Why am I Pissed?

I posted something about how anyone know how we could score good spots at the Paramore concert on February but I probably didn’t clicked on Publish which is why it wasn’t published!!!! MOTHEFUCKAAAA.

Anyway, I have been writing and I forgot that I didn’t schedule my posts timely so everything was left in the drafts section and I only found out about it last night which leads us to à Why is Thea so pissed off?

  1. I found out that I wasn’t able to schedule my posts properly that’s why everything is left on draft. I was so mad at myself at how stupid I was lels.
  2. I rode on a PUV last night (because: coding and uber/grab is so expensive, the carpool I usually go with is not available so I was left with commuting talaga) All is well, line wasn’t too long, comfy seat. The moment I got to my town (arte ng town) tricycle drivers wouldn’t want to give me a ride because “malayo” daw. It’s not very far okay and I pay 70 pesos for a “special” ride so why the fuck complain? Ayaw lang talaga. So I was so pissed.
  3. When I got home, I waited for Kyx to come pick me up. When he arrived, I started stuffing all my things inside the car and sobrang dami kong things na dala. 1 eco bag of clean clothes, yoga mat, pants, my bag, skincare, vitamins etc. Then Amber (my brothers dog) wanted to play and my leg got scratched. HAHA.
  4. I was moving fast that I forgot my tumbler with straw. I need about 4 to 5 liters of water daily and I find it hard if I had to drink in a bottle or a glass without straw. Hindi sa pagpapabebe but nalulunod ako and Kyx things I am just pabebe sometimes but OCD is life and there’s no fighting it. Lels.
  5. I slept early and wasn’t able to do my night time yoga and skin care because I was pissed with Kyx—thinking I am pabebe. UGH!

But everything is okay now, I’m starting to be chill already because, well, we got Paramore tickets!!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH I’ll make kwento about it in a bit. ❤

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“The Only Difference Between Your Opinion and Pizza is that I Actually Asked for Pizza”

How many times did we let other people’s unsolicited advice get on our nerves? How many times did we let it slip and slide because, well, we don’t like offending other people.


But you know what, if someone does something you don’t like, something rude or uncalled for, tell them off instantly. Of course, be respectful but be frim and truthful.

Just like yesterday, someone commented that I eat too little rice and another one chimed that maybe because I was on a diet. They’re talking about me on the 3rd person perspective as If I wasn’t there, they weren’t my close friends but they’re not doing it to bash me. They’re just thinking out loud and I understand that. However, you can’t go commenting about other people especially if their opinion is not being asked for. I wasn’t entirely THAT offended because it was true! I don’t eat a lot of rice because I am trying my best to live a healthy lifestyle no matter how hard it is and I don’t need people commenting about it especially that we are not even close. I laughed but I said in all honesty “someone asked your opinion?” I was smiling and they were laughing like it was a joke. But I said it because that’s the truth! I didn’t ask what they think, I didn’t ask for their opinions. Totoo naman eh, eh sa hindi ko naman talaga hinihingi ang mga opinyon nila eh?

And that my friends is how I was still perceived as the masungit, speaking her mind biatch.

I don’t care because as far as I am concerned, I am done taking crap from other people.

Short Vacay!

Can’t wait to write about this trip (even though there’s really nothing special to write about)

Halo from Zaragoza, Nueva Ecija!


This is the view from the Kubo where Kyxarie’s family like to play tong its and eat as a family. 💖

My Stars Are Aligned (I think. At last!)

Everything simple that I hope for was granted to me and I am glad everything fell into place. Lol.

  • I am just about to finish my period before our swimming schedule next week and yassss I’m so happy cause I can swim without worrying about getting my period while on vacation!
  • The Althea box that I have been waiting for finally arrived. I was getting anxious because Kyx and I would be away during the holidays!! Buti nalang dumating na lels.
  • I was almost late for work for like 2 times this week but the heavens managed to help me be at the office on time. Hurrah!
  • You know what I did yesterday and today? I deleted all the photos of my ex best friends!! Every photo I have that reminds me of them, all the places we went to, all the group photos and selfies we took are now GONE!! I finally managed to get rid of it! It felt so light that I was actually able to delete it as if it’s nothing to me. I wasn’t even nervous or angry or lost or confused. I just deleted them straight up! HAHA!

I am looking forward to spending the 13th of November until the 15th with Kyx at Nueva Ecija. Kyx’s dad is originally from Nueva Ecija and they have a house there. One of the many fun things to do at their casa is SWIMMING!! Can’t wait to swim all day, all night for the next 3 days. Lol baka sipunin hahaha. I find swimming at Kyx’s house in Nueva Ecija relaxing, soothing and calming. Tahimik kasi and of course, wala masyadong tao muhahaha.

I feel happy and positive. Sana forever na to lol.

Making It a Habit

I’m making it a habit of asking myself “what is this teaching me?” before I react negatively. It helps me a lot especially in trying times!! I didn’t realize before how much stress I put into myself just because I’m too snappy and I react easily. Kainis.

There’s this person that I get to see almost daily and he’s very different from before. He was so welcoming, friendly, sweet and caring but things changed and I don’t know why, maybe there are a lot of factors, maybe I did something that annoyed him, maybe there’s something more than that that I know nothing about. In short, I am clueless as to why he is acting up like that. I tried so hard to analyze it over and over again until I realized I was stressing myself and overthinking things.

  • First off, I am not guilty of anything so why should I bother?
  • Well I bother because I’m that kind of person, right? LOL.
  • He doesn’t make steps to confront me or anyone else if there’s an issue because obviously, there’s an issue and he doesn’t seem to want to address it. So be it. I won’t be the one to address it simply because I didn’t do anything wrong for him to act the way he does. Hah!

So about 3 weeks ago, I was very bothered by his behaviour. Yung hindi namamansin effect? Yung yes or no lang and doesn’t look at me or my sister. He’s been like that for a long time now and idk why so I feel bad that he’s doing that to me and my sister. So what I did was I tried convincing myself that maybe he’s just busy with work, he’s doing a lot of things and di ko na siya magawang ng excuse (LOL ANU NA)

Last night, he wasn’t feeling well so I asked him if he’s okay, he said he’s not okay but he didn’t look at me. I feel like crap to be honest hah! Pero wala talaga akong ginawa sa kanya sooo hahahaha

I asked myself again, what is this teaching me? Why is this person treating me like crap after everything? Why is this person being mean and terrible to me when I am not doing anything? Bigla nalang? If I did something wrong, why not tell me instead of giving me a cold shoulder? Why is this person making me feel like I’m not worth his time and love anymore?

The only answer I could come up with is “Your attitude towards me and the people around us is teaching me to NOT be like that” hahahahaha.

If someone is mean to us, instead of firing back why not let it teach you to be someone better? Diba? If someone is being terrible, it’s saying that we shouldn’t be like that. Just imagine if we were as terrible diba, think about how others would feel if you are THAT terrible.

Do I make sense or di ko siya maexplain? I feel like I need to put a lot of thought before I publish this pero ang plastic ko naman ahahaha.

If that kind of attitude makes us feel like shit, what if we were the one giving that kind of attitude to others? They will feel shitty too, right? So yeah, I feel like it’s teaching me to be the better person here. HEHEHEH. (hindi si Kyx yan I swear hahaha just saying haha)

What Is This Teaching Me?

One of the things that makes a stressful thing even more stressful is the fact that we forget to understand, reflect and ask “what is this teaching me?” Instead, we focus on what stresses us and create more stress by thinking about it instead of actually finding a solution for it.

Earlier today, I was creating a budget strategy and/or budget plan. I am panicking (just a little bit) because I have to pay my sister’s tuition fee and start saving up for next year’s enrolment. This isn’t the first time that I am writing and whining and complaining about it because education is so expensive. As in bakit ba ang mahal ng tuition fee dito?! Why are schools so expensive, why not create an affordable learning system that is of quality and high standards? NKKLK.

So anyway, as the months on my list progress, I feel more and more burdened. Questions like why am I even the one taking the responsibility to pay for my sister’s tuition fee when she has a father very much able to work for her education? Will I be doing this forever? Why am I doing this anyway? Then I felt like everyone is being unfair, why are they not helping me? Mas marami pa nga silang mga pera kaysa sa akin pero bakit ako? As I think of these (negative) thoughts, I suddenly remembered to ask What is this teaching me? Nahimasmasan ako ng slight.

I think that I go on and on and on burdening myself with these thoughts when in fact, I should stop and reflect to calm myself down instead of allowing negativity to rule over my head.

I realized that all these tuition fee problems I am having are not even a problem to begin with. Instead of looking at it negatively, I should see what is it that I can gain from this episode in my life and how I’ll be improving myself moving forward.

I think that it’s teaching me more on how to be selfless. Selflessness is the key to pure love and pure love is the key to all things that is good. Walang sense sinabi ko pero whatever hahaha. Aside from that, it’s teaching me to be more loving and understanding of the people around me. It is teaching me kindness. It is teaching me to be more grateful that I have the means to be able to pay for my sister’s education and that I’m not in debt or helpless. It is teaching me to trust more because God has reasons as to why I am experiencing these things.

I realized how much I let negative things and thoughts consume me when I can just easily turn around and look at the bright side of things. Hay naku.

Drenched By The Waves of Reality

How? What happened? What changed and how I was able to do it?

In all these, aside from God that I have to thank for being with me through it, I have my mom of course and Kyx. I also have you guys, your patience is/was extraordinary. I was in this stupid cycle for way too long and I kept writing about it with different emotions, different updates but same problem and dilemma yet you were still there to help me get back on track. Feeling ko para ako yung tangang tao na paulit ulit nagrarant na iniwan ng boypren na umiiyak tapos magiging okay tapos iiyak ulit tapos kayo yung mga kaibigan kong ang laki ng pasensya sa akin. Thank you for all of that, for understanding me and being with me. What I went through may sound so simple to others but for me it’s a huge deal. Ibang klaseng mawalan ng kaibigan. Lalo na kapag akala mo forever friends na kayo. It’s just, it’s really hard. It was hard for me.


How I did it is nothing scientific or mathematical. It was all in front of me and I chose not to accept it. I was in denial for a long time and the situation wasn’t hard at all but I made it hard for myself. I realized how simple it is yet I refused to grasp on the idea and absorb it. I mean, what the fudge, Aila?!

You would (won’t) probably be surprised about how the secret unfolded right before my eyes (mind) but it was so simple. Nakakainis.

My last dilemma before I gave up was the questions I have been asking myself. I wrote about it, you guys knew about it. One fine day, I was slapped with the bitter truth and I tell you, there’s nothing more satisfying than finally opening your eyes as a huge wave of facts wash over you and you have no choice but to be drenched by it. I was so hungry for closure but deep inside, it wasn’t closure that I was seeking but I was wanting an apology from these people who hurt me thinking I can heal and move on immediately once I learned that they actually thought about their actions and regretted hurting me. That’s how I was looking at it. When one of these people tried reaching out to me through an email, I thought I want an apology from the others so what I did was I tried to talk to 2 (leaving 2 more) people, apologized again for what I did and hoped I would get a “sorry din” but I got nothing. He he he. For someone who’s pride is as high as the Petronas Towers, I was crushed and shocked! I was left thinking, how??? How are these people able to sleep so soundly at night without even dreaming about me and wanting my forgiveness?? How do they do it?

When I wrote last time about wanting to know whether I was forgiven or not, wanting closure, seeking and in fact hungry for it, I also asked Kyx. Here goes the “I don’t know ddear. Kasi ang makakasagot lang sa tanong mo ay yung mga taong yan. Hindi ako, hindi ikaw, hindi kahit sino. Sila lang makakasagot niyan.” That cut right through me. I cried. I was devastated cause I want them to apologize to me so badly!!!

As in hello sinaktan niyo ako!!! As in tangina ninyo, ang sakit sakit ng ginawa niyo sakin!!!!!! As in ang sakit sakit sakit sakit non. Mas masakit pa yun sa hindi ko paglaki kasama tatay ko! Mas masakit pa sa unang heartbreak ko! Mas masakit pa sa lahat ng ibang nangyari kaya putangina ninyo, magsorry kayo sakin kasi dinurog niyo ako!!!!

And that, my friends, that is what held me back. I wasn’t able to move forward properly because at the end of the day, my poor little heart is crushed because howwwww the fuck do you forgive people who never apologized to you?! It was hard. It was sooo fucking hard but I realized something and it felt like cold ice all over me. It’s awakening, liberating. It’s something. It’s crazy.

You see, we have these expectations from people not only because we would have done the same thing for them like love them the way we feel we should be loved but because we feel like we know they are kind, forgiving and have a soft heart. We hold on to things thinking about everything good they did to us, they did for us. We dwell in the past and cling on to these people because we give them excuses such as they’re just still hurt, they were cruel because they were just angry, they didn’t apologize because maybe they’re shy and uncomfortable. We give them terrible excuses so we can accept them but we fail to see the reality, the truth, the bitter truth that—no, they would not apologize simply because they don’t want to. They forgot you simply because they chose to do so. They did not bother with you anymore simply because you have ceased to exist in their pretty world.

We fail to accept the ugly things we and other people do because we have certain expectations from them.

Pero hindi lahat ng tao pare-pareho, hindi lahat kayang aminin ang kanilang pagkakamali, hindi lahat iniisip ang peace of mind ng kapwa nila, hindi lahat ng tao mabait.

Even though I know that they know they did something wrong, the fact is that they just didn’t feel the need to apologize. May mga ganon pala talagang tao at sino ba naman ako para mag-expect ng apology diba.

When I accepted that they would probably never apologize thinking I deserve nothing but their absence, I felt lighter and naging tuloy tuloy na.

Life doesn’t work the way we expect it to be because humans like to complicate simple things. Instead of saying sorry, we give other people burden and hell just for the heck of it when in fact we can just simply fucking say sorry. But hey, c’est la vie!

Don’t get stuck wanting an apology or wanting love or wanting acceptance from others. Don’t get yourself stuck somewhere because you deserve to get a move on. You deserve a better life and you have to do it for YOU.