Share Ko Lang: Tulong

Pang ilan draft na to, simula Biyernes sinusulat ko na ito hindi ko pa rin magawang matapos o magawa ng maayos. Ayoko kasing magmukang nagpipreach, o mukang nagpapabebe. Gusto ko lang naman kasing sabihin kung ano yung nararamdaman ng puso ko lalo na nung nangyari ‘to. Gusto ko kasi sana, kung may makabasa nito na ito yung kailangan nila, sana makatulong o makainspire kahit papano.

Ganito kasi yan. Sa tanan buhay ko nakailang beses na siguro yung mayaman kami tapos bigla kaming maghihirap tapos babangon ulit tapos magdudusa ulit tapos babangon nanaman. Nakailang ganyan na kami pero hindi pa rin nababaliw yung nanay ko. Masaya pa rin kaming pamilya in general kaya naman napatunayan ko na yung ang buhay ay minsan nasa ibabaw ka, minsan nasa ilalim ka. Legit yan. Hindi kami nakaranas na permanent kaming nasa taas at permanent kaming nasa baba. Parang gulong lang, gumugulong lang yung mga nangyayari kaya sa awa naman ng Diyos, ang dami kong natutunan at mas pinatatag pa ako ng panahon. YAHOO!

Kaya sa mga ganyang karanasan, lumaki kaming matulungin ng mga kapatid ko. Ngayon, masasabi ko na ang estado naming ay sakto lang. Hindi kami mayamang mayaman, hindi rin naman kami naghihirap ng husto pero tight lang ang budget. Kumbaga ang mga pwedeng makapaghintay na mga bagay, kailangan maghintay. Kagaya ng bagong cellphone, kotse, bahay at mga kung ano ano pa. Ganon lang kami ngayon, kung may matitira sa budget ay hindi naman kalakihan pero proud ako na kahit ganoon pa man, nakakatulong kami sa mas kapos sa amin.

Ang haba na, pano ko ba ito ishoshort cut? Bahala na.

Nung gabi ng October 17, nagmessage sakin si Kuya Theo (nasa Dubai siya) at tinatanong niya ako kung meron daw ba akong extrang pera na maaaring maipahiram sa kamag anak namin na lumalapit sakanya. Kailangang kailangan na daw kasi tapos kung magpapadala siya, hapon pa kinabukasan papasok ang pera. Hindi naman ako nagdalawang isip, tinanong ko lang siya kung magkano gawa ng hindi rin naman karamihan ang extra kong pera. Kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, tight talaga ang budget para makaraos sa isang buwan diba?

Buti naman eh hindi din kalakihan. Hindi lumampas ng limang libo, kaya madali ko rin naman nahugot. Minessage ko na kaagad yung Tita namin na nanghihingi ng tulong at sinabi kong pwede na niyang kunin ang pera dahil nasa bahay naman na ako.

Ilang minuto ko lang din siyang hinintay. Pagdating niya, sinabihan niya ang tricycle na nagsakay sakanya na kung maaaring hintayin siya. Pinapakain siya ni mama ng hapunan pero wag na daw kasi naghihintay nga ang tricycle driver sakanya. Nung maupo sya sa sofa, inabot ko na agad yung perang kailangan niya. Mapuputulan na daw kasi sila ng kuryente at wala nang ibang malapitan. Hindi niya na napigilang mapaiyak, kaya hindi na kami masyado nagsalita pa. Sabi ko nalang sakanya eh okay lang yun. Sabi niya makakabayad na sila ng kuryente at makakabili ng bigas. “sa wakas!” parang biglang nadurog yung puso ko sa “sa wakas!” na sinabi niya, parang ang sakit sa akin na maski bigas eh hindi pala sila makabili. Nung sumakay na ulit siya sa tricycle, hinabol ko at inabutan ng dagdag. Para naman makabili ng pang ulam at kung ano ano pa.

Yun nalang ang laman ng wallet ko. Naibigay ko na lahat. Kaya pag alis ng tita ko, sinabi ko agad kay mama “so ano, may pera ka pa ba ma? Wala na ako pamasahe bukas” sabay hagalpak kami ng tawa.

Maya maya lang may message na agad yung tita ko. Nobela. Ang daming sinabi, habang binabasa ko sumasakit lalamunan ko sa pagpipigil ng luha. Nakakaiyak. Sinabi niyang ang laking tulong daw kasi ng ginawa namin ng kuya ko.

Nung gabing yun, kahit wala akong pera, nakatulog naman ako ng maayos. Mas hindi ko kakayanin kung hindi sila makakabili ng bigas at mapuputulan ng kuryente.

Di ko naman sinasabing wag magtira, meron pa naman akong naitatabi hindi ko lang nawithdraw kaya wala akong pera na hahahaha pero bilang tight na ang budget lalo pang naging tight, talagang kailangan ko pang magdagdag sa pagtitipid. Pero mas okay na ito diba?

Hindi kami mayaman pero mayaman kami sa pagmamahal at pagmamalasakit. Sana wag nating ipagkait kung ano yung tulong na pwede nating ibigay kapag may nangangailangan.

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VIRAL

UPDATE:

I don’t think people understood what I was saying or maybe they did tapos ako yung hindi nakaintindi hahahaha. But what I am really trying to say and pointing out is how teka, ayan nafigure out ko na, how people love seeing other people’s lives go viral. How other feel the need to make something viral when they are bashing someone.

Cases in point: Kabit VS Legal Wife, Ex-BF VS Ex-GF retaliating every single detail why they finally broke up. Naniningil VS Nangutang ; Posts usually start off with “Pasikatin natin ito” shaming other people for what they have done.

Ayan shet, nagkakalinaw yung pinoproblema kong hindi ko naman dapat iniisip HAHAHAHA


In line with what I have written yesterday HERE let’s clarify the difference of social relevance, rants and parinigs over social media.

When something is of social relevance like the public must really be involved, something about a crime, a video of people being harassed in traffic, while stuck in traffic or something about a social issue, it’s okay especially if social media is the only way to trace the person you’re trying to pursue.

For instance, I came across a video today that went viral when an elder woman harassed a twenty year old something young lady in a public transportation. In that post, she said that she’s posting it so that she can find that person who harassed her so she can press charges or like at least have her parents talk to that person. So that’s actually something reasonable at least, for me. (or is it not acceptable? Nalilito na ako mamshie)

Then if you rant on your social media or make parinig, I don’t think I get to have a say in it (since I rant so much on twitter) We are all responsible over what we post on social media and if someone calls you out, it’s on you. As for your readers, friends or followers, they can just mute or unfollow, it’s their call.

While writing this, I have contradictions toward my ideas. HALP! What can you say about this issue? Tara let’s discuss! HEHE ❤

 

No One Deserves That Kind of Cruelty

Just now, when I woke up, I realized that hey, no, I don’t deserve that kind of cruelty! And no one actually deserves it to be honest.

When I was still so confused, I felt and thought that maybe I deserved all the shit. I deserved to be shamed like that, I deserved that my best friends pitted on me. It was hard for me to process everything especially that my mind was too clouded and I ate all the shit they served me. My first instinct when confronted with the bad stuff I did or with the bad things I have said a hundred years ago was to apologize because well, I did say bad stuff and I may have added fuel to the fire for one time too many and I didn’t realize that I wasn’t alone. I was with people talking behind another person. Looking back, it’s both funny and sad.

Not because I still long for them, hell no. The fact that I thought I actually deserved it was sad and funny because no one was kind enough in that group to tell me and the others that it wasn’t a one man’s fault. HAH!

I stand today, knowing in my heart that I did not deserve it. No one deserves that kind of mental and emotional trauma these “friends” have put me through.

Good riddance and I hope this doesn’t happen to you or you won’t do anything like this anymore.

* *If you are one of those who did this to me and you’re reading this, don’t get mad. People do not know who you are. 😉 I didn’t name drop.

The Story Why I Lost (my high school) Friends

Once and for all, let me tell you what happened. Let me write this now that my head is finally cleared and my emotions are controlled.  This is lengthy but this tells my story. How I lost my high school friends.

At first I thought I lost them and I was the loser. Finally, I realized that I left. I forced myself to leave because I know my worth even if I had not realized it the time they were crucifying me. After all, ako naman ang nag-leave sa group chat. Hindi naman ako na-kick. HAHAHAHA 😛

For those who have recently just read my blog and have a little idea about the falling out I had 5 months ago, I think this is the best time to write this one. Now my old posts, not when I was crying, not when I was still so confused, lost and angry.

So here’s what happened, I still am a bit confused as to how and why this happened but at least I am not as wrecked as I have been.

My HS barkada was everything to me. I even named our group and we have nicknames. It was funny and cute before, now I don’t know. HAH! We are a big group, 12 people, we were all close and besties. But I guess, just like other groups, we had problems way back, we got irritated at some point and confided on each other that actually looked and sounded like backstabbing but I guess we were never really aware of it? Like I said in one of my pinned posts, I lost myself in the duration of being friends with them. It’s not their fault, it’s just, well, maybe a phase. I’m not sure but there were rants here and there. Mahirap kasi siguro if lagi magkasama, nagkikita and naguusap. Napupuna yung mga pangit na ugali ng isa’t isa and hindi naaappreciate yung mabubuting qualities. Fast forward sa 2017, there was this one girl in our group, we butt heads cause, IDK, she couldn’t explain as to why she sometimes gets annoyed with me even if I am not doing anything. So I got fed up and I told my best friend that I don’t like being friends with that person anymore though I am still okay to hang out with her cause it was inevitable. I guess when I said I didn’t want to be friends with that person, I meant I don’t want to be too attached anymore? I don’t want to hurt myself anymore? Then I guess my best friend told her HAHAHAHA. Cause she was the only person I talked to about it, then this girl got so angry because she learned that I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore and that I invited her last minute to my birthday thing (I swear, at the last minute, I felt bad for not inviting other friends so I invited her. I think she thinks sinadya ko wag siya invite or di ko alam. Haha)

So 24 hours after my birthday, she sent screenshots of old conversations. The conversations we ranted about other people from our group. Then it got blown out of proportion and escalated pretty quickly, everyone was washing their hands and the next thing I knew, everyone’s fingers were pointed at me as if I was the only one who talked about other people when in fact we all did that HAHAHA! It was so dumb and childish. The conversations were 100 years ago!! HAHAHAHA. (seryosong tumatawa ako now haha)

So that’s the story why I became friendless. When everyone was fighting me, as in kampihan na silang lahat. Wala akong kakampi, lahat sila kampihan ako yung hindi nila bati, I was trying to pacify the situation, I was trying to apologize for what I did 100 years ago (te, ang tagal na talaga ng inuungkat. Mga centuries ago. Hindi ko na nga sure kung 100 years lang talaga eh HAHAAHAH) as in for all the shitty things I ever did and said since we were KIDS! High schoolers! As in ganyan levels. When no one was listening and everyone was just bashing me, I didn’t want to have it anymore, I decided I wasn’t having any of this, this is complete torture.

Hindi pa nila nada-digest yung pinalamon at pinainom ko sakanila nung birthday ko, ginaganyan na nila ako.

Exactly 24 hours after I turned 26 ah! I left the group chat.

Pinagbablock ko sila (I blocked them all) and then when they were whining, I learned that they were so shocked that I blocked them. Kahit na binabalahura niyo na ako bawal ko pa rin kayo i-block? Lels. 😛

I am not saying what I did was okay, I’m not downplaying the backstabbing but that was years ago. As in hello napunan na yung mistakes cause we changed a lot!?

I was still blaming myself weeks after. I was still in shock and I can’t believe my best friends turned their backs against me. AS IN. As in 15 years down the drain guys.

Now, I realized they weren’t truly my friends, best friends to begin with.

Maraming maling nangyari but I believe I was also wronged. That’s not how you confront someone, maybe matatanggap ko pa if nag-open forum kami. Hindi yung ako lang tinuturo nila. I guess they also played themselves and made themselves believe that they did no wrong, they didn’t say anything bad. As in nagtataka ako ngayon kasi they’re still friends HAHAAHAH. Nung nagkalabasan ng screenshots guys, as in lahat may sinasabi pero sakin lang ang spot light, nasa sa akin ang focus ng camera ni big brother HAHAHAHAHA.

Maybe it would be too personal if I share the screenshots kaya wag nalang. But yeah, if you read through the conversation, makikita mo si BFF 1 nagcocomment about BFF2 tapos sasagot ako. ANg ending, ako yung tinuturo ni BFF 1 nung nagkabukingan tapos yung sinabi ni BFF 1,PARANG NAWALA SA FOCUS? YUNG SAGOT KO NA “OO NGA” YUNG NAPANSIN? “Oo nga ka pa ah” sabi sakin HAHAHA.

Sabi pa sakin nung nagsosorry ako pa-awa daw ako HAHAHA. Pa-awa na palang mag-apologize ngayon.

So ayan, yan ang alamat ng pagiging HS Barkada-less ni Aila.

Again, I am not downplaying what I did in the past, like 500 years ago. No, I think it was wrong to side with other people. Instead of killing the fire, I drew more air and fuel to it. Instead of telling other friends to voice out their concerns or confront each other, instead of me—telling that one friend what my problem was with her (HS days) , instead of telling them what I felt, instead of  burying the hatchet early on, I ranted and gave other people the entitlement to my trust only to be betrayed. Like I said, maraming mali ang nangyari.

I forgave my ex best friends. I still feel sad and I dream about 2 of my best friends in most nights but I don’t cry over it anymore. It happened for a greater purpose and I have learned so much about myself, friendship and love. I swear I learned a lot of things that I wouldn’t have learned if not for what happened.

 

Don’t Let What You See On Social Media Get You Jealous

Why you need to stop bothering and getting jealous over people who post their stuff and life over social media.

There’s nothing wrong with posting the things you want to appear on your social media sites. After all, we live and let live. I mean I don’t care about the humble brags and #Blessed, I don’t even roll my eyes on those posts (although I do so before) because for me, anyone can post anything they like as long as they’re not putting other people down, as long as they’re not hurting anybody. If you want to flaunt your stuff or post unnecessary statuses just so you could brag, then go ahead and do so. Haters gon’ hate and you shouldn’t care about them.

I think, the percentage of insecure and jealous people went up when social media started poppin’. At least that’s what I think. Hah!

So here’s why you shouldn’t get jealous over stuff posted online.

  1. Look at it this way, people will want to project their lives as seamless and almost perfect. I mean, some even do it for the sake of likes (papansin) that’s why you shouldn’t be jealous of how “perfect” other people’s lives are compared to yours. Not everything you see on a social media platform is what it is in real life.
  2. I admire travelling and in fact, I love seeing people I know (blog friends x real life friends) travel and post their beautiful photos online but never have I ever felt a pang of jealousy over travelling. I mean someday, I know I’ll go to places I’ve never been to and I wouldn’t throw a tantrum or feel insecure just cause I can’t go anywhere else as of the moment. It’s okay to be in awe pero yung mabaon sa utang just for the sake of likes? Wag na uy.
  3. What you see online is not the whole picture. It’s just what was filtered already. I remember when my (ex) friends and I went to Bolinao. It was one of the worse trips I have ever been to. Super tiring, uncomfy and just blah—but I loved it cause I enjoyed every bit of it with my (ex) friends. So when we posted the photos, we all looked so happy and jolly as if like we’re having the time of our lives on a fun vacation when in fact it was filled with so much hassle and nakakainit ulo feels! So you just get to see the tip of the iceberg diba? Akala mo ang saya saya kasi ang saya sa photos pero di mo alam may mga grudges pala na tinatago tapos nagpaplastikan lang pala kayo. CHAROT. (HUGOWWWT)

Pero going back, why am I saying this? It’s because I know a lot of people (in real life lels) that feel like they are missing out on a lot of things especially when they tell me “kainggit si ganto” etc etc. I mean, the stuff we see on social media is other people’s lives and experiences and you have your own life to create and enjoy diba. In a nutshell, we shouldn’t be jealous because there’s nothing at all to be jealous about anyway.

What Your Big Sister Wants To Tell You

Here are the things your big sister wants to tell you and hopefully, you understand it and realize whatever you need to realize before it’s too late.

  1. Stop seeking comfort from other people. Friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.

There’s nothing wrong with telling your friends, boyfriends/girlfriends your problem. But turning against your family or choosing other people over your family is not good. I understand your teenage years are full of angst and irritation. “No one understands me” “My family is not there for me, they don’t understand me” you know those are not true.

  1. When you think you can fool us, you can’t. We just let you be.

You don’t get to fool us because before you go through that shit, we’ve been there, and have done that. “Papunta ka palang, pa-balik na kami. Nakailang balik balik na kami” so no, you ain’t fooling nobody.

  1. Education is so important. Don’t let the privilege you are given to go to waste.

Education especially here in the Philippines is a huge privilege. You don’t know how hard your parents and those who support you work just so they can give you the best education they can.

  1. Stop stressing yourself over small things and making a huge drama over it.

Life is much harder after school. Stay grounded, understand that life is not fair but people who love you try their hardest just so you can have a better life so why ya stressin’ over sh*t? After all, 10 years from now, these dramas wouldn’t even matter.

  1. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up.

You want to be an adult already? So you can just live your life the way you want to? Trust me, it’s not as fun and easy as it seems. One day you’ll look back and wish that you’d be in your kitchen at home with yo mama helping her wash the dishes instead of living the adult life.

  1. Learn to appreciate and be grateful of everything.

Your family and those who support you give you their everything, the least you can do is be grateful that they choose to love you and provide for you no matter how much of a prick you are.

  1. Don’t be jealous of the people around you.

So what if they have the latest gadgets, trendy clothes, branded stuff? That is not important nor it is the measurement of happiness. So stop looking at what others have and focus on what you have.

  1. Your mom and your sister should be your best friend.

There’s no one else in the world who will love you no matter but your mom and your family. The people who won’t judge you whether you fail or not. Those who will be there for you when no one else would be. Learn to love and treasure them before it’s too late, before their or your time runs out.

  1. Choose what’s right.

If it feels wrong and it goes against your beliefs and principles, do the right thing.

  1. Go after your dreams.

Go strive for that one thing you dream of doing. No one can stop you if you’re determined enough.

 

Life is short to waste it on crap, know what would help you, know what works for you. Your angsty teenage years will pass and all of this will be nothing but a memory so do what’s right for when you should look back, you’d have nothing but happy tears. You are young, enjoy it while it lasts and listen to your elders because it’s true, they want nothing but the best for you.

Appreciation

Stop for a minute and take time to appreciate the little things that you overlook on a daily basis.

How many times did you take notice on the flowers that bloom near you? How many times did you just drop everything and spared 30 seconds of your life to stare at how beautiful the sunset is? How many times did you look at the people who have been there for you since day one and smile at the thought that you are blessed because you have them?

It takes so much now to stop for a minute and be grateful. Everything is just so fast-paced that we don’t get to appreciate those that really matter.