Who Do You Need To Ignore

Kebs and Wapakels (the art of ignoring or not caring at all)

A guide on how you control yourself in caring about unnecessary things aka those that are not worth a second of your time.

  1. Chismoso and Chismosa – a Filipino slang that can be a noun or adjective, but I’ll use it as a noun (depends on how you use it) pertaining to people who always talk about other people’s whereabouts.

These people do not deserve your time and energy. They are also not worth your emotions so before you react when you learn someone is being a chismoso/chismosa, stop and think. Remember that these people are a.)the ones who do not have anything better to do with their lives. b.) uneducated ones that are not taught to stop talking about other people and their whereabouts because it’s none of their business.

What you need to do: Ignore them. There’s no point in confrontation. What they say about you is none of your business.

  1. That Person Who Hates Your Guts – someone who has a bad blood for you. You know that nagging feeling when you know someone doesn’t like you even if you are not doing anything?

These people is not even worth an ounce of your time. Don’t waste your day away thinking about why they don’t like you. Don’t ever think how you can please them. Never. Just do your thing, be a good person, be civil with them if you ever need to be in the same room with them but never ever think of ways on how you can please them. You don’t need to please people, especially the ones who don’t even like you in the first place.

What you need to do: If you suspect that people do not like you for a certain attitude you have and it’s a negative thing, then try to change it. But if there’s nothing wrong talaga, then chill. Sit back and care less for these people.

  1. That Person Who Is Always Rude To You – someone who is always either sarcastic or rude kahit wala na sa lugar.

These people may think of themselves as funny and popular and powerful but rudeness has never been cute nor funny.

What you need to do: tell them to stop being rude. Call their attention. If you don’t want that, you can simply ignore them. Don’t let them get into your nerves, don’t give them attention.

 

Not wasting your time caring about what other people say can really help you live a happy life. All the nega stuff can be so much of a burden and we don’t have room for that anymore. Kebs lang, ignore, ‘wag pansinin.

Don’t Wait For Others To Value You

More often than not, we seek validation from other people—especially from those who we love and care about. We want them to value us, we want them to show us how much they love and care for us and we end up sad, miserable and angry when we don’t feel loved and valued.

I have been like that before. I feel ugly when people don’t say I’m pretty. I feel stupid when they don’t tell me how smart I am. I feel unloved if they don’t tell me how much they love me. I feel sad when they don’t tell me how much they want me in their lives. In short *papansin* ako. More than anything, more than sensitive ako and daming hanash, papansin is the term to describe me (at least for me ah) Aside from feeling terrible, I created a terrible version of myself. Sad, lost and confused as I am, I hated everyone. Hate is a strong word and I don’t want to use it lightly, pero I did just that. I was angry and I kept crying and questioning my existence and everyone else’s. It was bad. I was in a bad place.

But I guess, growing up means learning from your ~stupid~ mistakes and knowing that what you did who you have been trying to be is wrong in so many levels. So when everything and everyone failed me, I went back and did a self-check. I realized how much stress I have put into myself and it’s crazy to think that all of this happened mostly because of me—being so cruel to myself. If I had valued myself enough, I wouldn’t have needed validation, if I didn’t need validation, I wouldn’t care so much about other people’s behaviour towards me.

So if you are going through this rough patch, it’s not easy and you don’t get to figure it all out without breaking I sweat (I had to have my heart broken to know all these) so heed my advice.

Do not wait for others to value you before you value yourself.

If there’s one person who needs to value you and love you so much, that’s going to be YOU and YOU ALONE. How would you understand and appreciate the love you receive if you don’t know how to love yourself, right? Stop waiting for them to value you. You have to value yourself first and then every single happiness will follow.

They Will Reveal Themselves

Remember, you don’t have to reveal how other people are. You don’t need to talk about how you see them, you don’t need to tell other people about their “true colors” because you know what? Eventually, they will reveal themselves.

I am a bad case of speaking my mind uncontrollably before. I share my pointless, petty opinions and what I think—mostly about other people’s habits and behaviour. I will tell person B about how person A is and then I end up being the bad guy (always) for speaking my mind when in reality, I just told the truth about how I see other people. I was so confused, baffled and I can’t even believe that they feel like I am destroying them when all I ever did was describe how I observed them. Maybe in the manner of how I said it and the intent as to why I said it is bothersome (before) but I realized soon enough that I should just keep my judgments to myself especially if it’s not important, because after all, I need not tell other people about how other people are because they will reveal themselves in the end.

So queber nalang. Kahit “totoo naman eh” diba? Ipapakilala nila kung sino sila talaga kasi wala pa akong kilalang plastic na napanindigan yung pag-babait baitan niya. Eventually, lalabas ang tunay na ugali nila for the whole world to see. Di ko kailangan i-justify sa ibang tao kung sino at anong klaseng tao talaga sila. Kasi pati sarili nila, kilala nila. ‘Wag na tayong maglokohan. 😉

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I am struggling to find the quote that knocked some sense in me. I want to find it because I want to share it with you guys. It seems so relevant to our lives right now. Thinking how fast paced everything is, how digital everything is and how our days are shorter because of the things that we need to do.

My work and a lot of other people I know feels that an 8 to 5 job is not enough to finish everything. I for one stress out so much on how I plan and schedule everything I need to do for the whole month. I get lost if I don’t follow it and I have to keep track of everything because if I don’t, I feel like my future would suck and it would be a terrible burden for me! Gahd.

So then, I have decided how to take baby steps so that I could live one day at a time.

  • I will only worry about the troubles of today. I will try, as much as I can to stop thinking about the future because it only stresses me out more than it makes me happy.
  • I will remember everything from the past but I will not let it affect my present and future. The past is a learning experience and a distant happy memory. It’s not something I should carry over.
  • I shall stop creating scenarios inside my head. These scenarios do not help me at all. It makes my life so crazy. It makes me so crazy.

I know it’s going to be easier said than done but I shall try. I feel like I’d enjoy my life more if I live for today. Also, there’s no assurance how long we have to live right?

So the message I got today is to make sure I live and stay in the present because that’s the only thing I have right now and the only time I have so I shall live for it, enjoy it and cherish every moment.

Tomorrow is going to be another struggle but let tomorrow be the struggle of tomorrow.

The More They Bring You Down, The More You Rise Above

Ever felt like when people try to bring you down, destroy you and make you feel so little. Break you and leave you with so much hurt in your heart, pain in everything, that’s when He actually lifts you up and that’s when you elevate yourself even more?

I was talking to Kyx about how everything that has been painful made me a better person. I mean I’m not saying this because I want to be inspirational. I’m saying this because I have proven this to myself. They say pain makes you stronger and who would have thought that it really is true? I always thought of these clichés as things other people wanted to tell us so we could feel better and less shitty but I was wrong. Maybe it really does make us feel better and less shitty but for the most part, it makes us get up every single time we get knocked down. Only the first fall hurts so much, when you fall again, you’d be so much stronger that you wouldn’t even think of it as a painful fall anymore.

I didn’t know that at the age of 26, I’d still be capable of losing friends whom I have known for 15 long years! It’s even more than half of my life right? Imagine how painful it was for me. I am a very soft person and I cry over the slightest, littlest of things. Imagine how big of a deal it was. I wasn’t like “okay guys, fuck it, I’m over it”. It was more of feeling so terrible, it was even worse than a boyfriend break-up mind you.

But I realized sooner than I expected to do so, how much I have gained after the loss. And that’s what happens when you go so fucking low, instead of sinking, you get to rise above it all. Pain and hurt only a memory and learning. There’s no way but up they said, and that’s what happened.

Whenever people try to put you down and hurt you, the universe conspires to help you in all ways it can. He lifts you up in the most unexpected moments. So the next time people out you through so much pain, be prepared to get over it and rise above.

In The Process of Losing, We Gain More

In the process of losing, we gain more.

There may be a ton of stuff we lost; love, people, friendship, fun, opportunities and things that we couldn’t hold onto anymore because it’s gone but let’s all agree that in the process of losing all these, we gain more. We gain knowledge, strength, hope and faith, more importantly, we gain self-love and maybe, along the process we get to find ourselves.

During one of the toughest moments in my life (by far), I had to leave the world I created for myself. I had to widen my horizon, I had to lengthen my reach and I had to be tough. In those times when I felt the weakest, those were the times I proved myself that in fact, I am strong. I am stronger than I think, than anyone thinks and I didn’t know it fully, not until I had to write this.

Ever been in the position that you were left hanging? In Filipino, it’s more painful and it’s called “naiwan sa ere”. Have you ever been in that position and you know full well that you—of all people, do not deserve na maiwan sa ere. That was the reality that slapped me so hard I had to face it whether I like it or not.

However, I was surprised that I only ugly cried for a couple of times. I expected to have cried so much more than I did but then, maybe God has other plans for my emotions hahahah. I was telling Kyx that I have no one, I was left behind, I have no one to fight for me, I have no one by my side, everyone and everything is against me and it was so painful. Kyx had to knock some sense in me—he told me that I’ve got everyone I need and that those who chose to leave me behind are not worthy of my tears. It was so painful for me to lose friends I have known for 15 long years, it was painful that I wouldn’t have them from that moment hereon but I realized that losing them made me gain so much more than I ever deserved.

I gained sight of those who are true to me, I became more appreciative of those who stayed with me, I became stronger, I found myself in the process of losing.

Everything I lost, all the confusion, all the betrayal were so worth it because had I not experienced shit like that, I wouldn’t have become the person I am right now. Which to tell you honestly, I love and adore more than the old self I had back then.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we tend to focus more on the losses. Our eyes are fixed on what we used to have and we struggle to move on because we always felt like we need to gain back what we lost but that’s not the thing. That shouldn’t be the thing. What we lost do not matter anymore because that is part of the past, the only thing that’s good about losing and the “past” is the lessons we learned from it.

Let’s not be miserable with what we cannot have back anymore. Let’s move forward and appreciate what we gained during the process of losing.

Fun, Friendship, Realizations

Why do I even want to attempt an anonymous blog when I want to post photos here? Hayy self.

Anyway, I’m sharing with you photos from last Saturday. It was a fun night, a night that we would surely remember. It was not super fancy or eventful but the simplicity of it made an impact that I will remember forever.

Aside from the fun we all have, I realized a lot of things and friendship plays a big part in this.

Remember about 4 months ago, I struggled and the main issue is with my own friends for 15 years? Now, I feel like I am really recovering from the loss and the unnecessary pain I felt.

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Last Saturday, I realized how blessed I am to have friends that will support and love both me and Kyx. We have 6 friends whom I invited to join us for Ramen and surprise Kyx—and they were there. They took some of their time from their busy schedules just so they can make one person happy (two at that because it made me very happy that they wanted to make Kyx happy!)

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Then at Angge’s art show, we—her friends were there. We supported her because we love seeing our friends succeed in their career. I love how I saw Angge contented and happy that night. I know very little of her struggles just so this art show would come out as a success but I know that she went through a hella ton of shit and seeing her smile and goof around like she always does (no matter how crazy life is unfolding in front of her eyes) made me really proud.

I’ve only known Angge for a good 3 years but I have learned that the amount of time does not affect how a friendship would go. Angge is originally Kyx’s friend and I just became her friend because Kyx and I got together hahahaha.

Pero gets? That night, I was happy. I was showered with friends, seeing them smile and seeing them happy made me happy. I still have good friends despite the fact that I’ve lost so many along the way. It doesn’t really matter now because what matters is what I have than what I lost.