“Magkaibigan lang kami” Is So Tiring

*this post is mostly written in Tagalog*

I did mention before that Kyx and I started as really good friends.

Everything was so slow for us and when the time came, it all happened at once that I didn’t have time to savor the moments of being in a mutual understanding kind of phase.

We were literally just friends. Like we didn’t have that landian phase? I mean we did but we kind of established it when we started dating. It was all just too quick.

So ganito diba, we don’t talk everyday when we were just friends. Walang harut harutan na nangyari. Then when we accidentally bumped into each other after not seeing him for years doon na nagstart na magusap kami everyday. We texted and talked over Facebook chat araw araw and that same week, we went out. Nanood kami Guardians of the Galaxy and we were just friends pero ano ba, crush ko na kasi talaga sya nung time na yun. But we were just friends eh diba?

After weeks of going out on dates, we sort of established na MU kami, walang ganap na “saan ba ako lulugar?” walang “mafefriendzone kaya ako?” walang ganon. Kasi parang napagkasunduan na namin agad—though we didn’t talk about it, parang naintindihan lang namin parehas na we’re both on the same page. Siguro we were too old for pabebe scenarios. 23 na kami nung time na yun and Kyx never had a girlfriend before. (ako talaga kasi first niya diba bwahaha pilitin ko sya ako na last char) so looking back, I feel like wala siyang time magpacute or pabebe pa kung we like each other or not diba.

Ang dami kong sinasabi, eto na yung part na bakit ko ba sinusulat to.

Yesterday, I told Kyx that I miss being just friends with him so I asked him if we can pretend that we’re just friends. Sinakyan naman niya trip ko. So naguusap kami na kunyari friends lang kami ganyan, baliw lang diba haha. SIguro from 9am to 5pm ganyan kami. But then, I got tired!! Parang the situation is sucking all the energy I have? Parang literal na kapagod eh.

Kaya naisip ko, it is so physically, mentally and emotionally draining to not know where you stand in someone’s life. It’s so hard to impit and hide your emotions, pretending you just want to be friends with someone when in fact, legit na gusto mo talaga siya yung makasama mo forever. I’m thankful that I’m not in that kind of situation pero I feel for those who are in the friendzone. I mean yung hindi pa nafefriendzone pero yung confused na kung saan ba sila lulugar. It’s so hard to be in that position.

Aside from praying for your heart’s desire, gawan mo na ng paraan yan. I mean humanap ka na ng timing na mawala ka sa posisyon na yan. Life is short, hindi habang buhay makakapagpabebe ka. Tsaka ang hirap ng ganyan, nakakapagod literal.

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Thea

Thea, 26, INFJ (Turbulent) Always interested in other people's opinion on matters, ideas and random thoughts. I mostly keep to myself but I found that writing in this blog is easier than bottling my feelings up. Reading, writing, tea, coffee and wine are my favorite things. You can catch me mostly on twitter and instagram: @xoxthea make sure to say hello! :")

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