Change

I didn’t know until recently that change made way for more growth. Change allowed me many things but most importantly it allowed me to breathe.

Little by little, I open myself up for more change. As much as I can, as much as my flawed self would ever allow. Disregarding anxiety, depression and OCD, change actually made me feel better.

I used to box myself and put up walls when I feel like it’s the only thing that will make things work for me. I made specific routines for all the single thing I have to do on a daily basis.

Maybe, for a person with OCD and Anxiety, it’s typical to make your own rules and follow your own order not for the convenience but maybe because you feel safer and comfortable with that. To be honest, I came to realize that I am always on the losing end just so I could follow my own strict rules. In simple ways or complicated stuff, it’s always that one specific routine that I will follow. No more, no less. And that only made me feel stuck! It’s like I have a stick up my ass for a long time, I’m so uptight and that’s when I realized that life—no matter how I try to control it, will work how its supposed to, with no regard to my mental health.

I panic when I have little control over things. It’s as if that the world is caving in on me and all of a sudden, I find it hard to breathe. But welcoming change little by little, it actually made me feel better physically, mentally and emotionally.

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