#KyxAila S05E02: Mix Tape

Nung high school kami, binigyan ako ni Kyx ng 3 kanta na nilagay niya sa cellphone ko. 2 emo, isang metal. Tapos pinangakuan niya ako na bibigyan niya ako ng mix tape at mga guitar cover niya na nakarecord. Sabi niya regalo niya sakin yun sa pasko pero bilang hindi na kami nagpansinan matapos niya akong masigawan sa phone, di na niya naibigay ang mix tape na yan. Kaya naman nagulat din ako nung biglang..


Kyx: May ginawa akong “mix tape” para sayo pero hindi na sya sa tape eh. Kaya siguro compilation nalang yung tawag don?

Aila: Naalala mo yung mix tape na ibibigay mo dapat sakin?

K: Oo hahaha di ko na naibigay eh.

A: Onga eh. So eto, bago na to?

K: Oo. Bago yan. Marami pa ako idadagdag sana pero next time nalang. Yan nalang muna.

A: Thank you.

*pinakinggan ko ang “compilation of songs” na nilagay nya sa ipod ko.*

Wala ako sa mood kasi naaalala ko pa rin yung crush niya na kinwento niya. Hindi ako natutuwa sa compilation niya pero nung pinakinggan ko hindi ko nanaman alam ang gagawin ko o yung dapat ko maramdaman.

Unang kanta palang: Hello yeah it’s been a while, not much how ‘bout you? I’m not sure why I called. I guess I just really wanted to talk to you. And I was thinking maybe later on we could get together for a while. It’s been such a long time and I really do miss your smile.

Tapos susundan ng: Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotion. It’s pulling me back, back to love you. Oh no I’m caught up in the middle I cry just a little when I think of letting go. Oh no, gave up on the riddle I cry just a little when he plays piano in the dark.

And then: Whatever you do I’ll be two steps behind you, wherever you go and I’ll be there to remind you that it only takes a minute of your precious time to turn around, I’ll be two steps behind.

Tapos: Please let me be a part of the tender love you’ve given to me.

Then: I was swept away without a warning just like when the morning begins the day, I was swept away. And so it begins this journey of love.

Tapos susundan pa: With all the years behind me spent pretending I didn’t need someone like you around, it makes it even harder to imagine the life I’d be living if I haven’t found someone to hold me the way that you do, someone who needs me the way I need you, someone to show me a way that is true, someone to love me, the way that I love you.

Tsaka babanat ng: Don’t go away say what you say, say that you’ll stay forever and a day in the time of my life cause I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right

Then magkakaroon ng: I’m the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I know you feel it too. Waited on the line of greens and blues just to be the next to be with you.

Tapos biglang: All I need is just a little more time to be sure what I feel, is it all in my mind? Cause it seems so hard to believe that you’re all I need.

Then: You got it all over him you got me over him honey it’s true, there’s just you, you must have been heaven sent hearing me call you when out on a limb and you’re all that he’s not. Just look what I got cause you got it all over him.

Tapos magtatapos bigla sa: Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness take away all my sadness ease my troubles that’s what you do.

Kaya natulog nanaman ako ng nagtatanong ano nanaman ba ito? May meaning ba ito o wala? Kikiligin na ba ako ulit? Kasi di ko na talaga alam eh. Mas gugustuhin ko pang sumagot ng math problem kaysa dito eh. Kaya lang kahit sa lahat ng inis ko sakanya, nampucha kinilig ako. MWEHEHEHEHEH

I’d Really Love To See You Tonight – England Dan & John Ford Coley

Stay – Lisa Loeb

Piano in The Dark – Brenda Russel

Two Steps Behind – Def Lepard

Tender Love – Force MD

Swept Away – Christopher Cross

Someone – The Rembrandts

Don’t Go Away – Oasis

To Be With You – Mr. Big

All I Need – Jack Wagner

You Got It All – Jets

Have I Told You Lately – Rod Stewart

 

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Hintay Hintay Lang

Kailan mo ba talaga makikilala yung taong para sayo? Nakilala mo na ba siya o makikilala pa lang?

Kailan ba yung tamang panahon na sinasabi nila? May sagot ba don o lahat ay katanungan nalang?

Sabi nila minsan nasa harap mo na hindi mo pa makita, minsan naman akala mo dumaan na pero hindi pala siya o kaya naman patuloy kang umaasa na balang araw, makikita mo siya, makikilala at makakasama.

Di bale, kung hindi pa man nagkukrus ang landas ninyo ngayon, malay mo malapit na. Isipin mo nalang, baka hindi pa ngayon ang tamang panahon, ang pagkakataon kung kailan makikilala mo siya dahil baka pinaplano pa ng Diyos na makilala mo siya kung kailan maayos na ang lahat. Yung bang hindi ka na nasasaktan sa iyong nakaraan, yung siya naman ay handa nang harapin ang kinabukasan.

Diba? Malay mo. Hintay hintay lang.

Positivity!

Pagkatapos kong malugmok, ipinakita sakin ni God na masyado akong naka-focus sa mga nakakapag-pa-stress sakin kaya kinailangan pa niyang ipakita sa akin na kaya kong maging okay.

  1. After writing about my little drama I had, I felt better. Moreover, I felt even better when you guys commented and helped lift my spirits! No matter how simple your messages were, it was enough to make me feel better again. Nakakaiyak yung mga comforting words niyo huhuhuhu 💖💖💖
  2. I keep a copy of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff OMNIBUS at my work table. I usually read it every morning but it has been a few days since I last opened it. When I did, what I saw left me surprised and tearful. The title is “Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Darkness” it says that instead of stressing ourselves out over the problems we face, it’s best to find a solution. The line that caught my attention the most was this “taking positive, solution-oriented steps toward improving a situation instead of complaining about what’s wrong. It means being more a part of the solution rather than a reminder or reinforcement of the problem” (I must remember this)

Another one is this “When we focus too much on what’s wrong, it reminds us of other things we disapprove of or wish were different, which can lead us toward feelings of discouragement and being overwhelmed”


                As much as I can, I shall try to remind myself of these techniques or strategies in order to avoid dramas and too much stress.

  1. I was informed today that some of my overtime pay will be credited on this particular cut-off. I didn’t know how to react. I will have my pang-shopping and my sister’s school fee! Muhahahahahahahahah.

Aside from those, I realized that God and the Universe is really trying to make me feel better through small things that go unnoticed. Traffic wasn’t so bad today despite the fact that traffic was 10 million times heavier yesterday in Pasig compared to most days! It was insane. So I sort of expected another grueling battle with the traffic in Pasig. Surprisingly, it was moderate and actually a bit fast moving! My coffee has just the right amount of sugar and creamer. You see, being a batanguena I like my kapeng barako black. But my mom insists on putting creamer and sugar in it para hindi daw masyadong matapang. I don’t like creamy coffees and yesterday, my coffee is way too creamy for my liking. Today, it was just perfect! Another thing is that, payroll has been credited early!! Compared to other companies, our payroll gets credited later than everyone else’s kaya hallelujah talaga sa salary kanina! HAHAHA.

Ayan na si Kyx 😂


Paepal lang 😂

Yung pinagpeprepare pa ako ni mama ng baon ☺️

Mama and Aila 😘

Lastly, siguro hinga lang ng malalim, tapos laban lang ulit!

Drama Rama

Lately, I have been so stressed out. I keep thinking about how my life is turning out, how things are always a problem, how everything is just making me suffer.

(Tagalog Post)

Medyo mababaw lang ang pinagumpisahan nito hanggang sa pabigat na ng pabigat ang mga naiisip ko. Minsan pumapasok pa rin sa isip ko yung ano kaya kung mamatay nalang ako kasi nakakapagod na. *naiiyak nanaman ako habang sinusulat ko ‘to* hayyy buhayyy, masyado akong emosyonal.

Bihira akong bumili ng para sa akin, madalas libro lang talaga ang ginagastusan ko. Nagkakasya lang ako lagi sa iisang sapatos hanggang sa masira koi to bago ako bumili ng panibago. Yung mga damit ko, paulit ulit lang din, siguro may mga 2 weeks worth of office clothes lang ako pero hindi naman yun ang pinuputok ng butche ko. Sa sobrang stressed out ko siguro, gusto kong magshopping. Tamang tama, sasahod na ulit tapos bayad na lahat ng kailangan bayaran na mga bills! Habang chinecheck out ko ang reviews ni Kat sa mga skin care product, yun yung naisip kong bilhin! Dual purpose din kasi, pansamantalang matatanggal stress ko tapos magagamit ko pa sa balat kong namumutakte na ng tigyawat sa sobrang stressed. Pumunta na ako dun sa website na sinabi ni Kat, konti lang yung productong bibilhin ko, yung mga talagang kailangan ko lang sa muka ko na malapit na mawalan ng pag-asa hahaha so nung ichecheck out ko na, mga 1700php na siya, pinigilan ko sarili ko. Naalala ko na may tuition fee akong babayaran. Sabi ko sige next time nalang.

Hindi ako nag-OT, kasi gusto ko makasama mama ko eh. Kaya pagka-out umuwi na ako kaagad, mga bandang 8pm nasa bahay na ako. Tapos yung kapatid ko 8:30pm na nakauwi. Naglugaw daw sila ng pamangkin naming (kasing edad niya yun anak ng kuya ko, wag na natin idiscuss hahah) araw araw late yan umuuwi, hindi na alam kung paano pang pagsasabihan dahil talagang matigas ang ulo eh.

Nalulungkot lang ako kasi lahat ng paghihirap ko, iyan ang nakikita ko. Nakakawalan ng gana. Naghihirap ako para sa wala, ganon yung pakiramdam ko. Hindi naman niya kasalanan na hindi siya binibigyan ng ama niya ng pang-tuition, wala naman akong magagawa doon. Si mama naman, buong buhay niya siya lang sumuporta samin, binigyan kami ng magandang buhay, pinagtapos sa magagandang paaralan, kaya ito nalang yung maisusukli ko, ang patigilin siya sa pagtatrabaho para hindi na siya magkasakit. Matanda na mama ko, 54 na yata siya o mag-54 na siya sa October. May mga nararamdaman na din siya na masakit kaya hindi na pwedeng magwork ng magwork pa. Para lang maibsan na yung stress niya at makapagpahinga naman siya, ako nalang nagpaaral sa kapatid ko. Kaya lang ang sakit sa dibdib na yung kapatid ko naman, hindi niya pinapahalagahan yung ibinibigay sakanyang pribilehiyo.

Okay ang grades niya sige, pero yung tigas ng ulo, attitude at pagpapahalaga sa mga taong nagmamahal sakanya, ang hirap.

Sa isip isip ko, pera lang naman yan, mabibili ko rin naman mga gusto ko in time, mabuti nga at wala pa akong anak, hindi rin ako makapag anak anak dahil siya ang inuuna ko sa lahat ng bagay, kaya lang masakit talaga sa dibdib na ganyan pa. Pinapasakit pa ulo ni mama. Siguro iisipin ng iba nagseself pity ako hahahahahahahahahataenanyohahaha joke. Pero kasi, kung mabait bait siguro tong kapatid ko, bale wala sakin lahat ng paghihirap ko eh.

Kagabi naiiyak na talaga ako, pero hindi ako makaiyak. Never umiyak o nagsabi ng ganito ang mama ko sakin kahit nahihirapan na siya, biruin niyo 4 kami na pinagaaral ni mama noon, 2 college, 1 high school,  grade school pero wala akong narinig na sinabi niyang hirap na hirap na siya.

Nung hindi ko na mapigilan ang iyak ko, natulog na ako agad kasi baka matuluyan pa ang pagdadrama ko.

Pag gising ko, okay na ako! HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH

Nagdadasal nalang ako na sana, bigyan pa ako ng lakas ng diyos. Bigyan pa ako ng emotional strength at patatagin pa ang tiwala ko Sa Kanya.

Hanggang sa susunod na drama rama!

Xox, Thea

Watercolor Chronicles: Sunsets and Goodbyes

The last time I did a watercolour painting was about a month or 2 ago. I forgot. I guess life finally caught up with me and I keep switching from my mom’s house to Kyx’s house on a weekly basis that I just don’t have enough time and energy to paint for leisure. Last night however was a different thing. After dinner, I worked on a quick watercolour art. I usually go back and forth from Maria Racynzka and Enon De Belen. I chose Maria last night.

 

WIP

I haven’t finished this painting though. I was too sleepy and growing impatient for everything to dry out before putting the details. I like the look of it though despite being unfinished hehehe

Maria is an amazing artist. She always shares her demo and art on YouTube and it has helped me with my watercolour journey. I keep practicing with her and I love it!

 

Sunsets and Goodbyes

I like sunsets, water and boardwalks. This photo just summarizes the feeling of being free. Something that says “finally, it’s over and done”. I like it how it feels as if goodbyes are less hard, less cruel.

I used Winsor and Newton Cotman 45 half-pans set, 2 Martol brushes and 1 Deovir angular brush, Watercolor paper by Canson (student grade)

Usapang Relasyon

Let’s talk about relationships. I’d like this post to be light and funny, not a battle of sexes and whatnot.

I am Kyx’s first girlfriend and when I go bat-shit crazy over the smallest things, he’s left clueless and probably debating whether his girlfriend is normal or she’s really a psycho bitch.

On most days wherein Kyx and I talk about how we were and how we are now, we laugh while looking back at the petty fights and huge serious ones and analyse where it all came from and what went wrong on those days. When I do something quirky, when I get mad at something small or even when I just playfully touch his butt, he goes thinking whether we—as a couple are normal or we’ve ended up both happy and crazy?

I think, it’s normal. We girls, we talk about the shit we do. We talk about the different levels of craziness we have had or the unbelievably small things that gets blown out of proportion just cause our man is doing the opposite of what we want or not doing anything at all while men, I think they don’t talk about it. At least for Kyx and his friends. They never talk about “ang crazy ng girlfriend ko last night, nagalit sakin dahil lang hindi ko na-twirl ng maayos ang spaghetti nya” or *insert something more petty than that*. No. They don’t talk about it (or do they?)

Last night, I had a homey and cozy dinner with 2 of my childhood friends. R is our “Ate” and I knew her since I was in 1st grade while F and I have been friends since we were pre-schoolers! A lot of fun and talk over dinner—we went across the topic of how crazy we have been and the times where we argue with our partners over the smallest things. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t really start fights just for the heck of it (or yes, in some days hahahah) there’s always that irritating thing our partners did and we just had to make a point. From staying silent the whole ride home to screaming at their faces or in most days, I for a fact, cry out of anger and frustration.

But yeah, I think Kyx or some guys think their girls are not normal and are pure evil creatures in most days is because they never talk about it with their friends. Gets ba? Parang they don’t open up to their friends about the petty fights they have had with their girls cause well, they’re not the type to talk about it. Hahaha. So maybe, that’s why Kyx thinks I am not normal when I get mad over small things. HAHAHA.

In fact, over the 3 years we’ve been together, I don’t get too worked up in small things. I got over that. I just have bad days though LOL!

Too Much Heaven by Bee Gees

On a wonky Wednesday morning, I decided to play my 70s-80s playlist. It consists of a ton of artists but I focused on Bee Gees for a better mood. I came across Too Much Heaven and I loved it!

M2M has a song as well wherein they sand the chorus of Too Much Heaven and the arrangement is beautiful.

When you hear the chorus, you might think the song is sad and speaks of something hopeless in it. But when you listen to the whole song and absorb the lyrics, you’ll understand it’s a feel good song and speaks about how blessed you are with the love you have (with the lovelife you have kemerloo)

“Nobody gets too much heaven no more. It’s much harder to come by, I’m waiting in line. Nobody gets too much love anymore. It’s as high as a mountain and harder to climb”

You’d think that oh well, it’s hard to find love anyway. But hearing the whole song, it’s like someone is so grateful thinking that even though love is hard to come by, that person still found it.

What do you think of this song? What are your thoughts?

Too Much Heaven by Bee Gees

Listen to Our Song by M2M (it’s a sad song but they sang Too Much Heaven for the chorus)