Mystery Blogger Award

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Rules of Award:

  1. Put the award/logo image on your blog
  2. List the rules
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide link as well
  5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  6. You have to nominate 10-20 people
  7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
  9. Share a link to your best post(s)

(For future nominees, you may use the above “rules” to comply on your award post)

I was nominated by Zheng Fan to do this Mystery Blogger Award. It’s such a pleasure to be nominated to something like this not because of the “award” or title itself (I’m basically clueless about these things) but because people thought of me to be part of this and that’s what matters most.

To Zheng Fan, we only interacted very little for the past days simply because I think we just found each other’s blogs very recently. Now that I kept reading what you write, I feel like (aside from regularly reading your stuff now) I found someone who I can relate to and someone I’d learn a lot of stuff from. Thank you for nominating me!

Answering your questions are fun and refreshing!

3 Things About Myself:

  1. As much as possible, I write not only to express my raw emotions but to help other people learn from my experiences.
  2. I have depression, anxiety and OCD. But that is not going to stop me from being successful. I have suicidal tendencies but I try to be as strong as I can!
  3. I love my mom and the rest of my family so much.

Wow, these 5 questions are so simple but so hard to answer! It took me a lot of minutes to get through these simple questions and I found myself weighing things like my life depended on it. Nonetheless, I found it enjoyable!

 

  1. Who is your one favourite public person (in the history of mankind)? Why?

Oh my god why is this so hard to answer? I don’t know a lot of public people, like I don’t know their advocacies and principles in life. I guess my favourite public person would be none other than, Oprah Winfrey. She went through hell and back but still managed to become a successful individual. She did not let her struggles get the best of her and that is very inspirational for me. It makes all my struggle easy to deal with by just knowing that people like Oprah fought their way to success even if it was so hard to do.

  1. What is your one favourite song? Why?

I have a lot of favourite songs and it’s hard to choose just one. But maybe, as of the moment, I’ll go with “Grace to Grace” by Hillsong United. If you haven’t heard of that song, listen to it especially when you feel like everything is fucking up. It helps so much!

 

  1. Define yourself in less than 15 words?

I am friendly online, very shy in real life.

 

  1. What is the one most important trait you look for in a partner?

Loving. When you are loving, everything follows. A loving person cares, when a person cares, they wouldn’t want to break your trust, they’d stay loyal and support you no matter what. When they love you, they’d tell you when you did something wrong so you can improve yourself and when you did something awesome, they’d appreciate it.

 

  1. What is life to you?

For me, life is an awesome adventure. The image of adventure to me is where you find purpose, learn that purpose, meet amazing people, learn a lot of lessons the hard and easy way, accepting defeat and standing tall after every fall. That for me is an adventure—and that’s how I see life.

My Nominees:

  1. Addie

2. Anaida

3. Fernanda

4. Kendall

5. Lu

6.  Bharath

7. Kate

8. Lorraine

9. Phoebe

10. Owning A Dog With Anxiety

 

My 5 questions:

  1. What is your advice to people going through a friendship breakout?
  2. What is your advice to those who are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives?
  3. What is your life motto or mantra?
  4. What is the number one lesson in life you learned that you want to share to others.
  5. If you wish to visit any country what would it be and why?

 

My Best Post:

My best post would probably be this I Need Your Opinion, Please Not because of the content itself but for the support I got from you guys. ❤

Real Talk, Pep Talk

Disclaimer: This is not intended to offend and bring you down. This is an encouragement in a different light.

I want to encourage people to be as strong as they can. To look at the bright side of things, to appreciate what they have instead of feeling bad for things they can’t have at that particular time.

There are a lot of clichés in this world and to tell you honestly, these clichés may not mean a thing to you but as awful as it is, clichés are true.

Whenever you feel bad about something, when you get bothered or stressed out, when you are hurt by things, events or people who may or may not be close to your heart—you can only cry so much. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel bad but it’s not okay to feel bad for a long time. You have to make sure that you shrug it off your shoulders as soon as you can and this isn’t because you want to prove the world that you are strong and brave. You have to do it because in this world of cruelty, you have to see the greatness. The light. The amazing things. You have to be okay sooner than you think you should because life is short to sulk, too short to hate, too short to cry, too short to be angry!

We don’t have the luxury to live as if we can live forever. Life ends and we know it. We should always treasure life in a sense that we choose to see great things instead of the bad ones. We need to choose happiness instead of loneliness and we need to stay positive.

You see, the problem with people these days is that they feel like they’re so privileged and entitled to a lot of things. Like we think we deserve a lot of good things and cry when bad things happen. We fail to realize that most of the time; it isn’t about our feelings and ourselves. There are greater things in this world and when things do not happen as planned, when you get hurt, when you stay nice but receive rudeness, its’ the universe’s way of reminding you that you are not entitled. No one ever is.

You are not entitled to anything no matter how good of a person you are, no matter how nice you’ve been. The world will keep its pace and spin, the sun will continue to rise and set, night will come as days would and life goes fucking on no matter how badly you feel.

The universe can fck itself and the world will not crumble when you crumble. It doesn’t fucking care about how you feel. Life is like that, you don’t get to have the luxury of feeling so helpless because the only one that will suffer from repercussions of “being so helpless” is you and you alone.

Instead of wallowing on your pain, disappointments and frustrations, you have to stay strong. You have to accept that things happen as it happens and there’s so little you can do to turn it around. Instead, welcome these bad things and stay okay. Every shit that happens to you, could happen to anyone else. It’s not like you are cursed or something.

Get by, move on, move forward, let it go cause life goes on.

Mommy Fleur Day 2017

So for some of you who does not know Mommy Fleur, she’s a mommy blogger in the Philippines. She blogs about being a mom to Anika, a wife to Alvin and mostly about life in general. A lot can relate to her blog even I can relate to her blog considering I am neither a mom nor a wife right? She’s very quirky and smart. I love everything about her and I feel like I have known her for a long time by just reading her blog. Anyway, she’s quite popular here in the Philippines and she holds “Mommy Fleur Day” it’s like an intimate meet and greet with her blog readers and only a few are invited.

I am one of the lucky people to be invited there!!

My thoughts are racing! I am an introvert and a get together with people I don’t personally know can be compared to a really bad hair day + bad movie + horror film with bad actors. That’s how get togethers make me feel, I cringe so much I want to disappear. But this one is different. I didn’t give a shit whether I know anyone there or not, as long as I get to meet Mommy Fleur and her family. It’s like meeting a book character in real life!

So come January 14, I got off work 2 hours earlier because I usually get off at around 4pm but the get together would start by 2pm so I had to leave earlier, I talked to my boss and he allowed me to go. I have yet to go on a trip to Pangasinan that night, not to mention my friends have an art show at around 7pm! My day was so jam packed but I am happy.

I went there, there were people already but the thing have not started yet so I took a seat and used my phone until someone sat beside me, she was quite an introvert too and we talked a bit. So that’s my only friend there at Mommy Fleur Day.

Now let’s talk about the Mommy Fleur Day itself!

The venue was very nice for a small get-together. It was intimately arranged. Simple but quite a party. I have no other words but AMAZING. We started with a few games, raffle and all. It was fun! I got to interact with other people for a bit as well and I was not even scared to mingle. LOL.

The food was catered and boy does it taste good! I ate only a few of everything, we were given everything and you can opt to have more or less. I got less of everything and I enjoyed it. I ate spinach lasagne, lechon (roasted pork), chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, a cupcake and a fruit tart. I LOVED EVERYTHING OMG.

Everyone won a raffle prize as well, I got a brow liner and even though I don’t use brow liners, I was still happy to have won something.

There’s also a segment called “Eyebrow Workshop” and the one who taught us about it was a very great Make-up artist, her name is Eliza (omg sorry Idk the spelling) but she’s very great! She answered questions and taught us the proper way to do the brows. Everyone loved it! I loved it even if I am not into eyebrow make-up (because first off, I am allergic to a lot of brands huhu and second, my eyebrows are very thick that I don’t even know how to make it look good with make-up so I just let it be as it is) but yeah, I loved the workshop.

Mommy Fleur’s 6 year old daughter Anika and Kuya Alvin (The hubby of Mommy Fleur) sang in an intermission number. They were so cute!

Around 6pm, the program ended and some are leaving after the photo ops. I have an art exhibit to attend to at 7pm and I have to be home by 8pm cause I have to fix our things for Pangasinan. I left the Mommy Fleur Day event at around 6pm, I brought home candies with me because Mommy Fleur insisted on giving us a lot of candies! It was all local candies with different names AND I SERIOUSLY LOVED IT. It was like nostalgia, I remembered my kiddie days when I used to eat those candies lol.

Over-all, it was a very fun and interesting day for me. I will edit this post with photos from the event, I just have to get my sht together.

Even though I am an introvert, a total introvert at that, I was glad I went to the event. I was glad to finally meet Mommy Fleur and her family plus other blog readers!

If you want to check out Mommy Fleur’s Blog here’s the link: mommyfleur.com

You have to check her blog! (I hope there are Filipino readers cause she mostly writes in Taglog and English)

To Mommy Fleur,

Thank you so much for inviting me! I had a good time and I am very glad to have met you, kuya Alvin, Anika, Wowa, Lolo Papa and everyone else! I hope we can do it again or if you’re not busy, we can have a lunch date of some sort. Ahhh I am so happy talaga! Thank you!!!

It was a fun filled day, I hope you guys get to experience something like this every once in a while 😀

INFJ (and loving it)

Recently, I found out that I have a personality type called INFJ. According to research and what was written everywhere about the INFJs is that—INFJs are the rarest personality types. I read a lot about it and followed INFJ blogs to learn more about myself and every time I read something that rings true to me, I feel like I love myself even more than I ever did! It’s a great feeling to finally understand yourself ya know? It’s like everything seems to be falling into place slowly but surely.

Now, a little randomness is something I wouldn’t get over with so I want to tell you guys that I had a haircut HAHAHA. My hair is not shoulder length and it had been way too long since I had a shorter hair, I usually have long hair and now this change is cool and I’m liking it so far!

Okay, so going back. I thought I was just battling with OCD + Anxiety but then, I am an INFJ so I figured maybe I am not at all a severely anxious person when it comes to socializing but I am just me—an INFJ!

This explains why:

  1. After socializing with my lifelong friends, I need a month or so to recharge! I need to be alone for a while; I need to withdraw because I don’t have a lot of energy anymore to deal with socializing.
  2. I love alone time. I love just being quiet with my own thoughts (my thoughts are never quiet but still) I find solace in my lonesome. I prefer to (most of the time) talk over the internet, talk through email, text, chat but not ON THE PHONE.
  3. I like planning things out because I get really anxious when plans change last minute. I feel like I need time to settle and come through with the new plan, sit down, relax before grasping that it is okay, it’s going to be okay.
  4. I take time to gather my thoughts not because my brain processes info slowly but because I tend to make sure I don’t say anything offending.
  5. I am very SENSITIVE. I don’t talk much but I get so sensitive, I feel bad that’s why I need to withdraw to society just so I could protect my feelings, my emotions.
  6. Though I am close to several talkative people, it sorts of exhausts me to be surrounded by A LOT OF TALKATIVE PEOPLE. I can be talkative sometimes but those are rare moments of my life.
  7. Reading, painting and writing are the best activities to keep me really happy and fulfilled.
  8. It’s not like I’m a total anti-social. I just really get tired dealing with everyone all at the same time.
  9. I like conversations, I can keep it going on and on but for selected people only. I am not good with small talk, I’m terrified of it to be honest.
  10. I am really friendly but it takes so much time. I don’t start with a conversation when I’m interested but I sort of test the waters first.

Right now, I am reading a lot about experiences of fellow INFJs and their blogs. This is so cool. I finally know where I actually belong!

“I Don’t Care A Lot Anymore”

I hope I don’t sound too condescending and arrogant with what I’m about to write today so let’s give it a try.

Since I tried my “journey to a happy heart” there were a few road blocks and a lot of wrong turns which led me to crazier paths but I sure did find my way anyway. So the first few months of my journey, I became someone who didn’t give a fuck. There’s a thin line between “I don’t give a fuck” and “I don’t care so much anymore (in a good way)” in case you don’t know.

The “I don’t give a fuck” attitude

  • It’s simply not caring because finally, you have found your feelings more important than others and for once in your life you know how to take care of your own damn emotions than before. Finally you thought of yourself first before considering other people’s way of life, thinking and opinion. At last you are in that state wherein you don’t care if people will feel bad as long as you do your thing, you’re happy and no one can take that away from you.

The “I don’t care so much anymore (in a good way)” attitude

  • This is when you found your way to healing recurring wounds in the past. The forgiving side of you is present and you’re way more happier. You think of other people’s feelings and you care about them however you don’t divulge into negative situations. You let things fly by when you can and you let go of things easily. You don’t hold a lot of emotions and you finally learned the true meaning of self-worth without offending anybody.

Those 2 may look the same for some time but both are very different from each other. Forgive me if I don’t know how else to put it out there! Gahhh. Well my case is I think, both works incredibly but if you want to be happy, the latter does fantastic magic in the complete turnaround of your spiritual detox.

I have been to the first attitude because I got fed up with everything and everyone. I felt so bad for myself that I turned into a cold hearted human and it was not me. I didn’t know myself (in a bad way) and I thought it would make me happier but it only made me feel worse. It made me look like a bad person and I was not feeling good about whatever I did having an attitude like that. So when I learned about the second attitude, I figured it would be better for me. Perhaps God has his timing and that timing is perfect. Because it started when I got so busy with work!

I was always tired and I didn’t have a lot of time to entertain my feelings. It’s not in a bad way so don’t worry about it. I just felt like there is more to life, there are a lot of priorities and responsibilities I need to cover than dwelling on my emotions. I realized as well that when you get over emotional, you overreact and it seems selfish because then, all you care about is your feelings and how you got hurt by people and situations. Compared to when you don’t focus on your emotions too much, you get to see the good  side of things and you feel more peaceful. You still care but not so much (in a good way, again.)

I’m not saying that not caring is very good. You just have to know how and when to use it. You must remember that you’re doing this because you want inner peace and true happiness. You’re not doing this to show people how mighty of a person you are, you’re doing this so you can finally make peace with yourself by not caring so much about how people treat you because at the end of the day, it all comes down to how you handle situations whether good or bad and not  how people treated you.

Accepting Whatever Even If The Words Are Not Exactly What You Want To Hear

Personally, I find this very challenging. I have the tendency to always defend myself. I don’t know but (maybe it’s a bad thing) that I am a person with a big ego. My amount of pride is bigger than anything else. I don’t know how else to explain it but I just really am a person with a huge ego. So if someone tells me something and it’s not what I wanted to hear, then I would perpetually defend myself or justify it. I try to prove a point and I could even make a big deal out of it. I never got tired of doing this because I always feel like I needed to defend myself, I feel like I always need to stand up for myself even if it was triggered by something really SMALL. As time went by and as I grew older, I have learned that what I kept doing over the years of my existence was extremely exhausting, painful, hurtful and has no sense at all. My best friend and my boyfriend taught me and reiterated this (even if I know it anyway, I had to have someone push the thought in my head anyway) PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU ALL THE TIME, YOU WILL NOT LIKE WHAT THEY SAY BUT PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT FROM YOU. IF THEY COULDN’T KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT AND IF THEY SAY SOMETHING YOU FIND OFFENSIVE, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REACT RIGHT AWAY. SOMETIMES YOU EVEN HAVE TO LET IT FLY BY. BECAUSE ACCEPTING THESE WORDS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN DEFENDING YOURSELF AND JUSTIFYING YOUR OWN BELIEF. However, there are some circumstances that you really have to stand up for yourself. SOME but not ALL.

When Kyx and I are new in this relationship of togetherness, we would often argue about something (stupid) he would say + me being “overly sensitive” and getting offended easily. You see, the conflict is Kyx is very honest (it is a good thing, really) but sometimes, his honesty can pull the trigger of my emotions. He is the type of person who will, as much as he can, NOT SUGARCOAT things. To give you a better idea here’s an example.

Me: Do I look fat in this shirt?

Kyx: Uhm, yes.

He blatantly said “YES” without any explanation. Without saying “just a little”. He directly said YES which sort of offended me. (I know, I asked for it and I didn’t get the answer I wanted right? Now you can laugh hahaha but I did not laugh at that during the moment)

What I did was sat quietly and tempted to even throw a fit. He told me if he said anything wrong and I told him he shouldn’t have said that, and then the argument goes on. I know, I know. I shouldn’t have been offended but what can I do? Maybe I was PMSing. LOL.

Also, I can recall a conversation with a friend and she said that my lippie didn’t look THAT good on me. I shouldn’t have felt bad about it but I did.

Because NEWS FLASH. Aside from my own sensitivity, I would NEVER try to say stupid things that I know would offend others. I am very careful of what I tell others because I have the notion of “if someone told me this, I would get offended so I must not say this because the person might get offended” even if they are not melodramatic or overly sensitive (like me).

I guess now that I am writing this, I realize the good and bad side of it.

The Good Side: I don’t hurt other people’s feelings. I am not reckless with my words. I use it ever so wisely (I want to believe this is how I project myself lol)

The Bad Side: I overthink and I sort of expect other people to not be reckless with their words.

I know now that (maybe I knew it all along but too stubborn to accept the facts) people are different and has different views and opinions. Different attitudes and stands. Different beliefs and different way of living. Some might say something stupid that would hurt other people, some wouldn’t.

In this lifetime, I would hear a whole lot of different things that I wouldn’t want to hear but I have learned to filter what I should listen to and what I should ignore.

There’s always room for learning and growth and these are opportunities for an improved understanding. I have understood (I guess) that not everything is said to attack me or hurt me intentionally. There are things that are not thought about as to how I would think about it.

For Kyx

8 years ago we met at a very strange fun school. We were never really that close but I guess you gave me an importance and value as much as I have given you.

We were in that awkward phase in life and everything seemed too awkward for our lives. We were both enjoying and unsure. Happy yet uncertain. Childish and never matured enough for big things, like let’s say, love.

During the last legs of high school, we never really had a chance to build whatever friendship we started. Boys are boys and girls are girls. Too awkward for a 15 year old, that’s us.

In college, we parted ways not knowing what our future holds and what we were getting ourselves into. Nonetheless, I am happy with how much we both changed personally and grew to be the people we were now.

We met new friends and got acquainted with different people. We were exposed to a lot of different things and it made us better if not worst. We only had sneak peeks of our separate lives, updates and tiny bits and pieces of our new persona. We were both happy with our lives but I often wondered when will our paths cross again.

A year after graduating college, time and fate worked very well together and made us see what we were both missing. We accidentally saw each other in a place both of us are so unlikely to be found. That new mall, that crazy long ice cream shop queue, that odd movie you were bound to see, all of which are part of Time and Fate’s plan!

I was still the same awkward 15 year old you first knew but all of it went to dust when you hugged me. I guess you got so excited that after a long time, we saw each other again.

Part of my soul is telling me that I should not let this moment pass, I should not let you go away like we both did 8 years ago. I knew, I just knew I had to make a move because I know, I just know this is something big.

After that weekend, we planned to go see a movie. Then after that weekend, we planned to go see more movie. Until.. I guess we both realized that we have been prepared for this. It is now or never. From then on, until this very day, even 8 years ago can say, the butterflies are still there and they aren’t going away.