Last Saturday, I got to talk to one of my friends. That friend was part of the circle I left. I asked her what she thinks about the death of Horacio Castillo III and in the middle of our short discussion, I noticed that she hasn’t accepted my friend request on Facebook (the FB I am using now is a new one) so I asked her why, she said something like “Wala na ba yung fb mo dati? Di ko inaccept pa kasi baka lalo pa magkagulo gulo eh, gets mo naman siguro diba” HINDI KO GETS. (“Is your old FB gone for good? I didn;t accept it so as not to make things worse, if you know what I mean”—that’s the closest translation I could come up with lol)
It got me thinking, why do people who are not involved with the whole drama—involve themselves as if they’re part of it all. That person, was one of those who I think didn’t choose sides but, well, I don’t know anymore.
I was going back and forth, thinking if I should discuss any of this with Kyx but I chose not to because I feel like the more I keep talking about it, the more I bring myself despair and a lot of negative vibes to think about. Yet here I am, talking about it. I guess I only ever freely talk here on my blog.
With that incident, I keep thinking about it even if I know it’s not worth my energy, time and mental health. I hate myself for feeling bad about things that I can’t fix, things that I don’t even want to fix.
I’m sorry that you’re reading this crazy and emotional thoughts I’ve had over the weekend on a Monday (or Sunday or whichever day you’re reading this)
The last time I did a watercolour painting was about a month or 2 ago. I forgot. I guess life finally caught up with me and I keep switching from my mom’s house to Kyx’s house on a weekly basis that I just don’t have enough time and energy to paint for leisure. Last night however was a different thing. After dinner, I worked on a quick watercolour art. I usually go back and forth from Maria Racynzka and Enon De Belen. I chose Maria last night.
I haven’t finished this painting though. I was too sleepy and growing impatient for everything to dry out before putting the details. I like the look of it though despite being unfinished hehehe
Maria is an amazing artist. She always shares her demo and art on YouTube and it has helped me with my watercolour journey. I keep practicing with her and I love it!
I like sunsets, water and boardwalks. This photo just summarizes the feeling of being free. Something that says “finally, it’s over and done”. I like it how it feels as if goodbyes are less hard, less cruel.
I used Winsor and Newton Cotman 45 half-pans set, 2 Martol brushes and 1 Deovir angular brush, Watercolor paper by Canson (student grade)
Why do I write so often? As in everyday, may posts ako siguro 1 to 3 posts a day? How do I do that? Kahit hindi naman ako sikat na blogger sadyang ang dami ko lang sinasabi lagi HAH!
Hi guys! Here are several reasons why I can write so many posts or how I can write daily (except on weekends)
I don’t have many friends I can talk to on a daily basis. So I end up writing everything that I could have told a real life person. (sad nu hahaha chos)
I think about a lot of random things and I want to share it with other people but I don’t have anyone aside from Kyx and my mama who would listen to all of those random thoughts so I end up writing it here on my blog hehe.
I work as an in-house copywriter. I write a whole lot of contents for newspaper, social media, magazine and all that. No one bothers me in the office, not so much. So when I get burned out, I’ll write something using MS Word and people still think I’m working on an article hahahaha ‘kala niyo ang dami kong time ‘no? HAHAHA! ßeto talaga yung reason kung bakit nakakapagsulat ako ng madalas sa blog eh. Sana hindi mabasa ng officemates ko. If mabasa niyo, guys ginagawa ko naman work ko eh. Sadyang need lang ng break daily diba? LELS. Hahaha
I am very very quiet in real life. Especially in the office. Backstory: it took me a good 6 months before I warmed up to my officemates. They are very friendly and warm, when I was new here, a lot of other people are also new (so hindi ka ma-OP talaga diba) but I am very distant. I don’t talk to them unless I need to or they need something from me, I don’t eat lunch with them, it’s either I wait for all of them to finish eating before I eat or I wait for Kyx’s lunch break (dati same building kami nung nag-ooffice pa si Kyx) Now, I talk to my officemates and I eat lunch with them. I’m also a bit talkative now but really, I’m a quiet and shy type of person MEHEHE. I only ever unleash my mind and soul here on my blog, dito nabubuhos.
I find it hard to speak. I am an awkward person and conversations in real life kinda make me cringe so as best as I could, I communicate with my office mates through chat or emails HAHAAH. So maybe, I write a lot cause this is the only space I have wherein I can talk wholeheartedly? And twitter!!
Let’s talk about relationships. I’d like this post to be light and funny, not a battle of sexes and whatnot.
I am Kyx’s first girlfriend and when I go bat-shit crazy over the smallest things, he’s left clueless and probably debating whether his girlfriend is normal or she’s really a psycho bitch.
On most days wherein Kyx and I talk about how we were and how we are now, we laugh while looking back at the petty fights and huge serious ones and analyse where it all came from and what went wrong on those days. When I do something quirky, when I get mad at something small or even when I just playfully touch his butt, he goes thinking whether we—as a couple are normal or we’ve ended up both happy and crazy?
I think, it’s normal. We girls, we talk about the shit we do. We talk about the different levels of craziness we have had or the unbelievably small things that gets blown out of proportion just cause our man is doing the opposite of what we want or not doing anything at all while men, I think they don’t talk about it. At least for Kyx and his friends. They never talk about “ang crazy ng girlfriend ko last night, nagalit sakin dahil lang hindi ko na-twirl ng maayos ang spaghetti nya” or *insert something more petty than that*. No. They don’t talk about it (or do they?)
Last night, I had a homey and cozy dinner with 2 of my childhood friends. R is our “Ate” and I knew her since I was in 1st grade while F and I have been friends since we were pre-schoolers! A lot of fun and talk over dinner—we went across the topic of how crazy we have been and the times where we argue with our partners over the smallest things. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t really start fights just for the heck of it (or yes, in some days hahahah) there’s always that irritating thing our partners did and we just had to make a point. From staying silent the whole ride home to screaming at their faces or in most days, I for a fact, cry out of anger and frustration.
But yeah, I think Kyx or some guys think their girls are not normal and are pure evil creatures in most days is because they never talk about it with their friends. Gets ba? Parang they don’t open up to their friends about the petty fights they have had with their girls cause well, they’re not the type to talk about it. Hahaha. So maybe, that’s why Kyx thinks I am not normal when I get mad over small things. HAHAHA.
In fact, over the 3 years we’ve been together, I don’t get too worked up in small things. I got over that. I just have bad days though LOL!
On a wonky Wednesday morning, I decided to play my 70s-80s playlist. It consists of a ton of artists but I focused on Bee Gees for a better mood. I came across Too Much Heaven and I loved it!
M2M has a song as well wherein they sand the chorus of Too Much Heaven and the arrangement is beautiful.
When you hear the chorus, you might think the song is sad and speaks of something hopeless in it. But when you listen to the whole song and absorb the lyrics, you’ll understand it’s a feel good song and speaks about how blessed you are with the love you have (with the lovelife you have kemerloo)
“Nobody gets too much heaven no more. It’s much harder to come by, I’m waiting in line. Nobody gets too much love anymore. It’s as high as a mountain and harder to climb”
You’d think that oh well, it’s hard to find love anyway. But hearing the whole song, it’s like someone is so grateful thinking that even though love is hard to come by, that person still found it.
What do you think of this song? What are your thoughts?
Too Much Heaven by Bee Gees
Listen to Our Song by M2M (it’s a sad song but they sang Too Much Heaven for the chorus)
Just now, when I woke up, I realized that hey, no, I don’t deserve that kind of cruelty! And no one actually deserves it to be honest.
When I was still so confused, I felt and thought that maybe I deserved all the shit. I deserved to be shamed like that, I deserved that my best friends pitted on me. It was hard for me to process everything especially that my mind was too clouded and I ate all the shit they served me. My first instinct when confronted with the bad stuff I did or with the bad things I have said a hundred years ago was to apologize because well, I did say bad stuff and I may have added fuel to the fire for one time too many and I didn’t realize that I wasn’t alone. I was with people talking behind another person. Looking back, it’s both funny and sad.
Not because I still long for them, hell no. The fact that I thought I actually deserved it was sad and funny because no one was kind enough in that group to tell me and the others that it wasn’t a one man’s fault. HAH!
I stand today, knowing in my heart that I did not deserve it. No one deserves that kind of mental and emotional trauma these “friends” have put me through.
Good riddance and I hope this doesn’t happen to you or you won’t do anything like this anymore.
* *If you are one of those who did this to me and you’re reading this, don’t get mad. People do not know who you are. 😉 I didn’t name drop.