Never The Virgin Mary

I remember being a bit sad (though I never admitted it) because I don’t get to be a Virgin Mary in Christmas related presentations. If I won’t be one of the angels, I’m probably a flower or a tree. Never the Virgin Mary.

When I was younger, I loved the spotlight. I just do my thing and I love performing. I grew up being a cheerleader, dancer, actress in school plays (think of me as Sharpay Evans with the attitude of Gabriela Marquez from High School Musical LOL) I’m pretty much competitive, I don’t get shy, I always have a big role—you probably get it already HAHA. So when Christmas presentations are approaching, I get a little bit let down. You see, I don’t get to be the Virgin Mary even if I acted so good or even if I have the most perfect costume for it simply because “No, the Virgin Mary has this angelic face and a whiter skin. Your skin is dark, your eyebrows are too thick you don’t look like the Virgin Mary at all”.

I didn’t tell my mom how bad I felt but she told me that it’s okay, I don’t need to play the Virgin Mary part anyway because I can have a lot of different roles that I can portray better.

I didn’t cry and later on realized that I don’t even want to play that role anyway.

At an early age, I learned where I place myself, when to place myself. I learned that I can be both great and amazing but not all parts of the play can be achieved through greatness, some roles are meant for me to play while some are not.

I don’t need to be too bold and popular, I don’t need to be bida bida all the time (bida bida is a slang in Tagalog which means, uhm, you know Sharpay Evans and how she is? That’s bida bida HAHAHA I can’t explain it)

I don’t need to always be that person everyone adores. I can be who I am and people can like me if they want as they can hate me if they want ~I don’t care.

Who Do You Need To Ignore

Kebs and Wapakels (the art of ignoring or not caring at all)

A guide on how you control yourself in caring about unnecessary things aka those that are not worth a second of your time.

  1. Chismoso and Chismosa – a Filipino slang that can be a noun or adjective, but I’ll use it as a noun (depends on how you use it) pertaining to people who always talk about other people’s whereabouts.

These people do not deserve your time and energy. They are also not worth your emotions so before you react when you learn someone is being a chismoso/chismosa, stop and think. Remember that these people are a.)the ones who do not have anything better to do with their lives. b.) uneducated ones that are not taught to stop talking about other people and their whereabouts because it’s none of their business.

What you need to do: Ignore them. There’s no point in confrontation. What they say about you is none of your business.

  1. That Person Who Hates Your Guts – someone who has a bad blood for you. You know that nagging feeling when you know someone doesn’t like you even if you are not doing anything?

These people is not even worth an ounce of your time. Don’t waste your day away thinking about why they don’t like you. Don’t ever think how you can please them. Never. Just do your thing, be a good person, be civil with them if you ever need to be in the same room with them but never ever think of ways on how you can please them. You don’t need to please people, especially the ones who don’t even like you in the first place.

What you need to do: If you suspect that people do not like you for a certain attitude you have and it’s a negative thing, then try to change it. But if there’s nothing wrong talaga, then chill. Sit back and care less for these people.

  1. That Person Who Is Always Rude To You – someone who is always either sarcastic or rude kahit wala na sa lugar.

These people may think of themselves as funny and popular and powerful but rudeness has never been cute nor funny.

What you need to do: tell them to stop being rude. Call their attention. If you don’t want that, you can simply ignore them. Don’t let them get into your nerves, don’t give them attention.

 

Not wasting your time caring about what other people say can really help you live a happy life. All the nega stuff can be so much of a burden and we don’t have room for that anymore. Kebs lang, ignore, ‘wag pansinin.

Don’t Wait For Others To Value You

More often than not, we seek validation from other people—especially from those who we love and care about. We want them to value us, we want them to show us how much they love and care for us and we end up sad, miserable and angry when we don’t feel loved and valued.

I have been like that before. I feel ugly when people don’t say I’m pretty. I feel stupid when they don’t tell me how smart I am. I feel unloved if they don’t tell me how much they love me. I feel sad when they don’t tell me how much they want me in their lives. In short *papansin* ako. More than anything, more than sensitive ako and daming hanash, papansin is the term to describe me (at least for me ah) Aside from feeling terrible, I created a terrible version of myself. Sad, lost and confused as I am, I hated everyone. Hate is a strong word and I don’t want to use it lightly, pero I did just that. I was angry and I kept crying and questioning my existence and everyone else’s. It was bad. I was in a bad place.

But I guess, growing up means learning from your ~stupid~ mistakes and knowing that what you did who you have been trying to be is wrong in so many levels. So when everything and everyone failed me, I went back and did a self-check. I realized how much stress I have put into myself and it’s crazy to think that all of this happened mostly because of me—being so cruel to myself. If I had valued myself enough, I wouldn’t have needed validation, if I didn’t need validation, I wouldn’t care so much about other people’s behaviour towards me.

So if you are going through this rough patch, it’s not easy and you don’t get to figure it all out without breaking I sweat (I had to have my heart broken to know all these) so heed my advice.

Do not wait for others to value you before you value yourself.

If there’s one person who needs to value you and love you so much, that’s going to be YOU and YOU ALONE. How would you understand and appreciate the love you receive if you don’t know how to love yourself, right? Stop waiting for them to value you. You have to value yourself first and then every single happiness will follow.

Indifference and Lost Friendship

Due to certain circumstances, precious and important people may be cut loose into your life. Though it’s a painful and sad thing, life works the way it should and we learn from these things.

It is necessary to be left behind. People will need to walk away from you for several reason you probably wouldn’t understand instantly but there’s so much to learn from these things that you get to grow and be a better person.

I have lost so many friends that are precious to me. Some have been my friends for over 15 years! Trust me, it was so painful but it did teach me a lot of life lessons that I now know. I wouldn’t have learned it if it wasn’t for losing people I love, right?

I tried to make up for the things I have done wrong but sadly, those things are not guaranteed to make the cut. That then led me to the realization that indifference and lost friendship will linger for a while until the hands of time can heal all that was wounded and pained from the emotional battles of the past.

I still do not understand why everything went down so hurtful and hateful like that. But I guess I stopped trying to understand. Maybe it was really meant to happen like that.

Recent Hanash

I thought about it and I realized that being a better person is not so much of a burden as I make it to be on most days.

I get a lot of things gathered inside my head until I suffer from too much emotional torture. I keep trying to be better but it’s a bit harder than I expected—until I realized that it shouldn’t be as hard as I’d like it!

How? It’s easy. Stop living your life the way others treat you. The way they talk to you, value you has nothing to do with how you should be. Changing your ways is nice, if it’s changing for the better. But if you find yourself changing just because that’s how you should reciprocate others’ actions, then that’s not good. Plus it makes your life hard!

What am I trying to say? It’s simple.

  1. If other people turn a cold shoulder, you feel like ‘oh yeah? Fine. Then I shall give you the cold treatment too!’ even if you don’t want to, even if that’s not how you are as a person. If someone is cold to you, it doesn’t mean you have to be cold to them (unless you like it like that but in my case) I can never be like that especially for people I truly care about. I mean I can let someone be, if you don’t want to talk to me then I can give you space. But if you come back to your senses and decided to talk to me, then I will talk to you as well. I won’t take the vengeful route of giving you the taste of your own medicine. I can’t be like that. I tried but I’m too soft hahahahaha.
  2. If people are mean to you, doesn’t mean you need to be mean to them too. Like number 1, giving other people the taste of their own medicine doesn’t always work out especially if you’re too kind. You’d end up feeling worse than you already felt so might as well just let them be. But still, be firm. I’m not saying you should let other people trample all over you. Just don’t be like them.
  3. Continue trying to be better even if they criticize you and accuse you of being “fake”. I have my fair share of being accused as “playing the victim”, paawa, pabebe, faking it etc etc but this is how I really am eh! I can’t be too cruel. I have said mean things about other people but I realize my mistakes as soon as I made them! If I say sorry, I mean it. If I say I miss a person, I mean it. You can’t fake emotions, can you?

So I guess I’m past the stage where I wanted them to feel what I felt. I have learned a lot through all of my life experiences but that didn’t make me cruel. All cruel and life changing experiences I went through made me tough but that doesn’t mean I’d have a bitch comeback. I’m glad I took this route and it made me love myself more. I love myself more now than I ever did when I had a lot of friends. Now I realized that as long as I love myself better, I should be okay.

Let Them

You must know that the terrible things that come from their mouths, speaking ill about you, insulting you behind your back or in front of you– speaks so much about who they are as a person and not who you are.

Let them insult you, let them say what they want. At the end of the day it’s just words that may cut, don’t let it cut any deeper though. Let it linger for a moment and swat it like a fly that is good for nothing. Remember, insults and bitter words, attacks towards you as a person will only affect you if you let it. If there’s one person who should know you better, wouldn’t it be yourself? So why would you allow others’ idea of you become you? You know better, you know who you are and that’s one point to stop eating every word they feed you.

Stop believing everything they say about you because it’s not all true. You know yourself, you love yourself so do the best you could to protect yourself. Don’t let them break you with the words they tell you. Don’t let them define who you really are. A mistake you once made does not define your character or who you are as a person.

Let the hurtful words linger for a quick time, take what you need and destroy those words that hurt you.

I used to listen to everything people tell me, both good and bad, I absorb it. I don’t filter it, I embody it and believe it wholeheartedly. My mom needed to knock some sense into me saying “don’t eat the shit they feed you. Stop letting them treat you like trash” and that’s when I realized it all.