Share Ko Lang: Tulong

Pang ilan draft na to, simula Biyernes sinusulat ko na ito hindi ko pa rin magawang matapos o magawa ng maayos. Ayoko kasing magmukang nagpipreach, o mukang nagpapabebe. Gusto ko lang naman kasing sabihin kung ano yung nararamdaman ng puso ko lalo na nung nangyari ‘to. Gusto ko kasi sana, kung may makabasa nito na ito yung kailangan nila, sana makatulong o makainspire kahit papano.

Ganito kasi yan. Sa tanan buhay ko nakailang beses na siguro yung mayaman kami tapos bigla kaming maghihirap tapos babangon ulit tapos magdudusa ulit tapos babangon nanaman. Nakailang ganyan na kami pero hindi pa rin nababaliw yung nanay ko. Masaya pa rin kaming pamilya in general kaya naman napatunayan ko na yung ang buhay ay minsan nasa ibabaw ka, minsan nasa ilalim ka. Legit yan. Hindi kami nakaranas na permanent kaming nasa taas at permanent kaming nasa baba. Parang gulong lang, gumugulong lang yung mga nangyayari kaya sa awa naman ng Diyos, ang dami kong natutunan at mas pinatatag pa ako ng panahon. YAHOO!

Kaya sa mga ganyang karanasan, lumaki kaming matulungin ng mga kapatid ko. Ngayon, masasabi ko na ang estado naming ay sakto lang. Hindi kami mayamang mayaman, hindi rin naman kami naghihirap ng husto pero tight lang ang budget. Kumbaga ang mga pwedeng makapaghintay na mga bagay, kailangan maghintay. Kagaya ng bagong cellphone, kotse, bahay at mga kung ano ano pa. Ganon lang kami ngayon, kung may matitira sa budget ay hindi naman kalakihan pero proud ako na kahit ganoon pa man, nakakatulong kami sa mas kapos sa amin.

Ang haba na, pano ko ba ito ishoshort cut? Bahala na.

Nung gabi ng October 17, nagmessage sakin si Kuya Theo (nasa Dubai siya) at tinatanong niya ako kung meron daw ba akong extrang pera na maaaring maipahiram sa kamag anak namin na lumalapit sakanya. Kailangang kailangan na daw kasi tapos kung magpapadala siya, hapon pa kinabukasan papasok ang pera. Hindi naman ako nagdalawang isip, tinanong ko lang siya kung magkano gawa ng hindi rin naman karamihan ang extra kong pera. Kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, tight talaga ang budget para makaraos sa isang buwan diba?

Buti naman eh hindi din kalakihan. Hindi lumampas ng limang libo, kaya madali ko rin naman nahugot. Minessage ko na kaagad yung Tita namin na nanghihingi ng tulong at sinabi kong pwede na niyang kunin ang pera dahil nasa bahay naman na ako.

Ilang minuto ko lang din siyang hinintay. Pagdating niya, sinabihan niya ang tricycle na nagsakay sakanya na kung maaaring hintayin siya. Pinapakain siya ni mama ng hapunan pero wag na daw kasi naghihintay nga ang tricycle driver sakanya. Nung maupo sya sa sofa, inabot ko na agad yung perang kailangan niya. Mapuputulan na daw kasi sila ng kuryente at wala nang ibang malapitan. Hindi niya na napigilang mapaiyak, kaya hindi na kami masyado nagsalita pa. Sabi ko nalang sakanya eh okay lang yun. Sabi niya makakabayad na sila ng kuryente at makakabili ng bigas. “sa wakas!” parang biglang nadurog yung puso ko sa “sa wakas!” na sinabi niya, parang ang sakit sa akin na maski bigas eh hindi pala sila makabili. Nung sumakay na ulit siya sa tricycle, hinabol ko at inabutan ng dagdag. Para naman makabili ng pang ulam at kung ano ano pa.

Yun nalang ang laman ng wallet ko. Naibigay ko na lahat. Kaya pag alis ng tita ko, sinabi ko agad kay mama “so ano, may pera ka pa ba ma? Wala na ako pamasahe bukas” sabay hagalpak kami ng tawa.

Maya maya lang may message na agad yung tita ko. Nobela. Ang daming sinabi, habang binabasa ko sumasakit lalamunan ko sa pagpipigil ng luha. Nakakaiyak. Sinabi niyang ang laking tulong daw kasi ng ginawa namin ng kuya ko.

Nung gabing yun, kahit wala akong pera, nakatulog naman ako ng maayos. Mas hindi ko kakayanin kung hindi sila makakabili ng bigas at mapuputulan ng kuryente.

Di ko naman sinasabing wag magtira, meron pa naman akong naitatabi hindi ko lang nawithdraw kaya wala akong pera na hahahaha pero bilang tight na ang budget lalo pang naging tight, talagang kailangan ko pang magdagdag sa pagtitipid. Pero mas okay na ito diba?

Hindi kami mayaman pero mayaman kami sa pagmamahal at pagmamalasakit. Sana wag nating ipagkait kung ano yung tulong na pwede nating ibigay kapag may nangangailangan.

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Weekend! Sept. 30 – Oct. 1

My weekend wasn’t fancy nor was it something great but some weekends are meant to be laidback just like this one.

September 30 – Saturday

  • It wasn’t too busy at work although I wish I was somewhere else instead of spending 8 hours at work.
  • After work, I met up with 2 of my Telus buddies, Suz and Crissy. We chose to spend time chit chatting at Costa coffee near my office. It was homey and cozy and not a lot of people hangs out at underrated coffee places like Costa hehe. After coffee, we went to Mercato at around 7pm. I ate lehon and a whole bunch of isaw manok and baboy. I was soooo full.
  • When I got home, I puked everything that I ate. My mom said it was “indigestion” hahahaha ang takaw ko daw kasi. Ayun, sinuka ko din lahat and until now, masakit pa rin lalamunan ko huhu.

October 1 – Sunday

  • I was still not feeling well so I didn’t get to go with my mom and sisters when they visited Laguna. Then Kyx had to go to his meeting so I was left at my mom’s house and slept the afternoon away. I even packed my watercolour and art materials thinking that I’d spend a lot of alone time for the day but boy was I wrong HAH!
  • Kyx picked me up at around 6pm and he bought my favourite goodies from Bread Talk which I absolutely loved!
  • When we got home, we had dinner with his parents and afterwards, Kyx and I watched movies. First movie was Gerald’s Game and the second one was a Korean film. I slept halfway the last movie and felt so sorry because Kyx wasn’t able to work that evening just so we could have our time together. Hehe. Anyway, he deserves time off! He works every freaking day (he’s home based so well, whatev)

Overall, I think my weekend is pretty nice. Minus the fact that I acquired an eye irritation due to allergies. Until now, I have this floater; a sac thing with water inside and it’s so itchy.

How was your weekend?

Oh btw, I’ll post the photos here later 😀

Positivity!

Pagkatapos kong malugmok, ipinakita sakin ni God na masyado akong naka-focus sa mga nakakapag-pa-stress sakin kaya kinailangan pa niyang ipakita sa akin na kaya kong maging okay.

  1. After writing about my little drama I had, I felt better. Moreover, I felt even better when you guys commented and helped lift my spirits! No matter how simple your messages were, it was enough to make me feel better again. Nakakaiyak yung mga comforting words niyo huhuhuhu 💖💖💖
  2. I keep a copy of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff OMNIBUS at my work table. I usually read it every morning but it has been a few days since I last opened it. When I did, what I saw left me surprised and tearful. The title is “Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Darkness” it says that instead of stressing ourselves out over the problems we face, it’s best to find a solution. The line that caught my attention the most was this “taking positive, solution-oriented steps toward improving a situation instead of complaining about what’s wrong. It means being more a part of the solution rather than a reminder or reinforcement of the problem” (I must remember this)

Another one is this “When we focus too much on what’s wrong, it reminds us of other things we disapprove of or wish were different, which can lead us toward feelings of discouragement and being overwhelmed”


                As much as I can, I shall try to remind myself of these techniques or strategies in order to avoid dramas and too much stress.

  1. I was informed today that some of my overtime pay will be credited on this particular cut-off. I didn’t know how to react. I will have my pang-shopping and my sister’s school fee! Muhahahahahahahahah.

Aside from those, I realized that God and the Universe is really trying to make me feel better through small things that go unnoticed. Traffic wasn’t so bad today despite the fact that traffic was 10 million times heavier yesterday in Pasig compared to most days! It was insane. So I sort of expected another grueling battle with the traffic in Pasig. Surprisingly, it was moderate and actually a bit fast moving! My coffee has just the right amount of sugar and creamer. You see, being a batanguena I like my kapeng barako black. But my mom insists on putting creamer and sugar in it para hindi daw masyadong matapang. I don’t like creamy coffees and yesterday, my coffee is way too creamy for my liking. Today, it was just perfect! Another thing is that, payroll has been credited early!! Compared to other companies, our payroll gets credited later than everyone else’s kaya hallelujah talaga sa salary kanina! HAHAHA.

Ayan na si Kyx 😂


Paepal lang 😂

Yung pinagpeprepare pa ako ni mama ng baon ☺️

Mama and Aila 😘

Lastly, siguro hinga lang ng malalim, tapos laban lang ulit!

Drama Rama

Lately, I have been so stressed out. I keep thinking about how my life is turning out, how things are always a problem, how everything is just making me suffer.

(Tagalog Post)

Medyo mababaw lang ang pinagumpisahan nito hanggang sa pabigat na ng pabigat ang mga naiisip ko. Minsan pumapasok pa rin sa isip ko yung ano kaya kung mamatay nalang ako kasi nakakapagod na. *naiiyak nanaman ako habang sinusulat ko ‘to* hayyy buhayyy, masyado akong emosyonal.

Bihira akong bumili ng para sa akin, madalas libro lang talaga ang ginagastusan ko. Nagkakasya lang ako lagi sa iisang sapatos hanggang sa masira koi to bago ako bumili ng panibago. Yung mga damit ko, paulit ulit lang din, siguro may mga 2 weeks worth of office clothes lang ako pero hindi naman yun ang pinuputok ng butche ko. Sa sobrang stressed out ko siguro, gusto kong magshopping. Tamang tama, sasahod na ulit tapos bayad na lahat ng kailangan bayaran na mga bills! Habang chinecheck out ko ang reviews ni Kat sa mga skin care product, yun yung naisip kong bilhin! Dual purpose din kasi, pansamantalang matatanggal stress ko tapos magagamit ko pa sa balat kong namumutakte na ng tigyawat sa sobrang stressed. Pumunta na ako dun sa website na sinabi ni Kat, konti lang yung productong bibilhin ko, yung mga talagang kailangan ko lang sa muka ko na malapit na mawalan ng pag-asa hahaha so nung ichecheck out ko na, mga 1700php na siya, pinigilan ko sarili ko. Naalala ko na may tuition fee akong babayaran. Sabi ko sige next time nalang.

Hindi ako nag-OT, kasi gusto ko makasama mama ko eh. Kaya pagka-out umuwi na ako kaagad, mga bandang 8pm nasa bahay na ako. Tapos yung kapatid ko 8:30pm na nakauwi. Naglugaw daw sila ng pamangkin naming (kasing edad niya yun anak ng kuya ko, wag na natin idiscuss hahah) araw araw late yan umuuwi, hindi na alam kung paano pang pagsasabihan dahil talagang matigas ang ulo eh.

Nalulungkot lang ako kasi lahat ng paghihirap ko, iyan ang nakikita ko. Nakakawalan ng gana. Naghihirap ako para sa wala, ganon yung pakiramdam ko. Hindi naman niya kasalanan na hindi siya binibigyan ng ama niya ng pang-tuition, wala naman akong magagawa doon. Si mama naman, buong buhay niya siya lang sumuporta samin, binigyan kami ng magandang buhay, pinagtapos sa magagandang paaralan, kaya ito nalang yung maisusukli ko, ang patigilin siya sa pagtatrabaho para hindi na siya magkasakit. Matanda na mama ko, 54 na yata siya o mag-54 na siya sa October. May mga nararamdaman na din siya na masakit kaya hindi na pwedeng magwork ng magwork pa. Para lang maibsan na yung stress niya at makapagpahinga naman siya, ako nalang nagpaaral sa kapatid ko. Kaya lang ang sakit sa dibdib na yung kapatid ko naman, hindi niya pinapahalagahan yung ibinibigay sakanyang pribilehiyo.

Okay ang grades niya sige, pero yung tigas ng ulo, attitude at pagpapahalaga sa mga taong nagmamahal sakanya, ang hirap.

Sa isip isip ko, pera lang naman yan, mabibili ko rin naman mga gusto ko in time, mabuti nga at wala pa akong anak, hindi rin ako makapag anak anak dahil siya ang inuuna ko sa lahat ng bagay, kaya lang masakit talaga sa dibdib na ganyan pa. Pinapasakit pa ulo ni mama. Siguro iisipin ng iba nagseself pity ako hahahahahahahahahataenanyohahaha joke. Pero kasi, kung mabait bait siguro tong kapatid ko, bale wala sakin lahat ng paghihirap ko eh.

Kagabi naiiyak na talaga ako, pero hindi ako makaiyak. Never umiyak o nagsabi ng ganito ang mama ko sakin kahit nahihirapan na siya, biruin niyo 4 kami na pinagaaral ni mama noon, 2 college, 1 high school,  grade school pero wala akong narinig na sinabi niyang hirap na hirap na siya.

Nung hindi ko na mapigilan ang iyak ko, natulog na ako agad kasi baka matuluyan pa ang pagdadrama ko.

Pag gising ko, okay na ako! HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH

Nagdadasal nalang ako na sana, bigyan pa ako ng lakas ng diyos. Bigyan pa ako ng emotional strength at patatagin pa ang tiwala ko Sa Kanya.

Hanggang sa susunod na drama rama!

Xox, Thea

What Your Big Sister Wants To Tell You

Here are the things your big sister wants to tell you and hopefully, you understand it and realize whatever you need to realize before it’s too late.

  1. Stop seeking comfort from other people. Friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.

There’s nothing wrong with telling your friends, boyfriends/girlfriends your problem. But turning against your family or choosing other people over your family is not good. I understand your teenage years are full of angst and irritation. “No one understands me” “My family is not there for me, they don’t understand me” you know those are not true.

  1. When you think you can fool us, you can’t. We just let you be.

You don’t get to fool us because before you go through that shit, we’ve been there, and have done that. “Papunta ka palang, pa-balik na kami. Nakailang balik balik na kami” so no, you ain’t fooling nobody.

  1. Education is so important. Don’t let the privilege you are given to go to waste.

Education especially here in the Philippines is a huge privilege. You don’t know how hard your parents and those who support you work just so they can give you the best education they can.

  1. Stop stressing yourself over small things and making a huge drama over it.

Life is much harder after school. Stay grounded, understand that life is not fair but people who love you try their hardest just so you can have a better life so why ya stressin’ over sh*t? After all, 10 years from now, these dramas wouldn’t even matter.

  1. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up.

You want to be an adult already? So you can just live your life the way you want to? Trust me, it’s not as fun and easy as it seems. One day you’ll look back and wish that you’d be in your kitchen at home with yo mama helping her wash the dishes instead of living the adult life.

  1. Learn to appreciate and be grateful of everything.

Your family and those who support you give you their everything, the least you can do is be grateful that they choose to love you and provide for you no matter how much of a prick you are.

  1. Don’t be jealous of the people around you.

So what if they have the latest gadgets, trendy clothes, branded stuff? That is not important nor it is the measurement of happiness. So stop looking at what others have and focus on what you have.

  1. Your mom and your sister should be your best friend.

There’s no one else in the world who will love you no matter but your mom and your family. The people who won’t judge you whether you fail or not. Those who will be there for you when no one else would be. Learn to love and treasure them before it’s too late, before their or your time runs out.

  1. Choose what’s right.

If it feels wrong and it goes against your beliefs and principles, do the right thing.

  1. Go after your dreams.

Go strive for that one thing you dream of doing. No one can stop you if you’re determined enough.

 

Life is short to waste it on crap, know what would help you, know what works for you. Your angsty teenage years will pass and all of this will be nothing but a memory so do what’s right for when you should look back, you’d have nothing but happy tears. You are young, enjoy it while it lasts and listen to your elders because it’s true, they want nothing but the best for you.

16 Things For a Better Life

In a lot of my rocky roads and tumble turns I have went through in my short 26 years of existence, I have learned a couple of things that may be helpful to some. This is also like a “note to self” thing so when I lose track of myself and the essence of everything, I can look back and see this.

15 Things that I have learned, been taught and realized–that may actually help others too!

  1. Your perception of what is right does not mean it is the only thing that’s right.
  • There are a few hundred more angles to look at things and you may find yourself in a situation wherein you know you are right but it’s not the only “right” thing in that situation.
  1. You cannot impose your beliefs and others cannot impose theirs on you.
  • You may have beliefs and principles you abide by but this doesn’t mean you can impose it on other people. The world is a vast and cruel place and people have different perceptions and beliefs on certain things. You can’t force each other to do what you do for your beliefs and the best you can do is educate yourself as to why some don’t support what you support and why some support what you don’t. (however, this is a tricky topic especially when it comes to social and political issues kaya wag na tayo mag-dwell masyado dito. Chos)
  1. Communication is the key.
  • If you want to resolve things with a co-worker, friends and family it is best to communicate with them rather than letting things go only to have them piled up. I have learned this in a hard way and part of what I changed was saying what I think and feel rather than keeping quiet only to bottle my feelings all up until I explode. It’s always a matter of how you say things and not what you actually said (given that your words are professional, civil and objective)
  1. Your feelings are not the only ones that matter.
  • There will be times that you would think your feelings matter the most and are important but needless to say, others’ feelings are equally important as yours.
  1. You don’t need to be cruel to make a point.
  • Need I say more? There’s always a work around in most circumstances.
  1. Doing mean things just because you feel like the other person “deserves” it anyway.
  • That’s what they did to me and I know how wrong it was. It almost killed me when they did so before you start doing something mean to other people, think about how you can almost kill a soul.
  1. You will regret not apologizing.
  • At some point, God or the universe will make you realize the wrong things you have done and you will regret for not apologizing. Maybe at some point you will think that you don’t need to apologize because “you have done nothing wrong” but in the long run, you’ll see and you’ll know.
  1. You will regret not forgiving those who have hurt you.
  • Forgiveness is a freedom and a gift you give yourself more than what you can give to those who have hurt you. If you don’t and can’t forgive, you are only trapping yourself inside a jar that refuses your growth and hinders the love you can give to yourself and other people.
  1. Always say “Please” and “Thank You”.
  • These things are appreciated and doesn’t even take a dollar to do so.
  1. Be there for your Family.
  • They are the ones who will be there for you FOREVER. People come and go but family won’t even if they want to kill you (metaphorically) No matter what happens “hindi mo yan kayang itapon at hindi ka kayang itapon niyan.” Be there and LOVE them wholeheartedly.
  1. Choose your friends.
  • Not everyone you meet will stick by your side through thick and thin. This is true and I have learned it the hard way guys. Kahit gaano pa kayo katagal mag-bestfriend niyan, you’ll never know kaya choose them wisely.
  1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  • It’s not that hard when you think about it. Masyado lang natin iniisip yung sasabihin kasi ng iba kaya laging nasusugarcoat or hindi na nasasabi at all.
  1. Bad days and Good days are not gonna stay that way for a long time.
  • So you better learn to cherish every moment whether it is good or bad.
  1. Appreciate what you have.
  • Count your OWN blessings, hindi yung naka-focus ka sa blessing ng iba.

15. It’s okay to be alone sometimes.

  • Alone time teaches you a lot of things.

16.Tell the people you love how much you love and appreciate them.

  • ‘Cause you’ll never when they’ll be gone.

 

“It’s Complicated”

Whenever I get asked “Ilan kayong magkakapatid?” I answer “It’s complicated”

I tried writing this for about 5 times already but I can’t seem to make it sound as chill as it is in real life. Whenever I try to write it, it sounds so juicy and controversial na para bang magki-cringe ka kapag nabasa mo?

I think, I’ll go straight to the point ng konti lels.

Technically, I am an only child. But the universe conspired to bless me with 9 siblings. All of them are half siblings. I have 4 siblings from my mom’s side and 5 from my dad’s. As much as possible, I try to support all the siblings that are younger than me (6 younger sibs) as much as I can.

I have the same relationship with all of them. I also love them equally and are close to all of them.

 Although I don’t get to see my sibs from my dad’s side because they live in Batangas. I only see them about once or twice every year.

I grew up with my sibs from my mom’s side (when my mom and dad got separated, I lived with my mama)

FAQs

How does it feel to have half siblings? It feels normal for me. I mean it’s not like in the movies wherein I hate everyone and everyone else hates me just because we’re half siblings. Also, it’s not as if my parents cheated so wala naman in-betweens. It’s just that when their relationship didn’t work out, they met different people and love again haha! So that makes it easier for our part as siblings, no beef cause no reason to have beef. HAH!

Are you close to them? Yes. I am close to all of my siblings. I get to talk to them every day especially now that communication is easier with social media hehe. I still live with my mom so it means I live with my sibs from mom’s side although my 2 brothers are working abroad so I don’t get to see them very often as well.

Was there a time that you hated them or disliked them? Nope. Away kapatid lang usually. But like I said, I love them all equally and I try as much as I can to help them whenever they need an Ate (Ate = ah-teh is a term for Big Sister)

Basta whenever I am with my siblings, normal kami. Walang awkward moments, walang pangit na feeling. We love and respect each other no matter what. And we don’t treat each other as “half” lang. Walang ganon.