It’s been over a week since the incident happened. I still play it all over my head, I was trying to figure out where it all started, was it just my fault, was I a big demon or was it influenced by the culture our circle of friends had? Nonetheless I only encountered a reasonable answer and that’s “It doesn’t matter anymore”. Why do I keep playing it over and over my head? Why do I keep solving something that isn’t a problem anymore? Somehow, maybe I was looking for closure, a peaceful end on things but I came to realize that it’s not worth it anymore and whatever I was looking for, shall remain out of reach for me.
Here’s my take on how I could be able to leave everything behind. Though I feel like it was unfair for me that I took all the blame when in fact, everyone did each other the same mistakes I did, it’s something I should forget.
- They’re really not my friends. Not only because of what happened but because there was this huge thing around us that made me think and say bad stuff. Something I always took against others even if I shouldn’t. So if they were intensely my true friends, I shouldn’t have said stuff about them? Or was that normal?
- The moment I was not given a chance to speak, the moment they all pitted against me and attacked me with bullets I handed them, it’s all over.
- It’s a good thing they did me a huge favour of kicking me out on our group. If they didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have completely changed my ways. If not for that, I would’ve been the same sly mean girl I was back in the day.
It’s a shame things ended badly right after I treated them for my birthday but that’s also one of the best things they can ever do. They say they stripped me from my true colors, I wonder if their true colors weren’t stripped when they did that to me? Maybe, I lost some “friends” but that doesn’t mean I am friendless. I still have a handful of friends I can treat well. I have moved forward and that’s a start of something new right?