2017 so far has not been good for me not to mention I was PMSing so so bad on the first week while being so full of rage over a lot of things that I don’t even like my own self right now. Why? Let’s just say that I have been throwing HUGE tantrums since before New Year. I think I have been acting out since the 27th of December until now 6th of January. It has been way too long and I am really trying my best to get my shit together but I keep failing miserably for over a full 2 weeks now. So for the rundown of what I have been going through, I’ll put that on a different blog entry. Right now, I’ll write about my dearest Kyx.
Kyx (read as kicks) has been putting up with me all these time while I’m having huge tantrums, bad temper and throwing a fit for long and he never got tired of me. Maybe frustrated at one point but never did he got mad at me for being me—the monster version of myself. I swear I can’t even begin to describe how taunting I was recently. It’s like I am possessed with a crazy bad spirit.
Despite all these, despite the mix of being a huge monster and witch lately, Kyx made sure that he comforts me. He hugs me tight when I get so crazy. When I get mad and accuse him of things he shouldn’t have said (cause I have been terribly sensitive that I cry and got angry with every little thing that he happens to “stupidly” say), all he does is apologize sincerely while I decide for myself whether it is but time to stop my craziness.
Kyx, dear you must know that your love keeps me going and nothing is even better than what you can give me emotionally and mentally. Your spiritual guidance, your ability to overlook my monster-isms made me realize that this is how ugly love can get but this is also satisfying when it comes to me—knowing how much you love me. It is insane how I may keep pulling a trigger, how I keep being so annoying and I may seem to abuse your entire goodness but no, I am not being mean cause I know you love me, I am being mean because I am such a monster lately and your love makes me gentler. Makes me feel comforted, makes me feel amazing despite how bad I feel about a lot of things. You do really keep me going and I couldn’t ask for more. Knowing that you love me with all of my ugliness and beauty—inside and out, is enough to make me break away from the dark side I have been kept in for weeks.