There’s just so much resentment upon realizations that I can’t even bring myself to write about it. I am attempting to do so but it just doesn’t feel right.
I wanted to write about a lot of people who have been a part of the past now like my ex best friend but words seem to sound sadder than I actually feel? I mean I’m not sad about it. In fact, I feel that I have given myself the closure I wanted others to give me and it felt really nice. I just don’t want this to sound like another sob story but then I will keep thinking about it so let’s just give it a go.
Ang dami ko pang sinabi dun din naman pala mapupunta haha.
- To my ex best friends. If I think about who is to blame in all the chaos we went through, I can’t think of someone hahaha. Maybe because I have accepted the fact that partly, I was to blame for it, had I not been the maldita person that I was, then we wouldn’t have been entangled to this in the first place. But have you? Have you also realized what I realized? That maybe it was also partly your fault? Hahaha. I just want to say that I needed to acknowledge and verbalize what you did that hurt me in the middle of all these so I can fully forgive. I forgive you for turning your back on me and giving up on the friendship. I forgive you for not even trying to listen to what I had to say. I forgive you for being so unforgiving in those trying times. I forgive you for basically thinking that parting ways was the most ideal thing to do but that destroyed me so fucking much and I want you to know that. But I forgive you both for everything because I know that what you did to me was wrong and that you hurt me and I didn’t deserve that. My pity party was over as soon as I realized that I wouldn’t have hurt someone I love the way you guys did but that’s okay because now, I know that I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment so I tried to forgive you. It took me a year and a half to do so but I forgive you now. I am praying that one day, you also realize the pain you caused me and though I am not going to want you to ask for forgiveness, the mere realization of it is enough.
- To this person who I recently did the INFJ door slam, what you asked me with that accusatory tone—don’t deny that it was filled with malice *eyes rolling* offended me. It was a bit too low of you to do that and though I know you probably didn’t mean it the way you did 5 minutes after saying it, I already took it to heart and all the millions of second chances I gave you so graciously has been thrown out of the window in a split second and boy I am not even sorry. You are always unappreciative of people’s effort in reaching out to you but that’s not my problem anymore. I’m just saying. And for you to think that I would tell a soul about what you said is an insult. You have insulted me in so many ways and the sad part is you don’t even know it. You always tell people you’re sensitive but truly sensitive people also know if they have crossed a line one way or another. You failed to even feel bad for what you did so how is that even sensitive? You are not worthy of my time and energy and even the friendship I was willing to give so goodbye.
Okay, now I’m done and I cannot wait to be able to celebrate my mother’s birthday! Woop!