My bad day is a good day for others.. Speaking sort of metaphorically.
My day started so early and it hasn’t even hit the middle yet but I have grown tired, weary, angry, sad and all sorts of uncomfortable. I want to tell you guys that my feelings are solely based on what happened this morning, maybe I woke up at the wrong side of the bed, maybe my stress is piling up already and I just wasn’t able to deal with it fully? Whatever it is, I don’t know. I don’t know but this day has entirely been nothing but SHIT. A pile of SHIT that I don’t want to deal with if I have a choice. There’s no big problem as of the moment but there are a lot of little problems and it’s troubling me. My heart is pounding so hard on my chest, my stress is building up and I try to think of calmness but I can’t. I feel suffocated and there’s nothing I can do.
I work at a tall building, my office is on the 35th floor, we have a roof deck. What if I jump from the roof deck and all is over? What if I jump and people will just mourn and be sad for a moment. For years maybe, 2 to 3 years and all will be okay for them, like they will forget about me and they will try to remember the good stuff and memories about me? Will I burn in hell or will God forgive me? But then again jumping is too easy and cowardly to do. I say I accept more challenges cause I’d like to think I am strong enough for this hell hole of a world?
Going back, this is such a bad day. A really bad one. And I can’t even express physically my own thoughts and emotions, I want to cry so bad but no, I can’t cause the day has to go on and my feelings can suck it because adulting.
While reading this, you would think that maybe I have really big problems. I do have problems but I’m not in a crisis as of the moment. They’re all very little. Shallow even! But I can’t take it anymore because I have been dealing with a lot of things lately and a lot of people, as insensitive as they are would just live their lives like fucking maniacs not caring about other people’s lives. I’m done with these people. If only I can turn my back on them and leave them alone.
I am so angry inside but let me tell you this. I am cursing this day so much, I feel terrible and sick, my head is pounding but you know what? My best friend’s brother is getting married today and their whole clan is happy and celebrating! I realized that this bad day of mine is just a small bad day. Small and not even relevant as to nothing can equate some happiness like—finding the love of your life and marrying each other. This sounds so random but no, look.
I am contemplating my existence, my life and troubles but the world is still a better place mainly because at the other side of town, there are two lovers who decided to get married and be together for as long as they live. Isn’t that enough reason for me to be okay? To feel good? That somehow, even if it wasn’t me who is getting married today, it is still a good life?
I hope you get my point.
Now, I’m off to drink a cuppa cause I am still feeling terrible but now I feel sort of okay. Better than I was a while ago.