Don’t Wait For Others To Value You

More often than not, we seek validation from other people—especially from those who we love and care about. We want them to value us, we want them to show us how much they love and care for us and we end up sad, miserable and angry when we don’t feel loved and valued.

I have been like that before. I feel ugly when people don’t say I’m pretty. I feel stupid when they don’t tell me how smart I am. I feel unloved if they don’t tell me how much they love me. I feel sad when they don’t tell me how much they want me in their lives. In short *papansin* ako. More than anything, more than sensitive ako and daming hanash, papansin is the term to describe me (at least for me ah) Aside from feeling terrible, I created a terrible version of myself. Sad, lost and confused as I am, I hated everyone. Hate is a strong word and I don’t want to use it lightly, pero I did just that. I was angry and I kept crying and questioning my existence and everyone else’s. It was bad. I was in a bad place.

But I guess, growing up means learning from your ~stupid~ mistakes and knowing that what you did who you have been trying to be is wrong in so many levels. So when everything and everyone failed me, I went back and did a self-check. I realized how much stress I have put into myself and it’s crazy to think that all of this happened mostly because of me—being so cruel to myself. If I had valued myself enough, I wouldn’t have needed validation, if I didn’t need validation, I wouldn’t care so much about other people’s behaviour towards me.

So if you are going through this rough patch, it’s not easy and you don’t get to figure it all out without breaking I sweat (I had to have my heart broken to know all these) so heed my advice.

Do not wait for others to value you before you value yourself.

If there’s one person who needs to value you and love you so much, that’s going to be YOU and YOU ALONE. How would you understand and appreciate the love you receive if you don’t know how to love yourself, right? Stop waiting for them to value you. You have to value yourself first and then every single happiness will follow.

Change

I didn’t know until recently that change made way for more growth. Change allowed me many things but most importantly it allowed me to breathe.

Little by little, I open myself up for more change. As much as I can, as much as my flawed self would ever allow. Disregarding anxiety, depression and OCD, change actually made me feel better.

I used to box myself and put up walls when I feel like it’s the only thing that will make things work for me. I made specific routines for all the single thing I have to do on a daily basis.

Maybe, for a person with OCD and Anxiety, it’s typical to make your own rules and follow your own order not for the convenience but maybe because you feel safer and comfortable with that. To be honest, I came to realize that I am always on the losing end just so I could follow my own strict rules. In simple ways or complicated stuff, it’s always that one specific routine that I will follow. No more, no less. And that only made me feel stuck! It’s like I have a stick up my ass for a long time, I’m so uptight and that’s when I realized that life—no matter how I try to control it, will work how its supposed to, with no regard to my mental health.

I panic when I have little control over things. It’s as if that the world is caving in on me and all of a sudden, I find it hard to breathe. But welcoming change little by little, it actually made me feel better physically, mentally and emotionally.