Kyx Lately

 

Kyx and I have been together for over 2 years now (going on our 3rd year this August) and man, all the changes, adjustments and stuff we had to deal with were cray but I feel so grateful that I have him in my life.

So for my new blog friends and readers who haven’t read a whole bunch of writings from the past, let me introduce to you, Kyx.

Kyx is my boyfriend. You pronounce it as “kicks”. No that is not some made up name he made to be cool. That’s really his nickname. His real name is Kyxarie and you don’t pronounce it as “kicksari” you say it as “kee-sa-ri” okay now that’s said and done, let’s move on. Hahaha. I just feel like I had to tell you guys how to pronounce it so you could read it without confusion lol.

Okay so going back, Kyx is this wonderfully artistic, creative, long-haired illustrator slash love of my life. He is my best friend and my confidante. He’s patient and wise and I just can’t reiterate enough how much of a blessing he is in my life.

You see, for the past 3 months, I dealt with a roller coaster ride filled with torturous obstacles!! I had to deal with friendship drama, anxiety, depression and OCD. Imagine dealing with someone so disastrous as me?

So for a quick background, let me just say that whatever I am going through, it’s not like something we see on TV shows and on movies. It’s totally different. I am very high functioning but after all that I have to do on a given day, I would lie on my back, stare blankly at the walls and sometimes I cry without even knowing why I am crying in the first place. On some days, I’d spend so much time in the bathroom using about 1 body wash, 1 milky soap and 1 organic butter soap for cleaning my skin and moisturizing it taking all the time I need only to find myself taking about more than an hour of my life to just bathe and reflect on different things. Sometimes I find it normal, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’d be so talkative, other times Kyx wouldn’t hear a word coming from my mouth. And Kyx had to deal with all of this without getting mad at me. Without treating what I’m doing as “bullshit” and perfectly trying to understand what I am going through without judging me.

The other day, I was being extra annoying, brutal and monstrous. I’ve been on the pill because of my acne problems (and my mom is actually pursuing it low-key because she wants me on birth control) and these hormonal pills are just plain making me a walking disaster! My moodswings skyrocketed to 80% and I was downright nasty to deal with. I was throwing a tantrum here and there but Kyx is just being his kind and comforting self. *sobs* Then while I was being particularly angry for a mindless reason, I pinched Kyx so hard until it sorta bled. My oh my the horror when I saw his skin turned really pink and then a bit of blood oozing from a small scratch I made! Right then and there, I realized how mean I was being and immediately pulled myself together. Kyx—being ever so patient, just hugged me and told me it’s okay and that I’ll be okay.

I still feel sorry for being such a crazy adult. These meltdowns have to stop, I know. I just am really grateful that no matter how absurd I was, Kyx is still there for me.

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