Just Sharing

I love writing about sad love stories back in 2016 until I became sad myself hah.

I find it fascinating, filled with feelings when people are brave enough to dig deeper into their emotions, grieving yet sharing what seems to be the hardest to talk and write about. I don’t like it when people are lonely, sad and depressed but I just really find it fascinating to read something that can tear me into pieces.

Maybe that was empathy talking. Maybe I wanted to comfort those who have been broken. We all have been broken but not everyone had someone to keep them company when they’re down. I want to be that person. Someone who will comfort you when you need me.

After all the sad story fascinations I have had, I found myself being so thankful that Kyx is mine and that we are together because life without him will be crazy sad! I pray that I never get to write a sad love story starring me and Kyx. I want our stories to be hopeful! Some with stress and crazy fights but always with a hopeful happy ending.

So to veer away from the disturbing anxiety that I have formed just writing about this, I’ll share with you something I have never shared to anyone in the blogosphere before. HAHAHA.

Kyx is a funny guy. He is filled with humor and he never gets angry. He’s so understanding and kind. One fine day, we were driving home and I was being a complete rude child. He told me one thing and I didn’t like it so I screamed really loud. It was supposed to be funny but there was a tinge of annoyance and irritation that I have when I started screaming. I was all “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” in a really psychotic high pitched tone (because he was being annoying!!) so what he did was, HE OPENED THE FUCKING WINDOW and laughed cause I was forced to shut the hell up. I couldn’t forget that because instead of yelling at me, he dealt with me with humor and I was so ashamed of myself for being a psycho on him.

Wala lang. I just wanted to share that odd story because now, all I hope for are funny and irritating stories of cute couples rather than sad ones!

Advertisements

3 Perfect People

I’ve got but another realization post that may sound a bit angsty so I’ll save it for later. For now, let’s look at the bright side and bask in the light and love that we are blessed with.

Earlier today and a few days back when I was in Baguio (of course before and after my melt down) I realized the good things life has to offer. I was expecting a perfect life, an easy life but if it were to be easy, would it be life at all?

I was thinking how I don’t have a ride or die friend because I had one before but lost her, then I remember that I have my mom! Not everyone can have a ride or die mom as a bff. Like I keep saying, my mom is someone I can trust, I can rely on and someone who will just be there. Every mom is different from each other but I best believe that every mom is perfect for their daughters (at least I’d like to think that hah) so I may not have a ride or die friend, but I sure have a ride or die mom and that’s all there is to live with! HEHE.

Kyx is anchor (aside from mom). He keeps me into place when strong currents try to carry me away and how can I forget that for a second?! All my breakdowns, my meltdowns and stupid cryola festival that I star into, he is there to hold me and assure me that THINGS. WILL. GET. BETTER. I also like to think that once you find a partner, like a soulmate (I’m not sure when you’ll find it but when you do, you’ll know), you’ll understand that each partner is perfect for the other. He gets me, he really does. He knows what to say (except when he’s trying to piss me off purposely), he knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

Altheo, my kuya. I like to joke that he’s my twin brother because we sort of have a “twins instinct” but the only twinning thing about us is our names so I have to live with that lels. We are the exact opposites! I am the reactive sibling, emotional and easily pissed off and he’s the other way around. He calms me down and keeps me sane just when I need to and I do the same for him in the rare occasions that he’s losing his shit.

Overall, these 3 people are the perfect people for me. As in yung perpekto para sa isang kagaya ko. They fill my holes, the missing pieces and the gaps. So when I get sad or lonely again, I’ll think about having these people in my life and I’m happy again!

When you get lonely over trivial things or when someone upsets you or you think no one is there for you anymore, think about all those who are going to be there for you. Your ride or die kind of people. And like my brother would jokingly say, “yung tipong pitpitan at basagan ng bayag, walang iwanan”

“I’ll always be your friend no matter what”

2017 made sure I learned a lot from life, friends, people, experiences, attitude, personal growth and love. I realized many things and even though I have to learn some things the hard way, I am glad it all happened.

Have you ever said this phrase or have someone said that in your face?

“I’ll always be your friend no matter what”

I realized that we say nice things, heart filling things like this but when all else fails, we forget the true meaning of it. If you said that you’ll always be a friend “no matter what” for me it should mean that whatever shit you go through, may it be hell and back, you’d stick with each other and try to patch things up as hard as you can because there are things in life that would test a friendship. It should not always be about good times, you have to share bad times too and when you go past that then that’s when you’ll know a friendship is true.

I will keep in mind for as long as I live that the words I’d drop are words I can live by.

I hope you guys do that too.

What Is This Teaching Me?

One of the things that makes a stressful thing even more stressful is the fact that we forget to understand, reflect and ask “what is this teaching me?” Instead, we focus on what stresses us and create more stress by thinking about it instead of actually finding a solution for it.

Earlier today, I was creating a budget strategy and/or budget plan. I am panicking (just a little bit) because I have to pay my sister’s tuition fee and start saving up for next year’s enrolment. This isn’t the first time that I am writing and whining and complaining about it because education is so expensive. As in bakit ba ang mahal ng tuition fee dito?! Why are schools so expensive, why not create an affordable learning system that is of quality and high standards? NKKLK.

So anyway, as the months on my list progress, I feel more and more burdened. Questions like why am I even the one taking the responsibility to pay for my sister’s tuition fee when she has a father very much able to work for her education? Will I be doing this forever? Why am I doing this anyway? Then I felt like everyone is being unfair, why are they not helping me? Mas marami pa nga silang mga pera kaysa sa akin pero bakit ako? As I think of these (negative) thoughts, I suddenly remembered to ask What is this teaching me? Nahimasmasan ako ng slight.

I think that I go on and on and on burdening myself with these thoughts when in fact, I should stop and reflect to calm myself down instead of allowing negativity to rule over my head.

I realized that all these tuition fee problems I am having are not even a problem to begin with. Instead of looking at it negatively, I should see what is it that I can gain from this episode in my life and how I’ll be improving myself moving forward.

I think that it’s teaching me more on how to be selfless. Selflessness is the key to pure love and pure love is the key to all things that is good. Walang sense sinabi ko pero whatever hahaha. Aside from that, it’s teaching me to be more loving and understanding of the people around me. It is teaching me kindness. It is teaching me to be more grateful that I have the means to be able to pay for my sister’s education and that I’m not in debt or helpless. It is teaching me to trust more because God has reasons as to why I am experiencing these things.

I realized how much I let negative things and thoughts consume me when I can just easily turn around and look at the bright side of things. Hay naku.

Top 10 Things I’ve Learned from My Mother

Almost everyone I know (if not every single one) look up to their moms and think of their moms as the best one ever. That goes for me as well; I look up to my mom and I think she’s the best in the whole wide world. The best mom for someone like me and that’s what matters the most. I have shared a lot of stuff about her and how strong of a person she is so to put her on a different light, I’d write about the 10 things I’ve learned from her.

  1. Letting go is hard but clinging on to something that is toxic, unhealthy and is good for nothing will be a lot harder in the long run.
  • I have faced so many challenges in my 26 years of existence that require letting go. It was hard for me but I understood that it could be a lot harder if you hold on to things, people and memories that are not healthy for your mental, emotional and spiritual health.
  1. Believing in God and having faith is very essential. But hearing mass on a regular basis doesn’t necessarily mean you are a good person already and not hearing mass regularly doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
  • There are so many things the society dictates when it comes to faith but my mom made sure that we understood faith on a deeper level. Not just by hearing mass and praying.
  1. Love your family.
  • My mom inculcated in us that we be family oriented individuals. Family sticks forever and no matter what happens “hindi mo kayang itapon yan” so you just have to continue loving each other despite the misunderstandings, differences and whatnot.
  1. Education is very important. It’s a treasure that no one can take away from you.
  • In parental sermons we hear the phrases “iyan lang ang kayamanan na hindi maaagaw nino man” and that is true!
  1. Always look at the bright side.
  • Despite everything, in the midst of trials and storms, there’s always something to be grateful for. There’s always a bright side in everything and you just have to go find it.
  1. Know your priorities.
  • As simple as that. Knowing what should come first and knowing what can wait.
  1. Know your worth.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be treated like trash. You’re more than that.
  1. Moms always wants what’s best for you.
  • At least for my mom, she just doesn’t say that for the heck of it but she does because she really do wants what’s best for her children and you must believe that! Heh
  1. She knows everything.
  • There’s no point in lying. Really.
  1. She’s always right.
  • Whatever you have to say, there’s always loopholes because you’re not as wise as your mom. Lels.

You’re the best mama in the world and you made sure that you secure your children and give them the best that life has to offer. I’m grateful every single day and I wish I could give everything you deserve tenfold because no one would be here, I wouldn’t be here where I am right now if not for you and I want you to know that I know it. I love you mom. Happy Birthday!

Anong Pakiramdam ng May Tatlong Kuya?

Sa gitnang litrato: Altheo, Aldwin, Aldous tapos ako yung nakaupo

Ipapasok ko sana yung mga litrato namin ng mga kuya ko dito mula bata kami kaso yung iba nandon sa isang taong di na parte ng buhay ko. Pinapascan ko kasi sakanya nung 2009 tapos na-ondoy tapos ewan ko na. peste.

Anyway, ayun. Marami na kasing nakapagtanong sakin nito tapos hindi ko alam kung ano yung isasagot ko kasi??? Feeling ko normal lang yun??? Hindi ko naman kasi naiintindihan dati yung ano yung feeling ng walang kuya? Kasi hello, ang dami nila so pano ko malalaman ang difference?

Pano ko malalaman ang difference? Pag tumanda na kami. At ngayong matanda na kami, alam ko na yung pakiramdam.

Kuyas and Memories

  1. Nung Nanganak ang mama namin sa bunso, si Kuya Aldwin ang kasama ko sa bahay. Grade 3 ako nun. Tapos sabi ko sa Kuya Aldwin ko kailangan niya akong ayusan ng buhok kasi magagalit teacher ko kapag hindi nakatali. Sabi nya sa akin, sige daw. Mabilis kaming kumilos, pinakain nya ako, naligo at nagbihis ako. Pagtapos nun sabi niya “anong ayos ba gusto mo?” sabi ko “pigtails!” ayun, mahigit 30 minutes nya akong inaayusan. Tuwang tuwa ako non kasi pinagkalat ko sa class namin na kuya ko yung nagpony ng buhok ko. Iba yung kilig kasi sinasabi ng mga classmates ko “wowwwww talagaaa” ganern.
  2. Hindi pa ako nag-aaral non, siguro 3 or 4 years old lang ako tapos ang nagbabantay sakin isang hapon ay si Kuya Aldous (ang pangalawang matandang kuya ko) tapos nakikipaglaro ako sa mga kapitbahay namin tapos sabi niya “diyan ka lang, babalik ako ah” tapos pagbalik nya nakangiti sya, may bitbit syang laruan pero ayaw niya ipakita sakin tapos hinabol ko sya papasok sa bahay namin. May laruan na golf set siyang binili. Siguro 15 lang sya nun tapos huhuhuhu di ko alam san niya kinuha yung pera na pinambili niya non. Naaalala ko gustong gusto ko yung golf golfan na yun eh!
  3. Pinakapaboritong alala ko kasama si Kuya Theo ay marami huhu pero yung nakatatak sa puso’t kaluluwa ko eh yung nagpapanggap pa rin siyang may Santa Claus for my sake. Alam na niya kung sino si Santa pero hindi niya sinasabi sa akin. Paniwalang paniwala ako tapos chillax lang siya. May regalo din kasi si Santa sakanya pero kahit madalas kaming nagaaway hindi niya sinira yung childhood ko at sinabi sakin kung sino talaga si Santa Claus. Mehehe
  4. Paborito kong sinasabi yung “Isusumbong kita sa kuya ko” o kaya naman “Patay ka sa kuya ko ah” kapag may epal sa buhay ko. Wala din namang nagtangka na bwisitin ako further nung bata ako dahil nga takot sila sa mga kuya ko. Kasi alam ko din na mananagot kung sino man yung kakanti sa akin haha. Siguro bukod sa dugong batangena ko, kaya din ako matapang kasi nga hehehe 3 kuya ko bwahaha
  5. Lahat sila nakapaghugas ng pwet ko o nalabhan damit ko. Lahat ng pag-aalaga natamo ko. Lahat din ng pangaasar pero keri lang.
  6. Madalas kong kaaway si kuya Altheo nung bata kami. Maldita kasi ako tapos ang sakit kasi niyang mangkaltok kaya napapaiyak talaga ako sa sakit. Minsang kinaltukan niya ako sabay belat wala akong ibang nagawa kundi kagatin ang sarili ko sabay sigaw “mama si kuya kinagat ako!!” BWAHAHAHAHA.
  7. Lagi silang nanonood ng cheering compets ko or pagsasayaw or kahit anong performance. Lagi din sila kasama ko sa mga kung ano anong bagay.
  8. Dati si Kuya Aldwin nagtrabaho for fun nung college siya tapos sa unang sweldo niya binilhan niya ako ng A Bug’s Life na t-shirt. Sobrang tuwang tuwa ako non. Grade 1 lang ako non eh.
  9. Tinutulungan din nila ako lalo na nung nagaaral pa ako bwahaha. Tapos binibilhan ako ng mga gusto ko. Ay nga pala, dapat isang number pa to pero dito nalang ilalagay haha. Isang beses, college na ako non, umuulan tapos sa kanto lang ako bababa. Kapag ganon kasi, susunduin ako ni Kuya Theo na may bitbit na payong. Tapos nung araw nay un, tulog pala siya. Bale sumugod ako sa ulan tapos pinagalitan ko siya paguwi ko. Sinesermonan ko na hindi manlang niya ako sinundo at basing basa ako sa ulan bwahahah.
  10. Tapos yung last, hanggang ngayon sa kanila pa rin nanggagaling ang cellphone ko HAHAHAHA.

Hindi ko madescribe kung anong pakiramdam ng mayroong 3 kuya kaya based on the 10 facts sana nalaman niyo.

Bottomline para akong may 3 tatay at kaberks hahaha. Ang dami ko pang ililista diyan pero sa susunod na.

#KyxAila S05E02: Mix Tape

Nung high school kami, binigyan ako ni Kyx ng 3 kanta na nilagay niya sa cellphone ko. 2 emo, isang metal. Tapos pinangakuan niya ako na bibigyan niya ako ng mix tape at mga guitar cover niya na nakarecord. Sabi niya regalo niya sakin yun sa pasko pero bilang hindi na kami nagpansinan matapos niya akong masigawan sa phone, di na niya naibigay ang mix tape na yan. Kaya naman nagulat din ako nung biglang..


Kyx: May ginawa akong “mix tape” para sayo pero hindi na sya sa tape eh. Kaya siguro compilation nalang yung tawag don?

Aila: Naalala mo yung mix tape na ibibigay mo dapat sakin?

K: Oo hahaha di ko na naibigay eh.

A: Onga eh. So eto, bago na to?

K: Oo. Bago yan. Marami pa ako idadagdag sana pero next time nalang. Yan nalang muna.

A: Thank you.

*pinakinggan ko ang “compilation of songs” na nilagay nya sa ipod ko.*

Wala ako sa mood kasi naaalala ko pa rin yung crush niya na kinwento niya. Hindi ako natutuwa sa compilation niya pero nung pinakinggan ko hindi ko nanaman alam ang gagawin ko o yung dapat ko maramdaman.

Unang kanta palang: Hello yeah it’s been a while, not much how ‘bout you? I’m not sure why I called. I guess I just really wanted to talk to you. And I was thinking maybe later on we could get together for a while. It’s been such a long time and I really do miss your smile.

Tapos susundan ng: Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotion. It’s pulling me back, back to love you. Oh no I’m caught up in the middle I cry just a little when I think of letting go. Oh no, gave up on the riddle I cry just a little when he plays piano in the dark.

And then: Whatever you do I’ll be two steps behind you, wherever you go and I’ll be there to remind you that it only takes a minute of your precious time to turn around, I’ll be two steps behind.

Tapos: Please let me be a part of the tender love you’ve given to me.

Then: I was swept away without a warning just like when the morning begins the day, I was swept away. And so it begins this journey of love.

Tapos susundan pa: With all the years behind me spent pretending I didn’t need someone like you around, it makes it even harder to imagine the life I’d be living if I haven’t found someone to hold me the way that you do, someone who needs me the way I need you, someone to show me a way that is true, someone to love me, the way that I love you.

Tsaka babanat ng: Don’t go away say what you say, say that you’ll stay forever and a day in the time of my life cause I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right

Then magkakaroon ng: I’m the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I know you feel it too. Waited on the line of greens and blues just to be the next to be with you.

Tapos biglang: All I need is just a little more time to be sure what I feel, is it all in my mind? Cause it seems so hard to believe that you’re all I need.

Then: You got it all over him you got me over him honey it’s true, there’s just you, you must have been heaven sent hearing me call you when out on a limb and you’re all that he’s not. Just look what I got cause you got it all over him.

Tapos magtatapos bigla sa: Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness take away all my sadness ease my troubles that’s what you do.

Kaya natulog nanaman ako ng nagtatanong ano nanaman ba ito? May meaning ba ito o wala? Kikiligin na ba ako ulit? Kasi di ko na talaga alam eh. Mas gugustuhin ko pang sumagot ng math problem kaysa dito eh. Kaya lang kahit sa lahat ng inis ko sakanya, nampucha kinilig ako. MWEHEHEHEHEH

I’d Really Love To See You Tonight – England Dan & John Ford Coley

Stay – Lisa Loeb

Piano in The Dark – Brenda Russel

Two Steps Behind – Def Lepard

Tender Love – Force MD

Swept Away – Christopher Cross

Someone – The Rembrandts

Don’t Go Away – Oasis

To Be With You – Mr. Big

All I Need – Jack Wagner

You Got It All – Jets

Have I Told You Lately – Rod Stewart