I talked to God last night and told him how finally, I saw things differently. I told him that he kept showing me what’s up but I kept looking for something that wasn’t there. He kept reminding me of my blessings and what I have yet I kept looking at what I lost. I wanted it all didn’t I? That’s why I wasn’t looking at what he was actually showing me.
Today, I was hit with the reality that the people who are with me right now is enough. What was lost is lost and all I could do is move forward and appreciate the ones I still have. Grabe ang blessings pala ni Lord na hindi ko masyadong pinapansin.
Last night I told him that I am acknowledging my mistake of looking past the blessings. I told Him that I was too caught up, too busy getting sad over silly things. Hay naman oo.
Thank you for all your prayers friends. Kailangan siguro talaga natin ng mga taong nagdadasal para sa atin and kailangan din tayo ng ibang tao na magdasal para sakanila.
Today, I am happy again. Yay!
The end of February and the start of March were not easy for me. I am in constant battle with myself, struggling to be okay and normal. Maybe I was in social gatherings way too often than I would have wanted so I guess I craved time for myself that detaching and isolation is best for me when things get a little crazy on the inside. I mean I have no problem socializing and if you met me in person, you wouldn’t think I loved being alone. I can also be clingy and needy at times then there would be moments that I am out of the loop, that I don’t exist. It’s me and my energy. And again, detaching and isolating myself do not mean that I don’t like to be part of a group anymore or that I don’t like the company of others. I’m just that kind of person or maybe, I don’t like myself a lot in times when I don’t talk to anyone.
I only ever talk to Kyx and we’d always find our way into arguing about something. Is Mercury in retrograde again or is it just me being me?
If you saw me being all sociable and being present in social gatherings, expect not to hear from me for days or weeks. Normal ko yun.
I just wish I can go back to talking more and writing more. Idk.
Regarding my previous post, the only thing I can think of to just get out of the current slump I am is to do the following:
- Usually, I get home at around 7:45 in the evening. After tea, I would do Yoga and skincare while watching Scandal.
- I’d probably inject a chapter or 2 of a book before heading to bed.
- I’d schedule my watercolour practice on Thursday or Friday nights every week.
I guess this is the first step in moving forward instead of allowing myself to get stuck. What do you think?
Just trying to schedule everything I want to do on a daily basis or on weekends make me so mad because I have no enough time to do whatever the hell I want to do. With this 8-5 job (actually a 9-6 and other times, flexi schedule but you get it right?) I can’t seem to do stuff I used to do. Or let’s not blame the job, let’s blame it all on me because I am the problem to be honest hahahahah.
I want to do so many things even though I don’t have enough time for all of it. There’s just too many books left unread and it keeps piling up to the point that I have to pass on Big Bad Wolf because it’s a burden and it’s frustrating for me to keep buying books I would never have read (or maybe will be able to read a lifetime from now) also, there’s so many episodes in a series I love left unwatched and it’s such a pain in the butt to catch up on it because, gahh I’m already so sleepy and grumpy every night after work. Not to mention that there’s still so much watercolour left so I can paint more pictures and learn more techniques yet it sits on my makeshift watercolour table and I have not touched it in months!
I am on a slump and I don’t know how to get out of this slump I am in. It’s just that the only free time I have is on Sunday and Sunday means church day and when I get back home after church, it’s either I need to do Yoga or meet up with friends or whatever. I’m not complaining, it’s just that if I could have more time for myself… huhuhu.
Also, I only ever get to talk to a few friends on social media and the rest is all blurred out because my schedule is as tight as.. I can’t think of a term that’s “tight” and decent enough to use so. Idk.
Basically, my life so far is not a mess but I am stuck somewhere and I can’t find my way out! HALP!