If you have been reading my blog for a long time now, you’d see how much I’ve struggled with keeping my sanity while loving myself and caring for myself. You probably saw me in my highs and lows through whatever I have written, how dramatic I have been, how emotionally wrecked I was, how I kept going back and forth with moving forward and clinging to the past. It has been a crazy crazy ride but since September started, I don’t know if it was because of the moon, stars and planets, but I have come to fully embrace self-care and self-love without struggling too much. (I’m actually surprised that it has not been that HARD anymore! Maybe I am really learning how to move on from all the drama right?)
3rd week: My progress is slow but triumphant. It feels like I am on the right track. It doesn’t feel like I’m pushing myself hard, it’s not like I’m forcing myself to feel emotions I don’t want to feel.
What have I been doing? Yoga and healthy eating aside, here are the things I do:
I am focusing on improving myself without asking or seeking other people’s validation and approval.
I just do things the way I feel is right.
I keep away from people who give me negative emotions (however, I don’t take it at heart because I don’t take it at ALL)
I don’t live for other people. I used to wake up, get off my ass and please every single person. Agree with them to avoid potential conflict (which I’ve learned that might backfire in the future so I stopped this way of living) now I live for myself and the people I love especially my family.
I don’t try to fit in. If people don’t like me and I can sense they’re talking about me behind my back or subtweeting about me or scrutinizing my every move I won’t care about that person anymore. If ayaw mo sa akin at masyado kang maraming sinasabi about me, I will let you go. Hindi ko ipipilit sarili ko.
So far, these are my observations and I feel really good about myself lately and that’s amazing!
5 years after graduating from college and being 27 years old now (is this considered as ‘late twenties’ already??? HOLYFCKNSHITTTT???) here are some of the things I’ve learned in life worth sharing. I hope you pick up something here that will help you cope and keep up with life without feeling so bad.
The real world + aging + growing up is messy! And no matter how much you think you are prepared for this, honey you are not and will never be prepared. You’ve been quite sheltered and we all have been in that phase but this is different now. So when I say you will never be prepared, it’s not supposed to sound so bad. It’s something that will immediately make you feel better because no adult has ever been prepared to be an adult per se and up to this day, I still can’t get the hangs of adulting! I swear. So chin up, cheer up, we are all struggling. Heh
Accept it. Some friendships are not meant to last even if you’ve been together for 15 years like???? You may have argued, drifted apart or just stopped being friends but that is normal. It could hurt for some, it could be okay for some but what I’m trying to say is it is normal hehe. It happens!
Half the time, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life. Sure I have a stable job (which I actually loved before. Like loved so much. Now I want to leave haha) sure I go boxing at least twice a week, I follow a healthy lifestyle, I go to church, I have friends, I drink sometimes, I watch stuff I want to watch, I enjoy but that’s not everything there is to life and even if it seems that adults like me (seryoso ba?) look like we have it all figured out, NOPE. So don’t pressure yourself too much. We don’t get to know what we want as quickly as we want to.
There is no freaking deadline. The stuff we read on facebook, the quotes we see everywhere? They’re all real. Like do what you can, enjoy your life and don’t look at what others have that you don’t have. Who cares if your friend was able to buy a car already and here you are trying to figure out your ABCs at work? Life is not a race and you must keep reminding yourself that. Too often we forget to make it about for life’s greater purpose, to glorify our God. We keep working and trying to get the best things just so people would think we’re happy and successful. Life doesn’t work like that so stop trying to impress everyone else by pressuring yourself with your stupid made up deadlines.
Take one step at a time and do everything with love while glorifying our God.
So I hope you don’t pressure yourself every day and feel sad and desperate and all that life crisis bits and pieces. We’ll get through this.
One of the things that makes a stressful thing even more stressful is the fact that we forget to understand, reflect and ask “what is this teaching me?” Instead, we focus on what stresses us and create more stress by thinking about it instead of actually finding a solution for it.
Earlier today, I was creating a budget strategy and/or budget plan. I am panicking (just a little bit) because I have to pay my sister’s tuition fee and start saving up for next year’s enrolment. This isn’t the first time that I am writing and whining and complaining about it because education is so expensive. As in bakit ba ang mahal ng tuition fee dito?! Why are schools so expensive, why not create an affordable learning system that is of quality and high standards? NKKLK.
So anyway, as the months on my list progress, I feel more and more burdened. Questions like why am I even the one taking the responsibility to pay for my sister’s tuition fee when she has a father very much able to work for her education? Will I be doing this forever? Why am I doing this anyway? Then I felt like everyone is being unfair, why are they not helping me? Mas marami pa nga silang mga pera kaysa sa akin pero bakit ako? As I think of these (negative) thoughts, I suddenly remembered to ask What is this teaching me?Nahimasmasan ako ng slight.
I think that I go on and on and on burdening myself with these thoughts when in fact, I should stop and reflect to calm myself down instead of allowing negativity to rule over my head.
I realized that all these tuition fee problems I am having are not even a problem to begin with. Instead of looking at it negatively, I should see what is it that I can gain from this episode in my life and how I’ll be improving myself moving forward.
I think that it’s teaching me more on how to be selfless. Selflessness is the key to pure love and pure love is the key to all things that is good. Walang sense sinabi ko pero whatever hahaha. Aside from that, it’s teaching me to be more loving and understanding of the people around me. It is teaching me kindness. It is teaching me to be more grateful that I have the means to be able to pay for my sister’s education and that I’m not in debt or helpless. It is teaching me to trust more because God has reasons as to why I am experiencing these things.
I realized how much I let negative things and thoughts consume me when I can just easily turn around and look at the bright side of things. Hay naku.
Pagkatapos kong malugmok, ipinakita sakin ni God na masyado akong naka-focus sa mga nakakapag-pa-stress sakin kaya kinailangan pa niyang ipakita sa akin na kaya kong maging okay.
After writing about my little drama I had, I felt better. Moreover, I felt even better when you guys commented and helped lift my spirits! No matter how simple your messages were, it was enough to make me feel better again. Nakakaiyak yung mga comforting words niyo huhuhuhu 💖💖💖
I keep a copy of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff OMNIBUS at my work table. I usually read it every morning but it has been a few days since I last opened it. When I did, what I saw left me surprised and tearful. The title is “Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Darkness” it says that instead of stressing ourselves out over the problems we face, it’s best to find a solution. The line that caught my attention the most was this “taking positive, solution-oriented steps toward improving a situation instead of complaining about what’s wrong. It means being more a part of the solution rather than a reminder or reinforcement of the problem” (I must remember this)
Another one is this “When we focus too much on what’s wrong, it reminds us of other things we disapprove of or wish were different, which can lead us toward feelings of discouragement and being overwhelmed”
As much as I can, I shall try to remind myself of these techniques or strategies in order to avoid dramas and too much stress.
I was informed today that some of my overtime pay will be credited on this particular cut-off. I didn’t know how to react. I will have my pang-shopping and my sister’s school fee! Muhahahahahahahahah.
Aside from those, I realized that God and the Universe is really trying to make me feel better through small things that go unnoticed. Traffic wasn’t so bad today despite the fact that traffic was 10 million times heavier yesterday in Pasig compared to most days! It was insane. So I sort of expected another grueling battle with the traffic in Pasig. Surprisingly, it was moderate and actually a bit fast moving! My coffee has just the right amount of sugar and creamer. You see, being a batanguena I like my kapeng barako black. But my mom insists on putting creamer and sugar in it para hindi daw masyadong matapang. I don’t like creamy coffees and yesterday, my coffee is way too creamy for my liking. Today, it was just perfect! Another thing is that, payroll has been credited early!! Compared to other companies, our payroll gets credited later than everyone else’s kaya hallelujah talaga sa salary kanina! HAHAHA.
Lastly, siguro hinga lang ng malalim, tapos laban lang ulit!
More often than not, mas nakakainis yung how you said it compared to what it was that you said. I hate pa-angas and defensive tones especially if I am not even trying to pick a fight but during my teenage years, ganyan din ako.
I used to have a problem with my intonation. I come off as defensive and angry because of wanting to explain agad agad without even thinking twice. Even though most of the time, I wasn’t even trying to be disrespectful (most of the time lang kasi minsan bastos talaga yung goal ko sarreh—teeanger eh hahaha) It is important to note that this is a case to case basis, it’s not like I do this to everyone. I think (mas nakakaguilty pero) I only talk like this with my Family and Kyx. Siyempre now, I don’t mean to disrespect, it’s just that I am so emotional and I let them see my emotions. Walang keme and that’s why nagiging ganyan yung tono ko. Hindi ko na kasi iniisip mabuti because I am just this genuine person na what you see is what you get (sa family and kay Kyx only take note because, 1. I don’t talk to a lot of people 2. Most of the time wala akong pakielam sa mga ibang taong nasa paligid, what they think of me what they say about me so kebs lang. 3. I don’t like explaining myself to people I don’t care about) kaya this is where the conflict comes.
On my formative years, andiyan talaga yung sermon but now that I am an adult, my mom understands that I am just snappy sometimes. Kyx also knows that pero he can’t help but tell me that I always sound as if I am picking a fight (kapag may temper issues nang nagaganap haha) So to avoid conflict, I worked hard on my intonation. It was very challenging kasi it’s like working on something on live television. No cuts, no practice, no nothing. You get your “practice” in a real scenario kaya it was hard. Lalo na I don’t have much patience sa mga bagay na nakakainis talaga. But here are my (unsolicited) tips on how you can work on your tone and be more chillax (if you’re someone like me na ma-emosyon at hindi mapigilan mapa-angil minsan)
Breathe in, breathe out. This is not easy to do especially if you’re being triggered or challenged by someone or something so annoying. But when you just breathe for 5 to 10 seconds without talking, you’ll calm yourself in no time (case to case basis; depende sa sitwasyon but most of the time, this works)
If you feel like someone is triggering you, wag ka mag-trigger agad agad. Just like what my lola would tell me “wag ka makinig sa debil” (don’t listen to the devil) do everything to shut it out and not let it get on to your nerves. When you let it happen, panalo si debil. **Backstory: when my brother, Theo and I are younger—he would often tease me and pick a fight. Sadyang manunukso talaga, ako naman patola and iyakin so to console me, my Lola would tell me not to listen to the devil—my brother HAHAHA)
Choose your battles. Kahit saang situation, napapasok talaga ito eh. Weigh the situation, weigh the people involved. You should know if it’s worth it. If not, don’t waste your time and energy involving yourself in useless drama.
If you need to answer or defend yourself in a way, do it in a civilized manner. This is hard especially for someone like me who is terribly emotional but you have to make sure to calm yourself before opening your mouth. You don’t want to regret anything do you?
There’s always a better way to communicate. Siyempre not all situations will fit this perfectly, but as long as you can communicate properly, yun nalang ang mas piliin.
When it comes to family and Kyx, I am not one to just “walk away” to a conflict. I completely involve myself kaya walking away from conflict talaga is not applicable with me. At 26, kinakain pa rin ako ng emotions ko and I let things get to me lalo na pag family and relationships ang involved. But as they say, every drama, every day is an opportunity for growth and learning. (in reference to number 3)
I am not an expert but most of the time; I can control my intonation na talaga. (not my actions though kaya nga nasabunutan ko yung kapatid ko eh. Pero I am working on that na don’t worry)
Ever felt like when people try to bring you down, destroy you and make you feel so little. Break you and leave you with so much hurt in your heart, pain in everything, that’s when He actually lifts you up and that’s when you elevate yourself even more?
I was talking to Kyx about how everything that has been painful made me a better person. I mean I’m not saying this because I want to be inspirational. I’m saying this because I have proven this to myself. They say pain makes you stronger and who would have thought that it really is true? I always thought of these clichés as things other people wanted to tell us so we could feel better and less shitty but I was wrong. Maybe it really does make us feel better and less shitty but for the most part, it makes us get up every single time we get knocked down. Only the first fall hurts so much, when you fall again, you’d be so much stronger that you wouldn’t even think of it as a painful fall anymore.
I didn’t know that at the age of 26, I’d still be capable of losing friends whom I have known for 15 long years! It’s even more than half of my life right? Imagine how painful it was for me. I am a very soft person and I cry over the slightest, littlest of things. Imagine how big of a deal it was. I wasn’t like “okay guys, fuck it, I’m over it”. It was more of feeling so terrible, it was even worse than a boyfriend break-up mind you.
But I realized sooner than I expected to do so, how much I have gained after the loss. And that’s what happens when you go so fucking low, instead of sinking, you get to rise above it all. Pain and hurt only a memory and learning. There’s no way but up they said, and that’s what happened.
Whenever people try to put you down and hurt you, the universe conspires to help you in all ways it can. He lifts you up in the most unexpected moments. So the next time people out you through so much pain, be prepared to get over it and rise above.
“How will I ever get back up from this trauma? How will I ever be okay after all these things happened? How will I ever move on? How will I get over everything when the pain crushed me so hard, my bones shattered inside my body. How?”
The thing about every painful thing that happened to our lives is that it is inevitable. Sadly, everything happens because it’s part of our fate. It’s meant to happen or it happened for a reason that will be for the betterment of ourselves. Sometimes, it’s hard to wrap your head around the idea that something tragic happened to you. Why not anyone else? Why not them instead of me? It’s simply because it is meant for your own growth.
How to turn things around when everything and everyone failed you? When you were pushing towards success but you end up being beaten down almost to your grave. When the betrayal is so damn impossible to believe because these people were your backbone for the longest time! When everything was going so damn well but you blinked your eyes and everything turned into total disaster?! Simple. You pick up everything that was thrown your way. You pick up everything. You pick up the shit and gems that have been thrown in your face and use it as the main substance that will help you grow into something better. Better than the people who tried to destroy you, better than yourself. Use everything for your own well-being and turn it all around. When you get shit, turn it into something important to you. Turn it into your own advantage. This is your chance to turn bad situations into opportunities. Into windows of learning and growth.
Because if things are meant to destroy you, then the more you should be able to counter it by using it into your advantage. Do not let anyone destroy you or dull your sparkle. Do not let anyone kill you inside. Do not let yourself be broken for so long. Cause trust me, you deserve better than all the crap the world has to offer.