Let’s Celebrate!

Let me update you guys with how (well) I’m doing with all these moving on thing from my ex friends.

If you have been reading my blog for a long time now, you know that I have gone through a hell-ish experience the day after I turned 26. That involved cutting off important people from my life and being cut from theirs as well. It also meant saying goodbye to those whom I shared my life for 15 years and that has been a huge struggle for me.

Creating a new Facebook account and instagram actually did help with the healing process. I filtered who I want to keep in both my social media life and real life.

It was hard to focus on healing when I was left seeking for closure. Somehow, I think, I was wanting people to apologize to me thinking that maybe they have realized that they did me wrong even if I know we’ll never be friends again. Maybe I was too hurt to grasp the fact that I didn’t get the apology I needed for my own healing so I felt like I needed closure. I didn’t. Now I know I don’t need it and I can sleep better at night knowing that I did my part.

After so many tears, falling again and standing up for a good 6 months, finally, I can truthfully say, without bitterness, without questions anymore that I have already moved on! I AM SO HAPPY.

Looking back, it would still give me a pinch but I am not angry anymore. I don’t even seek apologies I’d never receive, I don’t even care anymore. It’s like I just totally moved on from being stuck somewhere.


You guys are right. Makakaget over din ako talaga and eto na nga iyon. I don’t miss them anymore, hindi ko na naiisip na if there are things I want to talk about sila yung gusto kong kausapin. Aside from a few friends left that are not part of that circle, I have Kyx. I also have people from TFIOB who I surprisingly admire and trust!! I also have office friends and lastly, I have my mom. So nag-focus na ako doon and hindi na ako nagdu-dwell sa past kasi tapos na iyon at wala na akong magagawa. Kung ayaw nila ng closure at nagawa nila ng walang kahirap hirap, maybe I should do it for myself din diba.  So sobrang happy ako na nakamove on na ako from my sad sappy self. HUHUHUHU dahil diyan, inuman na!

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Someone Tell Me

When it comes to healing, moving on and letting go

Why do we need closure, why do we seek and crave for it? And why, despite knowing that this is probably common and needed, people do not give it to you?

Why do we need to hear whether we are forgiven or not, why do we need to be put into place? Why do we need to know these things?

Why despite the chances of hearing and knowing the bad things they have to say, we still want to hear it anyway?

Someone tell me. Seriously. I need to be enlightened.

Positivity!

Pagkatapos kong malugmok, ipinakita sakin ni God na masyado akong naka-focus sa mga nakakapag-pa-stress sakin kaya kinailangan pa niyang ipakita sa akin na kaya kong maging okay.

  1. After writing about my little drama I had, I felt better. Moreover, I felt even better when you guys commented and helped lift my spirits! No matter how simple your messages were, it was enough to make me feel better again. Nakakaiyak yung mga comforting words niyo huhuhuhu 💖💖💖
  2. I keep a copy of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff OMNIBUS at my work table. I usually read it every morning but it has been a few days since I last opened it. When I did, what I saw left me surprised and tearful. The title is “Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Darkness” it says that instead of stressing ourselves out over the problems we face, it’s best to find a solution. The line that caught my attention the most was this “taking positive, solution-oriented steps toward improving a situation instead of complaining about what’s wrong. It means being more a part of the solution rather than a reminder or reinforcement of the problem” (I must remember this)

Another one is this “When we focus too much on what’s wrong, it reminds us of other things we disapprove of or wish were different, which can lead us toward feelings of discouragement and being overwhelmed”


                As much as I can, I shall try to remind myself of these techniques or strategies in order to avoid dramas and too much stress.

  1. I was informed today that some of my overtime pay will be credited on this particular cut-off. I didn’t know how to react. I will have my pang-shopping and my sister’s school fee! Muhahahahahahahahah.

Aside from those, I realized that God and the Universe is really trying to make me feel better through small things that go unnoticed. Traffic wasn’t so bad today despite the fact that traffic was 10 million times heavier yesterday in Pasig compared to most days! It was insane. So I sort of expected another grueling battle with the traffic in Pasig. Surprisingly, it was moderate and actually a bit fast moving! My coffee has just the right amount of sugar and creamer. You see, being a batanguena I like my kapeng barako black. But my mom insists on putting creamer and sugar in it para hindi daw masyadong matapang. I don’t like creamy coffees and yesterday, my coffee is way too creamy for my liking. Today, it was just perfect! Another thing is that, payroll has been credited early!! Compared to other companies, our payroll gets credited later than everyone else’s kaya hallelujah talaga sa salary kanina! HAHAHA.

Ayan na si Kyx 😂


Paepal lang 😂

Yung pinagpeprepare pa ako ni mama ng baon ☺️

Mama and Aila 😘

Lastly, siguro hinga lang ng malalim, tapos laban lang ulit!

Drama Rama

Lately, I have been so stressed out. I keep thinking about how my life is turning out, how things are always a problem, how everything is just making me suffer.

(Tagalog Post)

Medyo mababaw lang ang pinagumpisahan nito hanggang sa pabigat na ng pabigat ang mga naiisip ko. Minsan pumapasok pa rin sa isip ko yung ano kaya kung mamatay nalang ako kasi nakakapagod na. *naiiyak nanaman ako habang sinusulat ko ‘to* hayyy buhayyy, masyado akong emosyonal.

Bihira akong bumili ng para sa akin, madalas libro lang talaga ang ginagastusan ko. Nagkakasya lang ako lagi sa iisang sapatos hanggang sa masira koi to bago ako bumili ng panibago. Yung mga damit ko, paulit ulit lang din, siguro may mga 2 weeks worth of office clothes lang ako pero hindi naman yun ang pinuputok ng butche ko. Sa sobrang stressed out ko siguro, gusto kong magshopping. Tamang tama, sasahod na ulit tapos bayad na lahat ng kailangan bayaran na mga bills! Habang chinecheck out ko ang reviews ni Kat sa mga skin care product, yun yung naisip kong bilhin! Dual purpose din kasi, pansamantalang matatanggal stress ko tapos magagamit ko pa sa balat kong namumutakte na ng tigyawat sa sobrang stressed. Pumunta na ako dun sa website na sinabi ni Kat, konti lang yung productong bibilhin ko, yung mga talagang kailangan ko lang sa muka ko na malapit na mawalan ng pag-asa hahaha so nung ichecheck out ko na, mga 1700php na siya, pinigilan ko sarili ko. Naalala ko na may tuition fee akong babayaran. Sabi ko sige next time nalang.

Hindi ako nag-OT, kasi gusto ko makasama mama ko eh. Kaya pagka-out umuwi na ako kaagad, mga bandang 8pm nasa bahay na ako. Tapos yung kapatid ko 8:30pm na nakauwi. Naglugaw daw sila ng pamangkin naming (kasing edad niya yun anak ng kuya ko, wag na natin idiscuss hahah) araw araw late yan umuuwi, hindi na alam kung paano pang pagsasabihan dahil talagang matigas ang ulo eh.

Nalulungkot lang ako kasi lahat ng paghihirap ko, iyan ang nakikita ko. Nakakawalan ng gana. Naghihirap ako para sa wala, ganon yung pakiramdam ko. Hindi naman niya kasalanan na hindi siya binibigyan ng ama niya ng pang-tuition, wala naman akong magagawa doon. Si mama naman, buong buhay niya siya lang sumuporta samin, binigyan kami ng magandang buhay, pinagtapos sa magagandang paaralan, kaya ito nalang yung maisusukli ko, ang patigilin siya sa pagtatrabaho para hindi na siya magkasakit. Matanda na mama ko, 54 na yata siya o mag-54 na siya sa October. May mga nararamdaman na din siya na masakit kaya hindi na pwedeng magwork ng magwork pa. Para lang maibsan na yung stress niya at makapagpahinga naman siya, ako nalang nagpaaral sa kapatid ko. Kaya lang ang sakit sa dibdib na yung kapatid ko naman, hindi niya pinapahalagahan yung ibinibigay sakanyang pribilehiyo.

Okay ang grades niya sige, pero yung tigas ng ulo, attitude at pagpapahalaga sa mga taong nagmamahal sakanya, ang hirap.

Sa isip isip ko, pera lang naman yan, mabibili ko rin naman mga gusto ko in time, mabuti nga at wala pa akong anak, hindi rin ako makapag anak anak dahil siya ang inuuna ko sa lahat ng bagay, kaya lang masakit talaga sa dibdib na ganyan pa. Pinapasakit pa ulo ni mama. Siguro iisipin ng iba nagseself pity ako hahahahahahahahahataenanyohahaha joke. Pero kasi, kung mabait bait siguro tong kapatid ko, bale wala sakin lahat ng paghihirap ko eh.

Kagabi naiiyak na talaga ako, pero hindi ako makaiyak. Never umiyak o nagsabi ng ganito ang mama ko sakin kahit nahihirapan na siya, biruin niyo 4 kami na pinagaaral ni mama noon, 2 college, 1 high school,  grade school pero wala akong narinig na sinabi niyang hirap na hirap na siya.

Nung hindi ko na mapigilan ang iyak ko, natulog na ako agad kasi baka matuluyan pa ang pagdadrama ko.

Pag gising ko, okay na ako! HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH

Nagdadasal nalang ako na sana, bigyan pa ako ng lakas ng diyos. Bigyan pa ako ng emotional strength at patatagin pa ang tiwala ko Sa Kanya.

Hanggang sa susunod na drama rama!

Xox, Thea

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I don’t even know if it’s okay to divulge what I truly feel in here hahaha. Pero ayun na nga, ayoko na sa work ko. 😥

I like what I do, I get to write every day, I see my work on print, I see my work on social media. I’m satisfied. Ganern.

But when it comes to the company benefits, annual increase and everything for employee’s welfare, bagsak kulang sira sabog nakakainis kawawa nakakaiyak.

My salary is okay, I can live with it. Hindi naman ako maluho and I’d like to think that I’m so good with budgeting everything so my number 1 concern isn’t even my career progress, growth and promotion. My concern is how will I get a health card for my mom. In this company, we have an HMO but we can’t have dependents kaya napapaisip na ako. I want to let this job go and explore other options but I can’t seem to find anything. It’s so hard to find a new job pala talaga jusme!!!

Iniisip ko bumalik nalang kaya ako sa BPO? I was once a call center agent at Telus, I loved it there. CompenBen are amazing, they love their employees and treat them as human beings but vacation leaves don’t get to be approved easily, the shifting schedules are crazy and I wanted to be a career woman back then. Ngayon parang okay na akong hindi career woman basta may HMO lang sana yung mama ko diba.

Life ang hirap mo naman.

Alis na ba ako dito? Pano ba to? Hahah!

Pinagpapasa-Diyos ko nalang muna sa ngayon hahahah huhuhuhu

VIRAL

UPDATE:

I don’t think people understood what I was saying or maybe they did tapos ako yung hindi nakaintindi hahahaha. But what I am really trying to say and pointing out is how teka, ayan nafigure out ko na, how people love seeing other people’s lives go viral. How other feel the need to make something viral when they are bashing someone.

Cases in point: Kabit VS Legal Wife, Ex-BF VS Ex-GF retaliating every single detail why they finally broke up. Naniningil VS Nangutang ; Posts usually start off with “Pasikatin natin ito” shaming other people for what they have done.

Ayan shet, nagkakalinaw yung pinoproblema kong hindi ko naman dapat iniisip HAHAHAHA


In line with what I have written yesterday HERE let’s clarify the difference of social relevance, rants and parinigs over social media.

When something is of social relevance like the public must really be involved, something about a crime, a video of people being harassed in traffic, while stuck in traffic or something about a social issue, it’s okay especially if social media is the only way to trace the person you’re trying to pursue.

For instance, I came across a video today that went viral when an elder woman harassed a twenty year old something young lady in a public transportation. In that post, she said that she’s posting it so that she can find that person who harassed her so she can press charges or like at least have her parents talk to that person. So that’s actually something reasonable at least, for me. (or is it not acceptable? Nalilito na ako mamshie)

Then if you rant on your social media or make parinig, I don’t think I get to have a say in it (since I rant so much on twitter) We are all responsible over what we post on social media and if someone calls you out, it’s on you. As for your readers, friends or followers, they can just mute or unfollow, it’s their call.

While writing this, I have contradictions toward my ideas. HALP! What can you say about this issue? Tara let’s discuss! HEHE ❤

 

“It’s Not What You Said, It’s How You Delivered It”

More often than not, mas nakakainis yung how you said it compared to what it was that you said. I hate pa-angas and defensive tones especially if I am not even trying to pick a fight but during my teenage years, ganyan din ako.

I used to have a problem with my intonation. I come off as defensive and angry because of wanting to explain agad agad without even thinking twice. Even though most of the time, I wasn’t even trying to be disrespectful (most of the time lang kasi minsan bastos talaga yung goal ko sarreh—teeanger eh hahaha) It is important to note that this is a case to case basis, it’s not like I do this to everyone. I think (mas nakakaguilty pero) I only talk like this with my Family and Kyx. Siyempre now, I don’t  mean to disrespect, it’s just that I am so emotional and I let them see my emotions. Walang keme and that’s why nagiging ganyan yung tono ko. Hindi ko na kasi iniisip mabuti because I am just this genuine person na what you see is what you get (sa family and kay Kyx only take note because, 1. I don’t talk to a lot of people 2. Most of the time wala akong pakielam sa mga ibang taong nasa paligid, what they think of me what they say about me so kebs lang. 3. I don’t like explaining myself to people I don’t care about) kaya this is where the conflict comes.

On my formative years, andiyan talaga yung sermon but now that I am an adult, my mom understands that I am just snappy sometimes. Kyx also knows that pero he can’t help but tell me that I always sound as if I am picking a fight (kapag may temper issues nang nagaganap haha) So to avoid conflict, I worked hard on my intonation. It was very challenging kasi it’s like working on something on live television. No cuts, no practice, no nothing. You get your “practice” in a real scenario kaya it was hard. Lalo na I don’t have much patience sa mga bagay na nakakainis talaga. But here are my (unsolicited) tips on how you can work on your tone and be more chillax (if you’re someone like me na ma-emosyon at hindi mapigilan mapa-angil minsan)

  1. Breathe in, breathe out. This is not easy to do especially if you’re being triggered or challenged by someone or something so annoying. But when you just breathe for 5 to 10 seconds without talking, you’ll calm yourself in no time (case to case basis; depende sa sitwasyon but most of the time, this works)
  2. If you feel like someone is triggering you, wag ka mag-trigger agad agad. Just like what my lola would tell me “wag ka makinig sa debil” (don’t listen to the devil) do everything to shut it out and not let it get on to your nerves. When you let it happen, panalo si debil. **Backstory: when my brother, Theo and I are younger—he would often tease me and pick a fight. Sadyang manunukso talaga, ako naman patola and iyakin so to console me, my Lola would tell me not to listen to the devil—my brother HAHAHA)
  3. Choose your battles. Kahit saang situation, napapasok talaga ito eh. Weigh the situation, weigh the people involved. You should know if it’s worth it. If not, don’t waste your time and energy involving yourself in useless drama.
  4. If you need to answer or defend yourself in a way, do it in a civilized manner. This is hard especially for someone like me who is terribly emotional but you have to make sure to calm yourself before opening your mouth. You don’t want to regret anything do you?
  5. There’s always a better way to communicate. Siyempre not all situations will fit this perfectly, but as long as you can communicate properly, yun nalang ang mas piliin.

When it comes to family and Kyx, I am not one to just “walk away” to a conflict. I completely involve myself kaya walking away from conflict talaga is not applicable with me. At 26, kinakain pa rin ako ng emotions ko and I let things get to me lalo na pag family and relationships ang involved. But as they say, every drama, every day is an opportunity for growth and learning. (in reference to number 3)

I am not an expert but most of the time; I can control my intonation na talaga. (not my actions though kaya nga nasabunutan ko yung kapatid ko eh. Pero I am working on that na don’t worry)