I Lost Them but I am Not Friendless

It’s been over a week since the incident happened. I still play it all over my head, I was trying to figure out where it all started, was it just my fault, was I a big demon or was it influenced by the culture our circle of friends had? Nonetheless I only encountered a reasonable answer and that’s “It doesn’t matter anymore”. Why do I keep playing it over and over my head? Why do I keep solving something that isn’t a problem anymore? Somehow, maybe I was looking for closure, a peaceful end on things but I came to realize that it’s not worth it anymore and whatever I was looking for, shall remain out of reach for me.

Here’s my take on how I could be able to leave everything behind. Though I feel like it was unfair for me that I took all the blame when in fact, everyone did each other the same mistakes I did, it’s something I should forget.

  • They’re really not my friends. Not only because of what happened but because there was this huge thing around us that made me think and say bad stuff. Something I always took against others even if I shouldn’t. So if they were intensely my true friends, I shouldn’t have said stuff about them? Or was that normal?
  • The moment I was not given a chance to speak, the moment they all pitted against me and attacked me with bullets I handed them, it’s all over.
  • It’s a good thing they did me a huge favour of kicking me out on our group. If they didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have completely changed my ways. If not for that, I would’ve been the same sly mean girl I was back in the day.

It’s a shame things ended badly right after I treated them for my birthday but that’s also one of the best things they can ever do. They say they stripped me from my true colors, I wonder if their true colors weren’t stripped when they did that to me? Maybe, I lost some “friends” but that doesn’t mean I am friendless. I still have a handful of friends I can treat well. I have moved forward and that’s a start of something new right?

 

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2 thoughts on “I Lost Them but I am Not Friendless

  1. hey thea! i’m really sorry about what happened with your friends…imo, what they did sounds ridiculously *$%#@&. we all have our flaws– we all slip up and say unsavory things and maybe start some shit lol, etc. no one’s perfect, and we all have our less-than-amazing (/shitty) days. but it still wasn’t cool of your friends to have done what they did or to have said what they said. there are a million other civil and respectful ways to express/resolve differences, y’kn–getting called out is different from being attacked. if anyone’s revealed their true colors…i’d say it was the people who were so blatantly unkind to you who showed you their’s. ofc you have other friends, and you have your mom and kyx, who love and respect you and treat you w/ kindness. which is what you deserve !

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dearest Lu, oh my god my heart!!! It melted when I read your comment. Thank you so much for the love and support you’ve given me. what happened was really awful and partly, i think I sort of deserved that (for a time) but now, I am finally realizing that it was too much, so cringeworthy and unacceptable to have faced that kind of scenario. Thank you so much for being an amazing virtual friend. You’ve been there for me since the day I started this blog. You’ve supported me with my art and with my writing and that’s very sweet of you. I may be thousands of miles away but it’s just amazing to know there’s someone out there who would support me and understand me. Thanks Lu!!! ❤ xoxoxxoxoxoxxxxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

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