On Gloomy Days

Sometimes, on gloomy days, I get to thinking about the things I wish I had done, things I wish I didn’t do, things I should’ve said, things I should have kept to myself. Sometimes I think about how I acted on a certain situation—whether it was for the better or had it led me to some hell.

On gloomy days just like this, when the sun is fighting for its way but the rain and thunder and lightning is too overpowering, I get to thinking about the decisions I made.

 

I was told that when something happens, it happens for a reason greater than my own imagination. Bigger than me, bigger than my expectations. I was told things happen and its never a predetermination nor a predestination. It just happened cause it’s supposed to happen. It happened because that’s something written on my life story.

 

I sit here looking at the light pink, sun still peaking, a blend of purple and light blue covering the sky, droplets on the window pane and wonder if I am supposed to be certain with my life right now or be okay with how clueless I have been ever since getting my degree.

I sit here as my mind races, scrambles and picks up to where my boss started to stop looking at me, pretending that I do not exist. My mind tries to trace what happened or if he is just too busy? Nevertheless, I’d leave this company soon enough so why should I bother right?

Oh well, in gloomy days like this, my mind is just as melty as the mud that was caused by the rain.

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Got A Problem With Me? Tell Me!

 

Oh you don’t have any idea how I learned it the hard way (but for those of you who regularly read my blog, then you know exactly what I’ve gone through) Anyway, let’s cut to the chase and move forward to what I was actually trying to talk about.

I guess I am such a people pleaser back then. I used to want people to like me (even if I don’t like them) just so I would be able to peacefully sleep at night. At least that’s what I thought. So what I did was, even if I was offended by someone for something they said or did, I’d let it fly by thinking that it’s best to run away from conflict than confrontation. I head back to others and tell them what my problem is. I’d tell someone the thing that offended me until it looks so much like backstabbing (although that wasn’t the whole point and I didn’t intend for that).

Looking back to the numerous times I ran away from conflict, I didn’t know how bigger of a conflict it would be compared to how it could have been resolved with confrontation and honesty.

Now, I am practicing (no matter how hard it is for me) to just head on with confrontation—very objective, kind, subtle and with a clear tone kind of confrontation. I realized that if I have a problem with someone or something, I’d rather just tell them about it to avoid future conflicts. Also, it aims for resolution rather than creating a bigger hole right?

I’d also rather much prefer someone telling me on a nice manner if there’s any way I have offended them so that I could make up for it or even try to explain myself right?

It’s a lot better than trying to fake patch things up yourself only to find out that you created a bigger problem.

It’s like there’s a bad wound that needs treatment yet you try to cover it with band aids and gauze thinking it’s for the best only to find out that it got worse right?

So if you have a problem with someone or something, it’s best to:

  • Breathe in, breathe out. Do not let your feelings get the best of you. You tend to be irrational when you prioritize your feelings before objectivity.
  • Feeling better? You have the option to just let it go or go ahead and pull out a confrontation. If it would bother you in the long run then opt for a mild confrontation. Be honest and make sure you are in it for clarification and objective confrontation.
  • Tell them how you felt and what you thought but also tell them that you are not bearing a grudge about it. Clear it to the person that you’re merely confronting him/her to avoid future conflicts.

It’s always better to find resolution than creating a bigger conflict.

Gender Equality, Feminism, Chivalry and Sexism (I am all over the place so try to not judge me and how I wrote this)

This may sort of be a long read, but please please do read it. I really need your opinion, I crave for a discussion on matters like this. So please please please help.

I often have discussions like this with Kyx especially when we’re stuck in bad traffic.

How do we all fight for “Gender Equality” in a world that cries for chivalry, in a world that takes “feminism” in a whole different manner, in a world where if not all, most people are clueless how “gender equality” works.

How can we all be politically correct in all these? How can we live by gender equality when we could all be ignorant at times and how can we stop sexism?

Okay, let’s see how this goes.

  1. When you look “Gender equality” up on Google, the first thing you’d come across is how Wikipedia defined it. “Gender equality, also known as sexual equality, is the state of equal access to resources and opportunities regardless of gender. It is achieved through gender neutrality and gender equity”

In my understanding and in advocacies we’ve heard all over the world, gender equality is when both men and women have the luxury to live with the same rights and opportunities in all aspects. May it be at the workplace or privileges in the society.

  1. Moving to “Feminism”, when you look it up on Google, you’d see synonyms such as “women liberation”, and when you find how it is defined, you’d see something that crosses with “gender equality”. That Feminism is the advocacy of women wherein they fight for equal rights regardless of gender.

 

  1. Now off to “Chivalry”, it is defined as when medieval knights show courtly manners, nobility, courtesy and all that. In the 21st century, it’s more about being a “gentleman” (or correct me if I’m wrong cause that’s how I understand it)

 

Given these 3 things, let’s now discuss what’s up!

Case on point #1:

Many months back, I guess about a year ago, a woman in her 20s I believe, went viral on social media (at least here in the Philippines) because she posted a photo of a guy who she is accusing of not being a gentleman. The train was full and a lot of people are standing up, now the guy in the photo clearly didn’t give his seat up for the girl. The girl then went to rant on social media how she was so tired but then this guy is sitting pretty (actually looking tired and innocent AF). She said that the guy should’ve given his seat up so that she can sit instead of the guy. What’s your take on this?

You see, more often than not, I am all for gender equality. If a guy wouldn’t give his seat up for me then I wouldn’t feel bad. It’s not like I am more privileged than him. Gender equality clearly states that both men and women get the same rights in all aspects so why the hell would I get mad for not having a seat on a train while a man sits and I stand? I mean I won’t get bothered even if I was hella tired.

Well, the woman who posted the photo that went viral on social media gained mixed reactions from the public. Some were sharing sentiments with her stating “chivalry is dead” while most got upset that this woman is crying out loud just because she was not given the seat that the guy deserved too.

 

Case on point #2:

Pregnant Women are the priority

Now it gets tricky from hereon. So someone please tell me, why pregnant women be the priority whether in queue for a public transportation or in the bank? I mean I get that they are carrying the baby and it’s quite a discomfort and it’s heavy and shit but, what’s the actual basis for this? I’m not mad at pregnant women, I am seriously asking because I do not know for sure as to why are they prioritized? Is it plainly because everyone needs to understand that pregnant women are having a hard time in everything while they’re pregnant so we help them in all ways possible or is it just plain sexism? Please shed some light on this because I am not sure hahaha. All I know is that we let them get to ride in public transportation first than the rest, we give way even if we were first in line because they are top priority and as far as the “why are they the top priority?” is concerned, I do not know. **seriously. What do you think and know about this, put it in the comment box**

 

Case on point #3:

Using a lot of sexist terms EVERYFUCKINGWHERE and it just makes me cringe so much I can’t even

Have you ever heard of the phrases “be a man!” or “you’re acting like a girl”? These terms seem innocent but are completely and utterly sexist. In the Philippines, you’d hear a lot of phrases like this:

“kalalaki mong tao natatakot ka sa multo” (You’re a guy and yet you get scared of ghosts)

“kalalaki mong tao iiyak iyak ka diyan” (You’re a guy and yet you are crying?)

“kababae mong tao ang lakas lakas mong tumawa” (You’re a girl and yet you laugh so loud)

“kababae mong tao ganyan ka magsalita” (You’re a girl yet you speak like that?)

And so on and so forth. Just use “kababae/kalalaki mong tao” and then insert a stereotypical phrase and BOOM= welcome to sexism!

 

In my opinion, sexism is everywhere. In the household, in the work place in public, in the movie houses, in the neighbourhood, in school. My gosh. I have no words.

Are guys not allowed to get scared? Are they not allowed to cry when they feel hurt or happy? Are girls not allowed to laugh like a hyena when they feel like it? Are girls not allowed to talk a certain way?

In the Philippines, we are taught that men and women need to live a certain way, dictated by the society. But FFS, this is the 21st century and why are we still not educated on matters like this? Why do we keep ourselves away from openness and why do we fight battles we know so little about?

Why the hell do we cry out so loud fighting for gender equality when we are so ignorant about the phrases and actions we say and do? Why do we want chivalry, crying if a guy is not a “gentleman” when we clearly fight for “gender equality”? Why do we use sexist phrases in the 21st century like it’s normal?

Think about it. Let’s discuss. Let’s talk about what you think. Let’s educate people, let’s share information, let’s speak up, let us help each other with the exchange of intelligence and openness. Let us not leave ourselves ignorant. Let’s keep asking, let’s keep learning.

 

I know I only covered a speck of the issues in our society, I know there are other problematic areas about this and there are deeper root problems here so don’t judge me haha!

Waiting for 6pm, Waiting To Clock Out

 

Ladies and gentlemen, after almost 2 years in this company, I have come to the point that I am waiting for the moment that I’d be clocking out. This is one of the signs that you don’t want to see in your relationship towards work.

I used to spend a lot of my time writing PR articles, copies, magazine ads and all for work and I don’t get tired! I don’t even look forward to clocking out! I always feel defeated when the clock turns 8 o’clock and I still have fuel in me wanting to work and write more but time wouldn’t allow me.

Now, it’s a totally different thing. I feel so exhausted every day even if I divided my work on a very light per-week scheme. Nothing works and I feel like it’s time I reflect on why I keep staying here.

Obviously, I’m more exhausted than happy.

But maybe there’s a deeper reason as to why I feel like being tormented emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I need a break but my bills ain’t got no breaks mofo -___-

Menstrual Cups TMI!!!

 

This post is about bodily functions, menstruation, vagina and whatnot. So if you get uncomfortable towards topics like this, you may stop reading now. You’ve been warned!

Oh so, you’re still reading. Okay. Then let’s move forward!

What is a menstrual cup?

  • A menstrual cup is basically a silicone thingy shaped as a funnel (at least from my perspective lol). It’s made from of course, medical grade and heavy duty silicone.
  • There are varieties of menstrual cups: Sinaya Cups, Luna Cups, Moon Cups, Diva Cups. I don’t know if it can be bought at a physical store but from what I have read, people order it online.

Ever since I’ve read about it, I was tempted to get one for myself. I’ve been stalling, I know. I’ve read Saab talk about it from like months ago and since then, I keep reading blogs about it. Apparently, everyone thinking about the switch are scared of basically the same stuff like:

  • Not being able to put it inside properly.
  • The mortifying thought of it getting stuck inside your vag.
  • Having to deal with unnecessary leaks!
  • The terror of taking it off and spilling everything all over yourself and the bathroom.
  • The crazy thought of putting a silicone thing inside you!

Okay so here’s why I am actually leaning towards getting a menstrual cup.

  • I always want to help Mother Nature the best I can so getting a menstrual cup is more eco-friendly than using pads and tampons.
  • Aside from that, it’s also cost effective. Menstrual cups can be used for about 5 years (I think) and imagine not buying pads or tampons for 5 years?! How much money would you be saving right?
  • According to the articles I’ve read, it’s easier to do stuff when you use menstrual cups. Like you’d feel ‘normal’, you can swim, surf and all that even if you have your period!

So what are your thoughts on this? I’m actually like 80% leaning towards getting it.

Mystery Blogger Award

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Rules of Award:

  1. Put the award/logo image on your blog
  2. List the rules
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide link as well
  5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  6. You have to nominate 10-20 people
  7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
  9. Share a link to your best post(s)

(For future nominees, you may use the above “rules” to comply on your award post)

I was nominated by Zheng Fan to do this Mystery Blogger Award. It’s such a pleasure to be nominated to something like this not because of the “award” or title itself (I’m basically clueless about these things) but because people thought of me to be part of this and that’s what matters most.

To Zheng Fan, we only interacted very little for the past days simply because I think we just found each other’s blogs very recently. Now that I kept reading what you write, I feel like (aside from regularly reading your stuff now) I found someone who I can relate to and someone I’d learn a lot of stuff from. Thank you for nominating me!

Answering your questions are fun and refreshing!

3 Things About Myself:

  1. As much as possible, I write not only to express my raw emotions but to help other people learn from my experiences.
  2. I have depression, anxiety and OCD. But that is not going to stop me from being successful. I have suicidal tendencies but I try to be as strong as I can!
  3. I love my mom and the rest of my family so much.

Wow, these 5 questions are so simple but so hard to answer! It took me a lot of minutes to get through these simple questions and I found myself weighing things like my life depended on it. Nonetheless, I found it enjoyable!

 

  1. Who is your one favourite public person (in the history of mankind)? Why?

Oh my god why is this so hard to answer? I don’t know a lot of public people, like I don’t know their advocacies and principles in life. I guess my favourite public person would be none other than, Oprah Winfrey. She went through hell and back but still managed to become a successful individual. She did not let her struggles get the best of her and that is very inspirational for me. It makes all my struggle easy to deal with by just knowing that people like Oprah fought their way to success even if it was so hard to do.

  1. What is your one favourite song? Why?

I have a lot of favourite songs and it’s hard to choose just one. But maybe, as of the moment, I’ll go with “Grace to Grace” by Hillsong United. If you haven’t heard of that song, listen to it especially when you feel like everything is fucking up. It helps so much!

 

  1. Define yourself in less than 15 words?

I am friendly online, very shy in real life.

 

  1. What is the one most important trait you look for in a partner?

Loving. When you are loving, everything follows. A loving person cares, when a person cares, they wouldn’t want to break your trust, they’d stay loyal and support you no matter what. When they love you, they’d tell you when you did something wrong so you can improve yourself and when you did something awesome, they’d appreciate it.

 

  1. What is life to you?

For me, life is an awesome adventure. The image of adventure to me is where you find purpose, learn that purpose, meet amazing people, learn a lot of lessons the hard and easy way, accepting defeat and standing tall after every fall. That for me is an adventure—and that’s how I see life.

My Nominees:

  1. Addie

2. Anaida

3. Fernanda

4. Kendall

5. Lu

6.  Bharath

7. Kate

8. Lorraine

9. Phoebe

10. Owning A Dog With Anxiety

 

My 5 questions:

  1. What is your advice to people going through a friendship breakout?
  2. What is your advice to those who are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives?
  3. What is your life motto or mantra?
  4. What is the number one lesson in life you learned that you want to share to others.
  5. If you wish to visit any country what would it be and why?

 

My Best Post:

My best post would probably be this I Need Your Opinion, Please Not because of the content itself but for the support I got from you guys. ❤

Believing in The Power of Prayer

 

 

Every time I try to write about my religious beliefs, I find myself giving you a disclaimer which seriously needs to stop. But here I go again.

I am not like a hard core Catholic girl. I’m just a strong believer and I respect all religions so don’t think this is something about preaching and convincing people to believe in what I believe in. This is a mere projection of what I have experienced and it is something I want to share.

Before I went to sleep last night, I opened the bible and cut through a random page while my eyes were closed. I pointed my finger to the middle left part of the page hoping to see something that will tap and cut deep to my soul. I slowly opened my eyes with excitement and read where my finger was pointed and it says “If you have faith, it will happen. If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayers” –Matthew 21:22

There you have it folks. I slept with a smile on my face ready to welcome the coming days with faithfulness. I think it ends there but it didn’t.

At the office, I randomly shared this experience of mine to my friend, Anne. I told her about the verse and she opened her wallet and took a small laminated thing that bears the bible verse I was talking about. She told me that she’ll be giving me her copy because maybe, this verse is really for me,

After what I have gone through for the past months, I can only say that prayers have helped me get through all the crap (aside from family, remaining friends and you guys my readers) prayers have given me so much strength. No I didn’t feel all mighty and powerful after every prayer I said but somehow, it lightens the burden that I have been carrying over the course of time.

Every day, the moment I wake up, I’d say a prayer of thanks that I have been given another chance to improve myself. Another chance to repent and another chance to give my love to the people who have always been by my side. I’d ask for strength and courage to face the day and in most days that I feel restless, I ask that the Lord would give me physical and mental strength to get through the day.

Every night before I sleep, I’d say a prayer telling Him how my day went. Asking for forgiveness when I did a shitty thing. I also ask for healing to those whom I have hurt and for myself as well. I ask that I be given more days to live (even though I have been obsessed with my own death and suicidal thoughts), I ask that my parents, family and loved ones have a longer life so I could make them feel more of how much I love them. I tell the Lord that if I do not wake up, I hope that He embrace my loved ones and tell them that I am at peace.

These are the usual prayers and even though they are simple and ordinary, I believe that God hears my prayers. I believe in the power of prayers, in good times and in bad.