Hi, My Name Is..

I wrote about it a long time ago but I can’t seem to finish it. Let’s try and write it again.

I don’t know what was wrong with me but ever since I was young, ever since I started going to school, I choose what other people will call me. My name, aside from being an identity, I use it very religiously. As if it’s part of who I am and how I am as a person.

I am not sure if this is the correct explanation ‘cause I’d like to think it’s not, but my therapist said that it was because of my OCD that’s why I choose what name other people will call me. Let’s start from the beginning.

My name is Althea Camila put them together, you’ll get AILA. Aila is the nickname my mom gave me. Everyone from my family calls me “Aila” it’s pronounced as “ay-la” as in “Isla” (punyeta pano ba sabihin ang pronunciation ng pangalan ko?) Basta it’s not “ei-la” as in “ay-lah” ganern. HAHA.

When I started preschool, I have a busmate named Patrick. He lives near my home so he knows everyone calls me “Aila”. One fine day, he got so excited when he saw me at school and yelled my nickname for all the world to hear. By the way, in preschool, everyone calls me “Althea”. I was so agitated and told Patrick “stop calling me Aila! We’re at school!” he just shrugged and ignored me. When I got home, I told my mom that I was so upset because Patrick called me by my nickname at school when in fact, I’d like everyone at school to call me Althea (eyes rolling at this point nearly 21 years ago) my mom asked me why I am so upset when it wasn’t a big deal after all? I told her that I feel like the only people who can call me by my nickname is my family (and people I really love or people who are so close to me)

In grade school, I allowed people to call me “Thea” or my close and best friends would call me “Theii”. Nobody called me Aila because, well, I didn’t want them to. My best friends can call me Aila but they prefer Theii instead (as in double ‘I’ talaga di ko sure bakit)

When I transferred from SPCP to NJHS in high school, people called me Aila. It was a small community and I felt intimately close to them (not anymore ngayon whatever. Hahaha)

In college, I feel like I wouldn’t be befriending people so I didn’t allow them to call me Aila. Instead, they all call me “Aia”. Although now, they can call me Aila but they just prefer to call me Aia hah!

Now, I have decided that people I like can call me Aila or Thea, whatever they wish to call me. Only with my permission. My blogger friends from TFIOS calls me Aila or Thea and surprisingly, I don’t mind!

Kasi, after what I have been through 5 months ago, I decided that the only people I’d go all out with can call me by my nickname. I feel like it’s still sacred but I allow my blogging friends to call me that HAHA!

Now, you—whoever you are reading this. You can call me Aila or Thea and I wouldn’t mind. ❤

In a nutshell, masyado akong ewan ko ba. Pinipili ko kasi talaga sino lang yung pwede tumawag ng ganon sa akin. Kapag close na tayo ganon, pwede na. Ngayon naman kasi sa blogging world, feel ko ka-close ko kayong lahat so gowww lang haha. Dati kasi, depende sa tao. Kapag may tumawag sakin na Thea or Theii, alam ko nan a grade school friend or St. Paul friend yun. If Aia, alam kong college friend yun or from Miriam yung taong yun. If Aila, friend ko talaga or family or relative. Pag Althea, yan yung mga hindi masyadong close hahahahaha


Never The Virgin Mary

I remember being a bit sad (though I never admitted it) because I don’t get to be a Virgin Mary in Christmas related presentations. If I won’t be one of the angels, I’m probably a flower or a tree. Never the Virgin Mary.

When I was younger, I loved the spotlight. I just do my thing and I love performing. I grew up being a cheerleader, dancer, actress in school plays (think of me as Sharpay Evans with the attitude of Gabriela Marquez from High School Musical LOL) I’m pretty much competitive, I don’t get shy, I always have a big role—you probably get it already HAHA. So when Christmas presentations are approaching, I get a little bit let down. You see, I don’t get to be the Virgin Mary even if I acted so good or even if I have the most perfect costume for it simply because “No, the Virgin Mary has this angelic face and a whiter skin. Your skin is dark, your eyebrows are too thick you don’t look like the Virgin Mary at all”.

I didn’t tell my mom how bad I felt but she told me that it’s okay, I don’t need to play the Virgin Mary part anyway because I can have a lot of different roles that I can portray better.

I didn’t cry and later on realized that I don’t even want to play that role anyway.

At an early age, I learned where I place myself, when to place myself. I learned that I can be both great and amazing but not all parts of the play can be achieved through greatness, some roles are meant for me to play while some are not.

I don’t need to be too bold and popular, I don’t need to be bida bida all the time (bida bida is a slang in Tagalog which means, uhm, you know Sharpay Evans and how she is? That’s bida bida HAHAHA I can’t explain it)

I don’t need to always be that person everyone adores. I can be who I am and people can like me if they want as they can hate me if they want ~I don’t care.