Heya!

Alas!

Hi guys! Since I’ve put this new baby blog up, I have been both excited and stressed out about it. Jumping from my ever reliable tumblr and blogger, I chose wordpress (which can be a bit frustrating since I don’t have enough extra income to actually choose premium). I cannot HTML my way out to this and cannot customize so lo and behold, I had to make do of what is available here that is free. Lels.

So aside from that little boo boo, this blog has been running for a good 2 months now and I only figured what I wanted this blog to be. I am tired of just ranting. So here, my blog shall be filled with insights and random awkward experiences that could be useful to anyone, everyone! Also, I have a few readers now so I might as well fix what I want to write here (I am still afraid of judgy eyes and critics but I shall ignore them now)

For now, I will write my interests and whatever there is that could be of help.

I will also write about watercolour, books and a bunch of realizations! So excited for this new phase of blogging!

(I have been blogging since 2004 and only now that I want it to be serious lol)

Please hit me up, let me know what’s up by commenting, emailing me or just reach out when you want to! I am very open to collabs, work, write-ups and whatnot. Also, I want to meet new people who writes about stuff! *smiles*

Whatever. It’s LOVE.

As Wednesday being such a pain in the butt, I had to try and seek positivity in the midst of impossibility. It’s something hard to do especially when you’re almost full of anguish and shit like that. As annoying as everything may seem, I came to realize upon questioning why does this need to happen (all the freaking time) and then I was answered immediately. I feel like this is God’s way of showing and making me feel that love exists in a world of battles, hardships, difficult times and hate. Amidst these sadness, I am answered with hope and pure positivity that love is in fact, true. In all angles, true. These are the moments that you realize how you have a really pure loving heart despite all the anger you put towards stress and everyday struggle. This is beyond what I expected. This is far higher than what I wanted to know. Because amidst all the trials, you realize that you love people dearly and no matter how stupid things can get, you will never stop caring even though you are struggling yourself.

I have a lot of feelings toward a lot of different things. It is hard to contain them so I end up not talking. Especially in the office. People at the office sees me really quiet, snobbish and shy. This is because I am trying to focus on a different energy cause when I talk, I spill the beans. I spill everything and pour my heart out.

Going back, being someone who has a lot of feelings, I try my hardest to use my brain. Feelings and thinking can be complicated once dealt with so it’s hard enough to control your emotions. I have yet to discover my inner self and one thing I knew now is how much I will continue to care for people I love even when I am hurting. When you mature, you understand what true love is. You understand that love is still love even beyond the struggles and tears. When you love someone, you stop thinking about yourself and your own comfort. You dive right in, through it all—head first! That’s genuine love, that’s not dumb and stupid. Because love doesn’t go by instinct at all. Especially about family.

Just a thought about Asia and EV

I never really talk about politics that much. This is not because I have no care for my country and countrymen but for reasons I have personally.

  1. I do not care much about politics. Dirty dirty politics. My family, extended families and relatives even have connections with politicians, rubbing elbows with councillors, mayors, congressmen and so on. I even have used said connections when I really really have a need for it. But I would never ever indulge because I have no interest whatsoever. Seriously. I have a ton of stuff to stress about and politics is not one of my priorities right now. (Save your lecture of patriotism and stuff like I shall practice my right of suffrage cause hun, I COULD CARE LESS. You don’t know how savage life is for some people so don’t even go with the rights and all that BULL CRAP. Also, please know I said that with a mocking sing song voice for emphasis).
  2. I have friends who are into politics, social issues whatsoever and I wouldn’t want to clash with their opinions not because that we will end up destroying our friendship but I’d rather speak to them in person, discuss this matter rather than spill out my beans for all the world to see, cause I know for one that no one would even care.
  3. I really care about my country, fellow countrymen, rules, laws etc but I would rather not join open/public discussions as I have a lot of feelings, I am very emotional and I might not be able to express myself fully on writing then I would end up crying and getting mad over stupid stuff which will only make my twitter followers suffer (I rant A LOT ON TWITTER. LIKE I HAVE NO SHAME WHATSOEVER WHEN I TWEET ABOUT STUFF) and also, Kyx would suffer and we would end up fighting or arguing over something which rooted from my anger towards political issues..I’d rather save us both from stuff like these. We argue enough about random things and once we did fight about political issues and man it wasn’t lovely. NOT AT ALL.

So those were my reasons why I just talk to my friends and not post stuff on my own because of those reasons. However, I have seen one too many interesting arguments and discussions and THIS ONE, I CANNOT LET IT PASS JUST LIKE THAT.

So sometime yesterday (or the other day I am not 100% sure when it started) but my friend Asia posted something about a girl running for office—the council specifically in San Juan. I have known Asia for as long as I can remember. She is not dumb and stupid as people say now on hate comments about what she posted. She is not one to mess with and the girl knows what she is talking about. I am sorry that her haters are picking the side of what’s really dumb (the side of who’s really dumb and stupid. Again, I apologize for my words but SERIOUSLY MAN. WTF?). They keep commenting about how Asia just wants fame and oh my god, SHE DOESN’T WANT ANY OF THAT. Also, just like everyone else, she’s just stating her opinion and if you get butthurt, then it just means it is true. I mean PEOPLE, I AM ALL FOR NOT HATING AND FLOWER POWER AND ALL THAT CRAP, BUT GOD. DON’T EVEN COMMENT ABOUT HOW SHE SPEAKS STUPIDLY ABOUT SOCIAL ISSUES AND STUFF CAUSE ARE YOU FREAKING BLIND? Asia knows what she’s talking about and I am not just siding her because she is my friend, I am talking about this matter (political as it may be) because people just say a lot of stuff and cannot even acknowledge the fact that yes, haters gon’ hate but SHE REALLY HAS A POINT. I do not know why some socialite would want to run for office, not judging a lot here but the IG feed of that person is just blah. Are you even sure you want to run for office? Like you wouldn’t be able to party anymore and oh my god showing your abs and boobs and butt and all those sexual photos? I am all for self expression and women have the right to wear whatever they want to wear, post whatever they want and be whoever they wish and hope to be. But man, if you are running for office, don’t go posting your party shit. You may just be running for councillor but, I can just plainly compare it for someone running for senator, like would you want a senatorial candidate to post party stuff, boobs and all that work-out pictures? Ugh. Just be like a blogger slash socialite and all is good now.

I am not even from San Juan and I still cringe so bad about it. Ugh

Let’s not even discuss that I am siding with Asia cause she’s my friend. She really has this HUGE POINT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. Kthxbye! ~

I am so mad, this is why I hate political issues and arguments. Arrrrrghhhhh!!!! HAPPY MONDAY!

Of relationships, Changes and Love

 

My boyfriend has been my friend (and crush) since high school. We never dated back then even when we could because we were both so awkward. We are really good good friends ever since. I tell him random things I don’t tell other people, he also does that and jokes around, makes me listen to music he likes personally. There were times during college pa that I would think he likes to send me secret messages by asking me to listen to the songs and magfifeeling ako na para sakin yung song na yun (I figured pinaparinig lang niya talaga sa akin at walang meaning back then GRABE SA ANG HARSH TALAGA). We once went out, had dinner at a very Italian restaurant. We were in freshmen year of college. We were studying at different schools so we never went out talaga pero there was that one time. It was an awkward dinner and we both felt so dumb after. Grabe, I wore pa naman my favourite shirt. It was an emo sort of shirt pa GRABE. Hahaha

Long story short and fast forward to present, the first year of our relationship was a bit of blur. Super busy kami sa work and we would find ourselves squeezing each other to our busy schedules. Plastikan pa kami at honey moon stage pa. We didn’t fight a lot although we have a lot of differences it’s CRAZY. Then the second year is slow na, we would fight and I would throw a fit with huge blows of tantrums pa. He goes crazy and feels super bad about my actions. Then there was this one time when we fought so hard that he got super sad and told me that I wasn’t like this naman daw before, what happened. It hurt me so bad that I hurt him that way. So I realized several things and maybe you guys would have take aways from this too.

  1. Always remember the good times when you’re in the bad ones at the moment.

You know what I do when I really get mad at him and I want to hit him and leave him and all that crap? Before I say a word, I would try my hardest to forget my emotions at present and go time travelling for a second. I would go to our happy memories and the stuff that we did that made us both genuinely happy. After that, I am not that mad na. Maybe I am still a bit angry at him but I have stopped thinking of beating the crap outta him by then. So try that cause it pays off. Really.

  1. Understand the feelings of your partner too.

I know this is easier said than done. It’s really hard to understand how they feel when you’re also dealing with your own emotions. Mahirap na isipin pa at intindihin ano at bakit niya nararamdaman ang mga nafifeel niya right? But if you’re in a relationship you plan on making it work forever, you have to try your best. In bad situations, you need to try and understand how and why the feel the things they feel. Not only that you will slightly forget why you’re mad but you’re also calming him/her down if things turn cray for you guys. Anyone will calm the fck down when they realize you’re trying to understand them instead of bitching out and lashing out on them.

  1. Don’t let pride get in the way.

If there’s one adjective to describe me perfectly it would be ma-pride. I will never ever back down especially if my pride will be compromised. I will never let anybody toy with my pride cause I feel like that’s the only thing I have and I cannot let anyone take that from me. Pero when it comes to relationships, try to eat or even swallow your pride most of the time. Kasi it will only get in the way of solving things. Whenever Kyx and I fight, I would often forget about the fight itself and focus on my pride and how my ego was hurt because of something dumb he said or did. Now, I try my hardest to quit thinking about my pride in times like these cause it is exasperating, exhausting and annoying.

  1. Calm yourself down before you start opening that pie hole of yours.

I noticed that when I get super mad and I started talking, everything comes out and I feel like I mean it but I really don’t pala. I let the words get the best of me and take on a whole new attack. I have a way with words, I don’t talk very often unless there’s a need or I am with people close to me. Pero on a normal level, I hate small talks, I don’t like random talks with people I really can’t talk to. Another thing is, I am too awkward and I sometimes find it hard to explain what I wanted to say and everything’s just blah and it will come out wrong. It’s always a disaster. Before, when Kyx and I fight, I would do a lot of talking, attacking him with words that I know will hurt him. I will say a lot of things that aren’t even connected to the fight itself and then I regret it afterwards. I would feel terrible and ang ending, ako pa talaga ang masama. So I realized, before I speak, I need to really try and calm myself down. This is the hardest task I would ever have to do whenever I am angry. I tried practicing it and whenever the need arises, I talk to myself and fight the urge to fucking open my mouth.  It is difficult but it benefits the both of you. It saves you from a complete train wreck! Hindi na para lumaki pa ang fight. *wink wink*

  1. Remember LOVE in the world of hate.

This is also hard when you’re in a “world” full of hate. Kapag war kami ni Kyx I feel like I hate him so so much and I never want to see his face ever again kaya naman I do things I regret afterwards. Mas nakakahiya sa pride ko. So I realized that whenever there are hateful things, you have to remember love. While this is very vague, we were told also by our elders (and even the bible mentioned we shall love our enemies as we love ourselves). It is difficult to show love when you’re angry and you feel like you’re supposed to be right. How do we do this? Remember how you were even together in the first place. Talk to your heart and don’t focus on your emotions. When you’re angry, you tend to think you will be angry at them forever. That’s not the case. You will just be angry for a second and then regret everything. Sometimes, easy lang lusutan, pero sometimes hindi rin tas iiyak ka nalang kasi it’s too late. I feel like you really have to talk to yourself, analyse the situation. Calm yourself then you will remember love within all the hates.

I feel like my thoughts are scattered but then again I guess you guys would understand what I am trying to put out there. In love, in relationships, there will be changes. There will always be “war” but you guys should simply work everything out no matter how tough it may seem. *wink wink*

 

xox,Thea

bye bye toxic friendship.. bye bye.

I couldn’t stress more on how constant change is. You might know it by now and you may already witnessed different consequences of change and what it entails however, I still want to write about it.

This one is on a more personal level. Based on my own experience plus, it’s very very recent!

Okay, I tried to write about this for days but I cannot even finish it! It’s so frustrating because there are a lot of unfinished blog entries and I am not happy about it.

This matter is very sensitive for me, I feel like it’s showing my emotions even if I try to hide it. *sigh*

Here’s the deal. Before I turned 25 (last April 7) I realized a lot of things about life. How I am slowly understanding that no matter how hard life can be, it will always be worthwhile especially with the people who will be there for you through it all. There are realizations that made me happy, there are some that made me sad, however, this one made me sad but made me very happy in the end.

This is the big news. After so many years, I have decided to let go of the people who hurt me so much, who are toxic and who never should have mattered in the first place. Yes this sounds so bitter but trust me, I am not bitter. I am just stating facts. It is really hard to let go of the people who I once thought I could never live without. Here’s what happened.

I will not put in so much gruesome details, there are no catfights, but I guess I have to put it out there. People change like seasons do. Friends come and go. THIS IS REALITY. This is the truth! Friends are only forever for a period of time and then wala palang forever. Seriously. I am not imposing this to anyone as this is just a personal experience of mine but it’s real pala when they say “friends come and go”.

Before my birthday, a lot happened and I realized, partly it is my fault because I let people stood me up, I let people tell me what to do most of the time, I let them take advantage of my loyalty and I end up screwed over so bad not knowing how it all started. I have known a lot of my friends ever since I can remember, there are a lot of happy memories, fun times and all that and those are the reasons why I feel like I can’t live with these people forever. Even if they do mean things to me (I know they don’t mean to be mean but then again it’s insensitive most of the time kasi..) I would often wonder why it’s like this. Every once in a while, they will be good friends and then they will be mean. The cycle goes on and maybe I have a fair share why these things happen but I just blatantly ignored how this affects me on a serious emotional level. To the point that I cry and get slightly depressed. Because you know what? I will never ever do to them what they do (did) to me. Again this is not something very serious. This is just a lot of petty things. And I mean  BUTTLOAD of petty things. I can’t even count the times I have let them do this to me. I just feel that they will just be okay afterwards and we will be our normal selves again. But you know what? Being 25 is a lot different from 20 years old. I do not have A LOT OF TIME to waste on people who will play with my feelings and act like a friend but is not really one to me? Gets ba? I mean a friend—for me, is someone who would be there whether you need them or not. A friend will help you whether you asked for it or not, in ALL aspects. Maybe we can’t expect people to treat us the way we treat them BUT IT GETS REALLY EXHAUSTING IF EVERYTHING IS NOT RECIPROCATED AT LEAST ONE WAY OR ANOTHER DIBA? So I decided to let go of these people. This does not mean that FO na and no communications na talaga. But I have let go of them in a sense na I wouldn’t need them anymore. I have learned that there are a lot of different people more worth it than those who do not appreciate what you do for them. I can still be friends with them (in fact I am still their friend) but not in the level that I was a friend to them before.

It’s so toxic to be affected by people who do not even care what you think and feel. So I felt like I need to know which are worth the while and which aren’t. It is hard at first. I’m not the type naman to be super heartless and to give up the years of friendship. I am just limiting myself and my emotions. This is me protecting myself from being hurt by people I did not expect to hurt me in the first place.

Kaya naman guys, you always have to watch out for yourself. Don’t let anyone trample over you or hurt you in the simplest of forms. Kasi malaki talaga ang effect niyan. It’s hard to let go of the friendship but listen, it’s even harder to stay in a toxic relationship with a toxic environment. *wink wink*

People change, friends change, we can only do so much but we must know the limits. Our limits.

The Hunt for MY perfect shade is on.. (still on)

Ultra Matte by Colourpop ; Shade: LAX

Hi guys! How are you all doing?

Today, I will make a review about the Ultra Matte Colourpop that I bought from my friend. The shade I chose was “LAX”.

Even before the brown or Kylie Jenner brown shades were a hit, I adored brown/nude shades already. I was hunting for the perfect shade but since I am the OC person that I am, I can’t find what I really like so I end up blending my lippies to achieve the shade I want. Ehen my friend announced that she will be taking orders for Colourpop and she will get it from the States pa, I researched the different shades they offer. I am the brown or purple shade kind of girl so I was feeling adventurous that day I think that’s why I chose “LAX”.

Fast forward to when my Colourpop arrived.

After our work, Kyx and I picked my lippies from my friend’s house. It was late na and I know Colourpop’s reputation. It will stay on for hours and hours so I kept it agad para I wouldn’t be tempted to try and put it on.

The morning after, I tried it and I think I dabbed too much and the shade was super kaduper goth dark levels na talaga. GRABE. I was panicking and palpitating because Kyx might get sooo mad at me if he sees me wear this shade. After a few hit and miss, I kinda learned to just dab a little and then spread it real quick all over my lips—carefully enough not to make kalat all over my mouth area cause it’s super dark, a missed spot would be super obvious. Tapos you really have to spread it quickly because it dries faster than other brands.

I would love to post photos pero I am super shy about this. Nevertheless, I loved the shade. It’s perfect for a night out (problem is—I don’t do night outs anymore) also, perfect for night trips whatever. It wouldn’t suit a day job very well so I had to play it with some brown blends to make it look appropriate for an office workday. I love how it stays long, the consistency is good but not the best of bests, I think it dries my lips out a bit unlike other brands. I like how quick it dries though. I mean it’s hard but it’s good in some ways cause you don’t have to wait for a long time before you can confidently say that it’s dry na.

I’m giving Colourpop a 7/10. I like it but didn’t love it as much as I thought. I like it better compared to other brands.

Also this is not a paid post or an advertisement of some sort. I’m only doing it for my own enthusiasm.

Self-Help books! Woop!

I usually would write a ton of personal blog stuff that I just save for my own enthusiasm. Not that I’m shy and all but I feel like I rant a lot and nobody really wants to listen to what I have to say. Things changed when I found a new found friend (and her blog is sooo helpful) and I came to realize that this isn’t about patronizing, this is just getting it all out and the bonus is gaining friends or helping your readers feel that they are not alone in something.

Today’s post is about the book I bought last Friday (Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff Omnibus Version). It was a wee bit expensive than normal but I feel like self-help books are great investment. I have like 5 different YA books that I’ve been wanting to buy since 2015 but then, I chose to buy this because I think (and feel) that I actually need it.

I’ve been stressing over turning a year older and I have been trying to bury that thought for a little while. Not until April 1 came and the next thing I know, it’s almost my birthday! Goodness!! You’ll never know this feeling not until you’re about to turn 25 (or you’re 25, or you’re 26 etc.) I mean seriouslyyyyy man, it’s not even cute. Like when I was just about to turn 22, I was all “gahhh I’m getting ooold” in a pacute way pa, but now? OH MY GOD. It’s not even cute na talaga. Plus your responsibilities are harder than everrrr. (Now I think I have to write something about the not cute things when you’re 25) lololol.

Sooo.. Going back to my new book.. It consists of different situations in life. It gives pieces of advice on how to handle simple and complex stuff! You see why this is helpful? I stress a lot over things I can and can’t control. I burden myself with “problems” that I continue to make even if there shouldn’t be any problems in the first place. I am a huge worrier and I overthink EVERYTHING until I realized how I am turning 25 and how I should try to live a healthy normal life physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I figured this book would be amazing help for me. I’m only on Chapter 15 and so far, so good. I’d write more about this book soon as I finish like my work articles.

Good night!

Xox, Thea