Hi! I realized I have been posting a lot of wordy things and not even giving you visuals. I will try to blog and put pictures too! Why am I so lazy and careless? Idk.
So now, I’ve overloaded you with 3 selfies HAHAHAAH. I’m so sorry but that’s the look of wiggling from a negative vibe.
I have written a few things about my depressive tendencies. Though I’m not in any way proud of it, I’m glad I shared with you guys a very intimate part of my life. I usually get turned off when I come across personal blogs with nothing but sheer joy. I am not one to be a pessimist but come on, life is all about the good and bad part so why cut out the bad part just to make everything look cute and fun?
Although I must say, I feel slightly guilty for writing about negative stuff because I know it won’t help you guys at all and it only reflects my bad side but my whole point though is to share with you the realness of my life.
Now that I’m slightly better than how I was a couple of days ago, it’s time that I share with you my thoughts on the negative stuff I have to deal with.
I considered it as a weeklong “bad day”. I felt so bad and stressed out all the time, nothing I did made me happy. It was even reflected on my painting. I can’t read a full chapter without being irritated and in a nutshell, I felt like I hated everything. Even my books didn’t make me feel good and that’s the odd part. I struggled so bad, I was convincing myself–even forcing myself to feel good but nothing happened. I was at my worst 2 nights ago, I didn’t cry and broke down. Instead, I stared blankly at everything! I stared blankly at my cup of tea, at my book, at my bed, at basically everything. I was not myself and I feel so lonely but I also feel nothing ? It’s crazy if you ask me! It’s so weird! Was I depressed? But I didn’t have any good reason at all. Maybe I have been trying to just be okay for a long time even if I wasn’t so that’s the aftermath.
Kyx was so worried. He talked to me a lot and told me that if I have a problem I should be able to talk to him about it, about everything! He cried while he asked me my problem and I looked at him while I feel empty and told him I don’t have a problem. He cupped my face and looked me in the eye and asked me again, that’s when I cried. I sobbed so bad and loud I think if someone is near our room, they might’ve heard me! Then after that, we watched a movie and I felt okay.
Fast forward to last night when Kyx and I watched “Room”. It was a novel I haven’t read yet but I decided it’d be fun to watch it with Kyx and so we did. I enjoyed the film, we slept sound, I woke up feeling shiny and bright! I did a workout routine I have been doing, took a nice bath, ate quickly for breakfast, Kyx drove me to work. Everything seems okay now I guess. I just hope I cut out on my depressive tendencies.
Today, I am planning on a little retail therapy. Since I lost my kneaded eraser, I will buy one today together with a work notebook and BB cream and facial wash from etude. SOOOO RANDOM!! I’ll write about it later.
Anyway, do you experience the same stuff I do? Do you have depressive tendencies? Are you depressed sometimes and feel good sometimes? Do you feel like something is wrong but you seem okay? I hope you can talk to me. I’d love to have someone who can relate to this sturggle lol.