Please Help Baby Ace

My cousin, Ace Cargado who is barely 3 months old was born with a rare disease called Prune Belly Syndrome.

According to rarediseases.org

Prune-Belly syndrome, also known as Eagle-Barrett syndrome, is a rare disorder characterized by partial or complete absence of the stomach (abdominal) muscles, failure of both testes to descend into the scrotum (bilateral cryptorchidism), and/or urinary tract malformations. The urinary malformations may include abnormal widening (dilation) of the tubes that bring urine to the bladder (ureters), accumulation of urine in the ureters (hydroureter) and the kidneys (hydronephrosis), and/or backflow of urine from the bladder into the ureters (vesicoureteral reflux). Complications associated with Prune-Belly syndrome may include underdevelopment of the lungs (pulmonary hypoplasia) and/or chronic renal failure. The exact cause of Prune-Belly syndrome is not known.

Right now, baby Ace needs immediate medical attention and an operation because this baby is now holding on for dear life. Instead of being confined in a hospital, he is at home because their family cannot afford treatment and confinement.

Baby Ace resides in Nasugbu, Batangas Philippines.

Please help raise funds for his hospitalization in any way you could. Contact me through my Facebook: Aila Cargado or my email xoxaltheac@gmail.com

This means a lot to me and our family. Your prayers are also well appreciated, please pray for baby Ace and his family in this tough time.

P.S. I have yet to find out the exact amount he needs but any amount of your prayers and donation will be well appreciated and we will be forever grateful. Kahit dasal lang.

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“Ano Ba Nagawa Ko”

Intindihin natin yung mga sama ng loob natin para mapatawad natin yung mga taong nagpasama ng loob natin at para mapatawad natin ang mga sarili natin.

Sobrang layo na ng narrating ko when it comes to healing, moving forward and letting go. Sobrang dami kong luhang iniyak, mga sakit sa kaloob looban ng dibdib ko na hindi ko pinakita o inilabas kahit sa harap ng mga taong handa akong i-comfort at suportahan. Madami pa akong salitang hindi naisulat kasi masyado pa siyang masakit, yung tipong sa sobrang sakit niya hindi ko alam paano umpisahan at tapusin ang mga talata na gusto kong ipahayag.

Sa totoo lang, masyado kasi akong reflective na tao. Hindi ko alam kung dahil INFJ ako o dahil Empath din ba ako, pero kasi pag may nakasamaan ako ng loo bang una kong iniisip ay yung actions ko—kung ano yung nagawa ko para may sumama ang loob sakin. Kahit masama din ang loob ko o galit ako sa taong iyon, iniisip ko kung ano ang nagawa ko. Hindi pala lahat ng tao kasi ay ganoon. Ang unang iniisip nila kadalasan ay yung nagawa sakanila. Di nila iniisip ang mga nagawa naman nila. Hindi ko matawag na selfish kasi masyadong “big word” naman ang selfish. Siguro iba iba lang talaga ang tao at hindi natin mapipilit na isipin nila ang kapwa nila diba?

Nung nawala yung mga kaibigan ko, masakit hindi dahil sa mga nasabi nila (pero masakit din talaga yun haha) kundi dahil sa hindi nila iniisip ang naramdaman ko, mararamdaman ko at kung bakit ba ako nagkaganoon. Kung may nagawa ba silang mali sakin. Walang nagisip tungkol sakin kasi puro sarili at kung papaanong nasaktan sila ang naiisip nila.

Napakaimposible naman din kasi na isisi mo lang sa isang tao ang actions niya na hindi mo man lamang iisipin ang actions mo o mga bagay na nagawa mong mali.

Hindi natin maididikta sa ibang tao na unawain tayo sa mga nararamdaman natin, di tayo makakasiguro na kapag sinabi natin ang nararamdaman natin ay pahahalagahan nila ito kaya ganito nalang, kung tayo man ang malagay sa sitwasyon na ganito, ugaliin nating isipin yung mga actions natin, mga nagawa nating mali. Huwag tayong madali magpoint out ng mga kamalian ng iba kung hindi naman natin iniisip ang kamalian natin. Isipin natin at unawain kung ano ang naging problema, tanungin natin ang sarili natin “ano ba ang nagawa ko?” bago natin isipin ang nagawa sa atin kasi kapag ganoon, mas madali tayong makakapagpatawad

 

Note To Self #1

Kung mabilis silang kalimutan ka at burahin ka sa buhay nila, MAG MOVE ON KA NA KASI PUNYETA PALA EH. KAYA PALA NAMAN NILA GAWIN YON TAPOS IKAW MUKA KA LANG TANGA NA NAIIYAK NALULUNGKOT NANANAGINIP TUNGKOL SA KANILA PERO IKAW DI KA NA NILA NAIISIP DIBA? SO ANO PA BANG SAYSAY NG FEELINGS MO??? TANGINA. Kung kaya ka nila ilaglag ng walang ano ano, HINDI SILA KAWALAN. HINDI SILA IMPORTANTE. WALA SILANG KWENTA SA BUHAY MO NGAYON KAYA TIGILAN MO NA ANG MALUNGKOT DAHIL WALAAAAAAANG KWENTAAAAAA ANG KINALULUNGKUTAN MO. NYEMAS!

Si Kyxa at Si Aila S01E01

Dumaan ka na bas a matinding confusion? Denial? At kung ano ano pang “on the side”? Ako rin.

High school friend ko si Kyx. Pero siya yung isa sa mga kaunting lalaki doon sa school namin na yun na walang pakielam sa mga babae. Ang nasa utak lang niya ay ang pag-cocomputer—DOTA at pagbabanda banda kasama ang kaniyang mga friends. Hindi siya mahilig makipagusap o makipagkaibigan sa mga babae at iba pang mga tao sa school. Kumbaga may sarili silang mundo ng mga kaibigan niya. Cool kids sila na walang pake. Cool kids na tahimik. Hindi sila binubully ng mga pabibong bully kids sa school—tipong may respeto sakanila? Ganong levels.

Ako naman, kasama ako dun sa mga nerdy o “geeks” kung tawagin. Ayoko na ikwento kasi hindi ko naman na kaibigan yung mga kaibigan ko noon. Pero basta ganon.

Magkaibang magkaiba kami kaya hindi ko rin ineexpect na magiging mabuting kaibigan ko siya. Naging magkaibigan lang kami dahil sa 2 tao na pinagtagpo kami. Hanggang sa lagi na kaming magkatext at nagtetelebabad sa landline.

Pero parehas kaming nagpapakiramdaman. Parehas kaming hindi sigurado sa nararamdaman.

Crush ko na siya nung December 2007 pero ayokong sabihin sakanya kasi kilala ko siya. Wala siyang interes sa mga crush crush. Wala siyang pake. Wala sa utak niya yon.

Dahil sa encouragement ng mga friends ko (noon lang ko sila friends ah hahahahah) niyaya ko si Kyx na sumama samin sa Mega Mall pagkatapos ng Christmas Party. Nung gabi bago ang Christmas Party namin, tinawagan ko siya sa bahay nila.

Ako: Kyxa! Hello!!

Kyx: Bakit? (masungit ang tono)

A: Sama ka samin, magpupunta kami sa Mega Mall pagkatapos ng Christmas Party eh.

K: Ayoko. May iba akong kasama eh. (masungit pa rin)

A: Sino? Sina Jem? Sina Ambal? Sumama nalang kaya kayo samin? Para happy!

K: Ayoko nga eh. Ang kulit mo ah!! (sinigawan na niya ako)

A: Ah okay sige bye na.

Binaba ko yung telepono at hindi ko na hinintay kung ano yung sasabihin niya. Yun yung huling beses na kinausap ko siya sa taong 2007.

Hindi ko na rin siya tiningnan, hindi ko na siya kinausap. Nagalit ako kasi sinigawan niya ako pero siguro kaya ako nagalit kasi nasaktan ako. Naramdaman ko na matapos ang lahat ng kilig ko sakanya, matapos ang pagpapalit namin ng ID (oo may ganong factor. palandi effect yata yun nung panahon ko huhu), matapos ang lahat ng pagpupuyat namin sa pagtetelebabad, wala pala siyang nararamdaman sakin. Wala lang pala at kaibigan lang pala kasi talaga.

Tanong

Minsan maiisip mo baka oo, baka hindi. Madalas hindi mo na alam kung anong sagot. Madalas tinatanong mo ang sarili mo pero magkaiba ang sagot ng puso at isipan mo. Dalawang magkaibang sagot, parehong naiintindihan mo pero hindi mo alam kung alin sa dalawa ang papakinggan mo.

Madalas hinahanap mo ang mga sagot sa tanong, pero hindi mo alam kung saan sila makikita. Hindi mo alam kung andiyan lang ba sa tabi tabi o kung nasa puso mo na mismo ayaw mo lang halungkatin, ayaw mo lang harapin?Hanap ka ng hanap kahit di mo naman alam saan titingin.

Pero lahat ng tanong nasasagot sa tamang panahon. Lahat ng tanong may kasagutan hindi lang natin agad maintindihan.

Dumating na ako sa punto na ako na mismo sumagot sa tanong ko, kahit di ko alam kung tama o mali, sinagot ko at pinanindigan ko ang napili kong kasagutan. Nung alam ko na at napaniwala ko na ang sarili ko sa mga kasagutan na ginawa gawa ko lang, biglang dumating ang tamang panahon at siya na mismo ang sumagot sa mga matagal ko nang hinahanapan ng kahulugan at kasagutan.

Baka ganyan din. Dadating din ang tamang pagkakataon, dadating din ang panahon na masasagot ang lahat ng tanong.

Blog Guest # 1 *updated!

Get to know one of my most favorite artists in the 21st century! Naks!

Hi guys, I’d like to introduce you to my first guest here in “The Life of an Introvert”

Ba dum tss!

Today, you’ll know more about Kyx!!! Halata bang wala akong ma-i-guest? Chos. Wala lang, I decided to blog about him and interview him so that you can learn more about him hehehe and also, wala lang. ang saya eh ahhaha

IMG_8512

Name: Kyxarie Peralta ; pronounced as Kee-Sah-Ree. Not Kay-sa-ree, not kik-sa-ri, not asdjkhsdklsd but Kee-Sah-Ree.

Nickname: Kyx pronounced as Kiks or Kicks. Not kayks, keyks, kiss but KICKS.

~ ang labo no, kasi kee-sah-ree pero yung nickname kiks. Pero life is complicated kaya whatever.

Occupation: Artist, Digital Illustrator, Pintor

Is it hard to have a name as unique as yours? Yes. I have been into countless awkward situations just by having this name tapos may hit pa rin ako sa NBI wtf diba?

Do you correct other people when they mispronounce your name? Sometimes. Most of the time, kapag hindi ko naman makaka-interact ng todo, hindi nalang. Bahala na sila kung ano yung tawag nila sakin.

Why do you have long hair? Because hello, this is what you want diba? Wala, I guess trip ko lang din yung iba ibang buhok, tapos ngayon long hair ako kasi mas gusto mo yun.

Are you a quiet and shy type of person? Lahat siguro at first quiet and shy. Makulit ako sobra.

Why are you a passive type of person? Because I’m happier that way. I don’t like to stress myself over things that do not matter. I don’t like wasting my time and emotions on things that I can’t do anything about or those that I can’t change. If things don’t go the way I planned it to be, I won’t think a lot about it nor will I dwell on how things are not going my way. It’s more fun to be chill, you should try it.

~ So let’s go to my other random questions about you being an artist naman he he he.

When did you decide that you will be an artist? At an early age, I grew fascinated with art, drawing and the like. But I didn’t know it yet that I could and I would be an artist someday. Whenever they ask me what I want to be when I grow up, sinasabi ko when I grow up, I want to be a Pilot. Hahaha. So siguro I decided to focus on art because before college, I was thinking what I’d actually like to study and what I really wanted to be when I get to choose a job. I can’t see myself anywhere else but in the world of art. Deep inside, di lang ako makadecide agad. Sorry na.

What course did you get in college and what school did you choose? And why din pala? I chose Fine Arts in FEU. Why? Because sabi ng nanay ko magaling daw ako magdrawing eh hahahahahahaaha. Pero yung totoo naman is during my college years, narealize ko din early on na I’m in the right place, trying to take the right path. I was happy and I loved what we were doing. Kahit haggard sa plates hehe. Gusto ko kasi talaga. Yun yung bagay na passionate ako ng sobra siguro.

Was it hard to be a student of Fine Arts? To be honest, when you’re young and a college student, feeling mo mahirap lahat ng bagay. The only thing different is that I enjoyed doing what we needed to do. It’s hard, ang hirap kaya magcommute na may dala kang canvass na malaki na nakapako na sa kahoy. Not to mention, puyat din talaga everyday lalo na naghahabol ng deadlines, iinom pa ako, tatambay. Mahirap talaga HAHAHAHAHA. Pero seryoso, depende sa tao kasi kahit ako 2hrs lang ang tulog, masaya pa rin akong gumagawa ng plates namin. Kapag siguro gusto mo talaga ginagawa mo, hindi masyadong mahirap.

What medium did you choose? In college I didn’t know in an instant what medium I really wanted or where I wanted to excel at. But before thesis, I decided I want to traverse the digital painting world. Aside from the fact that I became really interested in exploring how digital artworks are created, I feel like it is more practical than traditional painting. I have nothing against traditional painting in fact, I respect them so much. I just don’t think I have the money for tradi. Kasi in digital painting, you’ll invest in your pentab, nibs for your pen, high quality monitors (hindi pwedeng may problema sa kulay yung monitor mo like mine huhu) but it’s cheaper than traditional. In tradi you need canvass, wood, white paints, different colored paints, brushes and lots of patience. Bawal pa magkamali kasi sayang eh.

After school, did you get the job you wanted? Hindi. Siyempre kumuha muna experience. I worked as a web designer sa isang BPO. I stayed for 2 years. Nung malilipat na ako sa ibang department at hindi na ako magweweb design, dun na ako umayaw. I realized ayaw ko nang hindi ko gusto yung ginagawa ko. Siguro bigay lang din ni Lord kasi thankfully, may choice ako. I mean wala akong pinapaaral na bata tapos may work pa naman tatay ko kaya hindi rin ako obligado mag-abot monthly, pero hiya ko nalang diba. Iniisip ko nalang, babawi naman ako pag nagkatrabaho na ako ulit.

When you left your web designer job, anyare? It was a slow process for me. Right after I left that job, nagpahinga ako and nagpractice pa ng pag-pepaint. In this industry, if you think you’re good enough and you act like you’re better than anybody else, wala kang mapapala. Kailangang lagi kang nag-iimprove, kailangan gagalingan mo lagi. Siguro applicable naman yan sa lahat ng trabaho pero diba, lalo na sa pagiging artist eh. So I practiced for 6 months. Bakante lang ako non, I do freelance work here and there pero hindi talaga yun ang gusto ko kaya nung nalaman ko may opening for an Illustrator job, I took my chances!

Tell us about your current job. We have clients all over the world, may story behind everything we illustrate or do. Hindi pwedeng naisipan mo lang, you have to understand the story and backstory of every character you’re doing. I love what I do. Sobrang hirap lang talaga but every day is a learning experience, an opportunity to be better.

What’s your advice to young people who dream about being an artist someday? Or kahit hindi young people pala. Mahirap kasi minsan ang daming hamon sa buhay eh. My advice is never stop trying. Wag kalimutan ang iyong passion. Para sakin, maiksi lang ang buhay kailangan magawa natin yung mga bagay na pinapangarap nating gawin. Also, if you think na you’re not improving or you’re not a good artist, if feeling mo ang bano mo, always remember that nobody started as the best artist agad agad. Lahat talaga nadadaan sa practice. If you keep practicing, lalo na ang isang artist, magiging mahusay ka talaga. Pero don’t stop there, always improve yourself. Always push yourself to the limit, kasi maraming artist, maraming magagaling and maraming confident. Don’t get intimidated, basta gawin mo lang yung best mo lagi. Ako I am exposed to a lot of artists. Ang dami kong mga kaibigan na successful na na pintor, mga traditional painter sila and may mga shows na sila here and there, ilang pieces na rin ang nabenta nila pero walang insecure-an at inggitan sa amin, suportahan lang naming isa’t isa and hindi porket successful na sila, hindi ka na magiging successful. May time na ikaw naman ang magshashine. Yesss hahahahaah

I tried working for a job na hindi ko gusto then hobby lang ang pagpipinta pero dun talaga ako masaya. Siguro nadinig ng higher being ang panalangin ko na makakuha ng trabaho na gusto ko talaga. At least now, I get to do a job that I really want and also hone my skills at the same time.

Laban lang! And if naging successful na artist na, keep your feet on the ground. Humble lang dapat.

Sobrang I don’t have an organized set of questions jusme, next time nga magsuggest kayo ng kung ano questions or if you have your own questions sa mga artist na kagaya ni Kyx, please comment hahahaha para alam ko itatanong. Parang ang epal and pabibo lang ng questions ko eh.

Anyway, here are some of Kyxarie’s artworks. Enjoy!

All were created with his Bamboo Wacom Pentab and Adobe Photoshop CS6

Initially, I want to show 5 of his artworks but he wanted to show only 3. Nakakahiya daw HAHAHAHA. Okayyyy.

Saitama Vs Thanos
Saitama VS Thanos
The Reader
The Reader –This is my representation of Aila. I painted this for her 25th Birthday.
Warrior
Warrior

Also, I don’t think Kyx is allowed to show the stuff he illustrates for his work. Baka daw hindi pwede so he chose to showcase these 3 practice paintings he did.

The artworks he wanted to show were his best practice paintings but I feel like I want to post more. The ones I find beautiful. If he can choose 3 of his artworks, I feel like I can choose too! mehehehe these are my choices and I know he was just starting when he created some of what I chose but I don’t care, I like it and I feel like it’s beautiful. More beautiful than he thinks.

Bloodbath
Blood Bath

 

Tranquility
Tranquility

I like this because it’s very pretty! Kyx says it’s not his best artwork but whatever.

Environtmental Concept
Environmental Concept

I remember he made this on January 2014. A Happy New Year painting.

Jennifer Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence

He didn’t like the outcome and feels like he’s such a noob but I like how he drew J.Law

Rose Byrne
Rose Byrne

I love the eyes of this Rose Byrne painting!

Kit Harrington
Kit Harington aka Jon Snow

This was created using a MOUSE. AS IN.

Igorot
Igorot

Igorot, one of my most favorite paintings!

He painted this when we are still friends. HAHAHA. Tapos nagcomment ako ng “Wow ang ganda talaga Kyxa!” and ayun, yun ang umpisa ng paglandi ko chosssss. semi-chos hahaha.

Thanks! xox

Drinking Problems

I didn’t even know that it was already a drinking problem of some sort until people started telling me that I looked dry, drunk and alcoholic. I can’t say I’m alcoholic *siguro patawid palang but fortunately, hindi naman* and thinking about it, I figured maybe I was just an extremely heavy drinker cause I grew up with 3 brothers who are really heavy drinkers (not in a bad way hehehe I’m trying to justify pa lol) but you see, we’re not alcoholics. We just love our booze.

Alcoholism is not to be taken lightly. It’s a serious substance abuse that could lead to health problems and I’m fully aware of that. I’m not downplaying or portraying anything that I am not.

So back in the day, during my college years, my glorious years, I drank so much. I don’t do it on a daily basis at first and of course, I’m not one to drink around groups. I love drinking with just my friends. College stuff, workload and a lot of other requirements led me to feel so stressed out and I resorted to drinking every weekend. It has been a weekend hobby for me. I’d invite friends over my house and we’d drink at our garage. Chill drink lang, walang walwalan. But if my friends are not available, I’d just drink by myself. Ganong levels. I didn’t see anything wrong with what I was doing though.

I was still responsible. I study, I am good in class, I’m an okay person in general. But I drink weekly.

Until such time that I really feel like I needed to drink, any time of day. It’s as if I was always looking for an excuse to drink. It was as if my body is looking for alcohol and I needed to give in to it because if not, I won’t be able to sleep well.

I have my flask with me—EVERYWHERE I GO. With a small amount of booze, I’m at peace that I could carry on with the day and get by.

I am not a party girl but I look up booze mixes on pinterest just for the heck of it. I loved every mix I ever did with jell-o and gummie bears. I was crazy.

But one fine day, I just stopped altogether. I didn’t want booze, I didn’t crave for it the way I used to. I just didn’t feel like drinking that much anymore.

Now, I still drink (not as much) and I still have my flask 🙂

So I think that this isn’t alcoholism. It was just a phase I guess?

Did you have a phase like this?

** 

If you have drinking problems, if you feel like you’re getting addicted to it, maybe it’s time to consult a doctor or a therapist. Especially if it is a result of a problem, depression or if it has anything to do with your emotional and mental health.

My problem was that it was purely out of sheer joy but it was not because I was depressed or what (I have depression but I didn’t drink because of it)