I’m a few days away from turning another year older and ahhhh I just wanna stop growing old but I can’t help but feel nice that it’s almost my birthday!
In a long time, I have dreaded my birthday. I hated summer because I know that it’s not gonna be long before I turn another year older. Like on my old blog entries and about a year ago, I was dreading the days before my birthday because I never wanted to celebrate it. Not because I didn’t wanna grow older but I felt like I am being forced to be responsible, to be someone I am not. I grow anxious because I didn’t think I was ready, I didn’t believe in myself, I didn’t like myself. I’d remember picturing myself as a successful grown-up but the moment I enter that phase, I get too caught up with myself and the strings I have attached to myself, restricting everything I have control over.
But now, a lot has changed!
I am very far from saying “Oh yes, at last! I have figured my life out, I have sorted myself and I am exactly where I planned to be. I love it” no. I am not there. At least not yet. However, I feel like I am more open to possibilities, changes and opportunities. I welcome change more than ever and I have learned a lot about myself over the course of 25 years. Now, as I am almost 26, I look back and cringe at how stupid I was before. How naïve, how angry, how different! I see a great difference from where I was at before, to where I was now—emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Can’t say I am stable but I’m probably more improved than before! The fact that I understand myself more now in most days than I don’t is pretty impressive huh? I know I have a long way to go, I have more to learn and a bunch of stuff to let go but I am happier and bolder now!
I like myself more therefore, I get to like other people more than I did before. I am in control of my decisions and I trust my instinct more! I also understand the choices I make and I thank myself for being who I am today. I am stronger and more lively!
I guess this is God’s doing, my family’s support and my friends. Aside from that, I guess Yoga helped me a lot too! Whoo!