Happy Birthday, Kyx!

Finally, the day has come. Every year since 2007, I would wait for August first to come so that I can finally greet you a happy birthday.

During those times, my “happy birthday” greeting  would entail a meaning of thoughtfulness, care and friendly love. It’s my way of telling you that I went the extra mile for you. You know that I used to not like birthdays and greeting people right? It’s also my way of showing you that every year, I make it a point to let you know how much I value your day. It’s not just a mere hello or a greeting, it’s always something more and I’m always too shy to let you know.

After 11 years, here we are—still really good friends, best of friends in fact, and I cannot emphasize enough how much you mean to me so instead, I am here with you to celebrate your life. I want you to know that I love you with everything that I am, I love you in my dark times and in my bright days. I love you when I’m sad, I love you still when I’m happy. Even when I’m angry, I love you. No matter how many rollercoaster of emotions I go through on a daily basis, nothing changes with the love I feel for you. Happy birthday my ddear love love hahahahaha. You are the little ball of sunshine whenever life rains on my parade. See ya later! Let us enjoy cake and beer later (pero ako lang naman yung iinom but whatever haha)


Sa taong pumupuno sa akin ng ligaya. Yung nandiyan lang para icomfort ako lagi sa bawat drama ng buhay ko araw araw. Yung masaya pag masaya ako, yung hindi ako pinepressure maging okay kapag hindi naman talaga ako okay. Yung andiyan lagi para sabihan ako na “masarap ang mabuhay”. Yung sobrang inspiring na tao dahil sobrang bait. Sobrang hindi judgmental at maunawain. Yung laging nakikita ang good side ng isang tao kahit napakasama nan g ugali. Yung hindi natatakot na maging totoo lang, yung walang pakielam basta walang naaapakang tao. Itong araw mo, sana kahit nalulunod ka sa trabaho ngayon ay maenjoy mo dahil nakatikim ka ng pesto rice na ginawa ko gamit ang recipe ni Kat for breakfast ahahhah (Kat, sabi niya masarap daw. Huhuhu) kahit wala kang ginawa buong araw kung hindi magpinta ng magpinta, sobrang proud ako sayo kasi napakahusay mo at passionate mo sa trabaho mo. In a nutshell, nakakainspire ka. Sana maging ganyan din ako. Sobrang bait, HAHAHA.

At dahil birthday mo naman, iaawra ko yung mga likha mo dito haha. (sorry ang random hahah)

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(all artworks are made by Kyx Peralta for Gunship Revolution)
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Random Lovey Dovey Things

I used to write Kyx so many love letters on random days of the year and I think I missed doing that because for the most parts of last year, I was too dull and sad and lonely and depressed and a lot of issues are stemming out from me that I wasn’t capable of maybe showing and telling how I feel. A wire has gone messed up last year. So much for my excuses.

Today, I was thinking of how big my love is for that person. I couldn’t contain it inside me, in my heart. There’s so much love and it overflows, it oozes out of me and I can’t hold it in, I can’t hold it back. There’s much too much of it that my mouth hurts from smiling and laughing a lot.

I don’t think I have ever felt this for another person before. And I hope I never have to lose it.

Of course there were times that I would really want to pull Kyx’s hair or strangle him because there’s no perfect relationship haha but nonetheless, I love him so very much it makes me cringe at how cheesy this post have become. Eugh!

Heart breaks

It’s almost 4 years already since Kyx and I have established a solid relationship. You guys may have read where it all started and I think I owe you guys this. Break na kami. Charot. HAHA.

After getting your attention in an annoying way, here’s what I really wanted to say. I was reading a lot of blog posts about love that was lost and everything heart breaking. Being the empathic person that I am, my heart is so close to exploding already that I have to back away a few steps from my screen because with every heart break a person goes through, I go through a little or maybe just the same. It’s also painful for me.

How do one person get over a break up? Or for some, how can you let go of someone who was never even yours in the first place? It’s a tough call I guess since I’m not an expert with these kinds of things but here’s a piece of my mind for the matter and let’s hope it helps.

Break ups, love lost and everything in between is excruciatingly painful for everyone. People may not show it but deep inside, their heart is breaking a million times. It may not reflect on their faces but every person who went through a break up would one way or another, get messed up in an emotional rollercoaster. So if you are going through a break up, a love that was lost or a heart break, go through the pain. Roll with the punches. Nothing is ever easy in the beginning anyway so go ahead.

Like many pieces of advice we all heard whenever we feel pain I’m going to say it anyway—cry if you have to. Nothing feels better than a good cry after trying to keep it all inside. Let yourself go as your tears flow. Release all the emotions you have kept in for so long in a day and maybe you’ll feel a lot better.

I could go on and on with my babbling but in a nutshell, you have to wrap your head around the fact that one, if it is not meant to be, it will not push through, it will not happen. Two, stop going back and forth with the what ifs and the could have beens because it definitely has no use anymore if you have come to the end of the road. Give yourself time to process all these emotions, to accept the pain you’re going through and after some time, you’ll see yourself on the road to recovery—to healing. Lastly, pray. It is more powerful than you think. I swear by it.

#KyxAila S06E01&02: Enebe Eng Belesh Me Nemen

Matapos akong tanungin ni Kyx kung kami na daw ba, natulala ako. Pinipigilan kong ngumiti kasi gusto kong magmukang gulat na gulat pero deep inside ligayang ligaya ako kasi THIS IS IT. Tinanong nya ako at hindi na kinailangan pang paraanan kung pano niya ako itatanong shet. Wala ako masabi. Ehe eng belesh me nemen ehe he  he hehe he ehe

Ako: Ha? Tayo? Na?

Kyx: Ewan ko. Oo? Kasi pakiramdam ko tayo na eh.

A: Ha? Kailan? Ano yung anniversary natin?

K: Hindi ko rin alam eh. Importante ba yun?

A: Pano tayo magcecelebrate ng anniversary kung walang date?

K: Sige, pagisipan nalang natin yung kung kailan yung anniversary natin.

A: Teka ang bilis naman. Tayo na agad.

K: Anong mabilis don? Simula high school ganto na tapos..

ENEBEEEE?!!??!!!!!! HANUDAWW??

A: Nyek hahahaha sige hahahaha. Okay. Fine.

First picture namin na kami na bwahaha. Ayaw nya ng pictures kaya hindi sya natutuwa sakin diyan

 

Parang napilitan pa ako eno bwahahaha gaga lang?

At ayan mga kaibigan, ka-DDS, kabagang, kapuso, kapamilya mga beshiecakes, kami na daw nga talaga. Sa mga unang araw, linggo, buwan ng pagiging “kami”, malaking struggle ang inabot naming dalawa sa isa’t isa. Mahaba yung adjusting period at nasanay kami as friends, mahirap yung biglang pagshishift ng gears. Ang hirap pag-adjustan ng ugali naming dalawa kasi hindi kami prepared sa ganitong relasyon.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit sa hinaba haba ng panahon, sa tinagal ng hinintay natin para dito, hindi pala magical at walang fireworks na lalabas. Simpleng simple lang. Pero ayun nga eh, may mga bagay na simple pero big time.

Good things come in small packages ika nga nila diba?


 

Makalipas ang ilang buwan, nagkaroon kami ng hindi pagkakaunwaan.

Dahil nga nasa adjusting period pa rin kami, may mga pagpapabebe ako na hindi umuubra. Syempre nasanay kami na friends kami talaga kaya kumbaga yung landian phase, ngayon palang talaga nangyayari ng legit. Pero bilang na-establish nan i Kyx yung pagiging nakakaasar nya, pinandigan niya yata ng matagal tagal kaya eto.

Exhibit A

*lalabas na kami pinto ng isang restaurant, nauna siya tapos hindi nya hinawakan yung pinto, derederecho lang sya*

Ako: Hindi mo manlang hinawakan at hinintay na makalabas ako?

Kyx: Bakit? Hindi mo ba kayang hawakan?

TENGENEEEEE. SERYOSO?!?!?! Edi sige. Bwisit. I’m a strong independent woman but can I pabebe manlang? Tss.

 

Exhibit B

*nagpapabebe ako*

Ako: Magsasawa ka kaya sakin?

Kyx: Hmmm.. Di ko alam.

ENKKK!! MALI ANG SAGOT! ANG SAGOT MO DAPAT AY “HINDI!” LECHE.

Ako: nakakainis ka!

Kyx: Bakit? Alam ba natin ang future?

PESTE. Peste talaga.

 

Exhibit C

Ako: Magtext ka nalang ah.

Kyx: Kailangan ba talaga laging nagtetext ako?

EH DI WAG. PSH. Wag na!

Mga ganyang eksena, mga simple pero nakakaasar. Hindi na yan nangyayari ngayon awa naman ng Diyos samin hahaha. Pero kasi in all honesty, di ko rin naman masisi si Kyx na ganyan kami nagumpisa kasi wala talaga syang clue sa relationships. Kasi, ayun, ako ang kanyang first (and hopefully last hahahah)

Ang landi nung “hopefully last”

#KyxAila S05E03: Ano Na Kyah?!

Sobrang haba na gusto ko nang tapusin hahaha.


After ng masalimuot na conversation namin tungkol sa crush niya or ex crush niya, parang gusto ko nalang mabaliw kasi bwiset eh. Nag-invest nanaman ako ng feelings sa kanya tapos parang nalalasahan ko na yung success tapos biglang ang alat nanaman tengene.

Hindi ako nagpatinag, kunyari wala akong pakielam. Deep inside bwisit na bwisit ako sakanya. Take note, hindi na ako ang nauunang magmessage, hinihintay ko talaga syang magmessage muna and kaya naman nakakatuwa eh talagang nagmemessage na sya kahit hindi ako nagmemessage na una bwahahah. At this point kasi, alam ko namang MU na kami tapos ganyan? So may karapatan na akong magpabebe diba.

Kung gusto niya man akong tanungin ulit kung galit ako dahil sa mga nakwento niya, hindi niya na ginawa. Siguro nakikiramdam siya. Nagdadasal naman ako sa panginoon na sana eto na, sana yung kilig ko eh wag na bawiin.

Naiinis pa rin ako sa kinwento niya. Hindi naman na daw niya crush pero… KAASAR.

Pero para sa insekyorang palakang immature na kagaya ko, tinignan ko yung FB ni crush niya. Ang sheket kasi wala akong malait sakanya. Maganda tapos halata mong mabait. Hindi maldita tsaka mukang pleasant na tao talaga. Ang saya saya diba.

Kaya ang tanging nagawa ko nalang eh magdasal hahaha.

LORD PAGANDAHIN NIYO PA AKO PARA MAKABOG KO NAMAN SI GURLA 😥 

Please lang naman talaga Lord oh. Please. Mabait naman akong anak sa mama ko, mabait akong kapatid, mabait talaga ako in general so ibigay mo na sakin ito hahahah pero no pressure Lord pramis, ano ba naman yung another 7 years diba. Char! Pero baka naman kahit hindi pa ngayon eh pwede mo po ako ma-assure na dizizit sana. Pero sige, no pressure talaga Lord di naman ako demanding huhuhuhu

Until then inisip ko nalang na whatever, sige, go with the flow tayo. Linggo linggo nga kaming lumalabas, may pag holding hands na din kami minsan pero walang label. Ayoko ng walang label kaya isang linggo yata akong nagdadasal na sana naman magkaroon na kami ng label!

Isang gabi, bago siya pumunta sa exhibit ng kaibigan niya, nagdinner muna kami sa Mega Mall.

A: Musta naman yung crush mo sa office?

K: Ha? Wala na yun.

Wait, what? Wala na??? (Biglang lumiwanag yung buhay ko.)

K: Crush lang naman kasi yun tsaka may bf na siya.

A: Ah ganon ba. Nalungkot ka?

K: Nung una lang yun, tapos nung naguusap na tayo, nung nagmovie tayo tapos nung tayo na, masaya na ako ulit. Teka, tayo na ba?

A: Ha???

Teka teka teka. ANO??? ANO YUN????? TAYO NA??????

Hanepppp!

Tengene matapos mo pasikipin dibdib ko?!?!?!!?

GUYSH, KAMI NA DAW BA?

S05E02: Crush Pa More!

Dahil hindi ako matahimik, kailangan kong tapangan ang hiya ko at kausapin siya tungkol sa crush niya.

Inner Tita: Gurl, gowww. Kaya mo yan. Pero ano ha, chill ka lang ah. Relak relak lang sa pagtatanong. Wag kang ma-agit ah.

Whooo. Hinanda ko talaga ng maigi ang sarili ko. Kailangan cool lang ako, kailangan kahit may kurot sa puso, kahit mesheket kailangan kunyari walang ganap sa kin at dapat hindi ako magmukang apektado. Ayoko magmukang feelingerang selosa kaya sige gowwww.


Ako: So pano yun? Pano ka umamin sa feelings mo?

Kyx: Wala. Sinabi ko lang sakanya.

A: Pano mo sinabi?

mahinahon boses ko pero deep inside nanginginig laman ko kasi SINABI MO LANG??? GANON LANG?? PERO SAKIN NEVER MO NAGAWA YUN?

K: Lagi kasi kami magkausap nun sa chat eh.

LAGI DIN NAMAN TAYONG MAGKAUSAP EH. HANGAL KA BA???

A: O tapos?

K: Ayun, sinabi ko lang “Lamo ba, gusto kita”

WAWWWW KYAH WAWWW MEDYO MAGALING KA SA PART NA YAN AH. ASAN ANG KATORPEHAN MO WORTH 7 YEARS?????! GAGO P*TA.

A: O tapos? Ano sabi niya?

By this point iritang irita na ako pero nakasmile ako tsaka chill lang. Hindi halata na gusto ko siya biglang dambahin at sakalin eh.

K: Nagulat tapos nag thank you lang hahahahahah

HAHAHAHAHAHA BUTI NGA SAYO!!!! HAAHAHAHAH

A: Ouch. He he he he. Eh ano ginawa mo? Ano nafeel mo?

K: Wala naman. Okay lang naman. Ang goal ko lang naman is masabi sakanya.

Masaya na ako pero may pa-goal goal pa, tse!

Pero deep inside gusto kong magsisigaw dun ng YAHOOOHOOOO YEHEYY!

Whew. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag luwag. Nagthank you lang si crush sakanya, THANK YOU LORD!

Gumaan talaga pakiramdam ko after ng convo na yan. Parang nabunutan ako ng malaking tinik jusme. Kumbaga yung 100% na nabawasan at naging 60% eh naging 80% na ulit. Nasa 80% chance nanaman ako hahaha kakatuwa.

Uy ah, pero medyo naawa naman din ako sa thank you pero. Oh well. HAHAH.

#KyxAila S05E02: Mix Tape

Nung high school kami, binigyan ako ni Kyx ng 3 kanta na nilagay niya sa cellphone ko. 2 emo, isang metal. Tapos pinangakuan niya ako na bibigyan niya ako ng mix tape at mga guitar cover niya na nakarecord. Sabi niya regalo niya sakin yun sa pasko pero bilang hindi na kami nagpansinan matapos niya akong masigawan sa phone, di na niya naibigay ang mix tape na yan. Kaya naman nagulat din ako nung biglang..


Kyx: May ginawa akong “mix tape” para sayo pero hindi na sya sa tape eh. Kaya siguro compilation nalang yung tawag don?

Aila: Naalala mo yung mix tape na ibibigay mo dapat sakin?

K: Oo hahaha di ko na naibigay eh.

A: Onga eh. So eto, bago na to?

K: Oo. Bago yan. Marami pa ako idadagdag sana pero next time nalang. Yan nalang muna.

A: Thank you.

*pinakinggan ko ang “compilation of songs” na nilagay nya sa ipod ko.*

Wala ako sa mood kasi naaalala ko pa rin yung crush niya na kinwento niya. Hindi ako natutuwa sa compilation niya pero nung pinakinggan ko hindi ko nanaman alam ang gagawin ko o yung dapat ko maramdaman.

Unang kanta palang: Hello yeah it’s been a while, not much how ‘bout you? I’m not sure why I called. I guess I just really wanted to talk to you. And I was thinking maybe later on we could get together for a while. It’s been such a long time and I really do miss your smile.

Tapos susundan ng: Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotion. It’s pulling me back, back to love you. Oh no I’m caught up in the middle I cry just a little when I think of letting go. Oh no, gave up on the riddle I cry just a little when he plays piano in the dark.

And then: Whatever you do I’ll be two steps behind you, wherever you go and I’ll be there to remind you that it only takes a minute of your precious time to turn around, I’ll be two steps behind.

Tapos: Please let me be a part of the tender love you’ve given to me.

Then: I was swept away without a warning just like when the morning begins the day, I was swept away. And so it begins this journey of love.

Tapos susundan pa: With all the years behind me spent pretending I didn’t need someone like you around, it makes it even harder to imagine the life I’d be living if I haven’t found someone to hold me the way that you do, someone who needs me the way I need you, someone to show me a way that is true, someone to love me, the way that I love you.

Tsaka babanat ng: Don’t go away say what you say, say that you’ll stay forever and a day in the time of my life cause I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right

Then magkakaroon ng: I’m the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I know you feel it too. Waited on the line of greens and blues just to be the next to be with you.

Tapos biglang: All I need is just a little more time to be sure what I feel, is it all in my mind? Cause it seems so hard to believe that you’re all I need.

Then: You got it all over him you got me over him honey it’s true, there’s just you, you must have been heaven sent hearing me call you when out on a limb and you’re all that he’s not. Just look what I got cause you got it all over him.

Tapos magtatapos bigla sa: Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness take away all my sadness ease my troubles that’s what you do.

Kaya natulog nanaman ako ng nagtatanong ano nanaman ba ito? May meaning ba ito o wala? Kikiligin na ba ako ulit? Kasi di ko na talaga alam eh. Mas gugustuhin ko pang sumagot ng math problem kaysa dito eh. Kaya lang kahit sa lahat ng inis ko sakanya, nampucha kinilig ako. MWEHEHEHEHEH

I’d Really Love To See You Tonight – England Dan & John Ford Coley

Stay – Lisa Loeb

Piano in The Dark – Brenda Russel

Two Steps Behind – Def Lepard

Tender Love – Force MD

Swept Away – Christopher Cross

Someone – The Rembrandts

Don’t Go Away – Oasis

To Be With You – Mr. Big

All I Need – Jack Wagner

You Got It All – Jets

Have I Told You Lately – Rod Stewart