More often than not, mas nakakainis yung how you said it compared to what it was that you said. I hate pa-angas and defensive tones especially if I am not even trying to pick a fight but during my teenage years, ganyan din ako.
I used to have a problem with my intonation. I come off as defensive and angry because of wanting to explain agad agad without even thinking twice. Even though most of the time, I wasn’t even trying to be disrespectful (most of the time lang kasi minsan bastos talaga yung goal ko sarreh—teeanger eh hahaha) It is important to note that this is a case to case basis, it’s not like I do this to everyone. I think (mas nakakaguilty pero) I only talk like this with my Family and Kyx. Siyempre now, I don’t mean to disrespect, it’s just that I am so emotional and I let them see my emotions. Walang keme and that’s why nagiging ganyan yung tono ko. Hindi ko na kasi iniisip mabuti because I am just this genuine person na what you see is what you get (sa family and kay Kyx only take note because, 1. I don’t talk to a lot of people 2. Most of the time wala akong pakielam sa mga ibang taong nasa paligid, what they think of me what they say about me so kebs lang. 3. I don’t like explaining myself to people I don’t care about) kaya this is where the conflict comes.
On my formative years, andiyan talaga yung sermon but now that I am an adult, my mom understands that I am just snappy sometimes. Kyx also knows that pero he can’t help but tell me that I always sound as if I am picking a fight (kapag may temper issues nang nagaganap haha) So to avoid conflict, I worked hard on my intonation. It was very challenging kasi it’s like working on something on live television. No cuts, no practice, no nothing. You get your “practice” in a real scenario kaya it was hard. Lalo na I don’t have much patience sa mga bagay na nakakainis talaga. But here are my (unsolicited) tips on how you can work on your tone and be more chillax (if you’re someone like me na ma-emosyon at hindi mapigilan mapa-angil minsan)
- Breathe in, breathe out. This is not easy to do especially if you’re being triggered or challenged by someone or something so annoying. But when you just breathe for 5 to 10 seconds without talking, you’ll calm yourself in no time (case to case basis; depende sa sitwasyon but most of the time, this works)
- If you feel like someone is triggering you, wag ka mag-trigger agad agad. Just like what my lola would tell me “wag ka makinig sa debil” (don’t listen to the devil) do everything to shut it out and not let it get on to your nerves. When you let it happen, panalo si debil. **Backstory: when my brother, Theo and I are younger—he would often tease me and pick a fight. Sadyang manunukso talaga, ako naman patola and iyakin so to console me, my Lola would tell me not to listen to the devil—my brother HAHAHA)
- Choose your battles. Kahit saang situation, napapasok talaga ito eh. Weigh the situation, weigh the people involved. You should know if it’s worth it. If not, don’t waste your time and energy involving yourself in useless drama.
- If you need to answer or defend yourself in a way, do it in a civilized manner. This is hard especially for someone like me who is terribly emotional but you have to make sure to calm yourself before opening your mouth. You don’t want to regret anything do you?
- There’s always a better way to communicate. Siyempre not all situations will fit this perfectly, but as long as you can communicate properly, yun nalang ang mas piliin.
When it comes to family and Kyx, I am not one to just “walk away” to a conflict. I completely involve myself kaya walking away from conflict talaga is not applicable with me. At 26, kinakain pa rin ako ng emotions ko and I let things get to me lalo na pag family and relationships ang involved. But as they say, every drama, every day is an opportunity for growth and learning. (in reference to number 3)
I am not an expert but most of the time; I can control my intonation na talaga. (not my actions though kaya nga nasabunutan ko yung kapatid ko eh. Pero I am working on that na don’t worry)