I don’t know if this is just me giving myself the signs I am asking for or God or the universe truly wants to talk to me and encourage me in every step that I will take from this day forward.
Let me tell you what happened after my 2-day experience. I will not say anything specific about the “experience” itself and only a few knows about it so let’s wait to hear the good news before the details okay? Anywaaaaay, my 2-day experience were both exciting and HARD. To say the least, I got so tired that when I went home after the 2nd day, I cried so hard and both Kyx and I didn’t know what to do with myself! I was crying so hard endlessly, ugly crying, kinakatay na baka crying, namatayan kind of crying. It was super loud that if someone else heard me they’d think I lost someone and was in extreme shock. Seryosong you won’t imagine my crying face because it is the hardest I have ever cried in a long time. I mean I do cry on a regular basis (because that’s just me as a person) but this sort of crying was very different. Very. Very. Different. It’s far more worse than the crying face I had when my (ex) friends broke my heart!
So after crying, I prayed and cried again some more. Feeding myself with doubt while ignoring how painful my cramp-y legs and feet are. I told myself that I might not be capable of this and that. That maybe, just maybe I overestimated myself. That I am not good enough for this et cetera.
I was thinking to myself how scary (shit) this might be and this is all new to me and maybe I am not capable of growth. Basically, I am scared. Hella scared if I am being completely honest. It’s not me to just dive right in but that’s exactly what I am about to do and even if the finish line is not yet within my reach (wala pang schedule for the final process) I think I’m about to immerse myself into something I have not tried before and that is scaring me!
I fell asleep with cramps and tears still in my eyes then when I woke up, I prayed again and asked the Lord if he thinks I am good for this and that I can be what I think I could be. Well, he didn’t answer right away but I kept thinking to myself that He wouldn’t have let me go this far if I am not good enough for it anyway. I think our conversation would go something like this:
Me: God, am I good enough for this? Lord God, would I be able to get through this in all my days?
God: What do you think?
So I went on with my day and let the other days passed without getting super anxious and stressed about it. Then just now, I came across a quote saying “Always go with the choice that scares you the most because that is the one that’s going to help you grow”
If this isn’t God’s way of telling me that I can do it and that it is what’s in store for me, then I don’t know what is.
I hope I don’t jinx it and right now I am definitely hoping I get the part. So please pray with and for me my dear friends.
P.S. I still can’t get over the fact that I was heavily crying, intensely crying. More than diamond star, mega star, star of all seasons kind of crying!! Guys!!!!