“Magkaibigan lang kami” Is So Tiring

*this post is mostly written in Tagalog*

I did mention before that Kyx and I started as really good friends.

Everything was so slow for us and when the time came, it all happened at once that I didn’t have time to savor the moments of being in a mutual understanding kind of phase.

We were literally just friends. Like we didn’t have that landian phase? I mean we did but we kind of established it when we started dating. It was all just too quick.

So ganito diba, we don’t talk everyday when we were just friends. Walang harut harutan na nangyari. Then when we accidentally bumped into each other after not seeing him for years doon na nagstart na magusap kami everyday. We texted and talked over Facebook chat araw araw and that same week, we went out. Nanood kami Guardians of the Galaxy and we were just friends pero ano ba, crush ko na kasi talaga sya nung time na yun. But we were just friends eh diba?

After weeks of going out on dates, we sort of established na MU kami, walang ganap na “saan ba ako lulugar?” walang “mafefriendzone kaya ako?” walang ganon. Kasi parang napagkasunduan na namin agad—though we didn’t talk about it, parang naintindihan lang namin parehas na we’re both on the same page. Siguro we were too old for pabebe scenarios. 23 na kami nung time na yun and Kyx never had a girlfriend before. (ako talaga kasi first niya diba bwahaha pilitin ko sya ako na last char) so looking back, I feel like wala siyang time magpacute or pabebe pa kung we like each other or not diba.

Ang dami kong sinasabi, eto na yung part na bakit ko ba sinusulat to.

Yesterday, I told Kyx that I miss being just friends with him so I asked him if we can pretend that we’re just friends. Sinakyan naman niya trip ko. So naguusap kami na kunyari friends lang kami ganyan, baliw lang diba haha. SIguro from 9am to 5pm ganyan kami. But then, I got tired!! Parang the situation is sucking all the energy I have? Parang literal na kapagod eh.

Kaya naisip ko, it is so physically, mentally and emotionally draining to not know where you stand in someone’s life. It’s so hard to impit and hide your emotions, pretending you just want to be friends with someone when in fact, legit na gusto mo talaga siya yung makasama mo forever. I’m thankful that I’m not in that kind of situation pero I feel for those who are in the friendzone. I mean yung hindi pa nafefriendzone pero yung confused na kung saan ba sila lulugar. It’s so hard to be in that position.

Aside from praying for your heart’s desire, gawan mo na ng paraan yan. I mean humanap ka na ng timing na mawala ka sa posisyon na yan. Life is short, hindi habang buhay makakapagpabebe ka. Tsaka ang hirap ng ganyan, nakakapagod literal.

Fun, Friendship, Realizations

Why do I even want to attempt an anonymous blog when I want to post photos here? Hayy self.

Anyway, I’m sharing with you photos from last Saturday. It was a fun night, a night that we would surely remember. It was not super fancy or eventful but the simplicity of it made an impact that I will remember forever.

Aside from the fun we all have, I realized a lot of things and friendship plays a big part in this.

Remember about 4 months ago, I struggled and the main issue is with my own friends for 15 years? Now, I feel like I am really recovering from the loss and the unnecessary pain I felt.

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Last Saturday, I realized how blessed I am to have friends that will support and love both me and Kyx. We have 6 friends whom I invited to join us for Ramen and surprise Kyx—and they were there. They took some of their time from their busy schedules just so they can make one person happy (two at that because it made me very happy that they wanted to make Kyx happy!)

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Then at Angge’s art show, we—her friends were there. We supported her because we love seeing our friends succeed in their career. I love how I saw Angge contented and happy that night. I know very little of her struggles just so this art show would come out as a success but I know that she went through a hella ton of shit and seeing her smile and goof around like she always does (no matter how crazy life is unfolding in front of her eyes) made me really proud.

I’ve only known Angge for a good 3 years but I have learned that the amount of time does not affect how a friendship would go. Angge is originally Kyx’s friend and I just became her friend because Kyx and I got together hahahaha.

Pero gets? That night, I was happy. I was showered with friends, seeing them smile and seeing them happy made me happy. I still have good friends despite the fact that I’ve lost so many along the way. It doesn’t really matter now because what matters is what I have than what I lost.

Surprise!!

Hindi talaga pupwedeng smooth lahat eh ‘no? Kailangan yung agit ako and nagkaka-anxiety eh.

Okay, so eto na nga. Maraming naka-line up na activities noong Sabadong iyon, August 5, 2017. Pero siyempre, may work ako (every Saturday, 9am to 4pm work sched ko) hassle diba.

So eto talaga yung plano. August 1 birthday ni Kyx, sinurprise ko lang sya ng pabebe post sa FB; album ito na naglalaman ng pictures namin kasama ang mga mahal namin sa buhay na kapamilya at mga kaibigan. Tapos binigyan ko siya ng cake at 12 midnight tapos naiyak iyak siya. Naiyak din ako kasi nakakaiyak yung pag-iyak niya. HAHA. Tapos wala na akong maisip pang ibigay o kaya naman puntahan o pumlano pa ng party para sakanya given that our schedules are both so tight. Busy kami parehas. Ako sa work sa office, si Kyx sa pagiging digital illustrator niya (homebased si koya pero busy talaga siya) kaya nahirapan akong isipin kung ano ang pwedeng gawin para ma-celebrate manlang ang birthday niya. So niyaya ko yung mga kaibigan namin na talagang ka-close namin na kumain ng Ramen sa Ippudo (Mega Fashion Hall Branch; guys, kami ni Kyx doon lang kami kumakain siguro. Hanggang sa naging kaibigan na namin yung mga cre doon at manager) Sinikreto ko kay Kyx na niyaya ko yung 6 namin na kaibigan para kahit papaano may surprise factor diba. 1 week before, naayos ko na mga ganap. Pwede yung 6 friends namin, itinawag ko na sa Ippudo at okay na okay na ang mga ganap. Sinabi ko sa friends namin na kailangan before 5pm andon na sila. So okay naman diba.

Bandang 3pm hindi ako mapakali. Feeling ko bakit sobrang smooth naman? Parang walang roadblock? Feeling ko may mali. HAHA. So ginawa ko tumawag ako ulit sa Ippudo, BOOOOOM! Wala yung manager na kausap ko, nagkaroon ng emergency leave. Yung papalit sakanya na kilala ko 6pm pa dadating. Yung crew na nagaasikaso ng hanash ko dapat, nalipat sa morning sched noong araw na yun. ANO NA???? Gusto ko talagang tumambling. Pero kalma lang bes, maitatawid yan. Kaya shut up muna ako, napakiusapan naman mga tao doon tapos nakausap ko naman yung isang crew na kilala ko at itinawag din niya don. Okay na. Sige fight.

4pm, out ko na, kabado ako mga bes kasi hindi ko alam ano mangyayari. Kausap ko lahat ng kasama namin sa Ippudo tapos naghihintay sila ng table. Hindi kami pwedeng pumunta doon sa restaurant hangga’t wala sila lahat doon (yung 6 friends namin) kaya buti nalang medyo natagalan kami magpark. Yung isang friend namin na taga Laguna, wala pa siya so nung nakapark na kami, sabi ni Kyx magwiwithdraw muna sya. Nakahinga hinga ako ng konti. Almost complete na sila, papunta na sa Ippudo yung isang friend namin pero baka magkasabay kami kaya sinabi ko kay Kyx daan kaming National Bookstore kasi kailangan ko ng bagong watercolor pad. Pagdating namin doon, browse browse ako sa mga watercolor papers tapos nagtext na yung isang friend ko na kumpleto na daw sila. So ayun na nga, sabi ko tara kain na tayo. Go naman si koya niyo.

Pagdating namin don, sumigaw ng lame “surprise!” yung mga friends namin tapos ayun, gulantang to the max si Kyx.

Naging successful naman ang mini surprise ko at natuwa naman si Kyx at mga friends niya sa mumunting birthday celebration namin doon. 😉

Naitawid diba? Yung pictures, ilalagay ko nalang mamaya. Ieedit ko pa kasi ang dilim eh hahaha.

Hot Tears

 

Ever since I was young, my mom loved to dress me up. I’m like her real life Barbie girl because for 10 years, I’m the only girl with 3 Kuyas (elder brothers)

Growing up, I carried on with dressing myself up in a funky way. I always thought of myself as a fashionista because my mom really buys me a lot of cute clothes, shoes and stuff. I accessorize too and in short, I really am a fashionista girl back then.

Then in 2015 until today, I gained a good 23 kilos. From being 45 kilograms, I now weigh 68 kilograms!! People say I’m not FAT but in reality, my BMI dictates that I am obese. I’m actually working on it now and I lost about 2 kilos.

Since this weight issue, I stopped dressing up. I only wore what I think would hide my big arms. In short, I stopped wearing the clothes I have. Aside from the fact that it doesn’t fit me anymore, I don’t feel okay wearing my old ones. So I bought office clothes and I probably have like a 2 week set of clothes that consists of kimono, sheer blouses, polo tops. I basically look like a hip tita (aunt) and yes, I only have a very little amount of clothes and I’m not even bothered. I wouldn’t even care if people mention it to me. “you don’t have a lot of clothes no?” or “Oh you’re wearing the top you wore about 2 weeks ago right?” or  “oh that was the same top you wore on my birthday noh?” yes. I’m not bothered. People do notice and I don’t even care. Eh ano ngayon kung kaunti lang ang damit ko??

But today is a special day. I have a dinner date with Kyx at our favourite ramen place (Ippudo; particularly in Mega Fashion Hall branch—please visit that branch if you have time. The crew is amazing! The food is amazing!) and then after our date, we’ll go to our friend Angge’s art show (it’s her 2nd show and it’s going to be at NOVA Gallery Manila along Chino Roces ave., Makati City –if you’re in the area, visit it and say hi! 😀 hehe) so I wore a top that makes me feel like I look pretty. It’s nothing fancy but this top is one of those that I don’t wear a lot. However, Kyx asked me about 20 minutes ago that if I want, he can bring me clothes to wear for Angge’s show. So in short, he chose a different top for me. That top has holes in it, like it has a beaded V-neck style. The beads are wood and it has a tribal feel, there are holes along the beaded area because like I said, I don’t have a lot of clothes so I wear that top on a weekly basis which made it really used diba?

Kyx told me then that when he gets his paycheque for a project this August, he would buy me clothes. HOT TEARS SPRANG FROM MY ALREADY BULGING EYES.

Not because I have no new clothes, not because he didn’t like what I was wearing today but because I feel like Kyx feels bad for me and I am touched. I mean I don’t want to look like a victim, like a kawawa. Pero yung napapansin pala niya na ganoon but he doesn’t mention it to me kasi ayaw niya na ma-feel bad ako.

He knows that I earn only a little money. From the little money I earn, I get a portion of it so I can send my little sister to school. Aside from that, I pay my bills, buy my groceries. That’s also why I don’t prioritize buying new clothes. I don’t need new clothes anyway plus I don’t have a budget for it. Why bother?

But then, these hot tears are tears of joy. It makes me love Kyx more. He truly cares for me and accepts me for who I am. Alam mo yun, yung compassion kasi andon?

Are They Being Sexist or What?

Understanding the comments of other people against Cohabiting.

In addition to my thoughts about cohabiting and all that crap, I read a few articles and saw other people’s comments and my oh my. Hahahahaha I have no words. Here are a few comments of other people on articles about cohabiting and here’s my two cents on the matter.

  • Moms, we shld never let our daughter do this. Sobra naman ang mga guys na ganyan. E kung di niya pakasalan, idu-dump na lng ang pobreng girl!” What in the world? “idu-dump na lang ang pobreng girl!”? (We should never let our daughter do this. What if the guy wouldn’t end up marrying the girl? The poor girl gets dump!”) Excuse me but why does ending a relationship makes a girl KAWAWA or POBRE to begin with? Girls can stand bad break ups. Girls are strong enough to know when to give the fuck up, what makes a girl kawawa when relationship ends? WAY TOO SEXIST. ABOVE AND BEYOND SEXIST.
  • “Hindi sya magandang tignan” what makes a relationship magandang tignan (pleasing to the eyes)? If they are “happily” married? Excuse me but not all those who get married are FREAKING HAPPY. And honestly, what’s with having an appealing relationship What makes it hindi magandang tignan?
  • “Ang babae nirerespeto hindi dahil modern na ngayon dapat magbago na din ang ating paniniwala na okay lang ang live in. Mas maganda pa din na ngssama sila ng kasal na sila.”  (Girls should be respected. It’s modern now but it doesn’t mean that we should change our ways and be open to cohabiting. It’s still way nicer if they get married first before living together) What does respect have to do with all these?

Sometimes, I’ll be silent and would realize why do I even bother? It’s okay to agree to disagree, but I keep seeing comments saying “sana magbreak kayo” or “sana maging babae lahat ng anak mo para malaman mo bakit hindi pwede mag live in” HOHOHO. I have no words.

I get it, maybe it all goes back to sexist issues. It’s all rooted from stupid sexist issues. Does a marriage guarantee love forever? Does a marriage guarantee happiness forever? I think not. Marriage is not some form of security. A lot of other couples get married and still end up wanting to kill each other, end up cheating on each other. So I don’t think marriage is the answer for those who want to cohabit. LOL.

Another thing is I don’t get why “talo ang babae pag naghiwalay sila” what makes a girl a loser? What makes her lesser of a person because a relationship failed? For all I care, women can overcome a heart break just like any other human being. How is a girl TALO?

The only comic relief I got from browsing through the stupid comments were from a guy, intelligent and smart enough to let out what he thinks. Kudos to Kuya! I might just shoot him a message to show him how much I appreciate his intelligence 😀

More About Cohabiting

Disclaimer: I’m not saying that cohabiting is right (or wrong). I’m just saying that we are entitled to decide on the things we do with our lives. As long as our families support our choices, as long as you get your act together and try your hardest to be responsible adults, as long as you’re not hurting anybody, then I don’t see anything wrong with the whole cohabiting thing.

Okay let me get a few things straight first before I go on with this issue.

  1. I am all for respecting other people’s opinion and beliefs. I am not one to argue whether they think something is right and wrong. I just feel like we don’t need to impose our own beliefs on other people and expect them to abide.
  2. I have learned in my Speech Communication class that whenever you are in an argument, when you are on a debate about a certain issue or topic, never never never EVER put religion in an argument. It’s just plain ol’ bias and sorry but (bullshit).
  3. All points are valid. As long as you do not impose it on others.

Moving onnnn, let’s have a jolly talk about cohabiting and whatnot. Recently, Nadine Lustre (a Filipino actress) caught mixed reactions when she gave a statement about cohabiting with her boyfriend, James Reid. She didn’t really confirm nor deny it but she sure gave a statement any millennial would have given and the public couldn’t help but give their two cents on this matter. Like I said, I don’t care if you think it’s right or wrong, I just hate it when people impose their values on others. Also, I’m not even a JaDine fan okay?

I guess what triggered me to write about this is when a lot of people said stuff like “Since when did something become right just because many are doing it?” GURL, WHAT?

Why do people impose their own (religious) beliefs on others? I mean okay, we all get that you have strict family “values” and you have this perception of what’s right and wrong and that it’s immoral to cohabit with your partner before marriage because?? Oh yeah, because “what will our neighbors think?” or “what will aunt debra say if she finds out?” or “what will my amigas say if they find out my unicah hija is living together with her boyfriend?” and no, I wouldn’t give you the “it’s 2017” crap or “everybody’s doing it, be open minded” bullshit. But I’ll have to say that your beliefs may not be the beliefs of others and that’s alright! Your principles and family “values” may be on a different page but that doesn’t make it right as well.

Other people wrote about statistics and how marriages fail because of cohabiting. I mean come on people, what is the deal? Why throw your (stupid) statistics and meddle with other people’s life? You don’t even know them in real life. Like do they know you exist? I mean if a relationship fails, it most certainly did not fail just because a couple cohabited to begin with, because relationships work when two people make it work. Relationships fail because of the inability to compromise, understand and love. Some people even get married without cohabiting and still end up screwing their relationships!

At the end of the day, when people screw up, let them screw (the fuck) up because that’s part of the learning process in life. That’s part of growth. When people make mistakes (of cohabiting and ending up being shit) let them go back home.

I was gonna say à “Cohabiting is all sorts of fun and drama. Get over your stuck up asses and leave people alone. You’re welcome.” But it seems so offending for those who oppose cohabiting so, maybe I’ll just end this with an open minded note. If you are not for cohabiting, get your facts straight and do not impose your values on others. If you are for it, that’s also fine!

In a nutshell, what I’m really trying to get at is the issue on how people impose their beliefs on others, dictating what’s “right and wrong”. If you firmly believe in something like you think it’s right or it’s wrong, go ahead. No one is stopping you. Just don’t force others to believe in that when they have their own beliefs.

Cohabiting “Issue”

There are mixed reactions and opinions toward this matter but I want to know what you guys think and what’s your take in cohabiting?

In the Philippines (my country) cohabiting is popularly known as “living in” together with your partner while outside or before marriage.

It’s pretty interesting how people perceive these things especially in the Philippines. If you guys are in the US or Canada or Europe, you guys would probably think that though family values and whatnot are prioritize, your society is more open to these things than uptight countries like mine.

You see, the catholic church has a lot to say on things like this. There are a lot of issues and arguments (not just about cohabiting: how girls should dress, how men should cut their hair, how the color of the hair should be like this etc etc) but onto a more pressing issue, cohabiting is considered something “wild” and “terrible” for most people but there are families (like mine) who are more open to these things/issues.

My take on cohabiting is this:

As long as you are an adult, have finished school, has a decent job, can pretty much do a whole lot of adulting and is a responsible individual, then cohabiting is not a problem. I mean the church can say whatever (the hell) they want to say, they might even say it’s disrespectful and whatnot but a lot of things are not enclosed to just religion in itself.

Cohabiting, for me, is a step forward to independence. It’s like a “test run” or a “trial” to married life. It’s like going through what marriage looks like and preparing yourself further more to how a lot of things inside a marriage works.

Kyx and I pretty much live in the same roof and trust me, it’s not like we do teenage things. It’s not like we indulge over sex like there’s no tomorrow (TMI). What usually goes on in our lives is none of other people’s business but for the sake of this post, I shall treat you to what we go through on a daily basis.

We start the day by me getting ready for work, then I’d wake him up for breakfast, I drink my apple cider vinegar then eat breakfast with Kyx. He brings me to work then he picks me up after. While I’m gone, he paints and works on digital art (he works as a digital illustrator. You should check his artworks!) then after ny work, we head home and eat dinner with his parents. After dinner, we watch itsjudytime on YouTube then I do yoga for about an hour or a half hour (depends on my mood lol). After that, it’s either I watch Korean drama series or read a book. I fall asleep at around 11pm and Kyx would go on painting. THAT’S THE USUAL ROUTINE and tell me what’s wrong with that?

We share our expenses, balance our lives with laughter and drama just like normal people and we just so happen to cohabit. I don’t find anything wrong with what we’re doing. Our parents support us fully with our decisions and for me, that’s what’s important. As long as our family supports us and as long as we live with our values and principles, as long as we continue to be good people, then cohabiting shouldn’t be an issue.

Cohabiting is not easy. You have to really run your lives like adult adults. Like you both have to freaking adult everyday whether you like it or not. We’re just a bit lucky that we have a maid to help us do household chores. Both of us are working full time and it’s such a struggle to squeeze in chores on a daily basis. However, if the maid is away, we make sure that we clean the dishes, cook decent food (or have food delivered to our home because lol who are we kidding when we’re both tired and want good food but have no energy to do so? So yeah) we have our clothes sent to the laundry, we assign other chores to each other, we help each other a lot!

I’ve read an article filled probability and statistics and all that crap but news flash: at the end of the day, relationships do last when two people make it work. It’s not like it depends on whether you cohabited or not. Also, let people live the way they want and should because if their lives turned out to be unhappy and miserable, they have themselves to blame. I mean come on, people live the way they do for their own reasons and we must not meddle on their decisions.

What’s your take? I’m interested.