Where do I begin? Where do I start and how do I say goodbye? What should come first and what should come last? Okay. Breathe. Let’s give it a go.
At past 11 in the evening, I got a message from my Aunt A. and told me very quickly that my Aunt J. (my Godmother) died.
I was so shocked and I racked my brain trying to remember “was she sick?” I asked immediately what (the fuck) happened and my Aunt A. said that Aunt J. committed suicide. Hung herself inside the bathroom and died (a slow and probably very painful death) It was my Cousin N. who saw my Aunt J and called for help immediately. It was too late cause Aunt J probably died for hours already and there was nothing they can do. My Cousin N called Aunt A about it and that’s how we all found out.
My ill father needs to endure this painful death of his sister and I can’t even imagine how hard it is for my dad! Let alone how hard it is for my cousins left by my aunt and her husband!
I can’t put into words and can’t even imagine how everyone in our family (dad’s side of the family) is dealing with this. It would be the saddest Christmas.
I guess I’ll write down what I would want to tell my godmother.
Dearest Ninang J., The last time we saw each other was 5 years ago. It was a brief encounter since my friends and I just drove our random asses to Batangas and you were there with dad! I was so happy to see you. You were joking how I still look good despite being short. I was not chubby back then so you told me to keep that figure cause you know my mom’s genes included chubby genes lol.
Now that you’ve gone away, all our memories are coming back. You were the one responsible for all my big ribbons back when I was a child. You were the crafty aunt and you inspired me to do my own stuff with crafting. It was so fun to be your niece and goddaughter.
I want to ask you a lot of things, I want to tell you stuff but I guess I have not tried collecting my thoughts right now. My feelings are all over the place and all I can do is stay shocked as I have been last night.
I am a firm believer of God and I just pray, hope and pray that may the Lord God bless and have mercy on my aunt’s soul. Wherever you are, may you rest in peace. May you find the light, may the Lord forgive you and shower you with endless love.
May you find eternal rest.