Last night while I was stuck in traffic on an uber ride, I posted something disturbing in my blog. I feel like it sounded chill naman but still, it looks depressing. Let me just say that I’ve been sad for a coupleof days now but I can’t pinpoint the root of my problem which is why I keep shunning all the negative vibes only to have it overlap with another problem (that I might be creating)
You see me bright, sunny and filled with optimism but we have those days wherein you feel sad, neglected, crazy, lonely and annoyed for all the reasons you can and can’t find.
Thinking about it, I’m probably being so overwhelmed with the workload I have in the office, I just finished my period, I lost my gum (kneaded) eraser, I can’t draw the stuff as I picture it in my head. I AM STRESSING OVER A LOT OF THINGS AND I HATE IT!
I hate that I don’t have a lot of time in my hands to do everything I need to accomplish like work out every day without feeling so tired at 6 in the morning.
I hate myself for having this body condition wherein it’s so hard for me to lose weight, I don’t eat a lot and I inject as much workout as I can per week but it doesn’t seem to be enough. In fact, I continue gaining weight even if I’m on a strict diet! (I have to write about this in a different post and probably update you with my condition once I am done with my doctor’s appointment)
Now I just freaking hate myself. I am thinking of ways on how I can shake this bad vibes off because seriously, it’s a pain in my and kyx’s ass! Argh! I hate myself. Really. Help me.
I’m thinking that maybe I may have been depressed for a long time but I don’t want to keep entertaining these kinds of thoughts so it’s pretty hard for me I guess? I really don’t know what to do with everything. I am overwhelmed with life but you know what, I appear to be really okay on the outside! Everyone would not suspect that I’m feeling so low recently. Maybe if I commit suicide, they’d be all surprised? But no, don’t worry, I won’t do it. I am anti it. I will be strong.
So now, let me try to shake this off by writing nice things! Wait for my next blog post. ❤