Now, I am ready to share with you all what happened. This is as far as I can remember. I’ll try to be more specific and this is going to be the most honest post I have ever written, unleashing everything and stripping down myself for the entire world to see. This is what happened.
Remember when I was still an insecure hypocrite? Someone always jealous of everything, someone so insecure about life? Or that time when I was in a bad place wherein I don’t think about what I say and do? How about the time when I tell stuff about other people and then probably add a bit more to the story or make it something that would not make me look bad or make myself feel better despite how bad I look inside? Didn’t we all had that time? Oh yes, maybe I was the only one who said bad things about other people or about my friends. I give off snide comments and remarks, I mock people, every inch of them and then I realize my mistakes and as much as I wanted to take it back at that moment, I made up for it through different ways like being there for them when they needed me, or someone they can talk to and “trust”. Yes, how ironic that I wanted to be trusted when I don’t even deserve it in the first place. I maybe had that thing wherein I wanted to be liked very very much and sometimes, I put people on the line for my own benefit. But was I alone in this? Well about the time where I judge ever so easily at first without even knowing that person then figure out my judgment was wrong? How will I ever take back my own judgment when words slipped from my mouth already? Of course, I make it up again by being someone better. Yes.
I have thrown so many bad stuff towards other people. I have said words, sentences, comments about a lot of things that could have been so hurtful but what’s my excuse to that? Nothing. I was just really a BAD PERSON in the past. I couldn’t even think of things on how I could justify my actions because behind my great friend persona is a demon right? I wasn’t thinking that I have built that character and lived by it for a long time. I killed that person after I turned 26 though.
The day after my birthday, my friends pitted against me and pinned me down sending screenshots and recalling all the bad stuff I said about someone, all the badmouthing I did, all the shitty stuff I said, all the actions I made that was seemingly okay before and realizing how bad it was! They were throwing attacks toward me. AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. Yes. They even told me that it was their gift to me, unleashing my “true identity”. They brought up all the bad shit I did and say, everything. When I apologized and owned up to my mistakes, they still threw attacks and no one, NO ONE listened to what I have to say. Yes. You know what, I probably deserved that scene, wherein everybody threw their stones my ways because of all the things I have done, all the badmouthing I did before. Yes. I probably deserve that because who am I to expect something good from her friends when in the first place I was such a monster? So yes, I cried my heart out and ugly cried once more in front of my mom and Kyx. I was so heartbroken I couldn’t even eat and sleep. I kept thinking about what the fuck did I do? Why am I like that before? Why was I such a monster and a bad friend?
But then you know what, after regretting everything I did and said, I did own up to my mistakes and even said sorry. SINCERELY. Then I realized, all the accusations, was I the only one who ever did that? Maybe I did a lot of bad stuff compared to everyone else, but who are you to feel so hurt and bad when you also did that same thing? Maybe I have been the worst friend ever, but who are you to act like you did not partake on the mistakes I have made, who are you to judge when you also did the same thing I did?
I thought I was gonna cry a long time, there were a lot of mean words thrown out there for me, AFTER MY 26TH BIRTHDAY! I was even greeted by these people after being mean to me telling me it was their gift. You know what? I am so grateful. I am ever so grateful this ugly stuff happened because now, I really am going to be a better person. Someone who is not judgmental anymore. Who wouldn’t be badmouthing the friends I have left. I will be a genuine great friend this time and all thanks to what happened to me. Whew! I was so glad this happened to me. I thank the Lord that this happened to me so that I can finally grow up to be a better person instead of the shitty one that I once were.
That’s what happened, and you know what, it’s probably the best gift I have ever received aside from the love I was given by my family.
Congratulations for successfully pinning me down and shaming me in front of the whole circle of friends. Thank you for stripping me naked and succeeding on showing the true colors I have back then. Now, I am a better person. I trust myself on this one that I wouldn’t be a shitty friend anymore.
Thank you so much for treating me like garbage cause I probably deserved that but after this, I am a new person.
I wouldn’t die if I have lost friends who did that amazing thing to me—pinning me down. I will move on, I will never look back. Thank you and Goodbye!