Fresh Grads, Quarter Life Crisis-ers, Wanderers

5 years after graduating from college and being 27 years old now (is this considered as ‘late twenties’ already??? HOLYFCKNSHITTTT???) here are some of the things I’ve learned in life worth sharing. I hope you pick up something here that will help you cope and keep up with life without feeling so bad.

  • The real world + aging + growing up is messy! And no matter how much you think you are prepared for this, honey you are not and will never be prepared. You’ve been quite sheltered and we all have been in that phase but this is different now. So when I say you will never be prepared, it’s not supposed to sound so bad. It’s something that will immediately make you feel better because no adult has ever been prepared to be an adult per se and up to this day, I still can’t get the hangs of adulting! I swear. So chin up, cheer up, we are all struggling. Heh
  • Accept it. Some friendships are not meant to last even if you’ve been together for 15 years like???? You may have argued, drifted apart or just stopped being friends but that is normal. It could hurt for some, it could be okay for some but what I’m trying to say is it is normal hehe. It happens!
  • Half the time, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life. Sure I have a stable job (which I actually loved before. Like loved so much. Now I want to leave haha) sure I go boxing at least twice a week, I follow a healthy lifestyle, I go to church, I have friends, I drink sometimes, I watch stuff I want to watch, I enjoy but that’s not everything there is to life and even if it seems that adults like me (seryoso ba?) look like we have it all figured out, NOPE. So don’t pressure yourself too much. We don’t get to know what we want as quickly as we want to.
  • There is no freaking deadline. The stuff we read on facebook, the quotes we see everywhere? They’re all real. Like do what you can, enjoy your life and don’t look at what others have that you don’t have. Who cares if your friend was able to buy a car already and here you are trying to figure out your ABCs at work? Life is not a race and you must keep reminding yourself that. Too often we forget to make it about for life’s greater purpose, to glorify our God. We keep working and trying to get the best things just so people would think we’re happy and successful. Life doesn’t work like that so stop trying to impress everyone else by pressuring yourself with your stupid made up deadlines.
  • Take one step at a time and do everything with love while glorifying our God.

So I hope you don’t pressure yourself every day and feel sad and desperate and all that life crisis bits and pieces. We’ll get through this.

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Job Hunting, Adulting, Dilemmas

You know when you’re so stressed out but you have to keep fighting despite how toxic your workplace  is because the bills don’t get paid by themselves and you can’t eat whatever clothing, art materials, shoes you have so you got to suck it up and stay working miserably on that job of yours? Andon ako ngayon sa feeling na yon.

We lived a wonderfully comfortable life when I was young until my 3rd year in college. Everything went upside down when my mom, an ofw left her job and went back home (here in the Philippines) to take care of her mom (my Lola) from there, life went crazy! I was not able to enroll, I have no choice but to work just so I could do something about the situation but looking back, I didn’t even save up from that job. Basically, all I did was work and spend money. I was way too immature to save my life no? But my mom just let me be, I think she wanted me to do something aside from mourn a sem of not being able to go to school.

But that’s the start of me—valuing education even more.

After a sem, I was able to go back to school already. I instilled in my mind that when I finished studying, I will work and help my mom.

4 years after my graduation, after working from a BPO company, I landed my writing job (which I totally enjoy) and I helped my mom. I send my sister to school and all that and that’s a huge accomplishment for me already.

Fast forward to my dilemma now. After taking over the responsibility of sending my sister to school, I don’t think I still have the privilege of pushing for my passion. I need to drive myself more because this isn’t something like a happy-go-lucky scenario. I can’t leave the job I have as easy as I would want to because I need to pay for tuition fee, the bills need to get paid, I need to support my daily life, gas, food et cetera, et cetera. It’s so hard. HALP.

Wait. Let me breathe.

Okay,

Let’s proceed.

To cut the chase shorter, I no longer like what I do. I love to write but I don’t like what I’m doing here anymore. I don’t like the system, I don’t like how people get treated, I don’t like what’s happening every single day. I drag myself to work thinking that I need to work because people rely on me. Tipong wala akong karapatang magreklamo as of the moment because there are far more important things than my feelings. I hate it everyday but I drive myself further over the edge because that’s what I need to do. Walang ibang magpapaaral sa kapatid ko. Ako lang.

I don’t even think about the career anymore. I just want to work for a different company and be able to still send my sister to school.

Pero wait, ano ba talaga problema ko?

In short, I hate what I do but I can’t leave the job just yet hence the job hunting. Pero nakakaloka talaga guys. As in yung gusto mong umalis na talaga as in 101% sure ka nang aalis ka pero wala kang magawa kasi hindi pwedeng sarili mo lang iniisip mo??? Why is adulting SO HARD? Anak ng tinola, no one told us it’s going to be THIS hard. Don’t get me wrong, pero sobrang toxic na kasi talaga. I am even willing to transfer and change lanes with career just so I could leave already pero job openings are so rare these days huhuuuu.

Every night, I pray to God that may He give me an opportunity already because my sanity is at stake hahaha pero seryosooooo.

So ano ba gagawin natin? Yakap at dasal nalang muna no?

 

Adulting at 26 So Far

With my recent ganap in life and having only a month before I turn another year older, I was once again compelled with a thought that I think, helped me feel better.

So if you are curious as to how it is being 26 or 27, here’s what I can say so far. I know it will be different for everyone but whatev.

  1. Adulting is never over, never easy and there’s no getting used to. It’s as if you’re being able to grasp things when all of a sudden, life throws you a curved ball. That’s how adulting is. Okay ka na pero biglang hindi pala. Ganon lang.
  2. You will go through several emotional and mental breakdowns but you will be okay. Every once in a while, we need to cry and stress ourselves, doubt ourselves a little so we can figure out that we are capable of being calmed under pressure, strong and efficient. Momma didn’t raise a weak ass bitch and we want to make our momma proud. Kailangan akala mo muna hindi mo kaya pero sarili mo lang din ang magpupush sayo para marealize mo na kaya mo. Kaya mo naman pala talaga.
  3. You can’t sulk over stuff way too long because trust me, THINGS. NEED. TO. GET. DONE. no matter how hurt or unstable you are, there are things that needs to get done like taking care of your dog, paying the bills, going to work etc etc. Hindi ka pwedeng maiyak iyak lang sa isang sulok dahil ang dami mo pang kailangang gawin at hindi yun magagawa kung iiyak ka lang at iintindihin ang mga problema mo sa buhay.
  4. There are a ton of things that you would have to do alone and once you have done it, you’ll love it and realize that well, you now prefer doing things alone. Heh. Hindi habang buhay may makakaladkad ka na makakasama sa errands mo at kung ano pang ganap.
  5. When you feel stuck, trust the process. You’re not stuck, you just need to be patient.

So ikaw, you can do it!

Positivity!

Pagkatapos kong malugmok, ipinakita sakin ni God na masyado akong naka-focus sa mga nakakapag-pa-stress sakin kaya kinailangan pa niyang ipakita sa akin na kaya kong maging okay.

  1. After writing about my little drama I had, I felt better. Moreover, I felt even better when you guys commented and helped lift my spirits! No matter how simple your messages were, it was enough to make me feel better again. Nakakaiyak yung mga comforting words niyo huhuhuhu 💖💖💖
  2. I keep a copy of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff OMNIBUS at my work table. I usually read it every morning but it has been a few days since I last opened it. When I did, what I saw left me surprised and tearful. The title is “Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Darkness” it says that instead of stressing ourselves out over the problems we face, it’s best to find a solution. The line that caught my attention the most was this “taking positive, solution-oriented steps toward improving a situation instead of complaining about what’s wrong. It means being more a part of the solution rather than a reminder or reinforcement of the problem” (I must remember this)

Another one is this “When we focus too much on what’s wrong, it reminds us of other things we disapprove of or wish were different, which can lead us toward feelings of discouragement and being overwhelmed”


                As much as I can, I shall try to remind myself of these techniques or strategies in order to avoid dramas and too much stress.

  1. I was informed today that some of my overtime pay will be credited on this particular cut-off. I didn’t know how to react. I will have my pang-shopping and my sister’s school fee! Muhahahahahahahahah.

Aside from those, I realized that God and the Universe is really trying to make me feel better through small things that go unnoticed. Traffic wasn’t so bad today despite the fact that traffic was 10 million times heavier yesterday in Pasig compared to most days! It was insane. So I sort of expected another grueling battle with the traffic in Pasig. Surprisingly, it was moderate and actually a bit fast moving! My coffee has just the right amount of sugar and creamer. You see, being a batanguena I like my kapeng barako black. But my mom insists on putting creamer and sugar in it para hindi daw masyadong matapang. I don’t like creamy coffees and yesterday, my coffee is way too creamy for my liking. Today, it was just perfect! Another thing is that, payroll has been credited early!! Compared to other companies, our payroll gets credited later than everyone else’s kaya hallelujah talaga sa salary kanina! HAHAHA.

Ayan na si Kyx 😂

Paepal lang 😂
Yung pinagpeprepare pa ako ni mama ng baon ☺️
Mama and Aila 😘

Lastly, siguro hinga lang ng malalim, tapos laban lang ulit!

Living For Today!

Today, I found myself reflecting as to why I get so stressed out easily. I was thinking why am I always worried about a lot of things—even the things that haven’t even happened yet! I always create little scenarios in my head, most of them the worst case scenarios. More often than not, these scenarios don’t even happen at all. I just stress myself out because of NOTHING.

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I like this? Then I realized that maybe, I am always either living in the past or living for the future. I never live for the present, the today, the NOW. I always always race for tomorrow and that’s not entirely a good thing because you know what, I am wasting so much of my time thinking about what would happen or what happened in the past instead of what’s already happening in the present.

How many times did I allow myself to be stuck somewhere in the past? How many times did I waste my days thinking of the future that I forget how important the present is?

I always wanted to be one step ahead of myself. I always wanted to know if things will work out, how things will turn out that I miss the opportunity to cherish the blessings I have received. I worry about the things I have no control over and things I can’t change. I struggle so much in life because instead of working for today, I work for tomorrow.

I got about a dozen signs today that I should stop this madness and live NOW. Because NOW is the only time I have, NOW is the only important moment to live in, to enjoy and appreciate. The past is gone and the future hasn’t come. Why worry when you’ve got today to live for and think about?

Let’s all try to live for today. Don’t let your past and future control your present. Enjoy and carpe that diem!

Hot Tears

 

Ever since I was young, my mom loved to dress me up. I’m like her real life Barbie girl because for 10 years, I’m the only girl with 3 Kuyas (elder brothers)

Growing up, I carried on with dressing myself up in a funky way. I always thought of myself as a fashionista because my mom really buys me a lot of cute clothes, shoes and stuff. I accessorize too and in short, I really am a fashionista girl back then.

Then in 2015 until today, I gained a good 23 kilos. From being 45 kilograms, I now weigh 68 kilograms!! People say I’m not FAT but in reality, my BMI dictates that I am obese. I’m actually working on it now and I lost about 2 kilos.

Since this weight issue, I stopped dressing up. I only wore what I think would hide my big arms. In short, I stopped wearing the clothes I have. Aside from the fact that it doesn’t fit me anymore, I don’t feel okay wearing my old ones. So I bought office clothes and I probably have like a 2 week set of clothes that consists of kimono, sheer blouses, polo tops. I basically look like a hip tita (aunt) and yes, I only have a very little amount of clothes and I’m not even bothered. I wouldn’t even care if people mention it to me. “you don’t have a lot of clothes no?” or “Oh you’re wearing the top you wore about 2 weeks ago right?” or  “oh that was the same top you wore on my birthday noh?” yes. I’m not bothered. People do notice and I don’t even care. Eh ano ngayon kung kaunti lang ang damit ko??

But today is a special day. I have a dinner date with Kyx at our favourite ramen place (Ippudo; particularly in Mega Fashion Hall branch—please visit that branch if you have time. The crew is amazing! The food is amazing!) and then after our date, we’ll go to our friend Angge’s art show (it’s her 2nd show and it’s going to be at NOVA Gallery Manila along Chino Roces ave., Makati City –if you’re in the area, visit it and say hi! 😀 hehe) so I wore a top that makes me feel like I look pretty. It’s nothing fancy but this top is one of those that I don’t wear a lot. However, Kyx asked me about 20 minutes ago that if I want, he can bring me clothes to wear for Angge’s show. So in short, he chose a different top for me. That top has holes in it, like it has a beaded V-neck style. The beads are wood and it has a tribal feel, there are holes along the beaded area because like I said, I don’t have a lot of clothes so I wear that top on a weekly basis which made it really used diba?

Kyx told me then that when he gets his paycheque for a project this August, he would buy me clothes. HOT TEARS SPRANG FROM MY ALREADY BULGING EYES.

Not because I have no new clothes, not because he didn’t like what I was wearing today but because I feel like Kyx feels bad for me and I am touched. I mean I don’t want to look like a victim, like a kawawa. Pero yung napapansin pala niya na ganoon but he doesn’t mention it to me kasi ayaw niya na ma-feel bad ako.

He knows that I earn only a little money. From the little money I earn, I get a portion of it so I can send my little sister to school. Aside from that, I pay my bills, buy my groceries. That’s also why I don’t prioritize buying new clothes. I don’t need new clothes anyway plus I don’t have a budget for it. Why bother?

But then, these hot tears are tears of joy. It makes me love Kyx more. He truly cares for me and accepts me for who I am. Alam mo yun, yung compassion kasi andon?