“Bahala Kayo Diyan” Attitude

Madalas, people pleaser tayo. Wag na tayo lumayo, ako ay isang people pleaser noong unang panahon. Para bang gumigising, bumabangon at nabubuhay ako upang pasayahin ang ibang tao at gustuhin ng ibang tao. Para bang major goal ko in life is maging very likable at adorable para sa iba. At one point na-achieve ko naman yan, aminin niyo TFIOB madali tayong nakakapagpalagayan ng loob diba? Hahaha. Pero para yang sumpa at habang tumatagal na ginagawa ko yan, para din akong gumugulong dahan dahan pababa.

Nandiyang sinasakripisyo ko ang kaligayahan ko para sa ibang tao, andiyang pumapayag ako sa mga gusto ng ibang tao kahit labag naman sa loob ko, ayokong nagmumukang masama ako kaya lagi akong nageexplain ng actions ko at kung ano ano pang bagay kahit di naman kailangan. Madalas nagsosorry ako sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman kasalanan. Mabilis ako magreach out sa mga tao na nakasamaan ko ng loob kahit na muka akong tanga at kahit hindi naman sila karapat dapat, mabilis ako magpatawad at magtiwala. Lahat yan ay yung tipong hindi na ako nagiging masaya. Akala ko kasi kapag gusto ko yung gusto nila, pag sumunod ako sa mga gusto nila, isang ganap na tunay na kaibigan na ako. Huli ko na kasi narealize na ang tunay na kaibigan ay yung taong matatanggap ka kung ano ka, magugustuhan ka kahit ayaw mo ng mga bagay na hindi niya gusto. Sobrang daming dynamics ng pagkakaibigan na namiss-out ko.

Yung tipong lagi ko nalang iniisip yung kapakanan nila, okay lang ba sila, masaya ba sila, ay baka sabihin ni ganito ay ganyan, ay baka isipin ni ganito ganiyan. Para akong naglalakad lagi sa egg shells. Laging dahan dahan, laging parang tanga.

Kaya nung natautauhan na ako sa kagagahan ko, narealize ko na masyado akong may malaki at maraming pakielam sa ibang tao, sa sasabihin at iisipin nila. Hindi ko na inisip kung okay pa ba ako, kung masaya pa ba ako.

Dito na papasok yung isa sa maraming hinahangaan ko kay Kyx. Mabait na tao si Kyx, sobrang bait. Tahimik lang. Maayos at magaling makisama pero (di ko alam kung ganon talaga ang mga lalaki o likas sa kanila yun) meron siyang “bahala kayo diyan” attitude.

“Bahala Kayo Diyan” attitude – isa sa mga technique kung paano magkaroon ng stress free at peaceful life. Ang kawalan ng pakielam sa iisipin, sasabihin at gagawin ng iba. Ginagamit sa mga panahong ayaw nila sayo, naiinis sila sayo pero:

  • Wala kang ginagawang masama, hindi ka nakakabastos o nagpapakita ng kakulangan o kawalan ng respeto sa iba
  • Kapag maayos ang pakikitungo mo
  • Iniisip mo pa rin ang kapakanan ng ibang tao
  • Hindi ka nakakasakit ng damdamin
  • Hindi mo ginagamit ang attitude na ito sa pansariling interes at kaligayahan lamang. Kumbaga, hindi mo deliberately ginagawa na may naaapakan kang tao basta lamang maging masaya ka.

Gawin daw ang bahala kayo diyan attitude kapag may mga taong ayaw o naiinis sayo for no reason. Actually natatawa ako sa “no reason” kasi wala namang ganoon. Hindi pupwede yung walang rason which leads me to another topic. Kaya abangan!

Note: bakit “Bahala kayo diyan” attitude? Kasi ganito yun

“Kung wala naman akong ginagawa sainyo, bahala kayong mainis diyan”

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“Ano Ba Nagawa Ko”

Intindihin natin yung mga sama ng loob natin para mapatawad natin yung mga taong nagpasama ng loob natin at para mapatawad natin ang mga sarili natin.

Sobrang layo na ng narrating ko when it comes to healing, moving forward and letting go. Sobrang dami kong luhang iniyak, mga sakit sa kaloob looban ng dibdib ko na hindi ko pinakita o inilabas kahit sa harap ng mga taong handa akong i-comfort at suportahan. Madami pa akong salitang hindi naisulat kasi masyado pa siyang masakit, yung tipong sa sobrang sakit niya hindi ko alam paano umpisahan at tapusin ang mga talata na gusto kong ipahayag.

Sa totoo lang, masyado kasi akong reflective na tao. Hindi ko alam kung dahil INFJ ako o dahil Empath din ba ako, pero kasi pag may nakasamaan ako ng loo bang una kong iniisip ay yung actions ko—kung ano yung nagawa ko para may sumama ang loob sakin. Kahit masama din ang loob ko o galit ako sa taong iyon, iniisip ko kung ano ang nagawa ko. Hindi pala lahat ng tao kasi ay ganoon. Ang unang iniisip nila kadalasan ay yung nagawa sakanila. Di nila iniisip ang mga nagawa naman nila. Hindi ko matawag na selfish kasi masyadong “big word” naman ang selfish. Siguro iba iba lang talaga ang tao at hindi natin mapipilit na isipin nila ang kapwa nila diba?

Nung nawala yung mga kaibigan ko, masakit hindi dahil sa mga nasabi nila (pero masakit din talaga yun haha) kundi dahil sa hindi nila iniisip ang naramdaman ko, mararamdaman ko at kung bakit ba ako nagkaganoon. Kung may nagawa ba silang mali sakin. Walang nagisip tungkol sakin kasi puro sarili at kung papaanong nasaktan sila ang naiisip nila.

Napakaimposible naman din kasi na isisi mo lang sa isang tao ang actions niya na hindi mo man lamang iisipin ang actions mo o mga bagay na nagawa mong mali.

Hindi natin maididikta sa ibang tao na unawain tayo sa mga nararamdaman natin, di tayo makakasiguro na kapag sinabi natin ang nararamdaman natin ay pahahalagahan nila ito kaya ganito nalang, kung tayo man ang malagay sa sitwasyon na ganito, ugaliin nating isipin yung mga actions natin, mga nagawa nating mali. Huwag tayong madali magpoint out ng mga kamalian ng iba kung hindi naman natin iniisip ang kamalian natin. Isipin natin at unawain kung ano ang naging problema, tanungin natin ang sarili natin “ano ba ang nagawa ko?” bago natin isipin ang nagawa sa atin kasi kapag ganoon, mas madali tayong makakapagpatawad

 

Empaths

Empaths are people who can sense subtle energies and are able to absorb it from the surroundings, environment and people. In short, empaths are those who can absorb your energy and have a hard time peeling it away from their own energy.

I am an empath and being one may feel like a curse sometimes. I absorb other people’s emotions. If a friend tells me she’s said and is in pain, I would become sad and it’s as if I was gutted the same way that particular friend feels!

Last night, a close friend of mine is sad and you can feel her emotions from miles away (all thanks to social media lels) it’s the kind of sad that is empty and painful. It’s the kind of sad that you want to talk to someone about it but you can’t because you don’t know where and how to start. It’s the kind of sad that’s too painful to put into words and too mainstream to cry about. That kind of sad.

And last night, I absorbed “that kind of sad” and I don’t know what to do. I just tried washing it off with an episode or two of Desperate Housewives and can’t decide whether to snack on Lays, Apple Crisps or Banana bread? Hayyy sometimes I have so many emotions which are not healthy to carry as baggage anymore.

I just wish my friend feels better (I bought her a pack of cookies huhu) and I hope we empaths could handle shit better.

Kyx’s Work!

Kyx is a home based Illustrator and is working for Gunship Revolution. Have you ever heard of that company? Yup, they’re I think the best in their craft!! If you haven’t heard of them, go visit their website and check them out. There are loads of amazing artwork there!

I am just so proud of Kyx and all his sleepless nights are paying off. It’s good to know though that his art turns out the amazing thing that it was not just because he is skilled in his craft but also because of the people who help him come up with ideas and concepts, his mentors and his team.

I want to write about their company and all that they do but I don’t think I’ll be allowed to do that for copyright purposes(?) I don’t really know what I’m saying. I just have a feeling that I need to really interview them properly before I can start writing about them haha.

Anyway, you can check Kyxarie’s portfolio

Why #1

A few of the many whys.


While I was partly regretting shopping online at 1 in the morning, I don’t know what happened but I started reflecting, evaluating life in general.

The reality of life is, as we get older, as we get closer to people we love, as we grow more appreciative of the people around us, we also go closer to seeing the end of the line for some. We get to witness the deaths of our loved ones and it’s painful one death after another. Like we never go numb or get tired feeling sick in our stomachs when we are given the burden of witnessing these untimely deaths.

With these deaths, it’s automatic to reminisce the times we spent together with that person. We start wishing that we should have spent more time with them, shared more of our life with them, told them how much we value them, made them feel how much we love them. More often than not, we let go of the grudges we used to have, we forgive them and love them even more, we understand them and we end up accepting their flaws—embracing their shortcomings. It’s like nothing could be wrong about the dead person.

But why do we have to be faced by death and this unfortunate tragedy before we learn to love and forgive? Why do we have to be faced by this loneliness to be able to be reminded of the happy times?

Why do we have to wait for the person to die before we do these things? Why not when that person is still alive?

I guess I’ll never know. I guess death is so tragic that it becomes magical at some point.

It’s almost impossible to remember the ugly and trying times with that person when that person is dead. Usually we would like to remember the departed ones in the happy moments we shared with them diba?

So I will keep praying that I be able to forgive every single person who did me wrong, those who didn’t want anything but harm for me, those who laugh at my tragedies. I will try as best as I could to forgive them while we are still alive. So I wouldn’t burden myself with forgiving just for the heck of it or just because they died but because it is the right thing to do.

Fresh Grads, Quarter Life Crisis-ers, Wanderers

5 years after graduating from college and being 27 years old now (is this considered as ‘late twenties’ already??? HOLYFCKNSHITTTT???) here are some of the things I’ve learned in life worth sharing. I hope you pick up something here that will help you cope and keep up with life without feeling so bad.

  • The real world + aging + growing up is messy! And no matter how much you think you are prepared for this, honey you are not and will never be prepared. You’ve been quite sheltered and we all have been in that phase but this is different now. So when I say you will never be prepared, it’s not supposed to sound so bad. It’s something that will immediately make you feel better because no adult has ever been prepared to be an adult per se and up to this day, I still can’t get the hangs of adulting! I swear. So chin up, cheer up, we are all struggling. Heh
  • Accept it. Some friendships are not meant to last even if you’ve been together for 15 years like???? You may have argued, drifted apart or just stopped being friends but that is normal. It could hurt for some, it could be okay for some but what I’m trying to say is it is normal hehe. It happens!
  • Half the time, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life. Sure I have a stable job (which I actually loved before. Like loved so much. Now I want to leave haha) sure I go boxing at least twice a week, I follow a healthy lifestyle, I go to church, I have friends, I drink sometimes, I watch stuff I want to watch, I enjoy but that’s not everything there is to life and even if it seems that adults like me (seryoso ba?) look like we have it all figured out, NOPE. So don’t pressure yourself too much. We don’t get to know what we want as quickly as we want to.
  • There is no freaking deadline. The stuff we read on facebook, the quotes we see everywhere? They’re all real. Like do what you can, enjoy your life and don’t look at what others have that you don’t have. Who cares if your friend was able to buy a car already and here you are trying to figure out your ABCs at work? Life is not a race and you must keep reminding yourself that. Too often we forget to make it about for life’s greater purpose, to glorify our God. We keep working and trying to get the best things just so people would think we’re happy and successful. Life doesn’t work like that so stop trying to impress everyone else by pressuring yourself with your stupid made up deadlines.
  • Take one step at a time and do everything with love while glorifying our God.

So I hope you don’t pressure yourself every day and feel sad and desperate and all that life crisis bits and pieces. We’ll get through this.

The Enemy Who Turned Out To Be My Bestie

There are rare cases when your enemy becomes your best friend and our case is something like that. Well it was inevitable to say the least.

When we were children, he was forced to play with me all the time because I am this annoying brat that wanted a playmate but there were no kids in our area that time so I’d be in my inflatable pool every day bathing with my Barbie dolls and he will be forced to play with my dolls as well. It won’t last long because he will want to annoy me by including his GI Joes in the game and then kill my dolls. I’d end up crying and pool time and doll time will be over. Looking back I think his goal is to make me cry so that my stupid game would finally end. HAHA.

Both he and I will never forget this. We were playing upstairs while mom is fixing dinner. It was a wrestling match, I think I hit him too hard in the head or something which made him do the kaltok. Kinaltukan nya ako ng malakas and it was so painful. I was screaming for mom and he said mom wouldn’t believe me because there won’t be an evidence from the kaltok and so being the brilliant 6 years old that I am, I bit myself in the arm and told my mom that he bit me. HAHAHAHHHAAHAHHA. It wasn’t funny back then but it was NOW. HAHA. He thought I was pure evil and he can’t believe I played him like that. Kids. Hahaha

There were so many instances that we’ll fight about petty things, some were funny to think about now, some were super cringe-y that I don’t even want to remember it anymore. mehehhe. We went through a lot like from my maldita childhood days to the brat angsty teenager. From comedy, drama to horror (remember when we heard footsteps upstairs and you were arrogant enough to yell at the footsteps telling the entity to come down because we were not afraid and then the footsteps from downstairs went to the stairs and we ran outside the house because WHAT THE FUCK? HE REALLY WENT FUCKING DOWNSTAIRS BECAUSE OF YOU)

But as we grew older, we stood by each other a lot. There were so many fights between the two of us but I guess, blood is really thicker than water most of the time. I don’t think I’ll ever love a guy human being as dearly as I love this guy. He is definitely the bestie everyone would wish for.

Pinagtatanggol niya ako sa lahat ng aapi or umaaway sakin. Kahit hindi niya ako bati minsan, basta magsumbong ako sakanya, lagot yung isusumbong ko.

We argue about a lot of things and he’s different from me. He’s so rational, he listens but he makes sure I listen to what he has to say as well. Making me understand how life works and all that crap.

I look up to him so much and he is the reason why I am so inspired to help others. He’s like that—always helping, always sacrificing.

And with that, I am grateful he is alive. Soooo..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST KUYA, ALTHEO!

We used to be enemies and now we’re besties. I love you so much and I pray for your success and more blessings every single day because you deserve it.

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But no matter how much I love you, I will still blackmail you in the future HAHA.

I hope this day makes you feel special and happy. I hope you don’t get stressed out a lot and I hope this isn’t just another working day for you. Pray and thank God you’re alive and blessed with another year, think of your purpose, reflect on the past years of your life and look! See how far you’ve come already!

Be the light that you always are in other people’s life. Continue to inspire us with your patience, understanding and love. You are a blessing to your family and friends and I hope you know that.

People may not be able to say it like that but that’s true. A lot of people can attest to that and I know they’re grateful for your existence.

I love you always, kuya. You’re the best!

Nakalimutan ko sabihin na thank you sa pagluluto mo para samin, paglibre mo, pagbigay ng mga gusto ko bwahaha

P.S. I love your birthday kasi holiday sa Pinas bwahahha!