I wrote a really long blog entry last night but I couldn’t find it anywhere in my laptop and I wanted to cry but whatever. Leche.
It feels a lot easier to tell the story now that I have finally moved on. It’s like I am telling the story from a different perspective!
One of the favourite things I have learned and focused on from the emotional mess I have endured in the past were “intentions”.
It was the day after my 26th birthday. I was in a really happy mood especially that my best friend Gee and I agreed to have dinner at Eastwood after months of not seeing each other. I arrived at Mcdonald’s—our meeting place around 20 minutes earlier. While I wait for Gee, I ordered fries and Coke.
While waiting, an earthquake happened. I thought I was just dizzy but I saw how the tables and chairs swayed, people looked at each other with a bit of panic in their eyes. I stared down at my Coke and saw that though it wasn’t splashing, the black liquid is definitely moving. I held on to it knowing full well that it might spill if the earthquake decides to be more extra. After a good minute or 2, I messaged my friends. I was worried that something might have happened, I want to make sure they were fine. They said that they felt it too and that they’re okay.
Gee arrived and we headed to Bigoli’s. It used to be Fazoli’s, our ultimate fave back then. After eating, Gee had to run quick at the Globe center , something to do with her postpaid line I guess. So while waiting, I checked my phone. There was a message from K in the Group chat. She sent photos of wrecked buildings caused by the earthquake and then said “sana may nabagsakan nalang niyan eh” (translation: “I wish someone got hit by those”—pertaining to the building wreck) I knew instantly something was wrong. Then she suddenly sent a new message containing screenshots of old conversations as proof of my snide comments. My comments were not bad but it was bad enough to be exposed like that. I was trying to pacify the situation, admitting to what I said and apologizing if someone have found it offensive when being offensive wasn’t my intention. Maybe it was blunt and insensitive but what I said was true and it wasn’t meant to be mean! But somehow, my words were twisted and I was frustrated to further explain myself especially when no one was listening. By the time that everyone was just going crazy, I said my piece again that they were taking what I said the wrong way and still no one cares, I left the group chat.
I was hyperventilating. My world was spinning and I can’t even continue eating my chicken which of course had gone cold already. I can’t even drink. I was in shock!
I waited for Gee and told her what had happened, after dinner I went home and cried my eyes out to my mom. I told her everything that happened and I was ugly crying and I think I messaged Kyx too so he drove to my mom’s house and comforted me as well. They were also in shock that something like that had to happen, it was really petty! I was crying so much that my mom wanted to intervene. She wanted to call someone, the barangay, the cops, whatever. But I told her I need to do this on my own.
My mom’s eyes were super wide and she has this look of hurt in her face. She looked strong and at the same time helpless. She lit her Marlboro lights and puffed it while telling me how I should speak up for myself and don’t let these people talk to me in a very degrading way. (did I mention I was called a bitch, two faced friend et cetera haha)
I think I calmed down eventually but still in shock and I wasn’t able to sleep well that night. I was crying sooooo hard every minute it flashes back in my mind.
I never got to talk to these people after I left the group chat. At least not immediately.