Oh you don’t have any idea how I learned it the hard way (but for those of you who regularly read my blog, then you know exactly what I’ve gone through) Anyway, let’s cut to the chase and move forward to what I was actually trying to talk about.
I guess I am such a people pleaser back then. I used to want people to like me (even if I don’t like them) just so I would be able to peacefully sleep at night. At least that’s what I thought. So what I did was, even if I was offended by someone for something they said or did, I’d let it fly by thinking that it’s best to run away from conflict than confrontation. I head back to others and tell them what my problem is. I’d tell someone the thing that offended me until it looks so much like backstabbing (although that wasn’t the whole point and I didn’t intend for that).
Looking back to the numerous times I ran away from conflict, I didn’t know how bigger of a conflict it would be compared to how it could have been resolved with confrontation and honesty.
Now, I am practicing (no matter how hard it is for me) to just head on with confrontation—very objective, kind, subtle and with a clear tone kind of confrontation. I realized that if I have a problem with someone or something, I’d rather just tell them about it to avoid future conflicts. Also, it aims for resolution rather than creating a bigger hole right?
I’d also rather much prefer someone telling me on a nice manner if there’s any way I have offended them so that I could make up for it or even try to explain myself right?
It’s a lot better than trying to fake patch things up yourself only to find out that you created a bigger problem.
It’s like there’s a bad wound that needs treatment yet you try to cover it with band aids and gauze thinking it’s for the best only to find out that it got worse right?
So if you have a problem with someone or something, it’s best to:
- Breathe in, breathe out. Do not let your feelings get the best of you. You tend to be irrational when you prioritize your feelings before objectivity.
- Feeling better? You have the option to just let it go or go ahead and pull out a confrontation. If it would bother you in the long run then opt for a mild confrontation. Be honest and make sure you are in it for clarification and objective confrontation.
- Tell them how you felt and what you thought but also tell them that you are not bearing a grudge about it. Clear it to the person that you’re merely confronting him/her to avoid future conflicts.
It’s always better to find resolution than creating a bigger conflict.