Last Thursday, I started thinking randomly and asked when will I ever bear a child? I am already 27 years old and my chances of have a risky pregnancy is getting higher and higher but here I am, still childless, not pregnant, no husband whatsoever hahahahahah
When I wrote about it a day ago, my friend Kat commented and then I just started realizing a lot of things like:
- Boy I sure do am not ready for motherhood that’s why God is still not giving me a child (I’m also on birth control so it’s sort of impossible to actually get pregnant hehe)
- Being a mom requires a whole lot of sacrifice on a different level and I don’t know if I am mature enough for that kind of sacrifice.
- Moms give up some of their little happiness (not all of their happiness kasi moms should be really happy too in order to bring happiness in their home) and I’m not sure if I’m ready giving up some of my little happiness like enjoying a cup of coffee silently, lazing around at home doing nothing, watch Netflix until my head hurts and eyes twitch, lay in bed all day just because; without my child throwing a fit, calling me “mom” a million times, crying, being hungry et cetera, et cetera.
- Me time would be so much reduced. Reading a book quietly or being able to paint as neat as possible with be close to impossible once I get to have a child.
- My patience should be endless so I still need to practice that I think.
- I don’t have enough money to raise a child how can I even dream about it already??
- I can’t take good care of myself most of the time and I rely so much on my mom, Kyx and the maid (sometimes lang sa maid ah haha) so how can I take good care of my kid???
- I would probably have to let go of random meet ups, coffee dates, movie dates, ramen dates, spontaneous Cubao expo trips because I wouldn’t want to leave my child at the care of my mom or yaya.
So definitely, I am not capable of being a mother. My golly, I salute my mom even more and all my mom friends out there!! Grabehaaaan pala ang hirap at sakripisyo ng isang ina talaga.
My mom would always tell us that we will probably realize everything when we become parents ourselves, I am not a mom just yet pero narerealize ko na how hard it is to become a parent. And everything I wrote are just a bunch of selfish and childish things I think about right now. Wala pa the sacrifice you have to do in order to save money and send them to reputable schools, buy them things they need and want, be prepared when your child gets her heartbroken because of bullies or toxic relationships, raise them really really well and be good people. Wala pa talaga sa kalingkingan ang realizations ko yet it’s already THIS hard. Hahaha. Saludo ako sa inyo mommy Meg, Aubrey, Jhem, ate Chococake. ANG LALA. Ang husay niyo!