Hello Hello Powz!

Hello! First of all, I am writing this blog entry with my new keyboard from Miniso!!!! I think it’s just 700 pesos and why is this keyboard relevant anyway? Well, after leaving my copywriting job, I didn’t have time to get my good old netbook fixed and so I had to resort to using my ipad for blogging. However, it is very exhausting to type using my ipad without a proper keyboard so ya get what I mean?

Anyway, I am excited to share with you my detailed experiences for the past 2 and a half months in my new job.

It’s funny how I can’t think about good things to say because as of right now, all I can think about are the horrific stuff I have dealt with such as people being so balahura at the fitting room, tapos yung mga nanggugulo ng mga super magagandang folded items. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining (but I really am)

In short, nakakaloka talaga. Everyday, I think about how I have come up with this decision to choose this career path, everyday I struggle with the same thoughts. I question myself and think that maybe I have very poor decision making skills at the age of 28. (OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, I just turned 28 about 2 weeks ago!!!) There were times that I would cry myself to sleep because I don’t understand myself anymore.

Pero bago nga yung detailed chikabels ko, matutulog muna ako because I have worked a full 12 hours shift with only an hour-long break!!!! NAKAKALOKA.

So ayan, sorry kung nabitin yung chika ko. Basta pramis, bukas chichika talaga ako. Sana basahin niyo! Hahahahahhahahahahahha

P.S. Wag po tayong baboy sa fitting room guys, ang daming nagkakalat sobra. Minsan sisinga sa tissue tapos iiwan yung tissue doon. Guys sino bang dadampto non diba? I mean yung mga siimplengg ganyang bagay wag na gawin. Kasama sa work namin maglinis and all pero hindi kasama yung ganongg klaseng kababuyan levels. And to top it off, may mga mangungulangot tapos ipupunas sa pader ng FR. wag po ganon. Kami yung magkikiskis nung kulangot ano ba yun diba ahahahha ang daming binibili, may pera magshopping pero yung kulangot ganon ganon nalang ipapahid sa pader diba? I kenat powz hahahah. Ayun lang.

Lalagyan ko nalang ng password to next time kasi baka maligwak pa ako sa werk kapaag may nakakita muhahaha pero next time na.

See ya! Until next chika!!

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I Want To Give Up

Ayan. Ganyan ang drama everyday.

But then, I realized na tuwing nagigising ako kinabukasan I am given another chance yet again to make the most out of my blessings. To keep going.

So bakit ako mag gigive up diba?

Next time na yung buong chika. May pasok pa ako bukas hassle hahaha

Life Update!

While waiting for my shift to start, I thought I’ll update you guys haha. Ever since I started my new job, I didn’t have enough time for things I like to do–blogging included. Work is so demanding, my time is not enough for a lot of things but I am really enjoying life right now. Everything aren’t always sparkles and rainbows but so far, it’s been good.

New Work – AMAZING! I’ve been learning a lot of things. The training is super hard and thorough but it’s going to be helpful in the long run.

Family – Happy as can be!!

Friends – I could not ask for more.

Maybe I’ll write a longer post later tonight. I miss you all!!! I miss writing. I miss everything. ❤️

The Art of Deadma: Boss Edition

I can’t believe I’m talking about this because I am the last person I can think of that would “deadma” something especially if it would trigger so many feelings.

With everything that happened to me, I have learned how to control my emotions, to choose my battles, to know how I should react especially in stressful scenarios. It wasn’t easy but the moment I was able to get the hang of it, then all is well. Hence I have learned the art of deadma.

After the holidays, my boss gave everyone in our team his Christmas gift. Everyone had their gifts on top of their tables except me. Yup! You got that right, he didn’t bother giving me a gift. He left me out.

Had it happened a year ago, I would’ve bawled my eyes out. It would have hurt me so bad that I would overthink every single detail. I would make assumptions as to why he would have left me out! But now, I don’t care as much as I always did.

Whether his intentions would be to hurt me, to make me feel bothered or not, I don’t care. I wouldn’t give him the slightest satisfaction of seeing me hurt or affected and the good part is I am not even pretending to be unaffected!

Because last night, I was just thanking God for all the blessings he gave me. He answered my prayers especially when I asked him to grant me healing. I feel so blessed just by thinking about my family, friends and loved ones and that is enough to make me feel happy. I don’t need  gifts in fancy wrapping papers, I don’t need fake love. I got what I need and that’s enough.

So the art of deadma works well especially when you feel satisfied, happy and blessed beyond belief. Whoo!

Kwentuhan Tayo #2

Jusko naman, kwento ko lang last night yung moment of enlightenment ko ha. Kasi naman 2nd day palang into 2019 umiyak na ako kaagad, ano ba naman yan diba? Pero don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing. I was just really feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional. Andiyan papasok bigla yung self-doubt at takot, napangungunahan ako ng ganitong thoughts kaya di ko kinakaya na napaiyak nalang ako hahaahhahha.

Sobrang bago kasi itong career change na ito para sa akin. Ang personality ko kasi is sanay ako sa routine. Sanay ako sa alam ko. Ako yung tipong pipiliin yung long travel na kabisado ko kaysa sa shortcut na hindi ako familiar. Ako yung uulit ulitin ang order sa paulit ulit na restaurant kasi ganon talaga ako. In short, hindi ako talaga sana sa taking risks, seeking the great perhaps and all that. Hindi ako sanay umalis sa comfort zone ko so this year ko yun gagawin and natatakot ako hahahah. Syempre normal lang naman siguro ang makaramdam ng ganitong emotion kaya hindi naman ako naiinis sa sarili ko. Isa pa, naiisip ko na sobrang mahihirapan ako kasi ibang iba talaga yung career path na tatahakin ko ngayon. Hindi siya ever sumagi sa utak ko na gagawin ko kahit kailan but here I am??? So paano diba? Kaya ko ba? Gusto ko sanang umatras, umurong, mag-BPO na lang ulit ako kasi mas alam ko kalakaran doon pero sabi ni Kyx kasi, ngayon pa ba ako susuko? Ngayon pa ba ako aatras eh andito na ako.

Feeling ko hindi ko kasi magagampanan ng mahusay yung position kaya lang ang nega ko naman kung ganon. So eto na:

  1. Sigurado ako, hindi ibibigay ni Lord sakin ito kung hindi ko kakayanin. Sabi nga nila, lahat ng challenges na binibigay sa iyo ay kaya mong malampasan. So kaya ko din siguro ito no?!
  2. Dapat paulit ulit kong isipin ano nga ba ang purpose ko why I started? Ano ba yung goal ko bakit ko ba ito kinuha. May deeper reason so dapat lagi kong balikbalikan yun.
  3. I fear that I won’t have enough time anymore for my family and friends dahil sa super busy na ng magiging work ko, kaya lang sometimes kailangan ng little sacrifices like this for a greater reason.

Ngayon naman kalmado na ako eh. Kagabi lang ako nagiinarte. Sige 2019, i-push natin ito!

HAPPY!

I was writing my year recap when I decided to stop and read what I wrote last year. My oh my, 2017 was actually really bad. Worse than 2018 I swear hahaha. I was cringing the entire time when I read my past entries. Grabe, nkklk.

I attempted to write my highlights or even do a year recap but it’s pointless, most of my highlights have already been written here (so ano? Paulit ulit tayo haha)

Instead, let me write about how happy I am.

I am not really a festive person, I don’t  like celebrating things especially Christmas because I have been always grieving for the past years. Laging may namamatay and it’s just so lonely to even think of celebrating in a funeral home diba? So the best plot twist that 2018 gave me is to have a chance of celebrating this year’s Christmas day filled with joy and happiness. I mean it’s still not perfect because 2 of my brothers are not home for Christmas but this is the first time that no one died and no heart breaking incident happened. Of course, like I said it wasn’t perfect because I don’t have enough money to buy people gifts but the good side is I don’t have money because they held my salary because…I am already turning over my work!!! I have finally submitted my resignation letter muhahahaa.

So what else am I happy about despite my nagtitipid ass?

  • FULLY HEALED FROM THE PAST!!!!!!!!
  • (not) ready to start my new job in Feb!
  • My mental health is in a better state compared to the past months filled with anxiety.

What else? Ahhh I can’t think of anything else to write about. I am just really happy right now and I hope everyone else is happy too.

By the way, how was your Christmas celebration? Did you guys celebrate Christmas?

Mini side chika: we didn’t really prepare for Christmas as in we didn’t cook anything. We spent our Christmas day at our relative’s house where other relatives stay there to celebrate too. It was really fun and for the first time in many years, it felt good to celebrate Christmas.

I miss chikahan with you guys so tonight, I will visit your blogs muhahaha. Bye!

Hayy Life

Bago ko ito sinulat, meron akong sinulat na super raw as in yung feelings ko andon lahat. Hahahahah so dito sa version na ito, itatry kong hindi ako galit haha.

Minsan talaga dadating sa puntong akala mo ubos na ubos ka na pero may pipiga pa rin sayo, sasairin ka. Andon ako sa puntong yon. Andon ako sa pagod na pagod ako sa buhay ko to the point na gusto kong umalis, maglaho at wag nang bumalik. Gusto ko mag-iba ng identity at manirahan nalang sa kung saan walang nakakakilala sa akin. Pero hindi ko alam kung sobrang katapangan yon na talikuran ang lahat ng bagay o kaduwagan. Ikaw nalang mamili kung ano sa tingin mo yon.

Alam kong maliit lang itong mga iniinda ko. Pero siguro dadating ka nga talaga sa mga ganitong punto, may mga moments na hindi mo na din alam ano gagawin mo kahit na simpleng bagay lang naman yon, kahit pwedeng hindi na isipin, iniisip ko pa rin.

  1. Saan ka nakakita na hindi mo naman utang pero ikaw ang nagbabayad????? Gusto ko tumawa talaga pero baka habang tumatawa ako ng malakas maiyak ako hahaha bakit ganito ang kapalaran mga mamsh??? Tapos may nasasabi pa sayo???? Vhaketttt hahah
  2. Yung mga bayarin na malalaki sinasalo mo kasi wala nang ibang sasalo. Yung taong originally nagbabayad non wala daw pera ngayon pero san ka pa, may maraming bagong mamahaling shoes hahahahaa saya saya!
  3. Yung tuition na originally babayaran ko hindi ko mabayaran dahil sa 1 and 2 tapos parang kasalanan ko ngayon kasi san na ako kukuha ng pambayad na yon???? Kasi binayad ko na sa mga bagay na hindi naman dun nakalaan ang pera ko pero ano gagawin???

Shuta pagod na pagod ako mga bakla. Hindi ko kinakaya ang laging MMK nalang ang nangyayari.

Okay lang ako sa role ko, naiintindihan ko na kahit pang-apat ako sa pinakamatanda eh ako na ang tatayong bread winner para sa bunsong kapatid ko at sa nanay ko kasi walang ibang gagawa. Tanggap ko yon pero hindi ako magpapakaplastic na sasabihin kong hindi ako napapagod. Napapagod talaga akong sadya. Tapos bukod pa diyan, hindi ka maiintindihan ng ibang tao kung bakit tumatanggi ka sa pagsama sakanila sa mga laboy, hindi maiintindihan kung bakit hindi ka nakakapagreply sa mga chat lalo na mga kamaganak ko sa tatay ko na juskooooo poooo hindi lang ako makareply talagang dami nang sinasabi sakin. Ratrat na ako ng mga hindi manlang daw ako makaalala. Jusko po sa dinami dami ng iniisip ko unahin ko pa ba mag gaganyan?

Tapos alangan namang isa isahin mo sakanila yung mga pinagdadaanan mo sa buhay diba? Diba hindi naman madaling gawin yon.

Pagod na pagod ka pero hindi ka pwedeng sumuko. Hindi ka pwedeng maawa sa sarili mo kasi kailangan mong magfocus sa goals mo, may mga taong umaasa sayo kaya sila yung mas uunahin mo kaysa sa sarili mo.

Kaya sige. Bahala na. Bahala na si God kung papaano ko malalampasan ito.

Mercruy Retrograde or PMS siguro kaya stressed ako ng bongga pero wapakels na. Kailangang ko kumayod. Happy Monday!