The More They Bring You Down, The More You Rise Above

Ever felt like when people try to bring you down, destroy you and make you feel so little. Break you and leave you with so much hurt in your heart, pain in everything, that’s when He actually lifts you up and that’s when you elevate yourself even more?

I was talking to Kyx about how everything that has been painful made me a better person. I mean I’m not saying this because I want to be inspirational. I’m saying this because I have proven this to myself. They say pain makes you stronger and who would have thought that it really is true? I always thought of these clichés as things other people wanted to tell us so we could feel better and less shitty but I was wrong. Maybe it really does make us feel better and less shitty but for the most part, it makes us get up every single time we get knocked down. Only the first fall hurts so much, when you fall again, you’d be so much stronger that you wouldn’t even think of it as a painful fall anymore.

I didn’t know that at the age of 26, I’d still be capable of losing friends whom I have known for 15 long years! It’s even more than half of my life right? Imagine how painful it was for me. I am a very soft person and I cry over the slightest, littlest of things. Imagine how big of a deal it was. I wasn’t like “okay guys, fuck it, I’m over it”. It was more of feeling so terrible, it was even worse than a boyfriend break-up mind you.

But I realized sooner than I expected to do so, how much I have gained after the loss. And that’s what happens when you go so fucking low, instead of sinking, you get to rise above it all. Pain and hurt only a memory and learning. There’s no way but up they said, and that’s what happened.

Whenever people try to put you down and hurt you, the universe conspires to help you in all ways it can. He lifts you up in the most unexpected moments. So the next time people out you through so much pain, be prepared to get over it and rise above.

In The Process of Losing, We Gain More

In the process of losing, we gain more.

There may be a ton of stuff we lost; love, people, friendship, fun, opportunities and things that we couldn’t hold onto anymore because it’s gone but let’s all agree that in the process of losing all these, we gain more. We gain knowledge, strength, hope and faith, more importantly, we gain self-love and maybe, along the process we get to find ourselves.

During one of the toughest moments in my life (by far), I had to leave the world I created for myself. I had to widen my horizon, I had to lengthen my reach and I had to be tough. In those times when I felt the weakest, those were the times I proved myself that in fact, I am strong. I am stronger than I think, than anyone thinks and I didn’t know it fully, not until I had to write this.

Ever been in the position that you were left hanging? In Filipino, it’s more painful and it’s called “naiwan sa ere”. Have you ever been in that position and you know full well that you—of all people, do not deserve na maiwan sa ere. That was the reality that slapped me so hard I had to face it whether I like it or not.

However, I was surprised that I only ugly cried for a couple of times. I expected to have cried so much more than I did but then, maybe God has other plans for my emotions hahahah. I was telling Kyx that I have no one, I was left behind, I have no one to fight for me, I have no one by my side, everyone and everything is against me and it was so painful. Kyx had to knock some sense in me—he told me that I’ve got everyone I need and that those who chose to leave me behind are not worthy of my tears. It was so painful for me to lose friends I have known for 15 long years, it was painful that I wouldn’t have them from that moment hereon but I realized that losing them made me gain so much more than I ever deserved.

I gained sight of those who are true to me, I became more appreciative of those who stayed with me, I became stronger, I found myself in the process of losing.

Everything I lost, all the confusion, all the betrayal were so worth it because had I not experienced shit like that, I wouldn’t have become the person I am right now. Which to tell you honestly, I love and adore more than the old self I had back then.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we tend to focus more on the losses. Our eyes are fixed on what we used to have and we struggle to move on because we always felt like we need to gain back what we lost but that’s not the thing. That shouldn’t be the thing. What we lost do not matter anymore because that is part of the past, the only thing that’s good about losing and the “past” is the lessons we learned from it.

Let’s not be miserable with what we cannot have back anymore. Let’s move forward and appreciate what we gained during the process of losing.

Indifference and Lost Friendship

Due to certain circumstances, precious and important people may be cut loose into your life. Though it’s a painful and sad thing, life works the way it should and we learn from these things.

It is necessary to be left behind. People will need to walk away from you for several reason you probably wouldn’t understand instantly but there’s so much to learn from these things that you get to grow and be a better person.

I have lost so many friends that are precious to me. Some have been my friends for over 15 years! Trust me, it was so painful but it did teach me a lot of life lessons that I now know. I wouldn’t have learned it if it wasn’t for losing people I love, right?

I tried to make up for the things I have done wrong but sadly, those things are not guaranteed to make the cut. That then led me to the realization that indifference and lost friendship will linger for a while until the hands of time can heal all that was wounded and pained from the emotional battles of the past.

I still do not understand why everything went down so hurtful and hateful like that. But I guess I stopped trying to understand. Maybe it was really meant to happen like that.

Recent Hanash

I thought about it and I realized that being a better person is not so much of a burden as I make it to be on most days.

I get a lot of things gathered inside my head until I suffer from too much emotional torture. I keep trying to be better but it’s a bit harder than I expected—until I realized that it shouldn’t be as hard as I’d like it!

How? It’s easy. Stop living your life the way others treat you. The way they talk to you, value you has nothing to do with how you should be. Changing your ways is nice, if it’s changing for the better. But if you find yourself changing just because that’s how you should reciprocate others’ actions, then that’s not good. Plus it makes your life hard!

What am I trying to say? It’s simple.

  1. If other people turn a cold shoulder, you feel like ‘oh yeah? Fine. Then I shall give you the cold treatment too!’ even if you don’t want to, even if that’s not how you are as a person. If someone is cold to you, it doesn’t mean you have to be cold to them (unless you like it like that but in my case) I can never be like that especially for people I truly care about. I mean I can let someone be, if you don’t want to talk to me then I can give you space. But if you come back to your senses and decided to talk to me, then I will talk to you as well. I won’t take the vengeful route of giving you the taste of your own medicine. I can’t be like that. I tried but I’m too soft hahahahaha.
  2. If people are mean to you, doesn’t mean you need to be mean to them too. Like number 1, giving other people the taste of their own medicine doesn’t always work out especially if you’re too kind. You’d end up feeling worse than you already felt so might as well just let them be. But still, be firm. I’m not saying you should let other people trample all over you. Just don’t be like them.
  3. Continue trying to be better even if they criticize you and accuse you of being “fake”. I have my fair share of being accused as “playing the victim”, paawa, pabebe, faking it etc etc but this is how I really am eh! I can’t be too cruel. I have said mean things about other people but I realize my mistakes as soon as I made them! If I say sorry, I mean it. If I say I miss a person, I mean it. You can’t fake emotions, can you?

So I guess I’m past the stage where I wanted them to feel what I felt. I have learned a lot through all of my life experiences but that didn’t make me cruel. All cruel and life changing experiences I went through made me tough but that doesn’t mean I’d have a bitch comeback. I’m glad I took this route and it made me love myself more. I love myself more now than I ever did when I had a lot of friends. Now I realized that as long as I love myself better, I should be okay.

Let Them

You must know that the terrible things that come from their mouths, speaking ill about you, insulting you behind your back or in front of you– speaks so much about who they are as a person and not who you are.

Let them insult you, let them say what they want. At the end of the day it’s just words that may cut, don’t let it cut any deeper though. Let it linger for a moment and swat it like a fly that is good for nothing. Remember, insults and bitter words, attacks towards you as a person will only affect you if you let it. If there’s one person who should know you better, wouldn’t it be yourself? So why would you allow others’ idea of you become you? You know better, you know who you are and that’s one point to stop eating every word they feed you.

Stop believing everything they say about you because it’s not all true. You know yourself, you love yourself so do the best you could to protect yourself. Don’t let them break you with the words they tell you. Don’t let them define who you really are. A mistake you once made does not define your character or who you are as a person.

Let the hurtful words linger for a quick time, take what you need and destroy those words that hurt you.

I used to listen to everything people tell me, both good and bad, I absorb it. I don’t filter it, I embody it and believe it wholeheartedly. My mom needed to knock some sense into me saying “don’t eat the shit they feed you. Stop letting them treat you like trash” and that’s when I realized it all.

Today is Kyxarie’s Birthday!

For all of you who have been reading my Kyxarie appreciation posts (not that I do it a lot but hehehe) you must know by now that Kyx was a long-time friend before we finally hit it off right?

I’d like to share with you why I love his birthday as much as I love my own birthday lol. Here’s the message a wrote for him.

Ever wonder why I always bother celebrating your birthday and pulling off a lot of crazy surprises? Why I let myself go the extra mile? Well aside from celebrating your life on earth (which is so important for me, to be honest) I have a different thought of gratitude towards birthdays, our birthdays and yours in general.

Because you know, for 7 long years (prolly the longest years of my life lels joke) your birthday is my sure fire way of an excuse to again, open my lines of communication (because a. I was playing really hard to get and didn’t want to give myself away ever so obviously and b. I didn’t want to give myself away as obviously as I was actually doing lels) It was the best excuse to finally hit you up and greet you “Happy Birthday” then I sort of expect a “how are you” after the birthday greetings and whatnot until such time that I have to wait for my birthday so you can talk to me (you actually use my birthday as an excuse too, right?)

 

Now, that it’s your birthday, I find it funny that it’s not an excuse anymore to talk to you. Finally I get to make up for the lost time (those that we actually wasted for playing hard to get all these years) and we get to celebrate it happily!

Happy 26th Birthday Ddear! Gone are the days that:

 

Me: Happy Birthday, Kyxa!

Kyx: Thank you! San na surprise mo sakin? :3 ❤

Me: hehehehehehehe abangan mo nalang…

Kyx: Musta ka na?

 

And the conversation dies after a good 15 minutes. LELS.

But I guess on your birthday, the gods of Fate were so fed up that 2 days after he let us bumped into each other and the rest is history!

I hope I continue to make you happy for the rest of our lives. Happy happy birthday and I love you so much!

 

As I said before, I didn’t like my own birthday until my mom made me realize that birthdays are blessings because you know, you get to celebrate another gift of life right? (No offense to those who do not celebrate their birthdays)