The day you turned your backs against me and I tried to accept that fact no matter how hard it was, that’s when you lost me.
I was so darn hurt that I lost a bunch of good people in my life, though I still think of you as good people no matter how shitty things went spiralling down, I have to force myself to not like you guys anymore as much as you dislike me.
The day when everything turned upside down, I didn’t realize it soon enough but that’s that day of my own freedom. I freed myself not from toxic people (as I said, I still think you guys are good people) but from my own toxic self. I left that sad and broken person that I was in the ditch just like what you guys did.
After a long time, after continuously on an up and down flinching, cringe-worthy roller coaster ride, after a bunch of meltdowns and crying I did, I finally realized that I may have lost something but these are what you lost.
You lost that one person willing to listen to your problems, joys and rants on a daily basis. You lost that person who will cheer for you no matter what. The one who will fight for you when all else fails, the one who will be there when no one else would be.
You lost that person willing to take a shit for you.
You lost that person who remembers you day in and day out, the one who will send you sweet and thoughtful messages. The one who will carry out giving you pieces of advice, that one person who will always always go the extra mile.
You lost the one who will listen to all your fears. The one who will surprise you just because she thought of you. The one who will give you random goodies because no matter what the odds may have brought for you guys in the past, she still thinks you deserve kindness from friends. You lost that “sweet” friend you once had.
That person when you messaged “I need u” would reply even if she’s riding a terribly crowded public transportation. The person who empathizes so much she cries when you cry. That one person who believes and cheers you on adult decisions. You lost that friend, among all your friends, who uses so much of her time making picture collages just for your birthday.
You lost that person who was there for you for so long. In crazy times, important times and in times when you just needed someone.
Have you forgotten all of that? Maybe that’s not really the basis of being a “true” friend, but it was ME who have been there most of the time.
You lost that person who was there for you whether you needed a friend or not.
I may have had rocky times with you guys, I may have had rough edges and I may have said and done terrible things but at the end of the day wouldn’t you look back and see that when your other friends weren’t around, who was there for you?
And so, this, that is what you lost. That one friend who you need not call because she was there for a whole lot of time whether you appreciate it or not.