They Will Reveal Themselves

Remember, you don’t have to reveal how other people are. You don’t need to talk about how you see them, you don’t need to tell other people about their “true colors” because you know what? Eventually, they will reveal themselves.

I am a bad case of speaking my mind uncontrollably before. I share my pointless, petty opinions and what I think—mostly about other people’s habits and behaviour. I will tell person B about how person A is and then I end up being the bad guy (always) for speaking my mind when in reality, I just told the truth about how I see other people. I was so confused, baffled and I can’t even believe that they feel like I am destroying them when all I ever did was describe how I observed them. Maybe in the manner of how I said it and the intent as to why I said it is bothersome (before) but I realized soon enough that I should just keep my judgments to myself especially if it’s not important, because after all, I need not tell other people about how other people are because they will reveal themselves in the end.

So queber nalang. Kahit “totoo naman eh” diba? Ipapakilala nila kung sino sila talaga kasi wala pa akong kilalang plastic na napanindigan yung pag-babait baitan niya. Eventually, lalabas ang tunay na ugali nila for the whole world to see. Di ko kailangan i-justify sa ibang tao kung sino at anong klaseng tao talaga sila. Kasi pati sarili nila, kilala nila. ‘Wag na tayong maglokohan. 😉

Those Who Are Mean Are Unhappy

Those who are mean end up always angry, lost, confused and unhappy.

Before I talk about anybody else or just in general, I’d like to talk about my own personal experience about this.

There’s something liberating about being stripped off about who you really are. All the bad things you did big and small thrown out there for all the world to see. At first, you’d see it as something so painful and humiliating. But once you get to the path of realization, you’d have a clear vision of who you were, how heavy you felt, how toxic you have become and you’d know who you really want to become.

Like I said here and here, I didn’t realize that I was becoming a monster. I didn’t know that what I said in the past would be blown out of proportion and that it would be a big deal! I was so confused but I barrelled through these emotions and I saw everything I was. It felt like I was looking at myself but that person is a different me. It feels like I lost touch of who I really was and I became this mean, insecure lost person. I saw myself and that was enough to keep the change coming. That was enough to knock some sense in me and make me who I really was. You know Te Ka and Te Fiti from Moana? It’s like she’s the exact same person but without her heart, she was really bad but when Moana returned her heart, Te Ka changed back to Te Fiti? That was me. I felt like it was a good representation of who I originally am then transformed into who I became without my heart then returned to my original self.

When I was mean, I was always angry and agitated about everything. I make comments so easily and I feel like I hate everything and everyone. For the most parts, I was just really lost, confused and unhappy. I cringe at my old self. Looking back at her, I felt like I didn’t know her.

Now that I’m trying to be a better person, someone who is not mean anymore, I became happier and contented. It’s as if my rants now became less frequent and I don’t overthink about other people and what they think of me unlike before! So however you want to put it, people who are mean to others, unforgiving and can only think about others in a bad shape would mean unhappiness and confusion. They may not realize it but it’s going to be a never ending cycle until you decide to be a better person.

Mean people = Unhappy people and vice versa. If you want happiness to come and stay for good, you have to be a kind person. Positive energy attracts positive energy. ❤

When you’re happy, you’re kinder. When you’re kinder you’ll like yourself even more.

In The Process of Losing, We Gain More

In the process of losing, we gain more.

There may be a ton of stuff we lost; love, people, friendship, fun, opportunities and things that we couldn’t hold onto anymore because it’s gone but let’s all agree that in the process of losing all these, we gain more. We gain knowledge, strength, hope and faith, more importantly, we gain self-love and maybe, along the process we get to find ourselves.

During one of the toughest moments in my life (by far), I had to leave the world I created for myself. I had to widen my horizon, I had to lengthen my reach and I had to be tough. In those times when I felt the weakest, those were the times I proved myself that in fact, I am strong. I am stronger than I think, than anyone thinks and I didn’t know it fully, not until I had to write this.

Ever been in the position that you were left hanging? In Filipino, it’s more painful and it’s called “naiwan sa ere”. Have you ever been in that position and you know full well that you—of all people, do not deserve na maiwan sa ere. That was the reality that slapped me so hard I had to face it whether I like it or not.

However, I was surprised that I only ugly cried for a couple of times. I expected to have cried so much more than I did but then, maybe God has other plans for my emotions hahahah. I was telling Kyx that I have no one, I was left behind, I have no one to fight for me, I have no one by my side, everyone and everything is against me and it was so painful. Kyx had to knock some sense in me—he told me that I’ve got everyone I need and that those who chose to leave me behind are not worthy of my tears. It was so painful for me to lose friends I have known for 15 long years, it was painful that I wouldn’t have them from that moment hereon but I realized that losing them made me gain so much more than I ever deserved.

I gained sight of those who are true to me, I became more appreciative of those who stayed with me, I became stronger, I found myself in the process of losing.

Everything I lost, all the confusion, all the betrayal were so worth it because had I not experienced shit like that, I wouldn’t have become the person I am right now. Which to tell you honestly, I love and adore more than the old self I had back then.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we tend to focus more on the losses. Our eyes are fixed on what we used to have and we struggle to move on because we always felt like we need to gain back what we lost but that’s not the thing. That shouldn’t be the thing. What we lost do not matter anymore because that is part of the past, the only thing that’s good about losing and the “past” is the lessons we learned from it.

Let’s not be miserable with what we cannot have back anymore. Let’s move forward and appreciate what we gained during the process of losing.

Fun, Friendship, Realizations

Why do I even want to attempt an anonymous blog when I want to post photos here? Hayy self.

Anyway, I’m sharing with you photos from last Saturday. It was a fun night, a night that we would surely remember. It was not super fancy or eventful but the simplicity of it made an impact that I will remember forever.

Aside from the fun we all have, I realized a lot of things and friendship plays a big part in this.

Remember about 4 months ago, I struggled and the main issue is with my own friends for 15 years? Now, I feel like I am really recovering from the loss and the unnecessary pain I felt.

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Last Saturday, I realized how blessed I am to have friends that will support and love both me and Kyx. We have 6 friends whom I invited to join us for Ramen and surprise Kyx—and they were there. They took some of their time from their busy schedules just so they can make one person happy (two at that because it made me very happy that they wanted to make Kyx happy!)

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Then at Angge’s art show, we—her friends were there. We supported her because we love seeing our friends succeed in their career. I love how I saw Angge contented and happy that night. I know very little of her struggles just so this art show would come out as a success but I know that she went through a hella ton of shit and seeing her smile and goof around like she always does (no matter how crazy life is unfolding in front of her eyes) made me really proud.

I’ve only known Angge for a good 3 years but I have learned that the amount of time does not affect how a friendship would go. Angge is originally Kyx’s friend and I just became her friend because Kyx and I got together hahahaha.

Pero gets? That night, I was happy. I was showered with friends, seeing them smile and seeing them happy made me happy. I still have good friends despite the fact that I’ve lost so many along the way. It doesn’t really matter now because what matters is what I have than what I lost.

Glitch Glitch: Immortal Days

I wanted to show you all art pieces from Glitch Glitch: Immortal Days 2 man show by Angge and Crist but I have to tell you that I am such a failure when it comes to blogging. I should have gotten the names of each art piece but whatever. I’ll do better next time I swear.

Glitch Glitch: Immortal Days by Angge Lorente and Crist Espiritu

Glitch Glitch, the collective name of visual artists Crist Espiritu and Angge Lorente, unveils their latest artworks in a two-man exhibition titled “Immortal Days”. The show features a collection of artworks that urges one to go back to those years of juvenile exploits. Yesterdays of endless endorphin rush brought about by transient fancies, bad decisions and substance experimentation. Days when one surrendered to hazy nights of seemingly endless euphoria. Glory days that went on forever. These were the years that birthed your happy place. These were the days when you were immortal.

Angge Lorente explores/ exploits the human anatomy in its most primal; stripped of all mundane labels like gender, age or job descriptions. In her paintings the subjects are exquisite mishmash of flesh chucked onto the canvas with geometric figures, organic patterns, and textures creating engaging compositions. These process results dimming the inherent vulnerabilities of the subjects. By stripping away all the unnecessary, what remains are creatures of pure beauty driven by wanton desires and intractable emotions. Lorente’s art is a mirror that reflects our idealized selves… perpetually young and electric.

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For Immortal Days, Crist Espiritu went on a relatively experimental path and presents his latest series called “Repurposing Memories”; a series of found objects, videos and mixed media assemblage. The artist states that “…the best days are those one could barely remember. Days wrapped in dopamine haze wherein the truth is blurred out thereby converting the experience into raw emotions unbound by logic’s boring gravitational pull.”
With this in mind, Espiritu reclaimed objects with inseverable links to his personal past and exorcised the intrinsic stories within each of them. Beaten up skateboards, wornout sneakers and other items all became raw materials for the process. Through creative alterations the objects are given new functions and are transformed into artworks that looks to the future instead of staying mere relics of years long gone. With this approach both the process and the final artworks inevitably become allegories for the coming of age.

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Glitch Glitch believes that in today’s robotically fast-paced world, art serves as a break from all of life’s monotonously bland programming. With this show, Glitch Glitch shoves into focus the quickly depleting health bar you are given to navigate this rigged game that is your existence. No sense in setting your gears to a slow crawl towards the end. Go out and live your immortal days.

(Glitch Glitch: Immortal Days write up (I didn’t write this)

 

They both very much differ in style and execution but both outputs were lovely! I love Angge’s realism and the play she did with black and white and grey while popping some gold and red. I bet it has so much more than what I can understand and I regret not asking Angge these things but she was actually really busy entertaining a ton of guest! *Congratulations Angge!*

I also love how Crist played with mixed media. There’s so much details in his works and it screams passion in all the pieces. It’s on the funky and bright colored paints but you can tell there’s something deeper than just vibrant images and colors.

Here are the photos that Kyx and I managed to capture. You must remember that Kyx is very uncomfortable with taking photos in public, He is so awkward and shy but whatever, I however got him to take my pictures and I can tell he’s cringing but didn’t want to disappoint me lol.

*I didn’t edit the photos I took of Angge and Crist’s art pieces so you can see it raw.

Let Tomorrow Wait

Let tomorrow be the struggle of tomorrow.

Yesterday, Kyx and I are talking about how our future would go. His dad will be retiring soon and most probably, his parents would go to Nueva Ecija and live there for good. Kyx said they might only visit a few times every month. So we’d be left to guard the house, do the chores, pay the bills by ourselves. In short, we’d adult all the way. Because right now, we’re only adulting for ourselves. Or maybe he is adulting only for him and me. I do quite a lot of adulting—I send my sister to school (it is no joke to send someone to school. The tuition fee is insane and it doesn’t end in tuition fees! It has a buttload of allowance, projects and extra shit to pay for and I only get paid so little LOL), I also help pay the bills, I pay the credit card when I use it (I only ever use it when credit cards are the only method of payment available. As much as I can, I use cash in buying or booking stuff) so we only semi-adult ? I think ? But when the time comes that Kyx’s parents leave us, we’d probably be forced to full on adult our way through life.

I can tell that Kyx is a little stressed? I’m not sure but I feel like he’s not taking it as lightly as he should. He’s getting pressured because for the first time, he’d be facing a whole lot of responsibility than he ever did and that’s quite a big deal for him. I suppose. I told him not to worry because when we get to that, we’d probably be okay. We’d sort things out and we’d get through it. We are both responsible working adults so why the stress right?

“We’ll cross the bridge when we get there” is a cliché for a reason. And it’s very simple! Why do we let ourselves go through so much shit for things that already happened or things that are yet to happen? Why do we always stress ourselves so much thinking of things that are not even here yet!? Why do we always have to carry the burden of doubting ourselves and our capabilities—thinking we’re weak shit to even survive the future? It’s lame.

Living in the present requires more than just a mind-set. Living today is having faith in yourself. Trusting in your decisions, choices, intelligence and capabilities. It’s giving your best and knowing that whatever happens, God is there to help you get through shit.

So today, I told Kyx that we can make it. The thing he is worrying about is not yet here so why waste our energy thinking about it.

Indifference and Lost Friendship

Due to certain circumstances, precious and important people may be cut loose into your life. Though it’s a painful and sad thing, life works the way it should and we learn from these things.

It is necessary to be left behind. People will need to walk away from you for several reason you probably wouldn’t understand instantly but there’s so much to learn from these things that you get to grow and be a better person.

I have lost so many friends that are precious to me. Some have been my friends for over 15 years! Trust me, it was so painful but it did teach me a lot of life lessons that I now know. I wouldn’t have learned it if it wasn’t for losing people I love, right?

I tried to make up for the things I have done wrong but sadly, those things are not guaranteed to make the cut. That then led me to the realization that indifference and lost friendship will linger for a while until the hands of time can heal all that was wounded and pained from the emotional battles of the past.

I still do not understand why everything went down so hurtful and hateful like that. But I guess I stopped trying to understand. Maybe it was really meant to happen like that.