Don’t Wait For Others To Value You

More often than not, we seek validation from other people—especially from those who we love and care about. We want them to value us, we want them to show us how much they love and care for us and we end up sad, miserable and angry when we don’t feel loved and valued.

I have been like that before. I feel ugly when people don’t say I’m pretty. I feel stupid when they don’t tell me how smart I am. I feel unloved if they don’t tell me how much they love me. I feel sad when they don’t tell me how much they want me in their lives. In short *papansin* ako. More than anything, more than sensitive ako and daming hanash, papansin is the term to describe me (at least for me ah) Aside from feeling terrible, I created a terrible version of myself. Sad, lost and confused as I am, I hated everyone. Hate is a strong word and I don’t want to use it lightly, pero I did just that. I was angry and I kept crying and questioning my existence and everyone else’s. It was bad. I was in a bad place.

But I guess, growing up means learning from your ~stupid~ mistakes and knowing that what you did who you have been trying to be is wrong in so many levels. So when everything and everyone failed me, I went back and did a self-check. I realized how much stress I have put into myself and it’s crazy to think that all of this happened mostly because of me—being so cruel to myself. If I had valued myself enough, I wouldn’t have needed validation, if I didn’t need validation, I wouldn’t care so much about other people’s behaviour towards me.

So if you are going through this rough patch, it’s not easy and you don’t get to figure it all out without breaking I sweat (I had to have my heart broken to know all these) so heed my advice.

Do not wait for others to value you before you value yourself.

If there’s one person who needs to value you and love you so much, that’s going to be YOU and YOU ALONE. How would you understand and appreciate the love you receive if you don’t know how to love yourself, right? Stop waiting for them to value you. You have to value yourself first and then every single happiness will follow.

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Lo and Behold, The Angry INFJ

 

For the sake of everyone, I am not just talking about myself rather I am speaking of the whole INFJ universe out there. I don’t think it’s fair to generalize but seriously INFJs are not one of those you want to mess with.

If you haven’t done your research or if you are not familiar with Myers-Briggs theory, then let me sprinkle a few facts and anecdotes about INFJs.

  • INFJs in laymen’s term, the most introverted of all introverts.
  • We feel for everything. We have a lot of emotions and we’re empaths. We’re fuelled with feelings for people, things, situations, animals, environment, you name it!
  • We’re highly sensitive and we take almost everything (if not EVERYTHING) personally whether it is to be taken personally or not.
  • We find meaning on things and we simply dig deeper because we know that the surface is just a surface and it’s not enough.
  • We don’t get angry often but when we do, PREPARE FOR CHAOS. Prepare for a heart pounding, extremely scary scene.

So for the most part, it’s time to talk about why I am writing this. Simply because, I am fuming and infuriated and angry and hulking soooo bad that I could break someone’s neck. I am not one to be messed with. My friends know that.

You see me every day as a quiet individual. I don’t talk much and I love staying in the background. The limelight kills me and talking to people I am not comfortable with is another horror story. I’d gladly just sit back or get down to business like focus on work. Like, I love not being noticed. It’s like I hope and pray everyday that I don’t get to interact unnecessarily with people I am not comfy or chums with. In short, I pretty much enjoy being alone. But that doesn’t mean I do not have feelings and that I am to be the most hated girl in the universe.

It doesn’t mean I am shallow and scared because, NOPE. I AM NOT AND NEVER WILL I EVER GET FUCKING SCARED OF ANYONE EVEN WHEN MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

So what happens if I get THIS mad? (“This” mad as in THIS MAD LIKE I CAN EAT A FUCKING UNIVERSE AND LAUGH MANIACALLY. LIKE MAD MAD. LIKE CRAZY ANGRY KIND OF MAD) I get really hot, I can practically feel my pulse, my heart races and my head pounding. I can smash anything and anyone, I am fuming and I can mouth a really foul language and no one would approve of what my mouth would blurt because why? I speak the truth, only the truth and if I get ticked off, YOU ARE GOING THE FUCK DOWN.

That’s how mad I am. And that’s how I get when I am fucking angry.

How do I explain this? I mean, I don’t get angry too often but when I do, the world can crumble and I wouldn’t give the slightest fucks. Get it? (I am really typing cuss words without even being discreet right now? I guess I am really so angry!)

You see people, no one likes to be treated like shit. No one likes to be treated the way I was treated today and the other days. I have been treated badly for the past few days, not being attacked but spreading despicable rumors about me aka trashing the comfort room. I for one, having an OCD can’t even go in peace in the office lavatory. It takes a whole bunch of secretly cleaning before I use it so spreading the rumor of me—trashing it is way beyond me. People can say that I am over reacting and being dramatic about this whole idea but my personality is just—I would never back down no matter how big or small the case is if my principle and dignity is at stake. Whether I am being accused of a comfort room trasher or a rapist or a thief or a liar or a bad person and I know that it is a lie, I will not back down. I can go all day telling you how much of a fucking cunt you are for accusing me and no, I will not stop.

I don’t like being accused of anything I am not. Who wants that anyway? It just so happened that I have let it pass for a couple of times and again, it happens like. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I fumed my ass off and cried red hot tears at 9 in the morning. No I am not crying because I pity myself. I am crying because I am so damn hurt and angered! I am fuming!

If it wasn’t for my friends and if it wasn’t for utter respect, I could just be a shitface today. But no. I am writing this. And I shall be calmed down soon enough!

Xox, T.