Please Help Baby Ace

My cousin, Ace Cargado who is barely 3 months old was born with a rare disease called Prune Belly Syndrome.

According to rarediseases.org

Prune-Belly syndrome, also known as Eagle-Barrett syndrome, is a rare disorder characterized by partial or complete absence of the stomach (abdominal) muscles, failure of both testes to descend into the scrotum (bilateral cryptorchidism), and/or urinary tract malformations. The urinary malformations may include abnormal widening (dilation) of the tubes that bring urine to the bladder (ureters), accumulation of urine in the ureters (hydroureter) and the kidneys (hydronephrosis), and/or backflow of urine from the bladder into the ureters (vesicoureteral reflux). Complications associated with Prune-Belly syndrome may include underdevelopment of the lungs (pulmonary hypoplasia) and/or chronic renal failure. The exact cause of Prune-Belly syndrome is not known.

Right now, baby Ace needs immediate medical attention and an operation because this baby is now holding on for dear life. Instead of being confined in a hospital, he is at home because their family cannot afford treatment and confinement.

Baby Ace resides in Nasugbu, Batangas Philippines.

Please help raise funds for his hospitalization in any way you could. Contact me through my Facebook: Aila Cargado or my email xoxaltheac@gmail.com

This means a lot to me and our family. Your prayers are also well appreciated, please pray for baby Ace and his family in this tough time.

P.S. I have yet to find out the exact amount he needs but any amount of your prayers and donation will be well appreciated and we will be forever grateful. Kahit dasal lang.

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Are You A Ticking Time Bomb?

What to do when you are not happy but you can’t pinpoint the reason why you’re sad?

Have you ever felt like a ticking time bomb and you didn’t even know you are one until the point that you are just about to explode? I don’t know exactly why some of us are like that (I am included) but maybe there are a lot of factors like your environment, your background, how you were raised, your personality and the list goes on. So I can’t speak in general but I’d speak openly about myself and my own experiences.

If we are not in a social kind of setting (a party, a meet-up, a getaway, outing, gathering, reunions etc.) I normally am quiet, reserved, shy. I don’t look approachable either. I have this focused look on my face when I’m writing or reading, I don’t look at people, I don’t listen to what they’re saying unless they’re talking to me. I keep to myself a lot hence the twitter account (I speak the things I can’t say out loud on twitter so deal with it haha)

Over the past year, I have developed into having a friendlier face (still not friendly enough) but people still wonder if I’m mad, angry or going through something. I like to think a lot and I don’t say things outright. Delayed reaction ako lagi mga besh. I don’t comment or react instantly but when the situation sinks in, you’re in for a ride.

So in a nutshell, I keep to myself, I’m quiet and I don’t talk if I don’t have to but there are a lot of things going on in my head that once triggered, it’s either I’ll throw a fit, shut you out of my life or worst—give in to panic and anxiety. You see if you’re like me, a lot of emotions and feelings get bottled up inside so when I get upset, I don’t even know what exactly upsets me simply because I didn’t react right away or I didn’t deal with it the moment it happened. I have the tendency to shove it at the back of my head only to pop up right when my emotions are about to explode.

Now, here’s what I do to deal with things like this.

  1. Take a step back and listen to yourself. Talk yourself out to handling your emotions well by practicing to feel what needs to be felt at a given moment.
  2. If you feel like crying, cry it out. You don’t always need to understand why because it will only mess you up a little more.
  3. Once you’re calmer, try to analyse and understand yourself as to why you felt like crying or why are you upset. Evaluate what triggered you and what your actions should have been at that time.
  4. Take your time, being okay will not happen even if you already want to be okay.
  5. Get yo ass on to the mat and do yoga! (or meditate, do anything that helps relax your mind)

Last week I was so stressed out that I ate so many cookies and did yoga. I have to pay for the calories now so I’d go boxing but now I can’t because I spent so much on skin care again. Now I think I have to look for a new coping mechanism hahaha. This cookie and online shopping thing is bad. So bad. Hahaha

Fresh Grads, Quarter Life Crisis-ers, Wanderers

5 years after graduating from college and being 27 years old now (is this considered as ‘late twenties’ already??? HOLYFCKNSHITTTT???) here are some of the things I’ve learned in life worth sharing. I hope you pick up something here that will help you cope and keep up with life without feeling so bad.

  • The real world + aging + growing up is messy! And no matter how much you think you are prepared for this, honey you are not and will never be prepared. You’ve been quite sheltered and we all have been in that phase but this is different now. So when I say you will never be prepared, it’s not supposed to sound so bad. It’s something that will immediately make you feel better because no adult has ever been prepared to be an adult per se and up to this day, I still can’t get the hangs of adulting! I swear. So chin up, cheer up, we are all struggling. Heh
  • Accept it. Some friendships are not meant to last even if you’ve been together for 15 years like???? You may have argued, drifted apart or just stopped being friends but that is normal. It could hurt for some, it could be okay for some but what I’m trying to say is it is normal hehe. It happens!
  • Half the time, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life. Sure I have a stable job (which I actually loved before. Like loved so much. Now I want to leave haha) sure I go boxing at least twice a week, I follow a healthy lifestyle, I go to church, I have friends, I drink sometimes, I watch stuff I want to watch, I enjoy but that’s not everything there is to life and even if it seems that adults like me (seryoso ba?) look like we have it all figured out, NOPE. So don’t pressure yourself too much. We don’t get to know what we want as quickly as we want to.
  • There is no freaking deadline. The stuff we read on facebook, the quotes we see everywhere? They’re all real. Like do what you can, enjoy your life and don’t look at what others have that you don’t have. Who cares if your friend was able to buy a car already and here you are trying to figure out your ABCs at work? Life is not a race and you must keep reminding yourself that. Too often we forget to make it about for life’s greater purpose, to glorify our God. We keep working and trying to get the best things just so people would think we’re happy and successful. Life doesn’t work like that so stop trying to impress everyone else by pressuring yourself with your stupid made up deadlines.
  • Take one step at a time and do everything with love while glorifying our God.

So I hope you don’t pressure yourself every day and feel sad and desperate and all that life crisis bits and pieces. We’ll get through this.

Job Hunting, Adulting, Dilemmas

You know when you’re so stressed out but you have to keep fighting despite how toxic your workplace  is because the bills don’t get paid by themselves and you can’t eat whatever clothing, art materials, shoes you have so you got to suck it up and stay working miserably on that job of yours? Andon ako ngayon sa feeling na yon.

We lived a wonderfully comfortable life when I was young until my 3rd year in college. Everything went upside down when my mom, an ofw left her job and went back home (here in the Philippines) to take care of her mom (my Lola) from there, life went crazy! I was not able to enroll, I have no choice but to work just so I could do something about the situation but looking back, I didn’t even save up from that job. Basically, all I did was work and spend money. I was way too immature to save my life no? But my mom just let me be, I think she wanted me to do something aside from mourn a sem of not being able to go to school.

But that’s the start of me—valuing education even more.

After a sem, I was able to go back to school already. I instilled in my mind that when I finished studying, I will work and help my mom.

4 years after my graduation, after working from a BPO company, I landed my writing job (which I totally enjoy) and I helped my mom. I send my sister to school and all that and that’s a huge accomplishment for me already.

Fast forward to my dilemma now. After taking over the responsibility of sending my sister to school, I don’t think I still have the privilege of pushing for my passion. I need to drive myself more because this isn’t something like a happy-go-lucky scenario. I can’t leave the job I have as easy as I would want to because I need to pay for tuition fee, the bills need to get paid, I need to support my daily life, gas, food et cetera, et cetera. It’s so hard. HALP.

Wait. Let me breathe.

Okay,

Let’s proceed.

To cut the chase shorter, I no longer like what I do. I love to write but I don’t like what I’m doing here anymore. I don’t like the system, I don’t like how people get treated, I don’t like what’s happening every single day. I drag myself to work thinking that I need to work because people rely on me. Tipong wala akong karapatang magreklamo as of the moment because there are far more important things than my feelings. I hate it everyday but I drive myself further over the edge because that’s what I need to do. Walang ibang magpapaaral sa kapatid ko. Ako lang.

I don’t even think about the career anymore. I just want to work for a different company and be able to still send my sister to school.

Pero wait, ano ba talaga problema ko?

In short, I hate what I do but I can’t leave the job just yet hence the job hunting. Pero nakakaloka talaga guys. As in yung gusto mong umalis na talaga as in 101% sure ka nang aalis ka pero wala kang magawa kasi hindi pwedeng sarili mo lang iniisip mo??? Why is adulting SO HARD? Anak ng tinola, no one told us it’s going to be THIS hard. Don’t get me wrong, pero sobrang toxic na kasi talaga. I am even willing to transfer and change lanes with career just so I could leave already pero job openings are so rare these days huhuuuu.

Every night, I pray to God that may He give me an opportunity already because my sanity is at stake hahaha pero seryosooooo.

So ano ba gagawin natin? Yakap at dasal nalang muna no?

 

Adulting at 26 So Far

With my recent ganap in life and having only a month before I turn another year older, I was once again compelled with a thought that I think, helped me feel better.

So if you are curious as to how it is being 26 or 27, here’s what I can say so far. I know it will be different for everyone but whatev.

  1. Adulting is never over, never easy and there’s no getting used to. It’s as if you’re being able to grasp things when all of a sudden, life throws you a curved ball. That’s how adulting is. Okay ka na pero biglang hindi pala. Ganon lang.
  2. You will go through several emotional and mental breakdowns but you will be okay. Every once in a while, we need to cry and stress ourselves, doubt ourselves a little so we can figure out that we are capable of being calmed under pressure, strong and efficient. Momma didn’t raise a weak ass bitch and we want to make our momma proud. Kailangan akala mo muna hindi mo kaya pero sarili mo lang din ang magpupush sayo para marealize mo na kaya mo. Kaya mo naman pala talaga.
  3. You can’t sulk over stuff way too long because trust me, THINGS. NEED. TO. GET. DONE. no matter how hurt or unstable you are, there are things that needs to get done like taking care of your dog, paying the bills, going to work etc etc. Hindi ka pwedeng maiyak iyak lang sa isang sulok dahil ang dami mo pang kailangang gawin at hindi yun magagawa kung iiyak ka lang at iintindihin ang mga problema mo sa buhay.
  4. There are a ton of things that you would have to do alone and once you have done it, you’ll love it and realize that well, you now prefer doing things alone. Heh. Hindi habang buhay may makakaladkad ka na makakasama sa errands mo at kung ano pang ganap.
  5. When you feel stuck, trust the process. You’re not stuck, you just need to be patient.

So ikaw, you can do it!

3 Perfect People

I’ve got but another realization post that may sound a bit angsty so I’ll save it for later. For now, let’s look at the bright side and bask in the light and love that we are blessed with.

Earlier today and a few days back when I was in Baguio (of course before and after my melt down) I realized the good things life has to offer. I was expecting a perfect life, an easy life but if it were to be easy, would it be life at all?

I was thinking how I don’t have a ride or die friend because I had one before but lost her, then I remember that I have my mom! Not everyone can have a ride or die mom as a bff. Like I keep saying, my mom is someone I can trust, I can rely on and someone who will just be there. Every mom is different from each other but I best believe that every mom is perfect for their daughters (at least I’d like to think that hah) so I may not have a ride or die friend, but I sure have a ride or die mom and that’s all there is to live with! HEHE.

Kyx is anchor (aside from mom). He keeps me into place when strong currents try to carry me away and how can I forget that for a second?! All my breakdowns, my meltdowns and stupid cryola festival that I star into, he is there to hold me and assure me that THINGS. WILL. GET. BETTER. I also like to think that once you find a partner, like a soulmate (I’m not sure when you’ll find it but when you do, you’ll know), you’ll understand that each partner is perfect for the other. He gets me, he really does. He knows what to say (except when he’s trying to piss me off purposely), he knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

Altheo, my kuya. I like to joke that he’s my twin brother because we sort of have a “twins instinct” but the only twinning thing about us is our names so I have to live with that lels. We are the exact opposites! I am the reactive sibling, emotional and easily pissed off and he’s the other way around. He calms me down and keeps me sane just when I need to and I do the same for him in the rare occasions that he’s losing his shit.

Overall, these 3 people are the perfect people for me. As in yung perpekto para sa isang kagaya ko. They fill my holes, the missing pieces and the gaps. So when I get sad or lonely again, I’ll think about having these people in my life and I’m happy again!

When you get lonely over trivial things or when someone upsets you or you think no one is there for you anymore, think about all those who are going to be there for you. Your ride or die kind of people. And like my brother would jokingly say, “yung tipong pitpitan at basagan ng bayag, walang iwanan”

Let’s Celebrate!

Let me update you guys with how (well) I’m doing with all these moving on thing from my ex friends.

If you have been reading my blog for a long time now, you know that I have gone through a hell-ish experience the day after I turned 26. That involved cutting off important people from my life and being cut from theirs as well. It also meant saying goodbye to those whom I shared my life for 15 years and that has been a huge struggle for me.

Creating a new Facebook account and instagram actually did help with the healing process. I filtered who I want to keep in both my social media life and real life.

It was hard to focus on healing when I was left seeking for closure. Somehow, I think, I was wanting people to apologize to me thinking that maybe they have realized that they did me wrong even if I know we’ll never be friends again. Maybe I was too hurt to grasp the fact that I didn’t get the apology I needed for my own healing so I felt like I needed closure. I didn’t. Now I know I don’t need it and I can sleep better at night knowing that I did my part.

After so many tears, falling again and standing up for a good 6 months, finally, I can truthfully say, without bitterness, without questions anymore that I have already moved on! I AM SO HAPPY.

Looking back, it would still give me a pinch but I am not angry anymore. I don’t even seek apologies I’d never receive, I don’t even care anymore. It’s like I just totally moved on from being stuck somewhere.


You guys are right. Makakaget over din ako talaga and eto na nga iyon. I don’t miss them anymore, hindi ko na naiisip na if there are things I want to talk about sila yung gusto kong kausapin. Aside from a few friends left that are not part of that circle, I have Kyx. I also have people from TFIOB who I surprisingly admire and trust!! I also have office friends and lastly, I have my mom. So nag-focus na ako doon and hindi na ako nagdu-dwell sa past kasi tapos na iyon at wala na akong magagawa. Kung ayaw nila ng closure at nagawa nila ng walang kahirap hirap, maybe I should do it for myself din diba.  So sobrang happy ako na nakamove on na ako from my sad sappy self. HUHUHUHU dahil diyan, inuman na!