They Will Reveal Themselves

Remember, you don’t have to reveal how other people are. You don’t need to talk about how you see them, you don’t need to tell other people about their “true colors” because you know what? Eventually, they will reveal themselves.

I am a bad case of speaking my mind uncontrollably before. I share my pointless, petty opinions and what I think—mostly about other people’s habits and behaviour. I will tell person B about how person A is and then I end up being the bad guy (always) for speaking my mind when in reality, I just told the truth about how I see other people. I was so confused, baffled and I can’t even believe that they feel like I am destroying them when all I ever did was describe how I observed them. Maybe in the manner of how I said it and the intent as to why I said it is bothersome (before) but I realized soon enough that I should just keep my judgments to myself especially if it’s not important, because after all, I need not tell other people about how other people are because they will reveal themselves in the end.

So queber nalang. Kahit “totoo naman eh” diba? Ipapakilala nila kung sino sila talaga kasi wala pa akong kilalang plastic na napanindigan yung pag-babait baitan niya. Eventually, lalabas ang tunay na ugali nila for the whole world to see. Di ko kailangan i-justify sa ibang tao kung sino at anong klaseng tao talaga sila. Kasi pati sarili nila, kilala nila. ‘Wag na tayong maglokohan. 😉

Imagine talking to your mom about contraceptives????

 

So about 3 months ago, I had this really bad case of acne. I have never had acne during my teen years so imagine my horror to have pimple problems?! It was all new to me and so I kinda panicked and cried. LOL.

I really did cry, I was counting my pimples and was really so frustrated that I am having a bad skin condition. My parents didn’t have this problem and my brothers didn’t so why am I having this problem! So I decided to seek help from my dermatologist. The derma of course gave me topical stuff and facial soap and told me to visit my OB GYNE. So I did. My OB-GYNE gave me a prescription of hormonal pills. Apparently, these are contraceptive pills so it was kind of awkward for me ??? I never used The Pill and it was my first time to be advised that I needed that.

Background: In the Philippines, we don’t have sex ed. Condoms, pills and all forms of contraception is a taboo. We were even told by the Catholic church that these things should be illegal and there’s this bill in the country that they want to pass like the banning of contraception. So everything about sexual health is a taboo. And maybe, this is why our population is soooo big because people do not know how to do family planning and whatnot. Again, no one teaches us how and how not to do things with regards to our sexual health.

Okay, going back. I was told to buy Diane-35. Can you imagine how ignorant I am? Here I am a full grown woman, 26 years of existence on earth yet I have never ever used The Pill????? So I bought a pack and repeated in my head over and over and over and over again the instructions of my doctor. When I got home, I told my mom about it and she was telling me that finally, my acne problems will be gone soon and then…..I was not ready for this but.. she said “also, this pill is good for contraception. In this way, you’re safe! You won’t get pregnant accidentally!” I cringed so hard I wanted to die right in front of her.

But that’s not even the end of the story!

Fast forward to the 3rd month of my pill taking.

I didn’t know anything about how it is used for contraception. I mean, believe it or not, though Kyx and I live together, we don’t do it like all the time (TMI eeeep!!!) but just to get it out there, I am really very naïve and ignorant when it comes to these things. One time, I just told my mom about it and told her that I don’t know how this works and all. I told her in full details. Just fill yourselves in with what I told my mom (hint: it’s about unprotected sex) so it was really super cringe worthy!!!!!! My gosh.

But then I realized, if there’s one person aside from my OB-GYNE who I should trust about these things, it should be my mom. It doesn’t change the fact that it was super cringe worthy but nonetheless, it made me realize that my mom is really the person I should trust wholeheartedly—no matter what my issue is, she wouldn’t judge and she’d help me.

Was It Worth It?

Forgiveness is not just accepting apologies and giving chances.

Forgiveness is freeing yourself from the cruel burdens, heartache, pain, emotional torture, mental discomfort. Forgiveness is not just something you give out to those who have wronged you, forgiveness is opening your heart to the hurt you felt and accepting that in this life, inflicted pain is inevitable but it’s up to you to unburden yourself.

If you don’t forgive other people for the things they did wrong to you, you are giving yourself more burden than you could carry. You are making yourself suffer when in reality, you don’t deserve that. No one deserves that kind of suffering and the sad part is, you are the one making yourself suffer if you don’t forgive.

There will be times that you’re in a darker spot than ever, you may fill your heart with rage and anger. You condition yourself with trauma and despair but trust yourself that that phase is going to end. You just have to feel these emotions so you can appreciate the fruit of this bitter cause. In those dark days, try to welcome the ability to see the light and forgive both you and other people for all the pain you’re feeling. This isn’t as easy as it seems, it would probably take time but the more that you are willing to throw ill feelings, the more it will be easier to forgive.

Then you’ll ask yourself, was it worth it? Was it worth forgiving those who have wronged you no matter how sick of a person they have been? Of course yes. Forgiving is doing yourself a favour of unburdening the dead weight you’ve been carrying. And that for me is worth it.

Welcome Back!

Welcome back, human. You’re here again and hopefully you’ll stay in your realm of acceptance, understanding and happiness.

You may have probably crawled pitifully your way back but the important thing is that you’re here now, here again.

Life will continue to go on and though you have recovered from an ugly past filled with pain and suffering, it doesn’t mean that you won’t go through shit again. It will still be a mix of fun, laughter, sadness, loneliness and happiness but the thing is, you’re much more experienced now and well—stronger.

This is why you shouldn’t let the pain, hurt and trauma hunt you on your way towards a brighter future. There isn’t a promise of not going through a painful and traumatic experience in life again but more often than not, you would usually let it hunt you down and that’s not what you need to do.

You have to be able to look at each experience with joy in your eyes, you have to be able to put the fear, pain and hurt in your hands and feel it. You have to be able to acknowledge it so that you can easily let it go without fearing the memory of it. Accepting it takes courage and a huge chunk of self-love. These things, the things that caused you pain should be treated as your very own bedrock. The bedrock that you will use for growth. The very ground that you plant yourself in, in order to grow and become a better person.

Here’s How You Will Heal

You may be dealing with a loss, grieving for some kind of tragic experience. You may be facing a death of a loved one, a break up, friendship break up, falling out in a relationship, family arguments, hurtful stuff and the list goes on but during these experiences are when the soils of your life is watered for growth.

Tough times can be extremely draining mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually but these are also the times when you are being nurtured as a person and here’s how you will heal:

  1. Take one step at a time – no healing process is every as quick and easy. It doesn’t happen overnight, so in order to be able to heal properly, you have to take it one day at a time. Little by little until it’s not a struggle anymore.
  2. Recognize all the emotions you’re feeling – you may probably feel the pain, anger, resentment, loneliness, sadness etc. and embrace those feelings without feeling guilty. Welcome these emotions, feel what you need to feel.
  3. Acknowledge hurt and pain – instead of shoving hurt and pain at the backdoor of your mind, allow yourself to feel it. Acknowledge the fact that right now, you are feeling hurt and pain but know that it wouldn’t stay for long.
  4. Survive day by day – It could be a day by day struggle but do not lose hope! Face it and survive it no matter how weak or strong you may feel, do it for yourself.
  5. Cry when you need to – crying may cost you time and energy but if you don’t know what to feel anymore and you feel like you need to cry, then cry your damn heart as hard as you could. Crying unburdens you from the heavy load you’re carrying emotionally. It helps.
  6. Appreciate yourself – in tough times, you will doubt yourself more than ever. You’d blame yourself for everything. Avoid doing that by appreciating yourself more. Think of all the good things you did.
  7. Appreciate others – of course, there will be people who will be by your side no matter what. Appreciate them, don’t resent them or push you away. Think of them as gems and precious treasure.
  8. Carry on with your life – after a fall, that’s when you need to be stronger. So after every failure, stand up and carry on with your life. Remember, life goes on and that’s what you need to do—go on with your life.

Believing in The Power of Prayer

 

 

Every time I try to write about my religious beliefs, I find myself giving you a disclaimer which seriously needs to stop. But here I go again.

I am not like a hard core Catholic girl. I’m just a strong believer and I respect all religions so don’t think this is something about preaching and convincing people to believe in what I believe in. This is a mere projection of what I have experienced and it is something I want to share.

Before I went to sleep last night, I opened the bible and cut through a random page while my eyes were closed. I pointed my finger to the middle left part of the page hoping to see something that will tap and cut deep to my soul. I slowly opened my eyes with excitement and read where my finger was pointed and it says “If you have faith, it will happen. If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayers” –Matthew 21:22

There you have it folks. I slept with a smile on my face ready to welcome the coming days with faithfulness. I think it ends there but it didn’t.

At the office, I randomly shared this experience of mine to my friend, Anne. I told her about the verse and she opened her wallet and took a small laminated thing that bears the bible verse I was talking about. She told me that she’ll be giving me her copy because maybe, this verse is really for me,

After what I have gone through for the past months, I can only say that prayers have helped me get through all the crap (aside from family, remaining friends and you guys my readers) prayers have given me so much strength. No I didn’t feel all mighty and powerful after every prayer I said but somehow, it lightens the burden that I have been carrying over the course of time.

Every day, the moment I wake up, I’d say a prayer of thanks that I have been given another chance to improve myself. Another chance to repent and another chance to give my love to the people who have always been by my side. I’d ask for strength and courage to face the day and in most days that I feel restless, I ask that the Lord would give me physical and mental strength to get through the day.

Every night before I sleep, I’d say a prayer telling Him how my day went. Asking for forgiveness when I did a shitty thing. I also ask for healing to those whom I have hurt and for myself as well. I ask that I be given more days to live (even though I have been obsessed with my own death and suicidal thoughts), I ask that my parents, family and loved ones have a longer life so I could make them feel more of how much I love them. I tell the Lord that if I do not wake up, I hope that He embrace my loved ones and tell them that I am at peace.

These are the usual prayers and even though they are simple and ordinary, I believe that God hears my prayers. I believe in the power of prayers, in good times and in bad.

Happy Father’s Day, Mom!


Being a father is not just being the male parent in the family. It is deeper than that.
As much as I hate to be stereotypical and sexist, society has long been dictating that being a father means providing well for the family, protecting the family, making sure everyone is comfortable and has their needs and so on. All these things are for me, stereotypical and sexist. Even if you have not given your sperm as contribution to make a child, even if you do not have a child, you can be a “father”. You may be a woman, man, lesbian, gay, bisexual etc., you can and you may be a father figure to everyone around you.

And for the longest time, we were raised to not be held captive of stereotypes and gender issues.

I can remember having a conversation with my mom when I was 7 years old. I asked her if I am supposed to have a dad around family day because all my classmates would have their whole family there. (This is not a dramatic conversation. It was bore out of sheer curiosity and innocence) then my mom said “Not everyone has a dad around them and that’s okay. You have a mom who can be both a mom and a dad! So you don’t need to worry, I got you covered! Plus you have 3 big brothers! Meron ba sila non?” so as early as 7 years old, I know for a fact that my mom can be both and I don’t give the slightest flying fuck whether I have a dad figure with me or not.

So in honor of my mom being everything she could be for her children including a teacher, best friend, girl pal, buddy, movie buddy, scientist, doctor, nurse and of course a dad—we, her children make it a point to make her feel that she too could celebrate this day made for “fathers”.

Happy Father’s Day, Ma! You are my hero and I am very very proud of you. I wouldn’t have it any other way, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you!