Hi Mom!

As I grow older, it becomes more and more real how my mom is my best friend. I used to say she’s my best friend because I know she’s always there for me, she helps me with a lot of things, cooks for me and does a lot of mom-dad stuff for me. Now, I realized how much of an actual best friend she has been!

  1. Just like how a TRUE friend should be, my mom never judges me. My appearance, decisions and choices. She encourages me to build my identity, to grow and learn from my mistakes and has always been with me through everything without judgment!
  2. She makes sure that I am happy and contented with everything. If it seems like I am not, she will point out the things I overlooked and makes sure I am grateful enough no matter how small a thing is.
  3. My mom doesn’t find it awkward to talk to me about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. How cringe-worthy? MAYBE CRAZY CRINGE-WORTHY but I’m glad we talk about everything. From bad attitudes, insights, realizations, reflections to love, sex and BIRTH CONTROL. Man oh man. BIRTH CONTROL. I can’t. HAHAHA.
  4. She cheers me on and makes sure I have a ray of sunshine no matter how gloomy a day can be.
  5. She loves me so much that she shows it every day. We may or may not see each other every day but sure enough, she shows me that I am loved by her.

The world can suck and fck itself but it doesn’t matter cause I am truly blessed I have my mom. I can’t thank the Lord enough how perfect it is that my mama is my mom.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma!

Life Is Short To Spend It On Hating

Life is too short, too precious and valuable to spend it on things that do not matter. Hating takes so much of your energy and seeps the love out of you which makes your remaining time on earth a little less amazing than it should.

Life is short to spend in on hating. Spend your life wisely. Don’t let hate eat you. ~

The One That Got Away

If not all, most of us have that person in our life. The one that falls under the list of “could have been”. Someone that just can’t simply go on the “just friends” list but also couldn’t go beyond the “more than friends” list. Just on the gray part. Never on the black, never on the white.

To help you understand where I’m coming from, let’s give this story telling a chance. I was blogging ever since 2004 I think? Then I met this blogger guy in 2008. We constantly read each other’s blog until we got to the point that we reached a more personal level. Like blogging is not enough, we would text each other and even talk on the phone but we were just really good friends! We didn’t date, we didn’t get to that point. But we met once.

I was part of our school theatre. I wrote in my blog an invite for our first play and then he told me he’d come and watch. He did. I met him. I was too awkward so maybe we didn’t get to talk that much but we continued texting each other. We’d often read each other’s blogs every now and then but that’s it. Our communication just ended abruptly and I don’t know what happened until he went to the States and migrated. I never saw him even before he went to the States so..

I guess we both liked each other a lot back then but there was no chance for us to explore these feelings because the timing was so off? I think it was 2010 when I had the courage to tell him that I did sort of feel something, no. scratch that. I told him that I have loved him but the timing was off and it couldn’t have worked. It was funny because there were no hurt, no awkward feeling, no nothing. Just sheer fun and joy.

We remained friends, until now we were friends.

I think my point is, I never really got over what we had because there was nothing to get over with anyway? Hahahah. I mean sometimes, no. Most of the time, I still think about that person.

You wouldn’t be able to help it! You still care for that person and of course you wish them well. Like there’s no hurting or hatred. It’s just pure love. Ya know what I mean? Like you just really care and love that person without even thinking if you can be with them or not.

So to my—The One That Got Away,

You know the lump that forms in your throat when you’re about to say something right but not what you really wanted to say? It’s this one. I mean, I really love being your friend. No matter how long it has been since we last spoken, I still feel like nothing has changed between us. We’re still the good friends that we are before! We’re still the same people but we have changed? I don’t know how to put it but a lot has changed yet we’re still the same? Ahh. I just really. Well. Wanted to thank you for being that person. Maybe we didn’t end up together because we’re better people when we were friends? Or am I just saying this? But really, I am happy with the thought that somewhere in the planet, you are also happy. See you soon!

Xox,T.

Simple Pleasures on Simple Joys and Surprises

Processed with VSCO with h6 preset

(that’s a photo of huge pandesals with 3 in 1 Old Town Coffee)

I feel like I write about Kyx 70% of the time and maybe it can be annoying sometimes but most of my happy moments and realizations are spent with him, through him and that’s why I write a lot about our relationship.

I love pandesal. It’s a breakfast bread here in the Philippines and I forgot the last time I ate pandesal! It’s crazy. So today, March 9, 2017, Kyx surprised me with huge pandesals!! I was so stoked and excited. I can’t eat a lot of carbs because I am on a very strict diet but let’s just say I let this pandesal pass.

In these simple gestures I find pleasure. In these simple surprise, I found greatness, no lies!

It just goes to show how little things can make a bigger impact. It’s such a symbolism that not every grand gesture would bring ultimate pleasure and not all small stuff would bring disappointment. It’s really nice to have someone who will keep proving that the world is a beautiful place.

What The Fuss Was All About

I know I know, I have written just recently that Kyx and I never gave a flying F about Valentine’s Day. You see, Kyx and I have been 2 suckers for surprises. Not that we are materialistic or super romantic but I guess we love seeing each other squeal in sheer joy, personally I love it when I pull a successful surprise and Kyx would end up teary eyed and super happy! I love it like that and maybe he does too cause he always surprises me when he gets a chance. So maybe, that’s why we don’t see anything special on Valentine’s Day.

I think 2 Valentine’s Day have passed already and I can’t remember what we did on those 2 events. See? It wasn’t even remarkable. I got so accustomed to not giving a fuck about it that I didn’t get Kyx anything for Valentine’s Day!

On the 13th, as we were driving home, I asked Kyx what he would give me on VDay and I was expecting him to look surprised, I was only teasing because I know we wouldn’t be celebrating it anyway but he told me he has formulated an idea. Judging by that answer, I knew we would be having a different kind of VDay this year which left me excited and anxious at the same time. I didn’t plan anything, I didn’t get him anything, I didn’t even write him a letter!

The 14th came and I feel like it’s just an ordinary day. Then the management announced that our working schedule will be cut shorter. Fast forward to our date!

Kyx and I ate at our favourite restaurant. It’s called Ippudo Ramen. We love the people there who serve us and love their food as well! We went shopping and then Kyx gave me his Valentine’s Day Gift. It was a Micellar water I have been eyeing on for a while now he also got me an acne prone skin liquid foundation huhuhu and that’s not all, he also gave me a handwritten letter which melted my heart and got me choked up for a good 5 minutes! LOL.

After reading his heartfelt letter, I knew what the fuss was all about. I can’t explain it. I mean it should feel like any other day but I don’t know, I felt different yesterday. Maybe because it was our first VDay celebration?

Well, I want to elaborate more but I feel like I’m writing annoying stuff and that I should shut up already. Nonetheless, I really loved how my day turned out yesterday. How about you guys?

My Bad Day is A Good Day For Others

 

My bad day is a good day for others.. Speaking sort of metaphorically.

My day started so early and it hasn’t even hit the middle yet but I have grown tired, weary, angry, sad and all sorts of uncomfortable. I want to tell you guys that my feelings are solely based on what happened this morning, maybe I woke up at the wrong side of the bed, maybe my stress is piling up already and I just wasn’t able to deal with it fully? Whatever it is, I don’t know. I don’t know but this day has entirely been nothing but SHIT. A pile of SHIT that I don’t want to deal with if I have a choice. There’s no big problem as of the moment but there are a lot of little problems and it’s troubling me. My heart is pounding so hard on my chest, my stress is building up and I try to think of calmness but I can’t. I feel suffocated and there’s nothing I can do.

I work at a tall building, my office is on the 35th floor, we have a roof deck. What if I jump from the roof deck and all is over? What if I jump and people will just mourn and be sad for a moment. For years maybe, 2 to 3 years and all will be okay for them, like they will forget about me and they will try to remember the good stuff and memories about me? Will I burn in hell or will God forgive me? But then again jumping is too easy and cowardly to do. I say I accept more challenges cause I’d like to think I am strong enough for this hell hole of a world?

Going back, this is such a bad day. A really bad one. And I can’t even express physically my own thoughts and emotions, I want to cry so bad but no, I can’t cause the day has to go on and my feelings can suck it because adulting.

While reading this, you would think that maybe I have really big problems. I do have problems but I’m not in a crisis as of the moment. They’re all very little. Shallow even! But I can’t take it anymore because I have been dealing with a lot of things lately and a lot of people, as insensitive as they are would just live their lives like fucking maniacs not caring about other people’s lives. I’m done with these people. If only I can turn my back on them and leave them alone.

I am so angry inside but let me tell you this. I am cursing this day so much, I feel terrible and sick, my head is pounding but you know what? My best friend’s brother is getting married today and their whole clan is happy and celebrating! I realized that this bad day of mine is just a small bad day. Small and not even relevant as to nothing can equate some happiness like—finding the love of your life and marrying each other. This sounds so random but no, look.

I am contemplating my existence, my life and troubles but the world is still a better place mainly because at the other side of town, there are two lovers who decided to get married and be together for as long as they live. Isn’t that enough reason for me to be okay? To feel good? That somehow, even if it wasn’t me who is getting married today, it is still a good life?

I hope you get my point.

Now, I’m off to drink a cuppa cause I am still feeling terrible but now I feel sort of okay. Better than I was a while ago.

xox

We May Not Have What We Want, But We Have Everything We Need

Happy happy Monday!

Today is the day that the Lord has made to make me realize things, to be grateful of what I have and to look at my blessings as treasures from God above! Woo!

Okay, let’s not make this sound like I’m preaching about a gospel or something (not that there’s anything wrong with it but)

Last night, I was talking to Kyx about small stuff, when I say small stuff I meant we were talking about plans, material things we plan on buying and places we ought to visit. I figured we are surrounded by people we love who already experienced a lot of things that we haven’t, bought the things we haven’t even started saving up for, went to places we have not visited and I got a little sad. It’s nothing major and not sad like sulking-bratty-I-want-it-now kind of sad, just a little sad. But then something came to my mind and uplifted me. I realized that I have a lot of things I should be thankful for than focusing on my little sadness. Plus, material things are very easy to buy.

  1. I realized how lucky I am have to have my mom. No one in this entire world can replace my mom and I love her so much. She is my first ever best friend and she stuck with me through thick and thin and I guess that’s really something I should be thankful for! Everyone has a unique mom, everyone is grateful for their moms and everyone seems to have a perfect mom of their own. I am just glad that my mom is my mom and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in this world. No amount of money, no places to visit and no gadget can ever top my mom’s existence.
  2. I have amazing set of friends. Not perfect individuals but perfect for me. My friends and I may not have all the time in the world to be together not to mention the busy schedules we are all in. However, I am very very grateful to these people because then I realized not everyone is blessed with amazing, caring, loving, thoughtful and understanding people in this world. Most especially my friends ever since I was little! I can’t imagine life without them omg.
  3. My life partner (whenever I say “life partner” I cringe a little idk why, but he’s more than just a “boyfriend” anyway) Kyx is the most awesome guy in the world, I feel like he was created perfectly for me. I mean he is not perfect okay and we fight sometimes (oh you have no idea) but he’s the one who even led me to this whole positive and happy heart thing that I cannot even thank him enough! He understands me, tolerates me but makes sure I am not cruella de ville to anybody. He’s great at being who he is and we may be opposites but no other guy in my lifetime (I am talking about my life + guy timeline if ya know what I mean) can top how much he means to me.

All of that are just bits and pieces of what I am grateful for because I am indeed very much grateful about everything that I have. Even the bad times and cruel people I encounter, even the people who are fake with me, even the ones who do not like me. I am thankful because I wouldn’t be able to appreciate what I have if it wasn’t for those things (and people) right?

In a nutshell, there are a lot of things we want, we are so focused on getting what we want that we forget to appreciate what we have. Sometimes, what we have is what we truly need and we just don’t know or understand it at that time. It may be a cliché to hear about the want vs need mantra but that is reality. We may not always have what we want but we sure do have everything that we need. So be grateful and appreciate everything that comes your way because everything we have, good and bad, are all blessings!

What About My OCD?

Since my diagnosis, like I said, everything fell into place. I understood myself better and it sort of calmed me in a way.

Let’s talk about my OCD journey.

I’ve had this ever since I was young and I feel like everyone in my immediate family knew. They did everything they could and tried to understand me every step of the way. Going back to all my not so fun quirks and rituals, my heart melts when I remember how my brothers, sister, mom would understand them as strange as they were. Thanks to my family for embracing all of me, my flaws and imperfections without a single doubt that I can be a better person, I can still be who I am and not be judged.

Here are some of the things that have confirmed my OCD (which I basically do not tell a lot of people but opening up now seems so helpful and useful not only for me but for others who may or may not have the same condition I do have)

  1. Before going to bed, I would realize something that I should have done like I suddenly felt the urge of washing my feet. Then I would tell myself that it’s not dirty and it doesn’t need extra washing. But then again, my mind would say GO WASH IT OR ELSE YOUR FAMILY WOULD DIE. So I would go and wash my feet just so my family wouldn’t die.
  2. I was trying to fill up a tub of water. So while waiting for it, I would do something else like wash my face etc. Then when I hear that the tub would be filled already, my brain automatically says something like YOU HAVE TO TURN THE FAUCET OFF NOW BECAUSE ONCE THE WATER SPILLS, YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE. So I would hurry the eff up and close the faucet like my life depended on it.
  3. I brush my teeth for a very long time until my gums bleed. This is because I feel like when I don’t see blood yet then it is not clean! So I have to brush and brush and brush until it bleeds.
  4. I have a particular set of spoon and fork at home that I use. Only I can use it and only if it was that particular set is to be used will I eat my meal. If not, I have to look for my own set or my family would.
  5. I have to knock 3 times all the time even if a bad thought came to my head. My brain tells me that if I don’t knock 3 times, my bad thoughts would come true.

Those are the only remarkable ones, I have a lot but most of the time, I would overcome it and outgrow them, until a new one develops.

Right now, I’m on the phase wherein I feel good about myself. I feel alive and enlightened. It’s as if I understand everything now. It’s a “EUREKA” moment for me. I know it would be hard but everyone close to my heart have made me feel secured, protected and understood. Not one in my family have shown distaste towards my condition and I feel like my family is enough. I wouldn’t ask the world to understand me, however I hope that one day, everyone would understand all the different conditions there is in the world. Everyone may be a little bit kinder, understanding and accepting of the uniqueness and individuality of others. I hope and I pray ❤

Happy Anniversary, My Love

I am beyond blessed that aside from my loving family and friends, I have a sweetheart whom I share an amazing life with.Today marks another year of togetherness.

I have learned that relationship requires not only love, care, patience and understanding but also time, energy, effort, trust, faith, honesty, sincerity, humility. I take pride and I am not ashamed (no matter how long this written stuff is going to be) but I gotta say that you–being with me, us–being together is worth all the hurt we have experienced in the past. I have now been blessed with a person who

1. Is not ashamed to say sorry (even if I am the one who should say sorry anyway)

2. Calls me out for the mistakes I made without judging but honest enough to tell me HOW WRONG I was anyway.

3. Never gets tired of trivial things.. e.g. Driving me to and fro places, enjoys hanging out with my family and friends, plucking my pit hair when it’s too short for waxing yet too itchy for my life, cutting my nails for me etc..

4. Doesn’t think twice and leaves everything just so he can take care of me when I’m sick. He even cooked soup, drove me to the hospital, bought medicines and made sure my fever went down!

5. Understands PMS no matter how annoying it is.

6. Surprises me with a lot of things at random times!

7. Always tries to make me smile, comfort me when I’m sad, hurt or in pain.

8. Listens to my rants and always says the right things (even if those things are not what I wanted to hear anyway)

9. Supports me and trusts my decisions and instincts when it comes to life and other adult struggles.

10. Loves me no matter what. Even in my “auto demon” days aka PMSing version demon;level 999. It’s also bittersweet to know that it breaks his heart when he was not able to give me something I want at that exact moment (I’m talking about simple things like pan de sal, coco jam, big pillow, candies etc)
They may or may not know but you are the kind of guy that girls dream about. You are sweet and caring. Thoughtful, understanding, funny and amazing. You are everything nice and cute and I love you. Happy Anniversary DearDear!!

💜💖💙

Kyx’s Mini Surprise!

Let’s talk about light, simple and happy thoughts.

I did say that I surprised Kyx on his birthday didn’t I? If I haven’t, then let’s talk about it.

Tuesday, July 26, I suddenly thought that the only gift I could ever give Kyx is to give him a mini surprise celebration. Reason(s) being:

  1. Kyx is very particular when it comes to color, design and style. So it would be stupid of me to get him clothes, shoes or pants because he might not like it as much as he should.
  2. He doesn’t celebrate his birthday like a normal person. He’s very simple and simple things make him happy, that is why, I felt like he deserves to have a mini celebration.

So I thought of giving him a mini surprise celebration last Saturday (July 30, 2016) though his birthday is really on the 1st of August. So 4 days before the planned mini celeb, I texted our close friends and we fixed a couple of stuff. I told Kyx’s parents and we prepared for the surprise thingy. Friday night came and Kyx was asking me why I was always on my phone. Someone messaged me and he grabbed my phone and wanted to look at it. I was arguing and grabbing my phone back like my life depended on it! He got mad at me and he asked me why I seem to be hiding something from him. By this time I was so nervous because I feel like someone from the surprise team is asking me a question or texting me or whatever so I am afraid Kyx would find out about the surprise! So even if he will get mad, I needed to grab my phone back from him. He told me it seems impossible but he feels like maybe some other guy is texting me. I burst out laughing. I was so relieved that he didn’t think I was planning a surprise.

Fast forward to the surprise day!

After work, I was talking to Kyx about needing to buy a cake for my niece and some liquor for my brother’s send-off party. He obliged happily and I was so relieved! We were able to buy liquor and cake and I ordered sushi and California maki, asked them to deliver it to the house by 5pm, my friends bought the pizza that Kyx wanted. By 6pm, Kyx told me he needs to play DOTA 2 and I was so alarmed because our friends are still stuck in traffic! I asked Kyx’s family that we should surprise him now or he will be playing DOTA 2 the whole night! So we surprised him and by 7pm, our friends arrived. We played UNO, ate good food, drank and talked about everything we could!

It was a fun mini surprise and I wish I was able to plan it thoroughly cause it could have been better but nonetheless, it was good that our friends, even if their houses are so far away from ours, they willingly celebrated Kyx’s birthday!

I will be posting pictures in a bit! ❤

 

 (Apparently I have accidentally pasted the article I was finishing for work. So if you have read an article about a supplement, yeah.. That was it hahaha)