In your 26 years of existence, you didn’t see this coming. You didn’t see that the people you love dearly—whom you have called
best friends for many many years, would turn their backs against you. There was this confrontation but you were the only bad guy. No one owned up to their mistakes, no one even saw the bad things they did, they think what they did weren’t comparable to whatever you did. For a time, you will think that you are the worst person in the world but fret not because sooner, you’ll realize everything.
For a long time you carried yourself after that crazy experience ever so heavily. You let yourself be dragged on to this drama and you cried as much as you had to—but surprisingly, tears weren’t shed that long, not much. Not much as you expected.
You didn’t know it yet but you will be stronger. You will find all your broken pieces, even the ones that went missing for a long time. You will patch yourself together without depending on other people. Yes, your family, remaining friends and Kyx were there for you but the only person who can patch you up and piece you back altogether is you and you alone.
Though you think it’s tough, you will eventually be fine. You will be able to move on and be okay. You will forget all the pain and hurt they have caused you. More than that, you will forgive them with all of your heart. You will be able to accept that you have been kicked out of the group you once help build. You will let go of the betrayal and you will stop asking why. Maybe you don’t know how soon but it will be okay, you will be okay.
When your dark clouds left, your days will be brighter and you’ll see the sunshine again even if it was raining. As you see the brightness of the day, you’d realize how much bigger the world is and how small you made it for yourself. Your horizon would be wider and you will realize everything. You will acknowledge the mistakes you did, the darkness you have spread but you will realize how worthy of love and kindness you are. You will stop blaming yourself for everything and you will stand again.
As you are walking towards recovery, you will look depression in the eye and you’ll say ‘fuck off’. You know that it’s still lingering but you’ll realize you’re too blessed to focus on it.
But in those days, the most important thing that happened is the growth. You will learn a lot through this and you will love and appreciate everyone who have stuck with you no matter what. Especially your mom.
Yes you may have done a lot of mistakes, but these mistakes are forgivable ones. Yes you may have cried, but you’ll realize eventually that you’re crying for blessings.
You will be okay. Fine. Better—even. Just trust yourself. No matter what.