To the person who doesn’t like me (“at all” or “that much”)
I do not really feel like I owe you any type of explanation but it seems that this is the only way wherein I can fully express my thoughts and emotions toward this matter.
First, I would like to apologize that you do not like me. I’m sorry and I’m sorry if this sounds sarcastic but trust me, I am sincere about this. Sorry that my ways are not likeable for you, sorry if I rub you the wrong way, sorry if we started on the wrong foot, sorry if I am not as appealing as everyone should be, sorry if I’m too friendly or too snobbish. Sorry if I’m too loud or too quiet. Sorry if I tell you random things that you prefer not knowing. Sorry if I’m this way. Sorry if I’m the way I am and that you don’t like it. Sorry if I’m not funny enough. Sorry if I am too sassy for your liking. Sorry if I’m not your cup of tea. But that is not my fault. Sadly, that is not my fault.
Second, I want to tell you that maybe this isn’t your fault as well. Maybe you just don’t like me as a person and I am not taking this against you. Maybe I am writing this just so you would know we’re clear and that I want to let you know what I actually feel. No. Don’t worry. I am not mad at you. I am just dumbfounded I guess.
Third, let me write what I feel about all these and we’ll go from there.
All I ever did was to show my genuine self to you, all I ever did was to be someone true enough to show my true colors. It’s not my fault now that I was not able to please you and partly, I feel guilty about this. There was a point in time that I got sad because you didn’t like me—so I did what (idk if this is what a normal person does) but I tried to be the “best” I can just so you would like me. I tried to be “extra” good but I guess I didn’t make the cut didn’t I? Then it suddenly hit me and it hit me good; I can never please everyone and it could be sad but it could also be for my own wellbeing.
I don’t want to approach this as something negative, I want to face this with positive vibes and smiles. Because finally, for once in my life, I am happy about this. I finally understood you! Maybe you have your own reasons. Maybe you just didn’t like my existence. Maybe I was too happy and you felt like you didn’t want someone like me. Maybe I am just not your type of friend that’s why you’re doing this, giving me a cold shoulder, ignoring me and making me feel bad. I understand and again, I am not taking this against you. I hope that you wouldn’t take this against me but I want to tell you something.
When you don’t like someone and you don’t have a better reason, maybe you need to look deep inside of you. Maybe you should re-evaluate things and find the answers within yourself. It is impossible to not like someone just because you don’t like him/her. There would always be a reason behind it and maybe you’re too embarrassed to admit it to yourself. Maybe this could root from jealousy, insecurity, guilt, anger etc. If a person didn’t do anything to make you feel the hatred you’re feeling towards them, you need to check yourself.
I am not a hypocrite and I’ve been to a place where I hated someone for no reason at all. I just didn’t like them and I get bothered so much by their existence. I waste my breath, my energy, my time just hating on them. I waste my time rolling my eyes endlessly but I got to thinking…this person didn’t do anything to make me feel the way I feel towards them so why do I hate them so much? It dawned on me that I have insecurities of my own, I am jealous etc. So it’s all because of me and not because of these people! I guess what I am trying to say is if there’s no reason to not like someone as a person, then it’s because you are dealing with your own demon.
I’m not saying that you are jealous of me or whatsoever. I am just saying that maybe, just maybe you’re dealing with something that only you can understand. Stop hating and disliking people just because you hate yourself. You have to find peace within yourself, your very own demon. You have to battle with all your insecurities and flaws! You have to deal with yourself first and once you have accepted yourself, everything will follow!
I could have dealt with this one by bitching out and lashing. Ranting and saying mean things with an “I don’t give a fuck” kind of attitude but it’s not me anymore. I am very much at peace and my heart is at peace. Not because I have everything I want in this world, not because I am not struggling (because boy do I struggle all damn day that people my age do not struggle about) but because I am happy with whatever I have and I keep pushing myself to be better. To be able to see things on a different light. To always see the bright side! And this is so much better than being the hateful kind.
This is so much better than not liking someone just because..
So to you; the person who doesn’t like me, if I did anything for you to feel that way, I sincerely apologize for my actions (only if I did something). If I didn’t, then I’m still sorry because you feel that way. I just hope you find peace within yourself and that you don’t waste your remaining time on earth just disliking people. There are a lot more in this world and there’s a ton of things you can do! So many potential true and loyal people you’re not giving a chance! So many things to smile about! Find peace and you’ll be a happier soul.
P.S. I am not closing my doors and I still hope we could be friends. ❤