My HR manager said that he thinks I may have a slight OCD. I am not even surprised at all because I’ve been in denial for such a long time (do not take this negatively. I always knew I might have slight OCD but I was never diagnosed because I never had it checked but. Yeah..) So I wasn’t surprised but partly, this is sort of a confrontation and an eye opener. But let me go straight to as to why I am writing this now.
After he said that he thinks I have slight OCD, he then added “and maybe this is why people do not understand you as a person. They think you are a snob, unapproachable, unpleasant etc.”
After this assessment, I was bewildered. I had mixed emotions and I was not able to react very quickly. I wanted to understand everything. I wanted to understand myself more and people’s behaviour towards me. Now, I am writing because I want to clear my mind and avoid all the unnecessary confusion.
Here are my thoughts and I will not be OC with how I write it, whether it is chronological or not, because at this point, my thoughts are too scattered to be composed properly.
- Now, it is confirmed that I have a mild OCD. I should not feel “broken” about this and I shall take in account the bright side of this particular condition. My OCD has brought me to where I am and I thank myself every day for all the right choices and bad decisions I made because of my OCD. Like let’s say for example, the good thing is since my closet is color coordinated, I know exactly where to find the clothes I am looking for. I am saving myself from the hassle of ruining an organized closet just for a single piece of clothing that has gone astray. Yes, my closet is color coordinated.
The bad side is, there is this one time that we had to go for a long drive, it was a 6 hour drive and I did not pee until we arrived at our destination just because I do not want to use a random public comfort room. After a day, I was diagnosed with UTI or Urinary Tract Infection just because of that.
- I understand myself more now, I feel enlightened and I feel like I know now why some actions and behaviors are made just because I get now as to why I projected something like that.
- Not everyone will understand my actions and behaviors toward something and I do not need to explain all the time, I do not need to feel like I owe anyone an explanation just because I am different than everyone else. I totally get why people do not understand me as much as I try to understand them, and this is because I am (literally) not normal. Though I am not normal, I shall not see this as a disability or a hindrance.
- I feel like I need to use my condition towards something more positive rather than dwelling on the negative effects.
- It is clear to me now why I had to have anxiety most often than not. I understand myself better now. And I feel so alive, so liberated.
Now, let me write my feelings toward the people who cave in to their own prejudicial judgment rather than understanding where people are coming from.. and I shall write it on a different post!