Guess Who’s Back?

Aila (1)

Digital Painting by Kyxarie Peralta

It has been a year my friends, The journey, my journey—our journey will begin in about 2 days from now. Tomorrow, the 8th of April Manila, Philippines time, my life will change, everything will turn upside down and I wouldn’t know where to start. You guys then will be my support, my strength and my fortress.

What a year it has been!!! I couldn’t believe that it has been a year already and look at me, all moved on and not hurt or pissed anymore! There are hiccups along the way, losing friends—my best friends (or so I though) was not easy and you helped me get back on track. You all here, helped me one way or another. I felt like I was drowning or even being buried but you helped me get back on my feet. That’s intense!

So to celebrate the year it has been and my 27th birthday here are my goals or resolutions or to-dos hahaha.

  • I’ll be more around, more present.
  • I’ll try to be more interactive, I swear I am trying my best hahaha.
  • I will continue to change for the better.

To everyone who continue to read whatever I have to write and listen to whatever I want to say, thank you. Thank you for being there.

To the TFIOB family, ilang months lang yata akong HIATUS ang dami na nadagdag hahaha let’s see each other again soon!

And most especially to these people:

Space, Kat, Kate, Amielle, Alona, Jhem, Aubrey, Lhory, Bharath, Jolens, Ica, Eca, Krishel, Mommy Meg, CJ, Chammy, Aysa, Kuya Keso, Jassie, Rhea, Kuya Jheff, Ely, Jonathan

 – SALAMAT NG MARAMI.

Aside from all the ganaps in the office, I wanted more space for myself hence the little hiatus but I’m still on twitter anyway. I guess that’s the INFJ in me. Bigla biglang nawawala hahaha. I hope you understand. I needed to focus on healing myself emotionally. I went to church (almost) every Sunday, I went boxing about 2 to 3 times a week, I worked on myself so that I could give or share more of myself to you diba hehehe.

I just want to say as well, I AM BACK ❤

 

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Last Night’s Thoughts

I talked to God last night and told him how finally, I saw things differently. I told him that he kept showing me what’s up but I kept looking for something that wasn’t there. He kept reminding me of my blessings and what I have yet I kept looking at what I lost. I wanted it all didn’t I? That’s why I wasn’t looking at what he was actually showing me.

Today, I was hit with the reality that the people who are with me right now is enough. What was lost is lost and all I could do is move forward and appreciate the ones I still have. Grabe ang blessings pala ni Lord na hindi ko masyadong pinapansin.

Last night I told him that I am acknowledging my mistake of looking past the blessings. I told Him that I was too caught up, too busy getting sad over silly things. Hay naman oo.

Thank you for all your prayers friends. Kailangan siguro talaga natin ng mga taong nagdadasal para sa atin and kailangan din tayo ng ibang tao na magdasal para sakanila.

Today, I am happy again. Yay!

Getting Out of That Slump!

The end of February and the start of March were not easy for me. I am in constant battle with myself, struggling to be okay and normal. Maybe I was in social gatherings way too often than I would have wanted so I guess I craved time for myself that detaching and isolation is best for me when things get a little crazy on the inside. I mean I have no problem socializing and if you met me in person, you wouldn’t think I loved being alone. I can also be clingy and needy at times then there would be moments that I am out of the loop, that I don’t exist. It’s me and my energy. And again, detaching and isolating myself do not mean that I don’t like to be part of a group anymore or that I don’t like the company of others. I’m just that kind of person or maybe, I don’t like myself a lot in times when I don’t talk to anyone.

I only ever talk to Kyx and we’d always find our way into arguing about something. Is Mercury in retrograde again or is it just me being me?

If you saw me being all sociable and being present in social gatherings, expect not to hear from me for days or weeks. Normal ko yun.

I just wish I can go back to talking more and writing more. Idk.

Regarding my previous post, the only thing I can think of to just get out of the current slump I am is to do the following:

  • Usually, I get home at around 7:45 in the evening. After tea, I would do Yoga and skincare while watching Scandal.
  • I’d probably inject a chapter or 2 of a book before heading to bed.
  • I’d schedule my watercolour practice on Thursday or Friday nights every week.

I guess this is the first step in moving forward instead of allowing myself to get stuck. What do you think?

Slump!

Just trying to schedule everything I want to do on a daily basis or on weekends make me so mad because I have no enough time to do whatever the hell I want to do. With this 8-5 job (actually a 9-6 and other times, flexi schedule but you get it right?) I can’t seem to do stuff I used to do. Or let’s not blame the job, let’s blame it all on me because I am the problem to be honest hahahahah.

I want to do so many things even though I don’t have enough time for all of it. There’s just too many books left unread and it keeps piling up to the point that I have to pass on Big Bad Wolf because it’s a burden and it’s frustrating for me to keep buying books I would never have read (or maybe will be able to read a lifetime from now) also, there’s so many episodes in a series I love left unwatched and it’s such a pain in the butt to catch up on it because, gahh I’m already so sleepy and grumpy every night after work. Not to mention that there’s still so much watercolour left so I can paint more pictures and learn more techniques yet it sits on my makeshift watercolour table and I have not touched it in months!

I am on a slump and I don’t know how to get out of this slump I am in. It’s just that the only free time I have is on Sunday and Sunday means church day and when I get back home after church, it’s either I need to do Yoga or meet up with friends or whatever. I’m not complaining, it’s just that if I could have more time for myself… huhuhu.

Also, I only ever get to talk to a few friends on social media and the rest is all blurred out because my schedule is as tight as.. I can’t think of a term that’s “tight” and decent enough to use so. Idk.

Basically, my life so far is not a mess but I am stuck somewhere and I can’t find my way out! HALP!

Adulting at 26 So Far

With my recent ganap in life and having only a month before I turn another year older, I was once again compelled with a thought that I think, helped me feel better.

So if you are curious as to how it is being 26 or 27, here’s what I can say so far. I know it will be different for everyone but whatev.

  1. Adulting is never over, never easy and there’s no getting used to. It’s as if you’re being able to grasp things when all of a sudden, life throws you a curved ball. That’s how adulting is. Okay ka na pero biglang hindi pala. Ganon lang.
  2. You will go through several emotional and mental breakdowns but you will be okay. Every once in a while, we need to cry and stress ourselves, doubt ourselves a little so we can figure out that we are capable of being calmed under pressure, strong and efficient. Momma didn’t raise a weak ass bitch and we want to make our momma proud. Kailangan akala mo muna hindi mo kaya pero sarili mo lang din ang magpupush sayo para marealize mo na kaya mo. Kaya mo naman pala talaga.
  3. You can’t sulk over stuff way too long because trust me, THINGS. NEED. TO. GET. DONE. no matter how hurt or unstable you are, there are things that needs to get done like taking care of your dog, paying the bills, going to work etc etc. Hindi ka pwedeng maiyak iyak lang sa isang sulok dahil ang dami mo pang kailangang gawin at hindi yun magagawa kung iiyak ka lang at iintindihin ang mga problema mo sa buhay.
  4. There are a ton of things that you would have to do alone and once you have done it, you’ll love it and realize that well, you now prefer doing things alone. Heh. Hindi habang buhay may makakaladkad ka na makakasama sa errands mo at kung ano pang ganap.
  5. When you feel stuck, trust the process. You’re not stuck, you just need to be patient.

So ikaw, you can do it!

Iyakin and God’s Love

If there’s one thing I am good at, it’s crying. I get so emotional over things so easily. From simple and petty things to huge things, expect me to cry.

Whenever I meet people for get togethers, events or stuff like that, expect me to feel drained and overly emotional for the next couple of days. I’ll shut down for a while and will not talk nor be interested in anything at all. All these happens when I am drained from too much social activities or I got disappointed on a situation and I can’t quite grasp on an idea so I shut down.

Saturday was my college friend’s bachelorette party. It was so fun! After not seeing these people for years, I got to spend time with them which is UH-MAY-ZEHNG! Went home a bit drunk and happy but my heartburn is acting up because of tequila and with little to no sleep at all, my head was pounding. I missed church and the birthday party of my godson Alex. Monday, I missed work (not that I feel bad but hahaha)

So nothing went my way yesterday. It was crappy. It was a bad bad day. I can’t talk about it yet but it was just so bad that I ended up crying then falling asleep and then waking up to cry once more.

I was not able to eat dinner because I kept thinking why I was acting so dumb? Why am I still crying over crappy things? So while Kyx was eating dinner, I sat quietly, wiped my tears away and talked to God. I asked God what is he trying to tell me. Why do I still have to wait when I can get it instantly? Why do I have to wait when obviously, I need it ALREADY?! Then it’s like my mind suddenly began working again. My brain cells are energized and my heart is not as heavy when I realized that maybe, God is making sure I really want this. That he is assuring me of his perfect plans, that he’s never late because he’s always on time and how can I forget that? How for a split second can I forget that his plans are better than mine?

Did you think I stopped crying? I cried once more. HAHAHAHA but because I am overwhelmed with how God shows his love for me.

Then I stopped crying and proceeded on catching up with Scandal. Heh

 

From The Baker of The Best Brownies In The Entire Universe

*dito yung picture. di ko pa rin napipicture-an ng maayos pero kailangan ko na ito maipost. sobrang tagal na eh*

Though I have not tasted the brownies myself just yet, I believe that she makes the best brownies in the entire universe.

Went home feeling sluggish after a hard day at work. I wasn’t really feeling well that I didn’t want to eat dinner but as Kyx was forcing me to eat my chicken and rice, his mom handed me an envelope saying that something arrived for me!

I saw the address, where it was from and I knew that what I have been waiting for has finally arrived!! My blogger friend, Space made Christmas Cards and sent it out to people special to her. Imagine my *kilig* receiving one!?!

Sa sobrang kilig ko naubos ko agad yung dinner ko while reading her handmade card. I feel so loved!

The card is so crafty, creative and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!

I love love love receiving letters and cards from people. Feeling ko nanalo ako lagi sa lotto. So everytime someone gives me a letter or a card, I treasure it more than material things.

Si Kyx mas gusto niya ako dati bilhan ng mga kung ano ano. Stuff na magagamit, damit, sapatos (kasi konti lang yung ganon ko eh) but when he knew me more, he realized that a simple letter and card can do wonders in my spirit. Ibang level talaga ang nagagawa nito sa akin eh. I feel so loved lagi (di ko pa ba na-establish yon haha)

Mahilig kasi ako magsulat sulat sa mga tao, binibigyan ko sila ng mga post-its (lalo mga ka-officemates ko) mahilig ako magbigay ng love letter sa mom ko at mga kapatid ko, sa dating mga friends ko lagi ko din sila sinusulatan kasi iba yung dating ng letter at card eh, parang galing talaga yun sa puso. Parang pinaghirapan, pinagisipan, pinag gugulan ng panahon. It doesn’t mean that material things and other gifts are less valuable and precious but it’s just my preference.

Anyway,

SPACE, thank you so much for giving me this card. It’s so crafty, so creative and beautiful! Nagkaroon ako ng idea dun sa banner na name using beads. Gagayahin ko one of these days hahahaha. Ang ganda ganda, ang galing galing mo. I love it huhuhu. Ibang klase. Ang sosyal ng card galing SG, forever ko itong itatago dahil ito ang symbol ng ating friendship hihi. Kahit LDR tayo, damang dama ko lagi ang love at suporta mo. Thank you so very much!! Yung mga cards naman na ipapadala ko sainyo, sa February na kaya hintayin mo ha?

I love you Space!

This was written on the 13th of January. Hindi ko mapublish publish dahil walang maayos na photo hahaha. -___-“