, you get to miss on the days that matter because you push yourself harder than you should. You forget to live, you forget the things that will matter in the long run. So as much as possible, as early as you can, take a breather. Live one day at a time, try not to worry. Everything will be alright!
This was taken yesterday while we were stuck on traffic!
That is Kyx (Kyxarie) the artist behind the digital painting I have been posting in here.
And that’s me wearing a very worn out pair of specs!
Contrast to yesterday, today was such a lazy day for both of us. We didn’t do anything productive at all! Hahahaha. Man days like this is a bit terrifying. I like it cause I get to rest but then I hate how it makes me confused about things? Like I’m distracted or I can’t think straight. 😦 gahhh. It’s annoying. I feel like I am disoriented 😭
Or maybe I am just PMSing? Whatever. Let me go back to my book and hot choco (I shouldn’t have prepared hot choco. My diet is particularly ruined already cause of this haha)
What excites me more about this whole blogging thing I have revived is meeting new awesome people. I really feel like it’s such an amazing thing to connect with different people, different cultures, written works, articles, writing styles and so on! It’s just like a vast space and the possibilities are endless! Before I write about the things I have prepared for blogging topics and before I post the articles I have written over the last 2 months, I’d like to say a few of the things I am starting to enjoy.
As what I said, I love how I get to connect with people who write about stuff! Good stuff! Seriously. It’s really overwhelming how amazing these people are, how friendly and how they are enthusiastic enough to take time and read what I have written so far! It’s sort of a nice welcome ya know *wink wink*.
This blogging thing now is seriously fun to do, not because I dream of being a famous writer/blogger but the whole experience excites me! I am still learning and a lot has changed with the blogging world as far as I am concerned. Long gone are the “blog hopping” and “tag” on chat boxes!
I am very far from what other people have gone through with blogging but I am enjoying baby steps and fun times ‘round people friendly enough to approach me. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, A SIMPLE LIKE AND A QUICK COMMENT REALLY BRINGS A HUGE SMILE ON MY FACE. SERIOUSLY.
Gahhhhh. This is making me so happy and a lot of people are inspiring me to write more right now, especially that I have met awesome people here.
THANK YOU SO MUCH and in Filipino, “Maraming Salamat” *meheheh*