What A Freaking Fantastic Week!!!

August 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27

Disclaimer: I tell my story the way I like to hahaha and that’s my excuse for magulong story telling. mehehe

August 21

The day Kyx and I celebrated our 4th anniversary. Our anniversary falls on a Wednesday, a work day + number coding. So since we both didn’t have to work on the 21st, that’s when we decided to eat out and sort of shopped a little.

August 22

Kyx gave me his letter + anniversary gift and I cried a little before sleeping. We both didn’t have a nice day because apparently, hindi pa kami tapos from our argument last weekend. Sooo. Hahah. Oh well, Happy Anniversary!

August 23

PARAMORE CONCERT!!! We bought our tickets back in November 2017 for the February concert but they had to cancel because of Hayley’s health. Anyway, I AM SO STOKED FOR THIS CONCERT!!!!

Especially that Kyx and I finally got over our argument last weekend and this is like the cherry on top of our anniversary.

I was on leave, went to pick Airah from Glo 4, went straight to MOA Arena; thank goodness for parking slots. (We were so worried that parking might be challenging, but hindi naman so all is well)

Snacked on Turks and popcorn and then the how started exactly at 8pm. Of course there was a front act and then Paramore came out of nowhere and sang their first song, Grudges. I like the song because it talks to me about forgiveness and old friendships. I am still praying for those people and I hope I myself wouldn’t have grudges anymore.

Then they played Still Into You. That’s when I lost my shit. Kyx and I were singing our hearts out so crazily because yes, that’s in fact, our song. HAHAHA.

All of their songs were still amazing. I loved it and I’m so glad we were able to watch it.

It ended at around 10pm. Airah, her sister Lee, their cousin, me and Kyx went for late dinner at Mister Kabab. It’s good food but pretty expensive than the Mister Kabab at Pearl Drive.

Verdict: This day was super amazing!!!!!

August 24

Worked and had a meeting then went to shop for gifts, went home, slept.

I was still so fucking tired from the concert last night kaya I just slept. Lol.

Verdict: Fun day but still tired.

August 25

Went to our friend’s baby shower. Got stuck in traffic and cried inside because I kept thinking about my life, where I am going, how I can still improve myself, how I can continue to heal and become better. All sorts of evaluation, feeling left out and shaking it all off. Hayy. But by the end of the day I grew super grateful and it felt like all my questions were answered!

I got to spend the day with my best friend, Gert and our grade school friends from SPCP. (side note: super excited for our friend giving birth next month! Nakakaloka!!!)

I also got to go out with our friends from Kyx’s side naman. We drank and ate at Tas Roofdeck in Paranaque and got home at around 4 in the morning.

Again, it was a super fun day. I drank one glass of Peach sangria and a bottle of Pale maybe that’s why hindi ako agad inaantok haha.

Verdict: grateful, loved and comforted. It was a blessed and fun day!

August 26

REST DAY. I am not feeling well so I just slept the whole day away and watched a few movies online with Kyx!

August 27

National Heroes Day and I got to spend it with my hero—my mama. I took her out on a date. We watched Crazy Rich Asians, shopped a little and ate dinner at her favourite place for merienda—Luk Yu En.

It was also Kyxarie’s mom’s birthday and we had lunch at their house pala. Hehe.

I am praying for more weeks like this. Just light and fun filled with time spent with family and friends. Hayyy. Thank you, Lord for this week! Definitely one for the books AGAIN!

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Tuesday’s Gray

Before I write about HOW (fucking) FANTASTIC last week (plus Monday) was, I must write about my Tuesday and my moments.

Today is the first day of work in this week and I just dragged myself here. I do not have the will to go to work plus my allergies are so bad I just want to lay in bed, watch Desperate Housewives or cry over things I wanted to cry about. But instead, I’m at work and I feel so lost. Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m confused or lost. They seem to have this notion that I look so sure about myself (that’s a good thing I guess. I take it as a good thing and I’m not even sorry lol) when deep inside, I am falling apart—not in a depressive manner at least. But I am falling apart in terms of not-wanting-to-do-shit-any-fucking-more kind of falling apart.

I also would like to note that last Saturday, on our way to my friend’s baby shower, we got SUPER stuck in traffic that I have re-evaluated my life already, got sad and got comforted by God’s grace in the end. Ang lala hahaha

Well, for me to feel this way, I am thinking which planet/s is/are in retrograde because I’m definitely not myself. I’m just glad that Mercury is done with its retrograde but other planets are still in retrograde which makes it hard for me to keep up. Hayyy, self.

I was planning to write separate posts for my fantastic week last week but I’ll just cram it up in one entry he he he he.

Mercury Retrograde Hitting Us Hard + What a Saturday/Sunday!

Okay, let me start off by saying that I cannot wait until Mercury finishes its retrograde. I can’t emphasize enough how stressful it has fucking been!!

Saturday – I was supposed to be at home but I had to work on a few articles in the office so I had to go to work. It’s not at all that bad, my day went like a breeze and it’s alright. Fast forward to going home.

Went home, had a handful of cashews for merienda and waited for my mom. We just had a quick chitchat and Kyx and I agreed on going with our friends to a gig in Paranaque.

As I was changing my clothes and getting ready for it, I realized that most of my good stuff were at my mom’s house and I have nothing but office clothes at Kyx’s house. He suddenly blurted out “magpapayat ka na kasi para hindi ka mahirap bihisan”. Right then and there it only took 5 seconds for me to go ape shit on him. I was so wild I had to find it in me to control myself. It was so hard because I want to rip him apart! As in gagoooo ka baaaa???? Are you fucking body shaming me???? As in I want to strangle him so bad, I want to turn into a hyena and just wag him off from my mouth like fucking crazy. I was so mad.

(just a disclaimer: I have been on a diet for so long but losing weight is just so hard. If only I have all the time in the world, I’d go boxing 24/7 but I have 6 days of work in a week, traffic is so bad in Metro Manila, healthy food is super expensive, so tell me? Would it be easy to fucking work out after a stressful day at the office + 2 hours travel time? Not to mention boxing is also expensive! I do workouts at home and even Yoga but it won’t help me lose a ton of weight in a flash okay? Okay fuck you okay? Ahah)

We were arguing for a good 2 hours or so and we had to cancel with our friends because I was crying so hard and Kyx was also angry at himself and in the whole situation.

(As in ang lala. Nagaaway kami because I was so fucking hurt with his stupid comment. Like????) and it escalated pa because he retorted that he wants to be proud of me daw and I went ape shit again kasi ARE YOU NOT PROUD OF ME YET? Hahahah as in tangina, I am doing the best I can and I’m losing weight because I want to, not because people want to look at me and say I’m pretty and hot and sexy??? So???

As in hindi natatapos. I don’t know how it happened but Kyx apologized and I cried some more. He explained himself and told me he wasn’t body shaming me (eh ano lang?!?!?!?!) and said na maybe his words weren’t right or maybe he could have said it better and after 2 hours, we’re ready to go.

Of course we didn’t make it to the gig and so we just hung out at a restobar in the streets of Makati. Chill place, awesome friends to hangout with, overall good shit. We even played beer pong. Airah and Digs came too. It was a fun night until that home along da riles experience.

After drinking, around 2 in the morning, we decided to eat at SEX (Sinangag Express located in Makati), we all had a few drinks, we decided to Waze our way to SEX. Fucking Waze led us to the PNR riles and it went downhill from there.

We were panicking so hard but Kyx managed to find the road back, reached SEX and we’re good.

UNTIL we saw that our tire was slashed!!!!

Kyx thinks it was slashed by bolts or the train thing from the railway. Naloka ako. The tire is so fucking flat. As in.

Kyx had to change the tire and it was a fucking funny experience. Good thing Kyx knows everything he needs to know with basic car stuff like this. Hayyyyy. We were almost fucking doomed! Hahahaha (akalain niyo sa payat niyang yun he managed to change his tires! haha okay, stop with the body shaming thing)

Our friends were there and they helped us, laugh with and at us. Kakaloka!

We got home at around 5 in the morning and overall, it was a fun Saturday/Sunday. It’s just a crazy weekend. But I can’t say I hated the experience, I somehow learned a lot from everything that happened and I loved how the day turned out. (Kahit we will shell out 20k because Kyx wanted a new set of tires na HAHAHA)

I guess the good thing was that even though the situation is so stressful, no one was in a bad mood. As in everyone was laughing like crazy and trying to get out of this bad tire situation–even Kyx was laughing his ass off! God’s grace saved us that day. ❤

In The Middle of August

Wow, we’re in the middle of August already! That means our anniversary is in less than a week plus Paramore’s concert is also going to be next week and the next thing I know, it’s almost the end of my happy freaking month?! Woah!

Okay so before I publish the things I wrote for the past few days, I’ll give you this one first!

  1. Ultimate Surprising Experience So Far
  • This would have to be the TFIOB (girls) Night at Rhea’s condo unit. I swear. This surprised me on a different level. Wait, let me publish it right away after this HAHAHAHA.

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  1. Current Obsessions
  • I started obsessing over podcasts in July when I listened to Wake Up with Jim and Saab but I like to consider it as a full blown obsession when August started. I was so hooked to so many other podcasts aside from Jim and Saab’s. My go-to podcast would have to be that and Self-Helpless (go check them out!)
  1. Did Differently This Month
  • More than ever, I found myself still being reflective but self-aware and happier. I mean usually, when I think things through or like play over and over a scenario or a behaviour over my head, I get so emotionally tangled to that which leaves me no space for growth and understanding. So this month, I love how I am reflective but at the same time pushing myself to see the bigger picture.

    I included this because I look what I feel: Happier!
  1. Currently Practicing
  • I have been practicing a lot of things but my most favourite one is complaining less, caring less and being happier with myself. It takes a great deal of effort to really be patient and kind especially if a lot of things piss you off but like I said, practicing it often leads to achieving that goal. I am more patient, I don’t complain as much as I used to, I cared less about what others think and say negatively about me and I’m overall just really happier!

    That’s my office BFF! Always happy and myself when I’m with her.
  1. Working On Physically
  • I plan to work on going back to making art regularly again but since there’s a lot on my plate that I need to handle, I am just focused on working on going back to boxing and doing yoga regularly. Not working out really made me feel like shit and have become overall shitty to Kyx so he’s all for me—working out so that I don’t turn into a “monster” lels.
  • This is me feeling all glowy whenever I work out. Sorry I don’t have photos of me working out because I’m shy hahaha

I hope your mid-month is working just fine! 🙂

Wrote this on August 15, 2018

Happy 1st, TFIOB!

TFIOB is a group of Filipino bloggers turned friends.

Through this group, I met people that I have grown to love and be friends with. Through this group, I realized that the world is bigger than I could have ever imagined. Through this people, I found what I lost.

Happy 1st year TFIOB!

Kahit lagi niyo ako inaasar, kahit lagi akong late, kahit lagi niyo pinupuna yung dede ko lagi naman din kayong andiyan para sa akin at sa lahat ng ibang may kailangan ng kaibigan. Minsan OP ako ganern kasi lagi akong wala pero keri lang naman kasi pag nagkita kita naman na ulit, masaya pa rin hahaha.

Ang dami dami niyo ang hirap isa isahin hahaha ayokong may malimutan ako.

Una sa lahat, Space. My labs, ikaw yung kaibigan ko na kahit hindi araw araw makausap, andiyan lang lagi para sakin. Yung tipong ipagtatanggol ako pag inaapi ako. Nagpapaligaya sakin, kausap ko sa mga oras na down ako o imbey. Ikaw na ikaw lahat haha.

Amielle, ikaw yung baby sister type of friend. Yung kahit hindi tayo naguusap nagkakaparamdaman tayo ng mga hanash sa buhay, sana wag tayo magbago sa isa’t isa. Stay put ka lang diyan haha.

Kate, yung eye opener, friend na walang BS. Magsasabi lang ng totoo at legit na love ako. Love kita besh!

Kat, ibang level yung friendship natin. Para sakin tinuturing kitan legit talaga na amazing friend. Lagi ka din andiyan para sakin to knock some sense in me, pag ma-drama ako binabalance mo yung emotions ko. Naghihintay pa rin ako sa araw na makakapag-Jollibee date tayo bes!

Alona, kahit sobrang busy natin sa lahat ng hanash in life, ikaw yung friend na andiyan lalo na nung baliw baliw pa ako. Asan na yung pakape natin?

Lhory, isa ka sa mga una kong naging kaibigan and super happy ako nakilala kita 🙂

Jhem and Aubrey, mga mamsh hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko kung wala kayo hahaha. Kayo yung laging andiyan na walang sawa making at magcomfort sakin nung nababaliw ako eh haha.

Mommy Meg, di ko maexplain pero alam ko lagi ka lang din andiyan kahit busy ka haha.

Krishel, Chammy, Gerry, Eca, Ica, Grace, CJ, Kuya ALbert, Mommy Joy kahit di tayo lagi naguusap or nagkikita dama ko yung care natin sa isa’t isa kahit busy kayo haha.

Shout out kay Krishel: huyyy ibang klase. Salamat lalo na nung sabado hahaha kung hindi dahil sayo, hindi ako nakapagenjoy. ❤ ❤ Feeling ko lumevel up yung friendship natin dahil don bwahaha.

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Kuya JC and Ate Jona, idol parents! ❤

Ate Aysa, Jolens mga idol ko kayo lalo na sa pagsusulat hayyy ❤

Jonathan, James, Sensei umaasa ako na magkabonding bondingan tayo soon haha.

Maklein and Mikay, mga baliw HAHA sobrang saya na nakita ko kayo at nakasama. Excited ako sa muli nating pagkikita kasi sobrang baliw nyo din hahaha

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Rhea, Jas, Ely and Kuya Jheff, salamat kasi kahit di ako nakakasama niyayaya niyo pa rin ako HAHAHA. Kahit lagi akong lost at sabaw, andiyan pa rin kayo. Haha!

Ang dami, ang dami dami pa. Maraming salamat kasi nakilala ko kayo at naging kaibigan. Kung may hindi man ako namention, pasensya na. Babawi ako next time haha.

Di ko na masyadong dinramahan hahah sa susunod nalang. With matching iyak pa haha.

Loving Me #1

August 7, 2018

I decided to make this a series thing because it’s a huge chunk of what I am working on this year.

How did it all start? I’ve tried for so long not to care about what other people would say and think about me but it was soooo hard especially that I have been a people pleaser for a very long time—so changing my ways entirely was a difficult process. But maybe, practice really does help, I was able to slowly immerse myself into the I-don’t-give-a-fucking-damn-about-what-they-say-and-think realm and there’s no going back! *insert victorious laugh*

I don’t know exactly what happened. I just woke up one day and thought to myself that I’m done being the people pleaser that I was. I’m done walking on egg shells around people who do not seem to like me for who I am. I am done sugar coating things, I’m done trying to look good for other people, I’m done not liking myself just because some people don’t like me. I’m just done with all of that and I was like fuck it, I love myself better now and I won’t care if others don’t. I’m done running around the vicious cycle of caring and not caring and then going back to caring again like I was stuck in some loop. I’m done with that.

It was also very toxic for me to keep caring and then out in the back not caring again, then after a while would care again like?? It’s just so fucking confusing already plus I don’t like it when my emotions get the best of me so there’s that.

It’s just (I’d say this again and again) so freeing to just be able to love yourself and not care whether they like you or not.

BUY BUST: A Film By Erik Matti

Would I recommend this movie:

Definitely. This film should be watched by everyone! I would even want my friends overseas, non Filipinos to watch it. It cuts super deep that it makes you want to do something better with your life—it makes you want to be a better human being knowing that majority of people are shitheads. This movie is eye opening, realistic that fucks you inwards, outwards, sideways and all ways possible. YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

The story is about a bust operation that involves a big time drug dealer in the slums. The police and the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency would deal with the Buy Bust Operation only to find out that it was a crazy fucking operation. From the very beginning, the operation was just a fucking failure and the PDEA officials were trapped in this small community with no other choice but to fight their way out.

**No spoilers yet**

What can I say about the technical stuff (shots, screenplay, delivery of dialogue, cast of characters, setting, plot)

The fight scenes were super intense. At first I was starting to get umay because it’s just so heavy and crazy. No time for talk, just blood and gore. I was getting really stressed and exhausted but I realized that the story is happening in just less than 24 hours so maybe that’s why there weren’t a lot of time for talk. Just pure action and patayan!

Shots, I’ve read people getting dizzy and saying that the shots are too dark ? but one thing I have learned from my film class back in college is that the frames and shots are also part of the story. If it’s dark and shaky—it just means that the story they want to deliver depicts shakiness and darkness. So maybe that’s why it makes us dizzy ? Because the reality of this story is masakit sa ulo levelz.

Screenplay, less words, more actions. I would have liked more confrontation, more dialogues but I guess the film worked out the way it is anyway so baka ako lang yung madaldal that wants more haha

And like I said, there weren’t enough room for words because everything happened in less than 24 hours. Action kung action talaga! And siguro, mas realistic talaga yung konting dialogues only because if you were there, fighting your way out, fighting for your life and your squad’s life, walang masyadong salitaan. Puro siguro bakbakan.

Delivery of dialogues, SUPERB. Every “putangina” is just as malutong as it SHOULD be in that kind of setting. Even the extras with dialogue—kinana ng maayos. Tumatak sa akin yung isang extra dialogue na “PDEA supot!” while shots were being fired. I was imagining how they came up with that, adlib lang ba yon or? Because it’s so freaking realistic. NKKLK I swear haha. Not to mention that the lines were thrown with impact that it cuts deep especially the line at the end of the film.

Cast of characters, I feel like everyone were perfect for the characters they portrayed. Ang husay ng casting sa film na ito. I didn’t feel like the cast were out of place or that they were not embodying their characters perfectly. I was wanting to mention the characters I love the most pero I love everyone in their roles. Victor Neri, Brandon Vera, Anne Curtis, Mara Lopez—actually the whole Alpha and Bravo team. Walang tapon, especially Alex Calleja as Teban. I was really waiting to see how Alex Calleja would do in his role as Teban. Kyx and I have known Alex to be this super funny guy so we were intrigued how he would act haha. Same goofball that he is in real life but very very effective.

Setting, very eerie and it makes me cringe how very realistic it is. Kaloka!

Plot, though it is predictable it wasn’t the disappointing kind of predictable.

How I felt:

I know that I was in for a treat. I prepared myself for the gore and action packed scenes but I still found myself on the edge of my seat trying hard not to blink—afraid to miss something.

I wasn’t really surprised with the ending, I figured it out in the beginning of the film and I had an idea about the revelation, what captured me is how REAL the movie is. I know I have not been exposed to things like this in real life and it’s just scary and sad to know that people who live in the slums experience this. I mean it’s not like the writers and director of this film made it all up right? For sure it all happens in real life and we’re just too privileged and blind to see what’s going on.

Over all, I found this film very sad and got my heart broken. Hayyy Pilipinas. Hayy life. And you know, it makes you helpless because what the hell can you do when people in power are the ones manipulating it all?

What I learned from the film:

It’s eye opening. I realized how privileged I am, we are, because though we know how hard life is for the poorest of the poor, we know NOTHING about how it REALLY IS in their neighbourhood, in the life they live on a daily basis, kung ano ba ang kalakaran sa lugar na talamak ang bentahan ng droga.


**SPOILER ALERT**

(sort of a spoiler so don’t dare read this part if you have not watched the movie)

What Kyx and I would suggest:

First of all, we are not professional film critics but Kyx is an artist with lots of ideas that can swamp you and I am a Communication Arts graduate with units in Directing, Screenplay and Creative Writing (bakit ako nageexplain? Haha) So anyway, I mentioned that the gore and action packed scenes are maybe too much for us so it would have been better to have shown the following:

  1. The outside world, the Police group that is supposed to be the back-up of PDEA officials. It would have been nice to see what they were doing while everyone is just about to get fucked up in the operation. Were they lounging? Do they even know that they will be the ones to back-up the officials?
  2. Sir Alvarez, his personal life. Maybe it would have been pretty clever to show him in a family man kind of light? Just so theories would die down while watching the film and the audience could get fucked in the brains toward the end. Something like that haha.
  3. *sobrang spoiler don’t read unless you’ve watched* Nonie Buencamino is always cunning, always the traydor in the story. I don’t know if we just watched many films with Nonie Buencamino being the traydor kasi doon naging predictable lahat eh. I would have liked it if we are theorizing that Nonie was the culprit but in the end there’s someone in the background na hindi obvious na culprit tapos everyone was just thinking that Nonie is Hudas pero hindi pala talaga? Gets?
  4. Sobrang sobrang dami lang talagang crazy na nakikipatay patayan. Hindi nauubos yung umaatake but well, according to Matti, it’s a zombie film without the zombies so let’s give it to him haha. Siguro hindi ko lang talaga alam paano ang kalakaran sa ganong area. Baka kasi ganon talaga in real life ? I don’t know.
  5. Wala na kaming further suggestions but probably my most favourite character is Bernie Lacson played by Victor Neri. Probably because I was really rooting for him. Or maybe because even though he was tough and he’s sort of the boss, he knows how to say sorry especially when he knows he acted way out of hand? Gets nyo? Or may boss issues ako and apologies concerns sa mga tao? hahahaha

However, we are not the director and we’re not even film critics to begin with so this is just our thought haha.

I cannot stress enough how this film has fucked with me in so many ways. Hayyyy, watch it you guys!

Movie poster from google