Putting “love like Jesus” to practice is hard but fulfilling, refreshing even if I am being completely honest.
Sunday, May 27, 2018 at church, we were told about Love being the fruit of the Holy Spirit. That even if we are given the gifts of the Holy Spirit and do not have the fruit, everything goes to waste.
The fruit that they are saying is Love and the indication of Love and the basis of it is to love like Jesus. Like the kindness and the most understanding heart there is in the face of the eart, that’s the kind of love you will need to have within you.
When someone pisses you off, instead of being mean to that person or giving that person the taste of their own medicine, choose to love like Jesus.
When your partner is being extra difficult, choose to love like Jesus.
When we are insulted, scrutinized in the most embarrassing way, instead of dwelling on anger and shame, choose to love like Jesus.
How to do that? See the best in these people, see the good in a bad situation. Choose to see the light. Do not give in to pride, anger, sorrow, pain. Look for the love inside your heart .
Someone in the office is being extra mean to me. Making me feel unworthy, making me feel that somehow, sometimes I am not welcome. This person makes me feel like she is a friend but her meanness would radiate and being an emphatic and an INFJ, I know very well someone’s intentions and feelings towards me. I just don’t do well with confrontations but I know well what they think of me. Now, that person tests me every day—today included. But since learning about how to love like Jesus, I am putting it to practice. I will not give in to the mean acts of this person. I will not feel negatively or feel hurt. All I will do is be the best that I am, and try seeing that person on a different light. You know it’s hard to love like Jesus right? It’s hard when people are extremely brutal, it’s hard when you get bullied, it’s hard when you are so determined to stand up for yourself just this once but come to think of it, it will be easier to just let it go and love instead of harbouring pain, anger and hurt. Mas mahirap magbitbit ng mga bagaheng nakakasakit kaysa sa bitawan ito ng tuluyan.
Practice loving like Jesus and maybe it’s for the better. Maybe you’ll feel better.
I keep starting off my blog posts with “a year ago..” blah blah blah and it’s getting really annoying but really, I think I’m starting off with that phrase or something similar so bear with me.
It was almost a year ago, it was in July. I was in the middle of moving on, I’m trying every morning to keep going but it was so hard for me ya know? So usually, I’d write about my feelings and a few of you guys who have turned into my online friends, will help me through comforting words, pieces of advice and a lot of encouragement. One of the few who have helped me in a really personal level was Zhengfan. I asked him how I can heal from the traumatic experience and he emailed me his “1 cent” in the matter. When I read that, I felt really good and encouraged. But reading what he wrote after almost a year has passed, I feel different!!! I mean I still feel good and encouraged but something clicked inside me, it’s like everything made perfect sense and I can’t quite pinpoint how and why but the feeling is overwhelmingly amazing!
Here’s a snippet of what he wrote and this helped me a lot. More than I can say, more than I could ever explain.
“Think of your problems as a spoonful of salt. What happened when your turn this spoonful of salt in a glass of water? Damn salty. But what if you pour this spoonful of salt into the gushing river? You won’t even notice its existence. Go accumulate your happiness, and let them wash those haunting thoughts in your mind right now, just like the river washing away the salt into oblivion.”
So if you are going through a shitty time, look back in this post and check the quote. It helped me, it might help you too.
To Zhengfan, Thank you my friend. The rest will be written in the email I’ll be sending! Haha
I wrote a lot of things but I wasn’t able to post it because I want the photos to be uploaded as well. However, I was not able to transfer my photos so I probably would wait ‘til the weekend to post all the things on my draft!
First of all, I can’t wait to share with you all how I have been focusing on myself, my growth and everything that I am working on for my own betterment.
Second, hindi halata but I am terribly missing my friends in the blogosphere. I haven’t had much time to even talk to my friends (Hi TFIOB people heheh) because work is super TOXIC. AS IN. (everyday tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung kaya ba today? Haha)
Third, I have been stuck in my 67 kg weight before and after Palawan mainly because I have not been working hard on the strict diet that I have on my mind plus I have only gone boxing once (yesterday) ever since my Palawan trip so that’s almost a month of NO EXERCISE. God, bless my soul josko huhu.
Fourth, I am trying my best to go back to blogging. To be where I was back then. Always writing, always interacting. PLEASE pray for me. HALP! Haha It’s so hard for me, idk why. I just. Hayyy. Basta help me powzzz hehe.
Fifth, I did tell you guys about my birthday (or I haven’t posted that one yet?) Basta my birthday was fun and it wasn’t terrible unlike last year! I AM SO BLESSED this year huhu.
Sixth, I am still on the lookout for a new job. I don’t think I’ll still be sane if I stay for more than 5 months pa. HALP!
It has been a year my friends, The journey, my journey—our journey will begin in about 2 days from now. Tomorrow, the 8th of April Manila, Philippines time, my life will change, everything will turn upside down and I wouldn’t know where to start. You guys then will be my support, my strength and my fortress.
What a year it has been!!! I couldn’t believe that it has been a year already and look at me, all moved on and not hurt or pissed anymore! There are hiccups along the way, losing friends—my best friends (or so I though) was not easy and you helped me get back on track. You all here, helped me one way or another. I felt like I was drowning or even being buried but you helped me get back on my feet. That’s intense!
So to celebrate the year it has been and my 27th birthday here are my goals or resolutions or to-dos hahaha.
I’ll be more around, more present.
I’ll try to be more interactive, I swear I am trying my best hahaha.
I will continue to change for the better.
To everyone who continue to read whatever I have to write and listen to whatever I want to say, thank you. Thank you for being there.
To the TFIOB family, ilang months lang yata akong HIATUS ang dami na nadagdag hahaha let’s see each other again soon!
Aside from all the ganaps in the office, I wanted more space for myself hence the little hiatus but I’m still on twitter anyway. I guess that’s the INFJ in me. Bigla biglang nawawala hahaha. I hope you understand. I needed to focus on healing myself emotionally. I went to church (almost) every Sunday, I went boxing about 2 to 3 times a week, I worked on myself so that I could give or share more of myself to you diba hehehe.
If you’re a person like me and you put (waste) too much time thinking about a lot of things (even those that is not worth your time) then this is probably going to help you (us, both) face this reality.
There are things we know already yet we can’t grasp the idea unless someone else makes us realize. Thing is, I’ve been on this loop for quite a while now and I know the answers to my questions, I just can’t seem to accept it the way it is.
Truth is, some people, they forget us. They erase us so easily from their systems and are not even bothered by our absence. We don’t know for sure if they don’t think about us or secretly hope for the best for us but half of the time, they don’t think about us anymore and that’s the bitter thing we have to accept. I have to accept.
I have come to terms with myself to minimize talking about it but there are moments when I can’t help but pop out questions as to why there are people like that, why I feel this way, what should I do etc etc. I rarely do it now though (A and Kate know my moments lels)
Here are the heart ripping things I have learned and I should remember from this day forward:
You can’t expect people to feel the way you feel for them. Like let’s say you long for them, you can’t expect them to do the same and long for you. It doesn’t work that way. Most of the time, feelings are not as mutual as we want them to be.
They can erase you in their life as easy as pea and that’s probably confusing and puzzling and hard to accept especially if these people have been a huge part of your life; you can’t do anything about it but accept that YOU. HAVE. JUST. BEEN. ERASED. Poof! Just like that!
Some people will not care whether you exist or have existed or not. You’re just a mere dust to them and they won’t even bother. They won’t feel your absence as much as you feel theirs.
Memories are good where they should be left in the first place—the past. Memories are in the past and that shouldn’t keep you from moving forward. You think about all the happy things then you get sad then you go through the whole shithole of a cycle again and that keeps you from moving the fuck on (note to self lol)
You can’t continue to feel bad over and over again for the same reason. You have to suck it all up one way or another and deal with it in order to survive.
I think I have blasted all these tiny details in my head and living it out is far more harder than I thought it would but I’m getting there. The dreams still have not stopped but they will. Soon, I guess.
And to end this as blatant as I possibly could for my own good I’d say…
Girl, kung nagawa ka namang kalimutan agad na walang remorse manlang or reflection from them and acceptance ng kamaliang nagawa nila then so be it. Wag nating hintayin na marealize nila yun because it will be too late when they do at para saan pa? Para ano pa? Kahit naman magsorry sila or maisip nila yung mali nilang nagawa wala na rin namang mangyayari at wala nang babalikan. Stop comforting yourself with the idea na you’ll finally get the closure you *deserve* when they realize the wrong things they did kasi baka nga matagalan ang realization nila na yun. Let’s not expect them to feel sorry for you and for what they did kasi hindi lahat ng tao reflective. “Ganon lang kadaling makalimutan ka” you ask? Eh ganon talaga. Not everyone is like you who holds and treasure memories close to your heart. Minsan tinatapon nalang nila sa basurahan kasi baka for them, it’s not worth it. Ganon na lang din isipin mo.
Of course, since I have to work from 9am to 4pm, I can’t make it on time. OBVS.
Right after work, I asked my officemate/friend, Anne if she can help me and my late sorry ass to go to Gateway Cubao. There was this “hidden” pathway called Butas and from there, we rode a tricycle heading to Guadalupe and then we rode the MRT going to Cubao. It was a fun experience because I don’t get to do that very often and I learned a lot from that trip (I’ll write about it some other time) Basta ang hirap huminga sa loob ng MRT, I swear haha.
When I arrived at Banapple, Gateway Mall (where the meet up was held) almost everyone was there. I didn’t get to talk to them as intimately as I’d liked to but it was still a fun experience. Those whom I met at the first meet up grew closer to my heart and the ones I’m meeting for the first time made me look forward to the next meet up.
There are still a lot of other Filipino bloggers from TFIOB that I’m looking forward to meet and talk to in person. Hopefully on the next meet up, I’d be able to see everyone.
On this meet up, I was able to meet these wonderful people and we all have different blogging styles, topics, culture, backgrounds and means of living but one thing that I realized is that everyone of us clicks just about right! We were able to set aside our differences and ang saya lang talaga hahah.
I’ll talk about the amazing things I experienced and realized while I was with them.
I realized that I went out of my way for this people because these are the people that helped me when I was down and I love to see them and be able to talk to them personally.
They helped me to get the hell out of my shell. When I am with them, I am not quiet and just a tinee weeny bit shy. It’s like they’re pushing me to give my full potential when socializing.
They are really wonderful people. Go meet a writer and you’d feel like they really understand you to the core ?? And if not, they’ll try to understand you. I can’t explain the feeling, but just the openness of everyone? It’s impeccable!
Here are the bloggers I have met! Visit their blogs and see for yourself how wonderful these people are.
Kuya Jheff – He’s the one who organized the meet up hehe. Probably the kindest person I have met. He’s very patient, honest and nice. I really like him as a person. He inspires me to be better.
Rhea – Met her on the first meet up but I was not able to really socialize with her until the second meet up. She’s this strong amazing woman and she inspires me to be closer to God. 😀
Jas – The ball of energy that she is, is amazing!! She’s the life of the party and there is no dull moment when you are with her.
Jonathan – met this guy on the first meet up but was not able to really know him well, the second time I met him, I realized he’s kind, funny and a great person!
Aysa – I was not able to talk to her that much because I was late and she needs to go home early hehe. But just like how she is in her blog—natural, kind and maganda!
Ely – I was looking forward to meet this person! KAKAIBANG FEELING! I didn’t know that Ely will be going talaga sa meet up and nung nakita ko na siya, NATUWA TALAGA AKO HUHUHU!
Kate – I think I knew Kate from the blog even before I knew these people and I was so excited to see her. FINALLY. She’s this amazing person who helped me in my darkest days. Huhuhu coffee date please!
Sensei – I was not able to talk to her that much because I was seated far from her although I was able to socialize with her before the meet up through comments and blog reading hehe. I like her!
Grace – I met her before at a blogging event but she can’t remember me HAHAHA. She’s this cute woman, very friendly and nice too! Can’t wait to see her again.
James – He’s this cool guy and I think he’s easy to get along with. He’s also very nice!
Patrick – I was not able to talk to him personally because when I arrived he already left but then he came back so we were just talking in groups with him hehe.
Pajama – She’s very mysterious but she has this game lagi vibes.
Overall, it was a nice experience to be able to at least meet the people behind the blogs I read every day. I hope our other TFIOB friends will be able to join us next time! Really looking forward to meeting a lot more people from the blogging community. Kakatuwa!
Let me update you guys with how (well) I’m doing with all these moving on thing from my ex friends.
If you have been reading my blog for a long time now, you know that I have gone through a hell-ish experience the day after I turned 26. That involved cutting off important people from my life and being cut from theirs as well. It also meant saying goodbye to those whom I shared my life for 15 years and that has been a huge struggle for me.
Creating a new Facebook account and instagram actually did help with the healing process. I filtered who I want to keep in both my social media life and real life.
It was hard to focus on healing when I was left seeking for closure. Somehow, I think, I was wanting people to apologize to me thinking that maybe they have realized that they did me wrong even if I know we’ll never be friends again. Maybe I was too hurt to grasp the fact that I didn’t get the apology I needed for my own healing so I felt like I needed closure. I didn’t. Now I know I don’t need it and I can sleep better at night knowing that I did my part.
After so many tears, falling again and standing up for a good 6 months, finally, I can truthfully say, without bitterness, without questions anymore that I have already moved on! I AM SO HAPPY.
Looking back, it would still give me a pinch but I am not angry anymore. I don’t even seek apologies I’d never receive, I don’t even care anymore. It’s like I just totally moved on from being stuck somewhere.
You guys are right. Makakaget over din ako talaga and eto na nga iyon. I don’t miss them anymore, hindi ko na naiisip na if there are things I want to talk about sila yung gusto kong kausapin. Aside from a few friends left that are not part of that circle, I have Kyx. I also have people from TFIOB who I surprisingly admire and trust!! I also have office friends and lastly, I have my mom. So nag-focus na ako doon and hindi na ako nagdu-dwell sa past kasi tapos na iyon at wala na akong magagawa. Kung ayaw nila ng closure at nagawa nila ng walang kahirap hirap, maybe I should do it for myself din diba. So sobrang happy ako na nakamove on na ako from my sad sappy self. HUHUHUHU dahil diyan, inuman na!