If you have been reading my blog for a long time now, you’d see how much I’ve struggled with keeping my sanity while loving myself and caring for myself. You probably saw me in my highs and lows through whatever I have written, how dramatic I have been, how emotionally wrecked I was, how I kept going back and forth with moving forward and clinging to the past. It has been a crazy crazy ride but since September started, I don’t know if it was because of the moon, stars and planets, but I have come to fully embrace self-care and self-love without struggling too much. (I’m actually surprised that it has not been that HARD anymore! Maybe I am really learning how to move on from all the drama right?)
3rd week: My progress is slow but triumphant. It feels like I am on the right track. It doesn’t feel like I’m pushing myself hard, it’s not like I’m forcing myself to feel emotions I don’t want to feel.
What have I been doing? Yoga and healthy eating aside, here are the things I do:
I am focusing on improving myself without asking or seeking other people’s validation and approval.
I just do things the way I feel is right.
I keep away from people who give me negative emotions (however, I don’t take it at heart because I don’t take it at ALL)
I don’t live for other people. I used to wake up, get off my ass and please every single person. Agree with them to avoid potential conflict (which I’ve learned that might backfire in the future so I stopped this way of living) now I live for myself and the people I love especially my family.
I don’t try to fit in. If people don’t like me and I can sense they’re talking about me behind my back or subtweeting about me or scrutinizing my every move I won’t care about that person anymore. If ayaw mo sa akin at masyado kang maraming sinasabi about me, I will let you go. Hindi ko ipipilit sarili ko.
So far, these are my observations and I feel really good about myself lately and that’s amazing!
Before I write about HOW (fucking) FANTASTIC last week (plus Monday) was, I must write about my Tuesday and my moments.
Today is the first day of work in this week and I just dragged myself here. I do not have the will to go to work plus my allergies are so bad I just want to lay in bed, watch Desperate Housewives or cry over things I wanted to cry about. But instead, I’m at work and I feel so lost. Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m confused or lost. They seem to have this notion that I look so sure about myself (that’s a good thing I guess. I take it as a good thing and I’m not even sorry lol) when deep inside, I am falling apart—not in a depressive manner at least. But I am falling apart in terms of not-wanting-to-do-shit-any-fucking-more kind of falling apart.
I also would like to note that last Saturday, on our way to my friend’s baby shower, we got SUPER stuck in traffic that I have re-evaluated my life already, got sad and got comforted by God’s grace in the end. Ang lala hahaha
Well, for me to feel this way, I am thinking which planet/s is/are in retrograde because I’m definitely not myself. I’m just glad that Mercury is done with its retrograde but other planets are still in retrograde which makes it hard for me to keep up. Hayyy, self.
I was planning to write separate posts for my fantastic week last week but I’ll just cram it up in one entry he he he he.
TFIOB is a group of Filipino bloggers turned friends.
Through this group, I met people that I have grown to love and be friends with. Through this group, I realized that the world is bigger than I could have ever imagined. Through this people, I found what I lost.
Happy 1st year TFIOB!
Kahit lagi niyo ako inaasar, kahit lagi akong late, kahit lagi niyo pinupuna yung dede ko lagi naman din kayong andiyan para sa akin at sa lahat ng ibang may kailangan ng kaibigan. Minsan OP ako ganern kasi lagi akong wala pero keri lang naman kasi pag nagkita kita naman na ulit, masaya pa rin hahaha.
Ang dami dami niyo ang hirap isa isahin hahaha ayokong may malimutan ako.
Una sa lahat, Space. My labs, ikaw yung kaibigan ko na kahit hindi araw araw makausap, andiyan lang lagi para sakin. Yung tipong ipagtatanggol ako pag inaapi ako. Nagpapaligaya sakin, kausap ko sa mga oras na down ako o imbey. Ikaw na ikaw lahat haha.
Amielle, ikaw yung baby sister type of friend. Yung kahit hindi tayo naguusap nagkakaparamdaman tayo ng mga hanash sa buhay, sana wag tayo magbago sa isa’t isa. Stay put ka lang diyan haha.
Kate, yung eye opener, friend na walang BS. Magsasabi lang ng totoo at legit na love ako. Love kita besh!
Kat, ibang level yung friendship natin. Para sakin tinuturing kitan legit talaga na amazing friend. Lagi ka din andiyan para sakin to knock some sense in me, pag ma-drama ako binabalance mo yung emotions ko. Naghihintay pa rin ako sa araw na makakapag-Jollibee date tayo bes!
Alona, kahit sobrang busy natin sa lahat ng hanash in life, ikaw yung friend na andiyan lalo na nung baliw baliw pa ako. Asan na yung pakape natin?
Lhory, isa ka sa mga una kong naging kaibigan and super happy ako nakilala kita 🙂
Jhem and Aubrey, mga mamsh hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko kung wala kayo hahaha. Kayo yung laging andiyan na walang sawa making at magcomfort sakin nung nababaliw ako eh haha.
Mommy Meg, di ko maexplain pero alam ko lagi ka lang din andiyan kahit busy ka haha.
Krishel, Chammy, Gerry, Eca, Ica, Grace, CJ, Kuya ALbert, Mommy Joy kahit di tayo lagi naguusap or nagkikita dama ko yung care natin sa isa’t isa kahit busy kayo haha.
Shout out kay Krishel: huyyy ibang klase. Salamat lalo na nung sabado hahaha kung hindi dahil sayo, hindi ako nakapagenjoy. ❤ ❤ Feeling ko lumevel up yung friendship natin dahil don bwahaha.
Kuya JC and Ate Jona, idol parents! ❤
Ate Aysa, Jolens mga idol ko kayo lalo na sa pagsusulat hayyy ❤
Jonathan, James, Sensei umaasa ako na magkabonding bondingan tayo soon haha.
Maklein and Mikay, mga baliw HAHA sobrang saya na nakita ko kayo at nakasama. Excited ako sa muli nating pagkikita kasi sobrang baliw nyo din hahaha
Rhea, Jas, Ely and Kuya Jheff, salamat kasi kahit di ako nakakasama niyayaya niyo pa rin ako HAHAHA. Kahit lagi akong lost at sabaw, andiyan pa rin kayo. Haha!
Ang dami, ang dami dami pa. Maraming salamat kasi nakilala ko kayo at naging kaibigan. Kung may hindi man ako namention, pasensya na. Babawi ako next time haha.
Di ko na masyadong dinramahan hahah sa susunod nalang. With matching iyak pa haha.
Finally, the day has come. Every year since 2007, I would wait for August first to come so that I can finally greet you a happy birthday.
During those times, my “happy birthday” greeting would entail a meaning of thoughtfulness, care and friendly love. It’s my way of telling you that I went the extra mile for you. You know that I used to not like birthdays and greeting people right? It’s also my way of showing you that every year, I make it a point to let you know how much I value your day. It’s not just a mere hello or a greeting, it’s always something more and I’m always too shy to let you know.
After 11 years, here we are—still really good friends, best of friends in fact, and I cannot emphasize enough how much you mean to me so instead, I am here with you to celebrate your life. I want you to know that I love you with everything that I am, I love you in my dark times and in my bright days. I love you when I’m sad, I love you still when I’m happy. Even when I’m angry, I love you. No matter how many rollercoaster of emotions I go through on a daily basis, nothing changes with the love I feel for you. Happy birthday my ddear love love hahahahaha. You are the little ball of sunshine whenever life rains on my parade. See ya later! Let us enjoy cake and beer later (pero ako lang naman yung iinom but whatever haha)
Sa taong pumupuno sa akin ng ligaya. Yung nandiyan lang para icomfort ako lagi sa bawat drama ng buhay ko araw araw. Yung masaya pag masaya ako, yung hindi ako pinepressure maging okay kapag hindi naman talaga ako okay. Yung andiyan lagi para sabihan ako na “masarap ang mabuhay”. Yung sobrang inspiring na tao dahil sobrang bait. Sobrang hindi judgmental at maunawain. Yung laging nakikita ang good side ng isang tao kahit napakasama nan g ugali. Yung hindi natatakot na maging totoo lang, yung walang pakielam basta walang naaapakang tao. Itong araw mo, sana kahit nalulunod ka sa trabaho ngayon ay maenjoy mo dahil nakatikim ka ng pesto rice na ginawa ko gamit ang recipe ni Kat for breakfast ahahhah (Kat, sabi niya masarap daw. Huhuhu) kahit wala kang ginawa buong araw kung hindi magpinta ng magpinta, sobrang proud ako sayo kasi napakahusay mo at passionate mo sa trabaho mo. In a nutshell, nakakainspire ka. Sana maging ganyan din ako. Sobrang bait, HAHAHA.
At dahil birthday mo naman, iaawra ko yung mga likha mo dito haha. (sorry ang random hahah)
(all artworks are made by Kyx Peralta for Gunship Revolution)
Well well well, July is over and my happy month aka August is just around the corner. Eep! Sooo excited! But before that, I’ll share you with you my July: In A Nutshell.
July 6 – my brother came home for a month-long vacation with his family. I feel really good when I get to spend time with family especially after being so far apart for a long time.
July 7 – my brother’s birthday. I forgot his age but he’s in his late 30s hahaha. Lots of good food, chitchat over coffee and just the simple things in life made me realize what truly matters.
July 10 – I received a good news from the work I applied for. Though I have to wait so I can finally start, I am still so grateful for being able to pass all the processes! I think everyone I asked to pray for me really did pray for me and ahhh I’m so happy hahaha.
July 14 – celebrated Airah’s birthday. We had dinner at a Korean restaurant in Ortigas and capped the night with Milk tea at Greenfield while playing video games haha. It was super fun!
July 21-22 – spent time with the family over chips and coffee and good food again. It was amazing. Also, that night, I spent it with Kyx and his friends. We all had an amazing time over beer while being surrounded with art and good people. This is one of those days that are simple—nothing grand or fancy but one that I will never forget. We went home at around 5 and slept around 6am. It was glorrrriooous! I live for days like that sometimes heh.
July 28-29 – This was our Baler trip! Got to spend the weekend at a beautiful island with my good friends. This was also the first time Kyx met them (because he’s always MIA in important events such as Jude’s wedding and Gia’s birthday surprise!) but I’m soooo glad that Kyx had fun and enjoyed the company of my friends and their boyfriends. I loved it!!!
July 30 – full recovery from all the pagod I went through. I just watched Brooklyn Nine Nine and Desperate Housewives while eating chichacorn. Took a good nap as well and watched Attack on Titan.
In a nutshell, July is pretty fun and amazing! I enjoyed it so much, lots of good news, reflections and realizations. Lots of time well spent with important people! Though I’m saying goodbye to the amazing month it has been, I cannot wait for the adventures that August has to bring!
Well for some weird reason, I can’t stop thinking about alcohol. When I was in my early twenties (shet bat parang it was a long time ago na???) Probably around 20 to 25, those were my walwal days. Not the kind of walwal wherein I go out and party and get so smashed. My walwal days were the days I’d like to call “Chill Walwal”. Because it’s often done at our old apartment’s garage, in my room, in my house, at a friend’s house just drinking and talking the night away. But drinking really excessively while talking I might say.
I had this really bad habit of drinking a lot and enjoying how heavily intoxicated I was. Nothing wild but just really sorta high haha. Those were the days. I usually do that in my house with 2 of my best friends. (not my besties anymore haha) and now, all I can think about is how much I loved drinking! You know like alcohol was an old friend who I always talk to way back but I only visit a few times these days because adulting suddenly surfaced? Ah man, I miss the chill walwal days.
Now that I am an adult, I enjoy a half bottle of wine as night caps, a few beers here and there, drinking with only myself. I guess it can be satisfying more often than not but drinking in solace never really was a problem. I guess it’s sometimes fun to drink with your friends too no?
Hay nako, I don’t know what my point is here. I just really really want to drink right now!!! hahahahah