Forgiveness

 

Whether it is you seeking forgiveness or someone is seeking yours, you have to deal with it with love, patience and understanding. It’s easier said than done given the circumstances but in general, you must know that forgiveness is as strong as love.

Forgiving someone for the wrong things they have done is strength. It goes to show that you are strong enough to admit what you did wrong and that you are all for it than your ego and pride.

Seeking forgiveness from someone whom you have hurt shows that your love is bigger than yourself and it is more important to you to make peace with your enemies than float and gloat in a high boosted by negative emotions.

Whatever you do, seek love and understanding within yourself. No matter how much you dislike the person, no matter how they have wronged you, it is much better to be at peace with them so you can be at peace with yourself.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself as much as you give to those who have wronged you.

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You’re Going To Be Okay

In this life, you’ll be surprised that there are people ready to throw away anything and everything without even thinking twice.If you encounter these people, do not take it against yourself, do not ever think you’re not worthy. Your worth does not depend on who stays and who leaves.

Don’t ever think you’re hard to love and you don’t deserve goodness. Because in time, they’ll see you’re worth every heartbeat, time, effort, importance and value but you’ve already gone and moved on. 

You’ve already loved yourself better and enough that you do not need to depend on others’ treatment.

Weakness or Strength?

They’ll see this as weakness, their cruelty will take advantage of it, they’ll take this as cowardly but my soft-heart is one of the things that keep me alive, sane and bright.

I used to think of myself as a weakling. Always ready to give in into people’s desires, wants and needs—setting aside my own. Always happy for other people’s happiness and even willing to give up my own. I used to just live for other’s and are willing to bend on over just to please other people.

I used to think that my gift of forgiving others no matter how much they have wronged me is a weakness. Always trying to understanding what led to this and throwing away the pain because finding joy and peace with others is a lot more better than holding grudges.

As I went on in a loop of heartache, trauma and confusion, I have found my strength in cruel situations. No matter how people think it was pathetic of me to reach out or seek forgiveness, no matter how much of a loser they think I would be when I say sorry more than I should, I still found it as a strength and an ability for a more successful me.

I am strong enough to apologize and strong enough to forgive. Strong enough to choose forgetting rather than holding to so much pain for far too long.

Choose this strength—the strength to have a soft-heart in a tough world. To use it in cruel situations.

Was It Worth It?

Forgiveness is not just accepting apologies and giving chances.

Forgiveness is freeing yourself from the cruel burdens, heartache, pain, emotional torture, mental discomfort. Forgiveness is not just something you give out to those who have wronged you, forgiveness is opening your heart to the hurt you felt and accepting that in this life, inflicted pain is inevitable but it’s up to you to unburden yourself.

If you don’t forgive other people for the things they did wrong to you, you are giving yourself more burden than you could carry. You are making yourself suffer when in reality, you don’t deserve that. No one deserves that kind of suffering and the sad part is, you are the one making yourself suffer if you don’t forgive.

There will be times that you’re in a darker spot than ever, you may fill your heart with rage and anger. You condition yourself with trauma and despair but trust yourself that that phase is going to end. You just have to feel these emotions so you can appreciate the fruit of this bitter cause. In those dark days, try to welcome the ability to see the light and forgive both you and other people for all the pain you’re feeling. This isn’t as easy as it seems, it would probably take time but the more that you are willing to throw ill feelings, the more it will be easier to forgive.

Then you’ll ask yourself, was it worth it? Was it worth forgiving those who have wronged you no matter how sick of a person they have been? Of course yes. Forgiving is doing yourself a favour of unburdening the dead weight you’ve been carrying. And that for me is worth it.

What If The Dead Can’t Hear You?

Why do we always wait for someone to die before we quietly cry as we pour our hearts out while they lie in their coffin? Why do we wait for them to die before we replay all the good memories? Why wait for them to die before we visit them?

Why do we always just look at the dead and wish they could hear the words we wanna say?

Why? What if the dead can’t hear us anymore?

Forguve while you can, speak to people when you can, look them in the eye genuinely and tell them everything you wish to say because if they die, you’re not even sure that they could hear you. Life is short. Remember that. ~

Dreams

 

To be honest, I still dream about you and how cruel everything turned out to be. You made me look so bad and you overlooked the goodness I did. You made it seem like in the course of our friendship, I never was a good friend when in fact I did everything I can to be a good friend to you and the others. And that tears me so much more than it should. But still, I smile because I know I am going to be okay. That this isn’t the end of the world. That this is something I should be very grateful about.

I Still Believe in Goodness

What have I learned from my recent traumatic experience and what should I value in this experience? I guess it’s the faith and belief that no matter how bad a person can be, you should still see the goodness in them. There’s still kindness in their hearts and it doesn’t mean that they will carry on to be a mean person.

Just like as I am now.

Honestly, there is a lot of learning I should take from this experience but the main part which I am thankful for is how I learned to forgive myself through this “battle”.

I was sick with guilt from how I was, how I treated other people and what I say about them. I didn’t see myself that bad and felt it was normal, like everyone is doing it and at least, that’s from my point of view. I still think everyone does it but I am not justifying my actions, just saying. Everyone has been a mean person, said a lot of hideous things and made bad decisions, but that’s how you’ll learn and that’s how I did. I used my energy crying my heart out and replaying everything as much as I can until I fall asleep. I was almost eaten whole by my guilt. I realized how stuck I was, how much shit I have taken and how much shit I’ve given and that’s when I learned to forgive myself. I rolled on with the punches and took everything I can, I blamed myself for the bad things I have done and instead of being lonely and week, I felt strong and hopeful. Finally, I have learned to fully embrace my flaws. Everything ugly about me and my past, I learned to accept it and use it to be able to move forward. It could be one of the hardest things but I did it, I forgave myself.

After several phases of my grief, anger and denial, I came to the acceptance part and though I am not sure if I can say that I have fully accepted my fate, I was able to forgive everyone who caused me so much hurt.

People can say whatever the hell they want and think what they want but aside from the fact that I may sound like an idiot right now after a few angry blog posts and sad thoughts, I came to forgive these people.

Why? Because I believe in goodness. I’ve known these people since I was 11 years old, one since I was 14 and I can say that no matter how badly things ended, I know that they are good people.

There could be a lot of reasons as to why they did that and it doesn’t matter anymore. The thing that matters the most is that despite everything, they have been kind and good at some point in their lives and I know they will be even better people than they have been few weeks ago.